


The Romantic Developments of Antonio and Lovino Through Texts

by spinyfruit



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Drunk Texting, Everyone is an idiot, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Mostly fluff though, Texting, a lot of bad touch trio feels, but they're so cute, everyone has an iPhone, world group text because that's a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-24
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:06:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 82,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1677536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinyfruit/pseuds/spinyfruit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Texting started gaining popularity in 1999, but it wasn’t until the year 2007 that iPhones came out: then shit got serious and countries started texting each other. This is the story of how one happy-go-lucky idiot, and one stubborn idiot finally get together. It only took a few hundred years. Pairings include Spamano, FrUK and slight US/UK, PruCan, Gerita, Sufin and others. Rated for Lovi's language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Courting

**Author's Note:**

> This story runs on a 24 hour clock, like all of Europe. Also, in my head cannon, all of the countries have their own private planes to fly around, and the World Meetings happen once a month.
> 
> Also Note: Is Gremano (Greece/Romano) a thing?

19:05, December 31, 2007, Madrid International Airport, Spain

“Ah, Lovino!”

I turned around rather awkwardly. as I attempted to make eye contact and balance my backpack and suitcases. The stupid tomato bastard was running across the airfield, trying to catch up with me. I handed my bags to one of the flight attendants, before walking back down the staircase to give that idiot one last goodbye.

“What is it bastard? I just said goodbye to you ten minutes ago.” I crossed my arms with a huff, ignoring the grating impulse to wipe my hair from my eyes (because these damn propellers won’t quit bugging me). 

Spain finally caught up to me and bent over slightly to rest his hands on his knees and catch his breath. Finally, he managed, “I…forgot to…give you…your…present.”

“You already gave me a present,” I sighed and glanced at the tomato-shaped watch on my wrist.

He flashed a smile and stood up. “Well, I have another one.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small silver box-shape-sort-of-thing.

I gave him a dumb look and refused to say anything – for fear that I would sound dumb too – so Spain decided to start.

“It’s an iPhone. I thought maybe we could text and call each other while we’re apart! It’s a lot faster than writing letters~” He winked at me and I rolled my eyes.

“That sounds stupid. Why the fuck would I need a cellphone?” I asked and tried to cool down my flushing cheeks with willpower.

“Come on Loviii! Everyone else has one! And this is the fanciest one. Besides, I miss talking to you when you’re away,” He smiled again, and offered the phone to me.

I made a point to glare at him for a full minute, before uncrossing my arms, sighing dramatically, and snatching the phone from his hand rudely. Then I turned abruptly, and shouted over the propellers, “I’m going to regret this!”

I hesitated at the doorway just long enough to hear the distinct bass of his laughter, then dove into the plane.

 

* * *

 

December 31, 2007, Rome, Italy 

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

**From: Prince Antonio**

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:37): _hola Lovino!!  
_  
Prince Antonio (SENT 22:37): _hey! r u back yet??  
_  
__ Prince Antonio (SENT 22:38): _ __Loviiiiii im getting worried :(___

 

** MISSED CALL from Prince Antonio (10:38) ******

 

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:39): _Lovii y wont u answer me???_

Me (SENT 22:39): **You bastard**

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:40): _LOVI!!  
_ Prince Antonio (SENT 22:40): _how r u? :)_

Me (SENT 22:41): **How do I change this**

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:41): _change what ;)_

Me (SENT 22:41): **You know what bastard**

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:42): _;) ;) ;)_

Me (Sent 22:42): You know what, forget it. I’m calling Feli

Prince Antonio (SENT 22:42): _aww come on Lovii! _  
__ Prince Antonio (SENT 22:43): _ __Lovi? youre not really changing my name r u?___

 

**Contact: ~~Prince Antonio~~ Tomato Bastard**

******Mobile Phone: (***) ***-**********

**********Home Phone: (***) ***-****  
  
**********

 

Me (SENT 22:45): **It’s done**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:45): _noooooooooo! what did u change it to??_

Me (SENT 22:46): **You’ll never know**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:46): _ill tell you what i call u!!  
_

Me (SENT 22:47): **You think I give a shit about that? Look, I’m going to bed. Good night**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:47): _what?? it’s new years eve!! u can’t go to bed!_

Me (SENT 22:47): **I can do whatever the hell I want bastard**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:48): _what about feli? dont u guys want to stay up eat twelve grapes??_

Me (SENT 22:48): **I’m not Spanish idiot. We don’t do that **  
**** Me (SENT 10:48pm): ** ****And anyway, Feli isn’t here. He’s in Germany******

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:49): _nooooo Loviiii!! _  
__ Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:49): _ __i thought you guys always celebrated new years eve together!___

Me (SENT 22:50): **Yeah, well whatever. I’m going to bed**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:50): _wait, r you all alone there??_

Me (SENT 22:51): **Yeah**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:51): _MY POOR LOVVVIIII!! _  
__ Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:51): _ __y did u go back if u were going to be alone???___

Me (SENT 22:52): **I didn’t know he wasn’t going to be here dipshit. I read the note an hour ago **  
**** Me (SENT 22:52): ** ****Now, I’m going to drink a bottle of wine and go to bed. So, good night******

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:54): _Loviii!! _  
__ Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:54): _ __Lovi when is Feli coming back?___

Me (SENT 22:58): **I don’t know. Probably a week from now**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 22:58): _are u lonely?_

Me (SENT 22:58): **I don’t get lonely bastard**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 23:00): _i have an idea Lovii! ttyl!_

Me (SENT 23:01): **What the hell does that mean **  
**** Me (SENT 23:01): **Spain? **  
**** Me (SENT 23:02): ** ****What the fuck is ttyl??******

 

** Incoming Call from Tomato Bastard (23:58): ******

 

**“…”**

_“Lovi! Are you there?”_

**“Yeah…why are you calling?”**

_“I’m getting on an airplane!”_

**“…What the fuck?”**

_“Ah, well, you said Feli was away in Germany, and you were all alone, so I thought I’d come hang out with you! It’s been a long time since I’ve been in Rome anyway. We can eat pizza and ice cream, and you can show me your new Vespa! And –”_

**“Spain –”**

_“And we can go throw coins in all of the fountains, and buy big rolls of cheese, and have a picnic in the Colosseum, and go to the Opera –”_

**“Spain –”**

_“Although I don’t know if I really like the Opera –"_

**“Spain!”**

_“Oh what, Lovino?”_

**“…Happy New Year.”**

_“Oh, what? It’s already midnight! You’re right! Happy New Year Lovino! I’ll see in a few hours!”_

**“…yeah.”**

 

** End Call (0:04) ******

 

* * *

 

February 1, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s Phone:**

 

**To: Feli**

Me (SENT 7:03): **Where the fuck is the world meeting**  

Feli (SENT 7:10): Vee~ Don’t you know? You’re going to be late~

Me (SENT 7:11): **Don’t you think I know that? Where is it**

Feli (SENT 7:11): Hold on!! I’ll add you to the group message!

Me (SENT 7:12): **The what ******

**From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…) ******

 

**Romano has been added to the group (7:15) ******

 

French Bastard (SENT 7:15): _Ah, Romano! Bienvenu mon cher!_

Me (SENT 7:16): **What the fuck is this**

Feli (SENT 7:16): It’s a group message! We just started it so everyone can keep in touch~

Me (SENT 7:17): **When did you make this**

Feli (SENT 7:17): Vee~ I don’t know, maybe 2 days ago??  
Feli (SENT 7:17): Luddy would know!!

Me (SENT 7:18): **Nevermind, it doesn’t matter**

Potato Bastard1 (7:18): It was exactly two days ago.

Me (SENT 7:18): **Fuck off**

Feli (SENT 7:19): That wasn’t very nice!!

French Bastard (SENT 7:19): _Ah, fear not dear Roma! We did not forget about you if that’s what you were thinking ;)_

Me (SENT 7:20): **God dammit, that is NOT what I was thinking  
** Me (SENT 7:20): **Who gives a shit about you guys anyway**

French Bastard (SENT 7:21): _Ohohohon so I guess you don’t need to know where the world meeting is then?_

Me (SENT 7:22): **Ugh, fine. Where the fuck is it**

French Bastard (SENT 7:22): _Ah, je ne sais pas._

Me (SENT 7:22): **…**  
Me (SENT 7:23): **You going to translate that**

Feli (SENT 7:23): He doesn’t know either Lovi!! We asked Alfred earlier if it was his turn to host but he hasn’t responded yet

Me (SENT 7:24): **Who gives a shit about him? Just pick another place**

Feli (SENT 7:24): Vee~ but I want to go to America again! It’s been so long!

French Bastard (SENT 7:24): _Oui, I must concur. If we have to go to England again, I’m not sure my stomach can take it_

Me (SENT 7:25): **You think America is much better??**

French Bastard (SENT 7:25): _At least they have variety, and some, albeit inferior, French cuisine._

English Bastard (SENT 7:26): **I HEARD THAT FROG**  
English Bastard (SENT 7:26): **DON’T YOU DARE COMPARE ME TO THAT HAMBURGER-LOVING FREAK**

French Bastard (SENT 7:26): _Ohohohon, it seems our English prince is finally awake ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 7:27): **HOW COULD I NOT WITH ALL OF THE VIBRATING THAT’S GOING ON WITH MY PHONE**  
English Bastard (Sent 7:27): **IT’S LIKE IT’S HAVING A** **SEIZURE**

French Bastard (SENT 7:27): _Ohohon, that sounds rather risqué ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 7:28): **THAT’S IT. I’M TURNING MY PHONE OFF**

Feli (SENT 7:28): Wait, Arthur don’t! We still haven’t figured out where the world meeting is!!

English Bastard (SENT 7:29): **I thought the bloody American was hosting it.**

French Bastard (SENT 7:29): _Ah, so did we. But he hasn’t picked up his phone in the last 24hours._

Potato Bastard (SENT 7:30): And he’s delaying the meeting indefinitely, which is ruining my schedule.

Me (SENT 7:31): **And that’s what matters, your damn schedule**

Matthew (SENT 7:31): ah you can come over to my place!

English Bastard (SENT 7:32): **Who in the bloody hell is that??**

Feli (SENT 7:32): I don’t have that number either vee~

French Bastard (SENT 7:33): _Le gasp! Arthur, how do you not even have our son’s phone number??_

English Bastard (SENT 7:33): **EXCUSE ME?? WHO HAS A SON**

French Bastard (SENT 7:34): _How could you not remember? We practically raised him together…_

English Bastard (SENT 7:34): **WHAT KIND OF TWISTED FANTASY ARE YOU BLATHERING ON ABOUT**

Me (SENT 7:35): **For fuck’s sake, it’s Matthew**

English Bastard (SENT 7:35): **AND HE’S WHOSE SON??**

French Bastard (SENT 7:36): _Oh, mon dieu._  
French Bastard (SENT 7:36): _I am so sorry Matthew. You have one father who loves you_

Matthew (SENT 7:37): um, yeah

Feli (SENT 7:37): Where do you live Matthew? ~

Matthew (SENT 7:38): in ottawa!

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 7:38): _**Where the hell is that**_

French Bastard (SENT 7:38): _Ah, Gilbert! You’re finally awake!_  
French Bastard (SENT 7:39): _Do you perchance know where Tonie is?_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 7:39): _**Yeah hes right next to me. He couldnt handle my awesomeness last night and ended up passing out on my couch**_

Me (SENT 7:40): **Mio dio, it’s in Canada. He’s CANADA**  
Me (SENT 7:40): **And tell that tomato bastard to get his lazy ass off your couch and get ready. This is exactly why he’s in a recession**

Feli (SENT 7:41): Vee~ I don’t think you have much room to talk Lovi(:

Me (SENT 7:41): **Shut the fuck up, we’re part of the same country**

Feli (SENT 7:42): I think I’m doing a lot better than your half though heehee!

Me (SENT 7:42): **Because your stupid ass potato bastard boyfriend helps you out**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 7:42): I do not.

Feli (SENT 7:42): He does not!!!!

French Bastard (SENT 7:43): _Mon dieu, stop all of this nonsense! There are more important things than money_  
French Bastard (SENT 7:43): _Like l ’amour ;) ;) ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 7:44): **Bloody hell, this is exactly why you’re in a recession too**

Me (SENT 7:45): **God we suck. Is there anyone here not in a recession??**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 7:45): Me.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 7:46): _**And me too, thanks to my awesomenesssssss!!!**_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:47): HEY GUYS I FOUND MY PHONE :D

English Bastard (SENT 7:47): **WHERE IN THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU BEEN**

French Bastard (SENT 7:48): _Alfred you have no idea how happy I am that you’re alive._  
French Bastard (SENT 7:48): _We were this close to going to England again. Oh, mon dieu_

English Bastard (SENT 7:49): **WANKER**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:49): now, now don’t worry because the HERO is here :D  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:49): meet at my place in DC @ 8am my time tomorrow!!!!

Me (SENT 7:50): **Shit we’re going to America**

Feli (SENT 7:50): Yay!! ~

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 7:50): I’m going to have to rearrange my schedule now…

English Bastard (SENT 7:51): **So not only do you take your sweet time replying, but you’re delaying the meeting a day later? Typical**

French Bastard (SENT 7:51): _Ah, don’t worry mon cher ami ;) My flight stops in London tonight, so you won’t be lonely for very long_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:52): come visit me Artie!!!  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:52): i wanna see u!!

English Bastard (SENT 7:52): **Really?**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:53): yeah man!! you can help me clean this place up! its totally trashed lol  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:57): artie??  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:57: hellooooooooooo  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:57): did everyone turn their phones off or something??

French Bastard (SENT 7:58): _Ah, doux, muet Alfred. You never learn_  
French Bastard (SENT 7:58): _A demain mon cher_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 7:59): english man! i don’t know what that means!  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 8:01): whatever dude

 

* * *

 

February 1, 2008, London International Airport, England

 

**Lovino’s Phone:**

 

**From: Tomato Bastard**  

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:10): _Lovvviiiiiiiiiiii_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:10): _u excited to go to america :) :)_

Me (SENT 16:11): **Fuck no**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:11): _aww don’t worry i’ll be there to keep you company!_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:15): _Loviiiii_

Me (SENT 16:15): **Argh, stop whining!! I’m sort of distracted because I don’t know where Feli went**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:16): _ooohh where did he go_

Me (SENT 16:16): **IDIOTA didn’t I just say I was trying to figure that out???**  
Me (SENT 16:17): **Oh, I found him**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:17): _yay!! good job Lovi!_

Me (SENT 16:18): **Fuck**  
Me (SENT 16:18): **He’s with the Potato Bastard. What the hell is he doing here??**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:19): _here as in…_

Me (SENT 16:19): **The London airport. Feli wanted to stop here since we already had to stop for fuel and shit. Figures he’d plan to meet him**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:20): _don’t be sad Lovi :(_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:20): _why don’t u smile for me??!_

Me (SENT 16:22): **Fuck, he’s eating with him. He’s eating PRETZELS WITH HIM**  
Me (SENT 16:22): **What kind of twisted, fucked up German fantasy is this**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:23): _did u just ignore me??? i’m hurt Lovi :(_

Me (SENT 16:23): **Then don’t say such stupid things**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:24): _it was not stupid, u should smile more!!_

Me (SENT 16:24): **As if I’d have a reason to**  
Me (SENT 16:24): **FUCK NO**  
Me (SENT 16:24): **THE OTHER BASTARDS ARE HERE TOO**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:25): _gilbert and francis?_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:25): _sounds like a happy airport!! ;) mind if i join?_

Me (SENT 16:26): **It is NOT happy, it sucks**  
Me (SENT 16:26): **It’s like God picked my least favorite people (minus the American bastard), and put them in this twisted German-pretzel eating fantasy**  
Me (SENT 16:27): **Damn it, and they’re all ignoring me too!**

Tomato Bastard (16:27): _haha that’s because you’re hiding Lovi_

Me (SENT 16:28): **It’s not as if I’d actually want to hang out with them**  
Me (SENT 16:28): **But it’s like Feli completely forgot about me God damn it**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:29): _i’d never forget about u Lovii!_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:29): _want to get a pizza?_

Me (SENT 16:30): **Not by myself idiota**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:31): _i meant with me!_

Me (SENT 16:31): **What are you hanging out in the London airport too?**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:32): _would it be cool if I was ;)_

Me (SENT 16:32): **I hate your smiley faces**  
Me (SENT 16:33): **But, I guess you’re better than those idiots**  
Me (SENT 16:33): **Even though you’re still an idiot, at least you have the good sense to like tomatoes**  
Me (SENT 16:34): **And stay away from fucking pretzels**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:34): _aww Lovi you’re as red as a tomato!!_

Me (SENT 16:35): **I give you a fucking compliment and you insult me??**  
Me (SENT 16:35): **And I am NOT blushing God damn it!!**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:36): _yes you are!! it’s so cuteee!_

Me (SENT 16:37): **I AM NOT**  
Me (SENT 16:37): **Wait. Are you here??**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:38): _maybe ;)_

Me (SENT 16:38): **You fucking asshole. You are here aren’t you??**  
Me (SENT 16:39): **You teased me with pizza, and led me on while you were watching me like a stalker**  
Me (SENT 16:39): **And you let me stand here by myself. All alone in the fucking airport**  
Me (SENT 16:40): **When I find you I’m going to punch you so hard**  
Me (SENT 16:40): **Where the hell are you bastard**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 16:41): _right behind u ;)_

 

* * *

 

February 2, Washington D.C., U.S.A.

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_From: Bad Touch Trio (Including Francis and Gilbert)_

  
Francis (SENT 8:21): _That American sure can talk, no?_  

Gilbert (SENT 8:22): _**He should give the awesome me a chance to talk**_  
Gilbert (SENT 8:22): _**Mein gott Im so borreeddd**_

Francis (SENT 8:23): _Ah, I am in the same boat mon cher. My sweet Angleterre has stopped paying attention to me. He even turned off his phone_

Gilbert (SENT 8:24): _**He’s making googly eyes at Alfred**_  
Gilbert (SENT 8:24): _**It’s kind of disgusting**_

Francis (SENT 8:25): _Antoine, you’ve been rather quiet_  
Francis (SENT 8:25): _What’s going on down at your end of the table?_

Me (SENT 8:26): _oh, i’ve been passing notes with Lovi!_

Francis (SENT 8:26): _Really? That sounds like progress_  

Me (SENT 8:27): _well, actually i’ve been passing him drawings and he’s been crumpling them up_  
Me (SENT 8:27): _but i did get a hint of a smile!_

Francis (SENT 8:28): _Ah, Antoine…_  
Francis (SENT 8:28): _How long will you keep up with this act?_

Me (SENT 8:29): _what do u mean?_

Francis (SENT 8:29): _Just ask him out already. Stop beating around the bush. L’amour does not wait forever, even if we are countries_

Me (SENT 8:30): _i don’t think that’s a good idea_

Francis (SENT 8:30): _And why not?_

Me (SENT 8:31): _because Lovi is so important to me!_  
Me (SENT 8:31): _i can’t risk asking him and ruining the precious friendship we have_

Francis (SENT 8:32):  _Le sigh…does he even consider you a friend?_

Me (SENT 8:32): _of course he does!_  
Me (SENT 8:33): _i think_  
Me (SENT 8:33): _lemme ask him!_

 

* * *

 

_To: Mi Querido_ _ Love _

Me (SENT 8:34): _Lovviiii :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:34): **Oh, you’ve given up on art now?**

Me (SENT 8:35): _never! i just have something to ask you_  
Me (SENT 8:35): _stop glaring Lovi, it’s not a big deal_  
Me (SENT 8:36): _do you consider me your friend?_  
Me (SENT 8:39): _Lovi?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:40): **What the hell kind of question is that bastard?**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:40): **Why else would I come to your shitty house, and eat your stupid, Spanish churros**

Me (SENT 8:41): _is that a…yes?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:42): **Fucking idiota**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:42): **Of course you’re my God damn friend!**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:44): **Now shut up**

Me (SENT 8:44): _i didn’t say anything_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:45): **Your stupid smile is. Everyone in the damn room is staring at you**

Me (SENT 8:46): _i don’t think i can ever stop smiling Lovi_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:46): **Fucking hell. Forget I said anything you idiot**

Me (SENT 8:47): **but i’m your idiot ;)**

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:47): **SHUT UP**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:48): **God damn it, they’re staring at me now**

Me (SENT 8:48): _that’s because you’re cute when you blush :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:49): **I AM NOT CUTE**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:49: **AND I AM NOT BLUSHING**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:49): **Oh, fuck it I’m turning off my phone**

 

* * *

 

**From: Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis)**

Gilbert (SENT 8:53): _**Okay what the hell just happened**_

Francis (SENT 8:53): _Why is Romano blushing like a newlywed?_

Me (SENT 8:54): _because I’m his friend <3 <3 <3_

 

* * *

 

February 13, 2008, Paris, France

 

 _Francis’s iPhone:_  

_Outgoing Call to Arthur (20:08):_

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

 

**“…Hello?”**

_“Ah, Arthur bonjour!”_

**“Francis? Why are you calling?”**

_“Well, I was just wondering if y –”_

“Artie, who are you talking to? Come back here and play video games with me! I’m losing!”

**“Shut up you bloody wanker! I’m on the phone! Now – what were you saying Francis?”**

_“Ah, je suis desolè mon cher! I completely forgot of a meeting I’m supposed to be at.”_

**“A meeting at eight at night? What the hell are you talking abou –”**

_“I’m afraid it’s true! I must get going, but I hope you have a good night. À plus tard!”_

 

_End Call (20:10)_

 

* * *

 

February 13, 2008, Berlin, Germany

 

_**Gilbert’s iPhone:** _

 

_**To: West** _

Me (SENT 21:45): _**WEST WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR VALENTINE’S DAY**_

West (SENT 21:48): What are you talking about?

Me (SENT 21:48): _ **This is the fifth time Elizaveta and I are dating and I wanna do it right!**_  
Me (SENT 21:48): _**So what are you and Feli doin??**_

West (SENT 21:49): I don’t feel as if I should answer this.

Me (SENT 21:49): _**Awww come on lil bro I really need your help!!**_

West (SENT 21:50): Fine.  
West (SENT 21:50): We’re going to Sweden.

Me (SENT 21:51): _**That seems a bit extreme. Why are you goin all the way up there?**_

West (SENT 21:51): It’s not as if this was my idea. Feli forced me into this.

Me (SENT 21:51): _**Into what??**_

West (SENT 21:52): Finland is proposing to Sweden, and he asked Feli and I to document the whole thing.

Me (SENT 21:52): _**Wait WHAT??**_  
Me (SENT 21:53): _**I thought they were already married???**_

West (SENT 21:53): Well, Sweden always calls Finland his wife, but he never actually asked him to marry him. I guess Finland wants to make it legal or something.

Me (SENT 21:54): _**Wow, never figure the lil guy had the guts.**_  
Me (SENT 21:54): _**Well, tell me how it goes I guess**_

West (SENT 21:55): Fine.  
West (SENT 21:60): Wait, I thought Elizaveta was going to be there too.

Me (SENT 21:61): _**Huh?**_

West (SENT 21:61): Isn’t she organizing the whole thing?

Me (SENT 21:62): _**…I wouldn’t be surprised**_

West (SENT 21:63): She didn’t tell you?

Me (SENT 21:64): _**No, she doesnt tell me much apparently**_

West (SENT 21:66): Will I see you there then?

Me (SENT 21:68): _**Yeah…I guess**_

 

* * *

 

February 13, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_To: Mi Querido_ _ Love _

Me (SENT 22:24): _Loooovvviiiii_  
Me (SENT 22:24): _what are u doing??_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:27): **Mio dio, I was trying to fucking sleep**

Me (SENT 22:27): _really?? it’s pretty early for u isn’t it?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:28): **How the hell would you know?**

Me (SENT 22:28): _well we did live together for a few hundred years, no? ;)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:29): **Bastard. You don’t know shit about me**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:29): **Now fuck off and leave me alone**

Me (SENT 22:30): _Lovi what’s wrong??_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:31): **As if you give a shit. Go back to your annoying, idiot friends and happy-go-lucky partying and leave me alone**

Me (SENT 22:31): _Lovino what happened?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:32): **Fuck. Nothing happened. I just had a shitty day and all I want to do is sleep and avoid a shitty tomorrow**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:32): **Now leave me alone**

Me (SENT 22:33): _not until you tell me what happened Lovi._  
Me (SENT 22:34): _please don’t ignore me_  
Me (SENT 22:37): _Romano stop this_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:37): **Don’t call me that. You’re not my fucking boss anymore**

Me (SENT 22:38): _you still call me spain_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:40): **What else would I call you?**

Me (SENT 22:41): _antonio! or tony would be cute_  
Me (SENT 22:41): _wait you’re distracting me_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:42): **It wasn’t even that hard too**

Me (SENT 22:43): _why can’t you just talk to me for once??_  
Me (SENT 22:43): _feli trusts me, why don’t you?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:44): **You want me to be like Feli?**

Me (SENT 22:44): _i didn’t say that! stop putting words in my mouth_  
Me (SENT 22:45): _i just want to help Lovi_  
Me (SENT 22:45): _but don’t u think it’d be easier to give in sometimes and talk to people like feli does_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:46): **Yeah, well sorry to disappoint you again, but I’m not Feli. I can’t be carefree and charming. I can’t trust people enough to talk to them about my stupid feelings. I mess up everything and people don’t like me. And I’m always angry and scared and so damn red**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 22:47): **I’m going to turn off my phone, and I’m not turning it on until two days from now so leave me alone**

Me (SENT 22:47): _Lovi don’t do that!!_  
Me (SENT 22:49): _Lovi?_  
Me (SENT 22:50): _oh Lovi, it sounds like you’re keeping yourself alone without my help_  
Me (SENT 22:54): _call me when u turn your phone on, okay?_  
Me (SENT 22:57): _te amo Lovi_

 

* * *

 

February 14, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_From: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis)_  

Francis (SENT 0:00): _Happy Valentine’s Day mes amis_  
Francis (SENT 0:00): _Though I can’t say I feel very happy right now_

Me (SENT 0:02): _yeah, i’m right there with amigo_

Gilbert (SENT 0:03): _**Same here**_

Me (SENT 0:03): _what do u have to be upset about gil?_

Francis (SENT 0:04): _Oui, you’re the only one with a lover on this special day_

Gilbert (SENT 0:04): _**Im not sure about that anymore**_  
Gilbert (SENT 0:05): _**Apparently shes been doin some covert party work for Sweden and Finland. The only reason she wouldnt tell me is if she was hanging out with Roddy because of this**_  

Francis (SENT 0:05): _That doesn’t mean they’re together again mon cher!_

Me (SENT 0:06): _they’re probably just hanging out as friends!_

Gilbert (SENT 0:06): **_They probably are hanging out as friends_**  
Gilbert (SENT 0:07): _**But that just means Elizaveta wants to be more than friends with him again, because shes bored with me…again**_

Francis (SENT 0:07): _Oh, Gil…_

Me (SENT 0:08): _do you think you’re going to break up again?_

Gilbert (SENT 0:08): _**Yeah, for the 6th time**_

Francis (SENT 0:09): _Maybe this time should be the last. I don’t think it’s healthy for either of you to float in and out of a relationship_

Gilbert (SENT 0:10): _**I guess…**_  
Gilbert (SENT 0:10): _**Does that mean we’re all alone for Valentines Day?**_

Me (SENT 0:11): _yeah, unfortunately_

Gilbert (SENT 0:11): _**What happened to you Tony?**_

Me (SENT 0:12): _i don’t know, i think Lovi was in a bad mood today, and i must have made it worse. he said to leave him alone for two days_

Francis (SENT 0:12): _Well that’s rather peculiar_

Gilbert (SENT 0:13): _**Aw, Im sorry buddy**_  
Gilbert (SENT 0:13): _**At least you have the awesome me to keep you company**_

Me (SENT 0:14): _thanks guys_  
Me (SENT 0:14): _wait, what happened to u francis?_

Francis (SENT 0:15): _Ah, je ne sais pas. I’m always rather melancholy on this day_

Me (SENT 0:15): _aww well, i’ll drink with you tomorrow francis_  
Me (SENT 0:16): _we can drink wine all day and night_

Francis (SENT 0:17): _How romantic. I cannot wait_  
Francis (SENT 0:17): _Why don’t we drink at my house this time, since Gilbert’s took a beating last time we did this_

Gilbert (SENT 0:18): _**That sounds like an awesome plan. Ill bring beer as well if you guys get sick of your pansy wine**_

Me (SENT 0:19): _thanks gil_

Francis (SENT 0:20): _Mes amis, even we’re all broken hearted, at least we have each other_

Gilbert (SENT 0:20): _**Even if theres another world war, we’ll have each other!**_

Me (SENT 0:21): _through sickness and health, till death do us part_

Francis (SENT 0:22): _Unfortunately, that’s as close as any of us will ever get to marriage, isn’t it_

Gilbert (SENT 0:22): _**Verdammt**_

Me (SENT 0:23): _it would seem so_

 

* * *

 

February 16, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

**From: Feli**  

Feli (SENT 13:45): Lovvviii  
Feli (SENT 13:47): I rang the doorbell five times, are you in there???  
Feli (SENT 13:48): I’m all alone out here :(

Me (SENT 13:49): **What do you want**

Feli (SENT 13:49): I’m back from Sweden!! So I came to visit you(:

Me (SENT 13:50): **What day is it**

Feli (SENT 13:50): Vee~ It’s a Saturday!!

Me (SENT 13:51): **I meant the number idiota**

Feli (SENT 13:51): Oooh, it’s the 16th!!  
Feli (SENT 13:54): Lovi? Are you going to let me in now?

Me (SENT 13:54): **I can’t believe that bastard actually listened to me**

Feli (SENT 13:55): Vee~ are you talking about Tony?? Did something happen?

Me (SENT 13:55): **Nothing happened. I was just pissed at him like I usually am, and told him to leave me alone for two days**

Feli (SENT 13:56): Aww Lovii :( Have you been in bed this whole time??

Me (SENT 13:57): **So what if I have? I can do whatever the hell I want**  

Feli (SENT 13:57): Vee~ I have an idea Lovi, why don’t you ask Tony out for dinner today??

Me (SENT 13:57): **That’s a terrible idea**

Feli (SENT 13:58): You guys could double date with Luddy and I!!

Me (SENT 13:58): **That’s a fucking terrible idea**  
Me (SENT 13:59): **And anyway why the hell would I ask him that?**  
Me (SENT 13:59): **It's** **not as if he’d say yes**  
Me (SENT 14:00): **I was pretty mean to him the other day**

Feli (SENT 14:00): Then you should apologize!!

Me (SENT 14:01): **Fuck no. He deserved it**  
Me (SENT 14:01): **He keeps giving me hope with those stupid green eyes, and those stupid smiles, and those stupid smiley face text messages**  
Me (SENT 14:02): **And then he still treats me like he’s still my boss god damn it**

Feli (SENT 14:02): Vee~ Lovi have you ever been a relationship?

Me (SENT 14:04): **What kind of shitty question is that?**

Feli (SENT 14:04): Maybe Tony still sees you as a kid because you let him!!  
Feli (SENT 14:05): I mean you haven’t changed much since then ;)

Me (SENT 14:05): **Fuck you, I’ve changed**  
Me (SENT 14:06): **And I’ve been on plenty of dates, thank you**

Feli (SENT 14:06): I said relationships, not dates! There’s a difference!!

Me (SENT 14:07): **Who the fuck would I go out with? This world is full of idiots**

Feli (SENT 14:08): Well, who do you like?  
Feli (SEN 14:10): Or do you hate less?

Me (SENT 14:10): **I don’t know, Belgium’s nice, and the cat guy is sort of cool I guess**

Feli (SENT 14:11): Yay!! You should start talking to those people!

Me (SENT 14:12): **We’ll see**

Feli (SENT 14:14): Oh Lovi?

Me (SENT 14:15): **What now**

Feli (SENT 14:15): Can you let me in? :)

 

* * *

 

February 28, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

**From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others...)**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:00): Okay, because of how unorganized the last World Meeting was, we’re going to decide on this two days in advance. 

Feli (SENT 10:01): Noo, Luddy you’re wrong! Tomorrow’s the first day of March!!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:01): We already went over this Feli, it’s a leap year this year so February has an extra day.

Feli (SENT 10:02): Vee~ Oh yeah!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:02): Anyway, according to my chart, it’s either Hungary’s turn, or Canada’s.  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:03): Does anyone have a preference?

Feli (SENT 10:03): I prefer Hungary!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:04): I know Feli, we’re in the same room. You don’t have to yell at me and text.

French Bastard (SENT 10:05): _Ah, l’amour._  
French Bastard (SENT 10:05): _I must say I prefer my darling Canada ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 10:06): **I guess Canada as well**

French Bastard (SENT 10:06): _Se qui se passe? Has your second father finally started caring about you Matthew?_

English Bastard (SENT 10:07): **Bloody wanker, don’t make me change my decision**

French Bastard (SENT 10:07): _Je suis silencieux ;)_

Tomato Bastard (SENT 10:08): _i’m good with either!_

Me (SENT 10:08): **Have a fucking opinion bastard**

Tomato Bastard (SENT 10:09): _okay!_  
Tomato Bastard (SENT 10:10): _i’m good with whatever Lovi wants! :D_

Me (SENT 10:10): **Bastard**  
Me (SENT 10:10): **I’ll go with Canada**

 

**Unknown Number was added to the World Group Message (10:11)**

 

Unknown number (SENT 10:12): Or you can come visit mee!!!

Me (SENT 10:12): **Who the fuck is that**

French Bastard (SENT 10:13): _Je ne sais pas. I do not have this number either_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:13): I don’t think he’s on the list.

English Bastard (SENT 10:14): **Bloody hell. It’s Sealand**

Me (SENT 10:14): **Who the fuck added him to the group message?**

English Bastard (SENT 10:15): **I don’t know! I never see the kid!**

Sweden (SENT 10:15): I added him

Francis (SENT 10:16): _You added him? Why?_

Sweden (SENT 10:16): Because he’s m’son

Me (SENT 10:17): **Here we go again**

English Bastard (SENT 10:17): **HE IS NOT YOUR BLOODY SON**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:18): Doesn’t matter whose son he is, he’s not part of the World Meeting.

Unknown Number (SENT 10:18): But I’m a country!

English Bastard (SENT 10:19): **NO, YOU’RE NOT**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:19): Technically, you’re not.  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:20): Sweden, please remove Sealand from the group message.

Sweden (SENT 10:21): But he’s m’son

Feli (SENT 10:21): He’s too young to be a country Sweden! You have to raise him first!

Me (SENT 10:22): **Mio dio**

Sweden (SENT 10:22): I see. Peter is still a child

Unknown Number (SENT 10:23): I am not!!!

Sweden (SENT 10:23): M’wife and I will raise him, and then he’ll be ready

 

**Unknown Number Was Removed from the World Group Message (10:24)**

 

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:24): Well then, does anyone else have an opinion?

Russia (SENT 10:25): _I want to go to Canada :^)_  
Russia (SENT 10:25): _What about you Baltic States?_

Lativia (SENT 10:26): Canada!

Estonia (SENT 10:26): Canada

Lithuania (SENT 10:26): Canada!!!!

Russia (SENT 10:27): _I think it’s settled then :^)_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 10:28): Fine. We’ll meet at Canada’s place in Ottawa, 8am on March 1st.

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa, Canada

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis)_  

Me (SENT 8:04): _hola! do u know where Lovi is sitting? i can’t find him_

Francis (SENT 8:05): _He’s no where near me or Angleterre._  
Francis (SENT 8:05): _Have you noticed the glares he’s been giving the Americain? They’re quite adorable_

Gilbert (SENT 8:07): _**Oh I see him**_  
Gilbert (SENT 8:07): _**Hes sitting next to Greece**_

Me (SENT 8:08): _greece?_

Francis (SENT 8:08): _Mon dieu, what is he doing there?_  
Francis (SENT 8:09): _Has our dear Tonie missed his chance?_

Gilbert (SENT 8:09): _**It looks like they’re just talking**_

Francis (SENT 8:10): _Are they friends?_

Gilbert (SENT 8:10): _**I guess so**_  
Gilbert (SENT 8:11): _**What do you think Tony?**_

 

* * *

 

_To: Mi Querido Lovi_

Me (SENT 8:12): _Loviiiii i can’t find you where are you sitting?_?

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:13): **I’m near the front bastard**

Me (SENT 8:13): _i see u!!!_  
Me (SENT 8:14): _ooh, i like your shirt today! que hermoso!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:14): **What the fuck does that mean?**

Me (SENT 8:15): _what are u doing so far away from me Lovi :( we always pass notes during meetings_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:16): **I can sit wherever the hell I want**

Me (SENT 8:16): _but i miss uuuu!!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:17): **No, you don’t**

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa, Canada

 

Feliciano’s iPhone:

 

To: Luddy 

Me (SENT 8:32): Luddyyyy how are you doing?

Luddy (SENT 8:33): Feli, you shouldn’t text during the meeting. Try to pay attention to Austria.

Me (SENT 8:33): Vee~ but I’m bored!  
Me (SENT 8:34): What do you want to eat for lunch??

Luddy (SENT 8:34): It doesn’t matter. As long as it’s quick. I have to get back to Germany by tonight.

Me (SENT 8:35): Okay!! How about we get pasta ;)  
Me (SENT 8:35): Are there any Italian restaurants in Canada?

Luddy (SENT 8:36): Most likely.  
Luddy (SENT 8:36): Do you mind if Gilbert joins us? 

Me (SENT 8:37): No of course not!!  
Me (SENT 8:37): Does he not have anyone to eat with?

Luddy (SENT 8:38): I think he’s just been a bit depressed since he broke up with Hungary.

Me (SENT 8:39): Aww poor Gil :( We should try to match him up with somebody!

Luddy (SENT 8:39): That sounds like a terrible idea Feli.

Me (SENT 8:40): No, I think it’s good! He can get over his broken heart faster!

Luddy (SENT 8:40): Fine…who did you have in mind?

Me (SENT 8:41): Canada!!

Luddy (SENT 8:41): Canada? I thought you didn’t even know who he was?

Me (SENT 8:42): I remember him now! I think they’d be perfect for each other!

Luddy (SENT 8:42): Really? He seems rather quiet for Gilbert. I thought your brother would be more suitable.

Me (SENT 8:43): LOVINO??

Luddy (SENT 8:43): What?

Me (SENT 8:44): Heehee! No, Luddy they’re too alike!  
Me (SENT 8:44): That’s why Matthew would be good for Gilbert!  
Me (SENT 8:45): Opposites attract ;)

Luddy (SENT 8:46): Are you hinting at the fact that we’re opposites?

Me (SENT 8:46): Vee~

Luddy (SENT 8:47): What about Romano then? Does he want to come to lunch with us?

Me (SENT 8:47): Mm, I don’t think so. I think he has other plans ;)

Luddy (SENT 8:48): What does that mean?  
Luddy (SENT 8:49): Feli?

Feli (SENT 8:49): It’s your time to talk Luddy!!

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa, Canada 

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

 

**From: Bloody Alfred**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:15): hey dude :D What’s up???

Me (SENT 9:16): **Not much**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:16): then what’s with all of the stares dude?? Did I do somethin wrong? 

Me (SENT 9:17): **You always do something wrong Alfred**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:18): is that why youre sitting with the stupid French guy?

Me (SENT 9:18): **Perhaps. At least he’s nice to me**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:19): no he’s not!! He’s always teasing u!!

Me (SENT 9:19): **That’s just our relationship. It’s his way of being nice**  
Me (SENT 9:20): **You’d know if you were around back then**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:20): are u saying Im 2 young for u??

Me (SENT 9:21): **Just pay attention to the meeting Alfred. We’ll talk about it later**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 9:23): r u going out with the French guy?

Me (SENT 9:24): **…I don’t think he’s the relationship type**

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa, Canada

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis)_

Me (SENT 11:02): _hola amigos, what’s everyone’s plan for lunch?_

Francis (SENT 11:03): _Ah, I’m getting lunch with Angleterre ;)_

Me (SENT 11:03): _really? are he and alfred broken up??_

Francis (SENT 11:04): _It would appear so. Vive le resistance!_

Me (SENT 11:04): _good for u francis!!_  
Me (SENT 11:05): _it seems as though Lovi has other plans so i’m not sure what i’m doing anymore_

Gilbert (SENT 11:06): _**You can join me. Im being pathetic and joining West and Feli for lunch**_

Me (SENT 11:06): _i might have to join u then. gracias_

Francis (SENT 11:07): _So does that mean our young Romano has blossomed into a man now?_

Me (SENT 11:07): _what the hell francis??_

Francis (SENT 11:08): _What? I was only saying it seems as though our sweet, innocent Romano has finally passed one of the stepping stones into adulthood_

Gilbert (SENT 11:08): _**I thought he was just going out with Greece**_

Francis (SENT 11:09): _That’s what I meant_

Me (SENT 11:09): _he is not going out with anybody!! he would’ve told me, and i would know, and there’s no way Lovi could be in love with somebody!!_

Francis (SENT 11:10): _Somebody else you mean?_  
Francis (SENT 11:10): _Face it, you let him slip away right into the arms of a questionably more attractive man than yourself_

Me (SENT 11:11): _that is not true on so many levels!!_  
Me (SENT 11:12): _i am way more handsome than greece for one_  
Me (SENT 11:12): _and there’s now way Lovi is going out with him!!_

Francis (SENT 11:13): _Are you sure?_

Me (SENT 11:13): _yes!!!_

Francis (SENT 11:14): _Really?_

Me (SENT 11:16): _yes!_

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa, Canada

 

_Francis’s iPhone:_  

_Outgoing Call to Antoine (12:47)_

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

 

_“Hola!”_

_“Ah, bonjour Antoine! How is lunch going with the young couple and Gilbert?”_

_“It’s going fine! It’s been a long time since I talked to Feli, I forgot how much I missed him!_

_“Vee~ I missed you too Tony! You need to come visit me in Florence some time!”_

_“Well that’s good. I was just calling to let you know your other, dear Italian is having lunch with a certain tall, dark and handsome Greek.”_

_“What seriously?? Are you watching them right now?”_

_“Yes, I –_   
**“YES, HE BLOODY WELL IS. AND IT’S BLOODY ANNOYING.”**

_“Was that Arthur? Wait, are you at lunch with him?_

_“Ah –_   
**“YES, HE IS. EXCEPT WE HAVEN’T GOTTEN A CHANCE TO EAT YET BECAUSE THIS BLOODY FROG KEEPS TAKING VOYEUR SHOTS OF YOUR DAMN ITALIAN AND THAT BLOODY GREEK.”**

_“What? Can you send me a photo Francis?”_

_“I will mon cher! But it seems as if I have to cut our conversation short, our dear Angleterre is getting rather flustered. He keeps gesturing that I should end this phone call –”_

**“DAMN IT ALL. I’LL DO IT.”**

 

_End Phone Call (12:50)_

  

* * *

 

 

_To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Antoine and Gilbert)_

Me (SENT 12:52): _*attached image_

Antoine (SENT 12:53): _noooooooooooooo!!!!!! my Lovi D:_

Me (SENT 12:53): _Well let’s not get carried away here. It’s not as if they’re swept away into the waves of passion_

Antoine (SENT 12:54): _but he looks happy!!!_

Me (SENT 12:54): _Really? He’s frowning_

Antoine (SENT 12:55): _it’s not his unhappy frown though :( :(_  
Antoine (SENT 12:55): _i have to work so hard to get that frown_

Me (SENT 12:56): _I very much like his outfit. It’s tres chic_  
Me (SENT 12:56): _That shirt goes so well with his Armani jeans_  
Me (SENT 12:57): _Red is very much his color_

Antoine (SENT 12:57): _i knowwwww!!! i love it when he blushes D:_

Me (SENT 12:58): _I said I was talking about his shirt_

Antoine (SENT 12:58): _he looks so good in that too!! mi tomate!_

Gilbert (SENT 13:00): _**W** **ow, is that Romano?? Doesnt even look like him**_  
Gilbert (SENT 13:00): _**Does he look tanner to anyone else**_

Me (SENT 13:01): _Ah, so you noticed that too?_  
Me (SENT 13:01): _Yes, there’s definitely a sun-kissed look to his skin_  
Me (SENT 13:02): _Perhaps he’s been spending time in Greece?_

Gilbert (SENT 13:02): _**But its only march**_

Me (SENT 13:03): _Ah, but l’ amour keeps you warm ;)_

Antoine (SENT 13:04): _francis don’t even joke about that_

Gilbert (SENT 13:04): _**Hey Tony are you ok? You look like youre about to cry**_

Antoine (SENT 13:05): _i just miss my Lovi :(_  
Antoine (SENT 13:05): _why can’t he live in spain with me again_  
Antoine (SENT 13:06): _then we can grow tomatoes together and take siestas, and I won’t have to share him with all of these weirdos :(_

Gilbert (SENT 13:06): _**Wait are you calling us weirdos**_

Me (SENT 13:07): _Ah mon cher, it sounds like you want to marry him_  

Antoine (SENT 13:09): _…would that be bad?_

Me (SENT 13:09): _Mon dieu, are you finally admitting you like him romantically Antoine??_

Antoine (SENT 13:10): _i don’t know :( i mean i’ve always loved Lovi_

Me (SENT 13:11): _Yes, but do you love him romantically_

Antoine (SENT 13:11): _what does that even mean???_

Gilbert (SENT 13:12): _**And I thought my awesome self was dense**_

Me (SENT 13:12): _Maybe you can have Gil explain it to you_

Antoine (SENT 13:13): _wait r u sure francis?? i thought u had more experience with stuff like this_

Gilbert (SENT 13:13): _**Hey!! I’m known as the Awesome Heart Breaker of Europe you know!**_

Me (SENT 13:14): _Well for now you’ll have to make due with Gil. I have to go_

Antoine (SENT 13:14): _whhhyyyyy??_

Me (SENT 13:15): _Because Arthur just dumped his tea on my head_

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa International Airport, Canada

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

**To: Feli**  

Me (SENT 16:32): **Feli, I don’t think any of this is working**

Feli (SENT 16:35): What do you mean Lovi??

Me (SENT 16:35): **I just don’t think this whole thing with Greece is helping**  
Me (SENT 16:36): **I think Spain is really mad at me**

Feli (SENT 16:36): What? Why do u think that??

Me (SENT 16:37): **He seemed really depressed at the world meeting, and he didn’t throw drawings at me like usual**

Feli (SENT 16:37): Vee~ but you sat so far away from him Lovi!

Me (SENT 16:38): **HE HAS AN ARM HE COULD’VE THROWN THEM**  
Me (SENT 16:39): **And then the weirdest thing just happened**

Feli (SENT 16:39): What??

Me (SENT 16:40): **I** **said hi to him two minutes ago, because we were both standing in line for coffee**  
Me (SENT 16:40): **Then he turned around and stared at me with wide eyes**  
Me (SENT 16:41): **Then he turned red and ran the hell away from me**  
Me (SENT 16:41): **He also left his wallet at the cash register, so I’m trying to find the stupid bastard to give it back to him**

Feli (SENT 16:42): Vee~ that sounds interesting~

Me (SENT 16:43): **Ugh, do you know what’s wrong with him**

Feli (SENT 16:43): Maybe ;) it might have something to do with lunch~

Me (SENT 16:44): **What the hell does that mean**  
Me (SENT 16:44): **Is that code for food poisoning or something**

Feli (SENT 16:45): Heehee I know where Tony is if you need to give him his wallet back~  
Feli (SENT 16:45): He’s with Gilbert getting frozen yogurt!

Me (SENT 16:46): **That sounds fucking disgusting**  
Me (SENT 16:47): **I guess I’ll go find the damn bastard then**

Feli (SENT 16:47): Good luck! ~

 

* * *

 

March 1, 2008, Ottawa International Airport, Canada

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis_  

Me (SENT 17:14): _we have a problem!! D:_

Gilbert (SENT 17:15): _**Tony! Whered you go man??**_

Francis (SENT 17:16): _What happened mon ami? Gilbert was getting worried about you_

Me (SENT 17:16): _did u tell him what happened gil?_

Francis (SENT 17:17): _He just told me you took off after Romano handed you your wallet_  
Francis (SENT 17:17): _What happened?_

Me (SENT 17:18): _it’s all gil’s fault >:(_

Gilbert (SENT 17:18): _**How the hell is it my fault??**_

Me (SENT 17:19): _you’re the one who explained to me what love feels like!!_

Gilbert (SENT 17:20): _**You’re thousands of years old, you should already know!!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 17:20): _**And it wasn’t just me, Feli helped too**_

Francis (SENT 17:21): _Wait, are you saying you’re in love with Romano, Antoine?_

Me (SENT 17:21): _yes :(_

Francis (SENT 17:22): _Then what’s with the frowny face?_

Me (SENT 17:22): _because i already messed everything up!!_  
Me (SENT 17:23): _i still treat him like i did when he was living in spain, and he probably still thinks of me as his boss_

Francis (SENT 17:23): _I don’t think Romano ever thought of you as his boss_

Me (SENT 17:24): _doesn’t matter! he still sees me more as family than a lover :(_

Francis (SENT 17:25): _You’re the country of passion, aren’t you? You can win him over ;)_

Me (SENT 17:25): _how? i feel like whenever i’m around him i act like an idiot_

Francis (SENT 17:26): _That’s because you do. But you act like an idiot when you’re with Gil and I too_

Me (SENT 17:26): _but that’s the problem! Lovi doesn’t see me as a cool, suave guy_

Gilbert (SENT 17:27): _**LOL does anyone see you that way??**_

Francis (SENT 17:27): _Hardly the time Gilbert_  
Francis (SENT 17:28): _Listen Tonie, now that you know how you feel about Romano (took you long enough) you should take some babysteps to make your feelings known to him_

Me (SENT 17:28): _like what?_

Francis (SENT 17:29): _Mon dieu, I’m surrounded by idiots_  
Francis (SENT 17:29): _Well, you can start by stop clinging to him like you’re his older, doting brother_  
Francis (SENT 17:30): _And do more intentional things. Like ask him to dinner and compliment him_

Me (SENT 17:30): _but i already do that!!_

Francis (SENT 17:31): _Yes, but it never seems serious. You always treat it so casually_  
Francis (SENT 17:31): _Basically you need to act more like an adult_

Gilbert (SENT 17:32): _**Like the awesome me >:^)**_

Francis (SENT 17:32): _Preferably not at all like Gilbert. You don’t want to get Romano madder than he already is_  
Francis (SENT 17:33): _In any case, why don’t you come out from wherever you’re hiding and get dinner with Gilbert and I before our flights leave_

Me (SENT 17:34): _okay_  
Me (SENT 17:34): _do you see Lovino anywhere around?_

Gilbert (SENT 17:35): _**The coast is clear**_

Francis (SENT 17:36): _Le sigh_

 

* * *

 

March 5, 2008, Berlin, Germany

 

_**Gilbert’s iPhone:** _

 

_**To: Canada** _  

Me (SENT 20:08): _**Antoniooooo where are youuo**_

Canada (SENT 20:10): um, i think you might have the wrong number

Me (SENT 20:12): _**Wait a minute who is thiss**_

Canada (SENT 20:12): it’s canada

Me (SENT 20:13): _**Canada I was just in Canadada**_  
Me (SENT 20:13): _ **I mean what’s your name??**_

Canada (SENT 20:14): um, matthew

Me (SENT 20:15): _**Matthew Matthew Matthew Mathheeww Mathtwe**_  
Me (SENT 20:15): _**Have I met you beforewiuerob**_

Canada (SENT 20:16): um, are you okay?

Me (SENT 20:16): _**I’m fine**_  
Me (SENT 20:17): _**No wait, I’m more than fine!!! I’M AWESOME I AM THE AWESOMESstT**_

Canada (SENT 20:17): you’re drunk, right? do you need me to call someone for you?

Me (SENT 20:19): _**I am not dru gnkj**_  
Me (SENT 20:19): _**I’m just a bit dizzzzzyh and there are all these birds**_  
Me (SENT 20:20): _**Man, I feelsk so happy right ngw**_

Canada (SENT 21): where are you prussia? i’ll call someone for you

Me (SENT 20:21): _**What’d you callj me?**_

Canada (SENT 20:22): um, prussia? that’s who you are

Me (SENT 20:23): _ **I’m not Prussia anymore**_  
Me (SENT 20:23): _**I’m a nobbody**_  
Me (SENT 20:24): _**I doin’t even hhave a country**_

Canada (SENT 20:24): you have germany don’t you?

Me (SENT 20:25): _**No no no I don’t West does**_  
Me (SENT 20:25): _**He doesn’t need me3**_  
Me (SENT 20:26): _**I’m just sathe invisible brother**_

Canada (SENT 20:26): i’m sorry gilbert  
Canada (SENT 20:28): i can sort of understand how you feel actually

Me (SENT 20;28): _**You can??1?**_  
Me (SENT 20:29): _**B** **ut Canadada is such a freakin large countryee man**_

Canada (SENT 20:29): it is, but people don’t think about it much. especially when i’m living next to america

Me (SENT 20:30): _**I’m sorry manenjkn**_  
Me (SENT 20:30): _**If it means anything I likqqe you a lot more than tha t America gujy**_  
Me (SENT 20:31): _**You’re a lot nicerer and cuter too**_

Canada (SENT 20:31): um, thanks.  
Canada (SENT 20:32): do you need me to call someone for you? like germany?

Me (SENT 20:32): _ **No noo I’m fine I’m always fine. I’m aweesomee!!!!!**_

Canada (SENT 20:34): yeah, i just sent a message to germany telling him to find you and pick you up  
Canada (SENT 20:35): will you be okay until he finds you?

Me (SENT 20:35): _**Yeah yeah I think I’ll just take a little napp until he gets here**_

Canada (SENT 20:36): okay, just call germany if you need anything

Me (SENT 20:37): _**No no I’ll call you I like you betterqe**_  
Me (SENT 20:38): _**Gute Nachtt**_

Canada (SENT 20:38): good night gilbert

 

* * *

 

March 7, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_To: Mi Querido Lovi_  

Me (SENT 9:31): _hey lovi what are u up to :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:40): **Sleeping**

Me (SENT 9:41): _ah, i’ll let u sleep then_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:41): **Seriously? Since when has that bothered you bastard**

Me (SENT 9:42): _since always Lovi! i just want u to be well rested :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:43): **I don’t understand this**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:43): **Was there any reason you texted bastard**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:44): **Not that I actually care, but since I’m already up, I might as well know**

Me (SENT 9:44): _well i was just wondering if u want to hang out this afternoon!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:46): **…You’re asking me if I want to hang out**

Me (SENT 9:46): _yeah!_  
Me (SENT 9:47): _is that bad?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:47): **It’s fucking creepy that’s what it is**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:48): **Antonio doesn’t “ask” when he can hang out with me, you just burst through my door whenever the hell you want**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:52): **Now what??**

Me (SENT 9:53): _you called me Antonio :D_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:54): **Shit I did**

Me (SENT 9:54): _:) :) :) :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:55): **SHUT IT I didn’t mean it**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:56): **I’m so tired I mistyped**

Me (SENT 9:56): _it’s a rather large typo ;)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:57): **SHUT UP**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:57): **It’s not as if I never call you that. I just don’t call you that to your face**

Me (SENT 9:58): _but why not :(_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:58): **I don’t know it**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:59): **It just sounds weird**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:01): **But whatever, when are you coming over**

Me (SENT 10:01): _um about that_  
Me (SENT 10:02): _i was wondering if you could come visit me this time_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:02): **Why**

Me (SENT 10:03): _well because my country isn’t doing too well my boss decided to cut back on a few things haha_  
Me (SENT 10:03): _soo i don’t have my plane anymore_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:04): **So let me get this straight**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:04): **You woke me up from my beauty sleep at fucking 9:30 in the morning**

Me (SENT 10:05): _i mean, that’s not that early Lovi_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:05): **And begged me to come play with you probably to make churros or some shit**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:06): **And now you tell me I have to fly to fucking Spain??**

Me (SENT 10:06): _but u like it here!!_  
Me (SENT 10:07): _right?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:08): **Do you have a plan for what we’re doing when I get there?**

Me (SENT 10:08): _well, i did_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:09): **You wanted us to make fucking churros didn’t you**

Me (SENT 10:09): _i can change it!!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:10): **No**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:10): **It’s fine**  
Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:11): **You probably spent all of your allowance on churro ingredients, so we might as well eat the damn things**

Me (SENT 10:11): _so you’re coming?!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 10:12): **Just make sure you have tomatoes in the kitchen**

Me (SENT 10:12): _of course mi querido tomate!!_

 

* * *

 

March 8, 2008, Paris, France

 

_Francis’s iPhone:_

 

_To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Antoine)_  

Me (SENT 11:23): _Bonjour mes amis, it’s time for my routine check in with everyone_  
Me (SENT 11:23): _Comment ça va?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:24): _**AWESOME**_

Me (SENT 11:25): _Well Gilbert, that didn’t take long_  
Me (SENT 11:25): _I take it you had a good weekend_

Gilbert (SENT 11:26): _**More than good man, it was AWESOME**_

Me (SENT 11:26): _S_ _o then tell us. I’m quite curious_

Gilbert (SENT 11:27): _**Well you know how on Wednesday I got totally shitfaced**_

Me (SENT 11:28): _I wasn’t there but I heard the story. Wednesday seemed a bit premature_

Gilbert (SENT 11:28): _ **Ja, well it’s not as if I had anything else to do**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:29): _**But anyway, then I tried texting Antonio to come help me because I had no idea where I was**_

Me (SENT 11:29): _Where were you?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:30): _ **Oh I was in the bathroom**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:30): _**I couldn’t remember how to open the door**_

Me (SENT 11:31): _I_ _f only I was there with a camera…_

Gilbert (SENT 11:31): **_But anyway, I was really drunk and I was trying to text Antonio so he could get me out of there_**  
Gilbert (SENT 11:32): **_But I ended up texting Matthew by mistake!_**

Me (SENT 11:32): _Mon cher Canada??_

Gilbert (SENT 11:33): **_Ja!!_**

Me (SENT 11:35): _…_  
Me (SENT 11:35): _So then what happened?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:36): **Oh, we just talked for a while. I don’t remember some of it, but I do have the text messages**

Me (SENT 11:36): _Can we see them?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:37): _**No, they’re mine!**_

Me (SENT 11:37): _Excusez-moi_

Gilbert (SENT 11:38): _**Sorry man, we just talked about a lot of stuff that I don’t really want to share**_

Me (SENT 11:38): _That’s fine mon cher. What else happened?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:39): _**What do you mean?**_

Me (SENT 11:40): _I’m assuming something happened after you talked_

Gilbert (SENT 11:40): _**Oh yeah, well after we talked I fell asleep and at some point West must have found me because I woke up in my bed the next morning**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:41): _**And then I checked my phone and Matthew sent me a message asking if I was okay!!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:41): _**So then I said I was feeling awesome as usual, and we started talking again**_  

Me (SENT 11:42): _Like Romeo and Juliet_

Gilbert (SENT 11:42): _**And now he’s coming to visit me in Berlin!!**_

Me (SENT 11:43): _Really? I’m quite surprised. What did you say to convince him?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:43): _**I told him I want to hang out and that he has to see the Awesomest Berlin >;^)**_

Me (SENT 11:43): _So…is it like a date?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:44): _**Yeah man!!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:44): _**I mean, I didn’t say it was**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:45): _ **But I think it’s sort of implied when I ask him to come to Berlin, right?**_

Me (SENT 11:45): _So, you asked my son out on a date without asking for my permission first?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:46): **_He isn’t your actual son, is he??_**

Me (SENT 11:46): _He’s my son in my heart, isn’t that enough?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:48): _**Are you actually waiting for me to ask your permission**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:49): _**I’ll take that as a yes**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:49): _**Um well then, Francis will you let my awesome self date the awesome Matthew?**_

Me (SENT 11:55): _Fine_

Gilbert (SENT 11:56): _**JA!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:57): _ **T** **his isn’t going to make things weird between us, right?**_

Me (SENT 11:57): _I haven’t decided_  
Me (SENT 11:58): _I guess it depends on how your date goes_  
Me (SENT 11:58): _You’d better not screw it up for Matthew_

Gilbert (SENT 11:59): _**When have I ever screwed things up man!!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 11:59): _**I got this in the bag!!**_

Me (SENT 12:01): _Le sigh_  
Me (SENT 12:05): _Do you think Tonie is awake yet?_

Gilbert (SENT 12:06): _**He should be**_  
Gilbert (SENT 12:06): _**I don’t think he went out last night**_

Me (SENT 12:07): _How strange…_

 

Antoine (SENT 14:32): _hola amigos!!!_  

Gilbert (SENT 14:34): _ **Hey man, where have you been??**_

Francis (SENT 14:34): _We were starting to wonder_

Antoine (SENT 14:35): _lo siento!! i had to convince my boss to get me a new phone_

Francis (SENT 14:35): _What happened to your old phone?_

Antoine (SENT 14:36): _ah, i may have broken it haha_

Gilbert (SENT 14:36): **_Did you drop it in the toilet again man. I told you to stop putting it in your back pocket_**

Antoine (SENT 14:37): _no, i didn’t drop it haha_

Francis (SENT 14:38): _Then what happened to it?_

Antoine (SENT 14:38): _i may have thrown it a bit_

Francis (SENT 14:39): _You threw it??_

Antoine (SENT 14:39): _yeah…_

Gilbert (SENT 14:40): _**I thought you worked through your anger problems man**_

Antoine (SENT 14:40): _i am through with them! i just got sort of frustrated the other day_

Francis (SENT 14:41): _Does this have something to do with our troublesome Romano?_

Antoine (SENT 14:41): _yeah…_  
Antoine (SENT 14:42): _he came over here the other day to make churros with me. and that was a lot of fun! we made churros and ate them_  
Antoine (SENT 14:42): _well Lovi didn’t eat them really, he made them then proceeded to tell me why gelato was so much better_  
Antoine (SENT 14:43): _but anyway, after that we did some gardening and picked tomatoes_  
Antoine (SENT 14:43): _then we went upstairs and took a siesta. i asked Lovi if he wanted to sleep with me and he said no :(_

Francis (SENT 14:44): _Smart boy_

Antoine (SENT 14:44): _well then when i woke up i went downstairs to make dinner. we were going to have pizza and salad_  
Antoine (SENT 14:45): _eventually Lovi woke up. he’s so cute when he wakes up!! he’s all red and drowsy looking and he can’t curse as much_  
Antoine (SENT 14:45): _so we had a nice dinner, and it felt like Lovi was being nicer to me than usual which was bueno._  
Antoine (SENT 14:46): _then afterwards i asked him if he wanted to watch a movie and he said “whatever bastardo” so we watched a movie_

Francis (SENT 14:46): _I’m starting to see the pattern here_

Antoine (SENT 14:47): _so then he sat down on the large couch, and i sat down on the love seat. then he asked what i was doing over there, and i said i wanted to sit here, and he said “what are you talking about bastard you always sit on this couch” and i was like “do you want me to sit there”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:48): _and he was like “do what ever you want bastard! i don’t care”_

Francis (SENT 14:48): _Does it bother you he calls you bastard so much?_

Antoine (SENT 14:49): _not really. it’s sort of like his pet name for me ;)_  
Antoine (SENT 14:49): _so then i sat on the couch, on the opposite side of him as close to the arm rest i could get_

Francis (SENT 14:50): _Why were you sitting so far away from him in the first place?_

Antoine (SENT 14:50): _because i was scared!!! i never used to think about how close i always was with Lovi, but now that i know i’m in love with him it makes everything so complicated_  
Antoine (SENT 14:51): _it’s like my heart is always racing out of control and i forget how to breathe and get flustered every time he looks at me_

Francis (SENT 14:51): _See Gilbert, this is exactly how your date with Matthew shouldn’t go_

Antoine (SENT 14:52): _but anyway, a few minutes after i sat on the couch Lovi stood up and started yelling at me: “what the hell’s wrong with you bastard??!”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:52): _and i was like “what are you talking about Lovi?”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:53): _and he was like “look i can tell you’re still mad at me!! just come out and say it! i’m sick of you ignoring me!!”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:53): _then i was really confused because i didn’t think i was ignoring Lovi at all. i feel like whenever he’s in the same room as me i can only listen to him_

Francis (SENT 14:54): _Well that almost sounded romantic Antoine_

Antoine (SENT 14:55): _oh really?? thank you!!_  
Antoine (SENT 14:55): _but then after he yelled at me i said “i’m not ignoring you Lovi!”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:56): _then he said “yes you are bastard! you’re all quiet and shit and you didn’t talk to me during the world meeting” then i interrupted and said “but you were sitting so far away!!” and he replied (still yelling), “you have an arm, you could’ve thrown your stupid drawings!!”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:57): _then he continued yelling saying “then you were so weird at the airport! you kept running away from me like i was the ottoman empire or something!!”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:58): _i was getting sort of desperate at this point and i tried to calm him down and said, “Lovi i promise i’m not mad at you, i’ve just have a lot on my mind.”_  
Antoine (SENT 14:58): t _hen he gave me this stare and said “i don’t believe you. you keep giving me these strange looks. if you don’t like me anymore just say it! don’t trick me and hang out with me because you pity me!!”_

Gilbert (SENT 14:59): _**This sounds like some sort of TV novella I watched at your place once**_

Antoine (SENT 14:59): _i was sort of running out of excuses, so i just kept saying, “i don’t pity you Lovi, i promise!! por favor mi tomate, please believe me! te amo!”_  
Antoine (SENT 15:00): _then poor Lovi looked like he was about to cry and yelled, “and stop saying that, you don’t mean it! you never mean it!”_  
Antoine (SENT 15:01): _i kept telling him that i did mean it, and i tried to hug him, but he pushed me away and yelled “no you don’t! i hate you! just leave me alone you dumb bastard!”_  
Antoine (SENT 15:02): _then he ran away and flew back home_

Francis (SENT 15:02): _Wow, Antoine. I don’t know what to say_

Gilbert (SENT 15:03): _ **I swear I watched a TV novella just like that**_

Francis (SENT 15:03): _Gilbert_

Gilbert (SENT 15:04): _**Sorry man**_  
Gilbert (SENT 15:04): _**But Romano gets mad all the time, right? I’m sure he’ll get over it**_

Francis (SENT 15:05): _I don’t think you understand the bigger problem Gilbert_  
Francis (SENT 15:05): _The problem is that even if Antoine did try to confess to Romano seriously, it’s likely that Romano won’t believe him_

Gilbert (SENT 15:06): **_Oh_**

Antoine (SENT 15:06): _it sucks :(_

Gilbert (SENT 15:07): _**So did you throw your phone after that**_

Antoine (SENT 15:07): _yeah… it was the only thing nearby, so i threw it at the door_  
Antoine (SENT 15:08): _my boss was really mad at me_

Gilbert (SENT 15:08): _**You really are poor, aren’t you**_

Antoine (SENT 15:09): _not fair!! iphones are expensive!_

Francis (SENT 15:10): _I have an idea_

Antoine (SENT 15:10): _for what?_

Francis (SENT 15:11): _For how you can make Romano believe you_  
Francis (SENT 15:11): _You need to prove your love to him_

Antoine (SENT 15:12): _isn’t that what i’ve already been doing?_

Francis (SENT 15:13): _No, you need to make some sort of grand gesture of love!_

Gilbert (SENT 15:13): _ **Like saving him from a dragon!!**_

Francis (SENT 15:14): _Or serenading him outside of his window with your guitar_

Antoine (SENT 15:14): _but he lives in downtown rome in an apartment!! that just seems hard to do_

Francis (SENT 15:15): _You must overcome obstacles for l’ amour mon cher_  
Francis (SENT 15:15): _But anyway I’m sure you’ll figure it out_

Antoine (SENT 15:16): _hopefully :(_

Gilbert (SENT 15:25): **_Matthew just called me! He’s in Berlin!!_**

Antoine (SENT 15:26): _good luck gilbert! you’ll do great!_

Francis (SENT 15:27): _Oui, just don’t do anything Antoine would do and you’ll be fine_

Antoine (SENT 15:27): _hey! not fair!_

Francis (SENT 15:28): _Tout est juste dans l’amour et la guerre ;)_

 

* * *

 

March 16, 2008, Munich, Germany

 

Ludwig’s iPhone:

 

To: Feli 

Me (SENT 12:45): You were right.

Feli (SENT 12:58): Vee~ about what Luddy?

Me (SENT 12:58): About Gilbert and Matthew.

Feli (SENT 12:59): Really? Are they going out?

Me (SENT 12:59): It would appear so. He was in Berlin for a while, and now it seems Gilbert is flying to Canada to visit him.

Feli (SENT 13:00): Vee~ doesn’t he have work or something?

Me (SENT 13:00): Not really. He just sort of hangs out and says things, but no one really listens to him.

Feli (SENT 13:01): Aww poor Gil :( At least he’s found someone though!

Me (SENT 13:02): We’ll see. Gilbert doesn’t have the best track record.

Feli (SENT 13:02): Hey, don’t you trust my science! Those two are going to get married!

Me (SENT 13:03): That seems like a rather extreme prediction.

Feli (SENT 13:03): Vee~ I’m always right about love ;)

Me (SENT 13:04): I doubt that.

Feli (SENT 13:04): Whyyy??

Me (SENT 13:05): It’s statistically impossible to be right about everything. Especially whilst concerning something as changeable as love.

Feli (SENT 13:06): I’ll prove it to you!

Me (SENT 13:06): How?

Feli (SENT 13:07): I’ll predict two other couples!

Me (SENT 13:08): …Fine.

Feli (SENT 13:08): Yay! Okay, let’s see. I have a list somewhere in my apartment

Me (SENT 13:09): You have a list?

Feli (SENT 13:10): Vee~ well it’s more like a web, since everyone has so many relationships heehee  
Feli (SENT 13:11): Okay, I predict Belgium and Hungary!

Me (SENT 13:12): I thought Hungary was going out with Austria?

Feli (SENT 13:13): Ah, they just broke up, so Hungary’s on her own again.

Me (SENT 13:13): Do Belgium and Hungary even know each other?

Feli (SENT 13:14): Vee~ I think so. They will soon anyway ;)

Me (SENT 13:14): I hate that you’re so confident in this.  
Me (SENT 13:15): Alright then, who else?

Feli (SENT 13:15): Turkey and Greece!

Me (SENT 13:16): Isn’t Turkey with Egypt?

Feli (SENT 13:17): Noo!! That ended like two years ago!!  
Feli (SENT 13:17): Come on Luddy you have to keep up

Me (SENT 13:18): I’m sorry I don’t keep up with gossip.

Feli (SENT 13:18): Ah, it’s okay. I’ll try to keep you in touch with gossip ;)

Me (SENT 13:19): Whatever.  
Me (SENT 13:21): Wait, isn’t your brother going out with Greece?

Feli (SENT 13:22): Oh, don’t worry about that ;) ;)

Me (SENT 13:22): What does that mean?  
Me (SENT 13:23): Feli?  
Me (SENT 13:25): Will you stop being so damn cryptic?!

 

* * *

 

March 19, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_Outgoing Call to Mi Querido Lovi (10:02)_

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

 

_End Call (10:04)_

 

* * *

 

_Outgoing Call to Mi Querido Lovi (10:37)_

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

 

**“…”**

_“Ah, Lovi is that you?”_  

**“Yeah, I’m sort of busy right now bastardo.”**

_“Okay, I’ll make it quick! I was wondering if you were doing something tonight, and if you weren’t if you wanted to fly over to Madrid again. My boss still won’t let me use my plane haha!”_

**“Bastard, didn’t I just say I’m busy! I don’t have time to fly around and entertain you!”**

_“Lo siento Lovi, I just wanted to see you…”_

**“…”**

_“Aren’t you coming?”_

**“Didn’t I tell you bastard? I’m busy! Someone’s visiting me this weekend, so I don’t have time to make churros and take siestas.”**

_“Oh, who’s visiting you?”_

**“What? W-Why do you care?”**

_“I don’t know Lovi I was just curious. Who’s visiting you?”_

**“Um, the…cat guy is.”**

_“…Do you mean Greece?”_

**“Y-yeah, yeah him.”**

_“Oh.”_

**“…”**

_“Is it like a…date?”_

**“W-WHAT? Why do you care? Just – I can do whatever the hell I want bastard!”**

_“I didn’t mean it like that Lovi! I was just asking!”_

**“…What?”**

_“I just meant…it’s okay if that’s what you want.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“You bastard. I hate you! You’re such an idiota!”**

_“Lovi I –”_

**“I don’t want to hear what you have to say bastard, just leave me the hell alone!”**

 

_End Call (10:45)_

 

* * *

 

March 22, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

 _From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Germany, Gilbert, Belgium, Alfred, Arthur, Francis, Matthew, Mi Querido Lovi, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Roderich, Greece, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)_  

Germany (SENT 8:00): Alright everyone, I want to make sure we’re staying organized for Greece’s National Day coming up.  
Germany (SENT 8:00): Does everyone have a ride to Athens?

Poland (SENT 8:04): Wait, like what’s going on in Greece

China (SENT 8:05): **I** **have no idea either**

Hungary (SENT 8:05): Neither do I!

Francis (SENT 8:06): _Mon cher, I’m afraid I do not either_

Germany (SENT 8:07): MEIN GOTT. It’s on the Word Calendar I passed out at the last meeting. Did any of you even look at it?

Alfred (SENT 8:07): OMG We have a calendar?? That’s 2 cool man America has a lot of freakin holidays u can put on there :D

Germany (SENT 8:08): JA THERE’S A CALENDAR. What did you think I passed out at every meeting?

Alfred (SENT 8:08): Oooh is that what it was?? I thought it was some kind of how-to have a better economy or something. I’ll totally read it now that I know it has all the parties listed on it! 

Germany (SENT 8:09): You’re not wrong Alfred. I also pass out some scholarly advice written by my German economists so that everyone can benefit, because I CANNOT KEEP PULLING ALL THE WEIGHT HERE.

Feli (SENT 8:09): Luddy, calm down!! Everything will be okay!!

Alfred (SENT 8:10): Yeah, chill man. Everything will be okay. It’s not as if we can go into a depression or something

Germany (SENT 8:10): THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT COULD HAPPEN.

Alfred (SENT 8:11): Wait, r u serious?? R u saying that the Great Depression was a real thing??

Germany (SENT 8:11): You were there, weren’t you?!

Alfred (SENT 8:12): No way man, I thought that was a bad dream D: 

Germany (SENT 8:13): I’m getting a headache.  
Germany (SENT 8:14): Getting back to the point, Greece’s National Day is on March 25, so I was checking to make sure everyone had a ride since more than one of you dumm Komfs doesn’t have a plane anymore.

Me (SENT 8:14): _i’m riding with francis!_

Iceland (SENT 8:15): **Norway’s picking me up.**

Alfred (SENT 8:18): If anyone else needs a ride I have plenty of super cool jets to go around ;) I’m going to take the whole fleet to Greece and give him an amazing air show!!

Germany (SENT 8:19): NEIN. That is exactly how you lose all of your money! Stop spending so frivolously!

Alfred (SENT 8:19): Don’t worry so much man, nothing bad ever happens to me ;) 

Germany (SENT 8:20): …Just don’t expect me to bail you out.  
Germany (SENT 8:20): Alright, everyone try to be in Athens around noon. And that’s Tuesday, March 25 for all of you with short-term memories.

Alfred (SENT 8:21): Got it! See y’all there! Look out for some super cool planes in the sky everyone!

Germany (SENT 8:22): Verdammt.

 

* * *

 

March 24, 2008, Paris, France 

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

 

_From: Turkey_  

Turkey (SENT 22:26): **Hey, is this Spain**

Me (SENT 22:28): _uh, it is. what do u want turkey_

Turkey (SENT 22:28): **Are you goin to Greece’s party tomorrow**

Me (SENT 22:29): _yeah…_

Turkey (SENT 22:29): **Are you goin to win back your little Italian**

Me (SENT 22:30): _what do u mean?_

Turkey (SENT 22:31): **Didn’t you know they were going out?**

Me (SENT 22:31): _yeah i guess so_

Turkey (SENT 22:33): **Don’t you care??**

Me (SENT 22:33): _i mean i can’t do anything about it. i don’t think it’ll last right?_

Turkey (SENT 22:34): **Greece is proposing to him tomorrow**

Me (SENT 22:34): _WHAT are u serious man??_

Turkey (SENT 22:35): **Of course**

Me (SENT 22:35): _oh man i didn’t think it was that serious._  
Me (SENT 22:36): b _ut it’s not as if Lovi would say yes_  
Me (SENT 22:36): _greece must really love him then_

Turkey (SENT 22:37): **I’m not sure**

Me (SENT 22:37): _what does that mean?!? he’s proposing to him isn’t he??_

Turkey (SENT 22:38): **Yeah, on his National Day that celebrates our divorce. I think he’s using Romano to get a rise out of me**

Me (SENT 22:39): _oh, really? well then, Lovi probably won’t say yes_

Turkey (SENT 22:39): **Are you sure?**  
Turkey (SENT 22:40): **I didn’t love Egypt when I married him, I just liked him a bit**  
Turkey (SENT 22:40): **If you’re lonely and someone proposes to you it’s hard to say no**

Me (SENT 22:41): _i don’t think he’d say yes_

Turkey (SENT 22:42): **Maybe Romano is doing this to get a rise out of you too**

Me (SENT 22:43): _i don’t know. Lovi can do that in a lot of other ways too_  
Me (SENT 22:44): _but maybe it’s time for my grand romantic gesture_

Turkey (SENT 22:44): **Are you going to intervene then?**

Me (SENT 22:45): _yep! i have a muy bueno idea ;)_  
Me (SENT 22:46): _keep a look out at the party! i’ll be the suave cool guy!_

 

* * *

 

10:49, March 25, 2008, Athens International Airport, Greece

 

“Hola Alfred! I just got off the plane. Did you get my messages?” I held my breath in anticipation – because my romantic gesture wouldn’t be complete without Alfred’s help.

“Yeah, man! I got everything ready! It’s going to be super cool!” Alfred boomed through the phone, and I smiled in relief.

“Ah, _muchas gracias amigo_! You have no idea how thankful I am that you can do this.”

“No problem dude! I love being the hero! But I gotta go right now and get some things worked out, so I’ll see at the Parthenon!”

“Okay, see you there!” I ended the call and grinned stupidly.

This is going to be _maravilloso_.

 

* * *

 

I kept watching the landscape change through the window as I continuously kneaded my fingers into my slacks from the nerves. This was it. I’m going to stop Greece from proposing to Lovi, and tell Lovi how I really feel and make him believe me for once. 

And hopefully he loves me too.

I flicked my eye over to Francis, who was sitting to my right, happily texting away on his phone. How does he do it? Francis is always so calm about love and stuff; and he’s always so suave. I feel like I need to try so hard to seem even remotely cool in front of Lovino. The only time I may have succeeded was when I saved him from Turkey all of those years ago. It’s sort of a happy coincidence that I’m saving him from Greece this time!

“Ah, we’re here,” Francis’s voice brought me back to the present, and I met his eyes nervously. Fortunately, Francis is very intuitive, and he patted me on the back in reassurance and said, “It will be fine mon cher. You have everything figured out. You just need to make him believe you.”

I smiled at him gratefully and muttered, “ _Gracias_.”

Then Francis opened his door and stepped out of the car. I waited a beat and stared at my reflection in the rear view mirror. I guess I look okay, right? I wore something sort of fancy – a yellow button-down shirt with brown slacks – since my boss wouldn’t give me money to buy any nice suits. I just have to smile. Gilbert and Francis said that’s my best feature, so hopefully that’ll compensate for everything else. I sighed, then opened the door and stepped out.

“Man, it’s sunny!” I said without thinking, and stared up at the clear, blue sky. At least there aren’t any clouds. That means Alfred’s airshow should go on okay. I just hope everyone can see it without the sunlight bothering them.

“This way Antoine,” Francis called out, already several paces ahead of me on the trail.

I jogged up to meet him and looked around. “D-do you think everyone else is already here?”

Francis checked his wristwatch and replied, “Considering the fact that it is already noon, I assume there is a good chance everyone is there except for us.” He glanced at my worried expression and added, “But it’s good to be fashionably late! It makes everyone notice you!”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I just don’t know if I can do this in front of so many people.”

“You’ll be fine! Where’s the confident Spanish pirate you once were? You just need to tap into some of that and everything will work out! You’ll see.” Francis winked at me before checking his phone again.

I just breathed very audibly and stared at the sky. If only I was still a pirate…

 

* * *

 

After some time of walking, a white structure finally came into view, as well as several human figures around it. 

“Ah, that would be them!” Francis proclaimed happily.

I didn’t say anything and continued walking beside him towards the Parthenon. When were yards away from it I could hear the music, and make out with better clarity the ribbons and balloons decorating the marble building. It looked sort of weird to tell the truth. But before Francis and I entered, Feli ran out to greet us.

“Ah, Tony and Francis! _Buon giorno_! I’m so happy you made it! We were getting worried that you weren’t coming!” Feli grinned, and squinted in the sunlight.

“ _Désolé_! Our car was driving a bit slow.”

“Well, you’re here now! Who don’t you come on in?” Feli grabbed both of our wrists and dragged us through the columns.

As soon as the three of us entered the crowd, my eyes darted around to find Lovi. My heart was beginning to race, and I was trying frantically to remember what I was going to say. Ah, what was I going to say? I should’ve written it down. I’m such an _idiota_!

At this point I was clawing my hair with my fingers trying to get a grip, when I heard a distinct Italian bass echo, “What’s wrong _bastardo_ , do you have a headache?”

I whipped my body around to face him, and I felt my whole body heat up at the sight.

Lovi was glaring at me with sparkling bronze eyes, mouth twisted in a sort-of frown, in an attempt not to look as amused as he was. His dark auburn hair was slightly mussed by the breeze, but he didn’t bother moving it away from his eyes – even though I know it was driving him crazy. I know I was smiling stupidly at the sight of him, but I didn’t care. All of a sudden, I just didn’t care about all of things that were worrying me. It seems so stupid now. I know what to say. I’ve always known what to say to him. And maybe that strange shine in Lovi’s eyes means he’s been waiting for me to say it too.

“Hola, Lovi how are you?” I asked finally, admiring his fashionably tailored, probably designer, grey suit.

He met my eyes as I was talking and flushed red. Then as he stared at the floor he muttered aggressively, “Fine idiota.” He dared to flick his eyes up again and ask, “W-what about you?”

“Well, actually I’ve been a bit preoccupied with something lately…” My eyes lingered on his face, watching his eyebrows knit together in confusion.

“Yeah, you said,” He spat angrily and crossed his arms across his chest.

“But I think I finally figured it out. I need to tell someone I love them,” I smiled and watched Lovi’s reaction.

Immediately, Lovi’s eyes widened and shimmered, and his cheeks blushed an even darker red. Hesitantly, he asked in obviously forced confidence, “W-where the hell did that come from?!”

I opened my mouth to reply, but all of a sudden we were both called to attention by someone speaking into a microphone.

“Attention everyone, Greece has an announcement to make,” Germany said evenly, before stepping away from the microphone awkwardly and making room for Greece to come in.

Slowly, the familiar dark haired man walked up to the microphone, dressed casually in a short sleeve shirt, shorts, and sandals. He smiled dreamily, and began, “Hey everyone, I’m Greece.”

I caught Germany rolling his eyes.

“I just wanted to thank everyone for coming. Especially since I can’t use my plane anymore. So if it was anywhere else, that would’ve been…tough.

“This is a special celebration for me, as it concerns my divorce from that weird, annoying, good-for-nothing Turkey. Now I’m free of him and I’ve never been happier. And actually there’s one person in particular that I’d like to recognize…

“Lovino Vargas.”

I stared at Lovi wide-eyed and was surprised that he was staring back at me with the same expression. I heard him mutter “shit” under his breath, but before I could say anything, I was once again interrupted by the microphone.

“So Lovino, why don’t you come up here? There’s something I want to ask you.”

Lovi stared at Greece with a red face, then turned to me with frightened eyes. He waited a few seconds, but as I worked up the courage, Lovi had already turned to walk towards the microphone.

I stared at him helplessly at a loss of what to do, when I caught Gilbert and Francis mouthing words at me. I narrowed my eyes to try to communicate my confusion, and they elaborated their enunciation. Gilbert got impatient however and said somewhat loudly, “Stop him you _dumm Kopf!_ ”

“Uh, right.” I said under my breath and tried to find where Lovino went. He was already standing near Greece, keeping his eyes pointed directly at the ground. I told myself it was now or never, and before Greece started speaking into the microphone, I yelled, “Wait!”

I knew it would happen, but it still felt really weird when everyone’s gaze was directed at me: especially Greece’s confused sleepy one, and Lovi’s surprised, flustered one.

Since I didn’t continue quickly enough, Greece asked into the microphone, “What?”

“Um, I object?” I stated with wavering confidence.

“…To what?” Greece gazed at me curiously.

“Uh, maybe I should start over.” I gathered myself and ran a hand through my hair. Okay, I can do this. Then a thought occurred to me, “Hey, um, do you think I can borrow your microphone?”

Greece blinked slowly and shrugged his shoulders, “Sure.”

“Great!” I replied and skipped to Lovi’s side. As I picked up the microphone, I heard Lovi whisper “What the hell are you doing?” But I ignored him and started speaking.

“So I have something to say today, that maybe a lot of people are expecting.” I paused as I stared dumbly at the large crowd. So this is what it feels like to address the whole world. I caught Francis and Gilbert gesturing for me to continue, and I snapped back to attention.

“Uh, I guess I should’ve expected this too, but I can be sort of dumb at times and a bit of an _idiota_ as some people remind me.” I laughed nervously, and saw Lovi cooling his cheeks off with the backs of his hands.

“But um, I feel like I need to make a grand romantic gesture as some people put it.” I turned to face Lovi, and reached for one of his hands to hold.

But Lovi put his hands behind his back and yelled, “What are you doing bastard?!”

“I just want to hold your hand!” I whined, and tried to grab his hand anyway. Lovi stubbornly kept his hands away from me, before settling to cross his arms across his chest. “Lovi, why won’t you give me your hand?” I complained, though my heart felt lighter with the familiarity of the scenario; it just felt so right to be with Lovi. Even when we’re both being idiots.

“I just don’t get why you need my damn hand!” Lovi released his arms to make an Italian gesture and I seized his left hand.

“Ha! Okay now just hang in there, it won’t take long.”

“B-bastard!” Lovi stuttered, and his face flushed even redder. I could even feel his hand sweating; be must be really nervous.

“Lovi,” I started, in as suave a tone as I could manage (sort of pirate-y maybe?). I looked into his golden-brown eyes, and as usual there were so many emotions dancing around, I couldn’t possibly tell what he was thinking. But all the same, I don’t think he’s nearly as angry as he wants to be. “I love you.”

Although I could hear the sudden burst of applause and whistles, I tried to tune that out and focus on Lovi’s face. His eyes were incredibly wide and shiny, and his mouth slightly agape, but he didn’t say anything.

“I’ve loved you for a long time, but I don’t think I realized how much until very recently. But, I really, really do love you Lovi. _Te quiero mucho_. I would do anything for you.” I stared at Lovi and waited for him to say something, or anything. But he just stood there, slightly shaking, and very quiet.

I decided to tug on his hand and try to pull him closer so maybe I could kiss him awake, so I slowly brought him nearer until he blinked out of his daze and yelled, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Aw, come on Lovi, I just want to kiss you!” I strengthened my grip on his wrist and pulled him closer against his will.

“Like hell you do!” Lovi turned his head away and tried to lean back on his weight.

“Argh, Lovi! I just said I love you! Isn’t that reason enough!”

“You don’t mean it! You never mean it!” Lovi yelled, and I stared at him in confusion. This feels like _déjà vu_ ; Lovi has definitely yelled this at me before. Does he really not think I mean it?

“Look, I – stop pulling, I’m trying to explain something!” I said slightly flustered, and for once, Lovino actually listened to me and stopped pulling. He did however, yank his hand out of my grip and take two steps backwards. “Look Lovino, I really do love you, you have to believe me. Why else would I want to hang out with you so much, and ask you to make churros with me? Why else would I find it cute that you call me “bastard” or “ _bastardo_ ” or “ _idiota_ ”? What else would explain how I get so excited when you’re in the same room, or how I get jealous when you smile for someone else instead of me?”

Lovino looked at me again, but this time much more gentle, and a little bit afraid. He didn’t say anything, so I decided to continue.

“I mean, I love you so much Lovino, there’s no way I’m going to let you get married to Greece, okay!” I pointed to Greece standing awkwardly in the corner, who seemed to be more amused than concerned, and just blandly returned my stare. Then I made the mistake of looking at Lovi, and it was my turn to gulp in fear.

“What? Why the hell did you think I was marrying that guy?!” Lovi stepped closer to me, and also pointed to Greece.

“You were going out with him! And Tur – someone told me that Greece was going to propose to you today!” I defended my self, but Lovi seemed even more taken aback in the worst of ways.

“I – am – not – going – out – with – him! Why would you even think that?” Lovi glared at me angrily, with his fists clenched at his sides.

“You were hanging out with him and going on dates and stuff!”

“ _Mio dio_! That was not a fucking date! We were hanging out as friends! We just needed someone to talk to since we were in similar situations!”

I stared at him dumbly, and was surprised by how passionately angry he was. “Oh really? I guess I got that wrong haha!” I laughed nervously, and stopped when Lovino didn’t seem to like it.

“You fucking imbecile! How could I possibly be going out with Greece let along _marry_ him when I’m still in love with a fucking _idiota_ like you!” Lovino huffed and stared at me.

“You – you love me?” I asked hesitantly, and immediately Lovino slapped his hands over his mouth and started shaking his head.

“You do?” I asked again, smiling ridiculously because I knew that Lovi slipped up.

“I-I don’t – I mean, I,” Lovi stuttered, for once not able to find a way to lie again.

I smiled happily, and wrapped my arms around his waist to pull him closer, “That’s okay Lovi. I love you too.” I wiped the tears from his eyes, then finally (finally!), kissed him, after we’ve been _idiotas_ for way too long. After a few seconds, Lovi leaned in to wrap his arms around my neck, and he kissed back hesitantly and slowly, so perfectly like Lovi.

Amongst the crowd – that I sort of forgot was there after a while – I could hear cheers from Francis and Gilbert. Francis yelled, “Well done, _mon ami_!” And Gilbert yelled, of course, “That was awesome!”

Little did he know that the truly awesome part was yet to come!

Before I could break the kiss to check for myself, I heard, who I think was Germany, yell, “ _Verdammt_! I told Alfred not to bring a fleet of jets! It’s such a waste of money!”

Then both Lovi and I looked up at the sky.

And it seemed as though Alfred is pretty good at following directions! Up in the blue sky were a few jets whirling around, slowly spelling out the words:

“I…love…you…Lovi.” Everyone in the crowd mumbled together.

Then I turned to Lovi to see his reaction (I thought this was pretty cool), and I saw him holding his hand over his mouth, trying to restrain his laughter. His laughter! Lovi was laughing!

“God, you…idiot! That…was the most…fucking…ridiculous thing…I’ve ever seen!” Lovi tried to cover his mouth, which was smiling wider than I’d ever seen.

I couldn’t help but be slightly disappointed though. I thought this idea was so good. I just wanted to be the cool, suave guy for once.

Lovino noticed that I was sulking, and slowly stopped laughing to look at me. “What? Are you actually pouting?”

I crossed my arms, and frowned.

“You idiot.”

I turned to look at him again, and saw that Lovino held his left hand out, an expression of extreme embarrassment on his face, but still somehow managed to maintain eye contact.

I smiled excitedly and grasped his hand.

“But I’m your idiot.”

 

;)


	2. Luna Lunera

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio and Lovino start dating, and they have to overcome some of the difficulties that go along with a star-crossed long-distance relationship between two pauper countries. - Francis

March 30, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

 ** From: World Group Message ** **(Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Spain, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:00): Okay everybody, I hope you all had a pleasant week. I just wanted to remind everyone (because surely more than one of you dumm Komfs has already forgotten) that on April 1st at 8:00 we will be meeting in Budapest, Hungary.  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:01): Now, how many more of you had your plane privileges revoked?

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:02): DUDE YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS BUT MY BOSS TOTALLY GOT MAD AT ME AFTER GREECE’S PARTY D:  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:02): He took away all of my jets!! Can you believe that??

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:03): Mein Gott, I can believe that.  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:03): If you recall, I did warn you about spending so frivolously.

Matthew (SENT 12:04): if you want i can give you a lift alfred!

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:04): Nah man, I ain’t a quitter  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:05): I’m going to steal one of my jets back ;)  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:05): They’ll never see it coming!!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:06): Do you even know how to hijack an airplane?!

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:06): I’m America, I can do anything!!!! ;D

English Bastard (SENT 12:07): **WANKER I think you’re confusing yourself with one of your stupid comic heroes again  
** English Bastard (SENT 12:07): **Soon enough you’re going to start wearing a cape to our meetings, aren’t you?**

French Bastard (SENT 12:08): _Mon cher, please do not give him any ideas_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:08): Too late!!  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:09): I hope y’all are ready for the meeting tomorrow!! You’re going to think I’m James Bond ;)

English Bastard (SENT 12:10): **THAT’S A BRITISH CHARACTER YOU IDIOT**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:10): No way man!! It’s an American movie franchise which means he’s all ours ;)  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:11): Anyway, I got stuff to do so AMERICA OUT

English Bastard (SENT 12:11): **YOU BLOODY IMBECILE**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:12): Right. So back to the World Meeting, does anyone need a ride?

French Bastard (SENT 12:13): _How tragique that we have fallen so far to need a carpool system_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:13): Well, maybe if people were more careful with their spending and tried actually reading my economic pamphlets, it wouldn’t have come to this.

Spain (SENT 12:14): _francis is giving me a ride again!_

Iceland (SENT 12:14): Norway is helping me.

Greece (SENT 12:15): Turkey is getting me there

Feli (SENT 12:16): I’m flying Lovi there!

Me (SENT 12:16): **Hey bastardo don’t make it sound like I got my plane taken away. That’s not what happened  
** Me (SENT 12:17): **We’re SHARING a plane now got it**

Feli (SENT 12:17): Vee~ but it’s not my fault we’re sharing one!

Me (SENT 12:18): **SHUT UP**

Spain (SENT 12:18): _Lovi you’re as poor as me now!! :D_

Me (SENT 12:19): **MIO DIO WHY DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY  
** Me (SENT 12:19): **And I am NOT as fucking poor as you**

French Bastard (SENT 12:20): _I think it’s rather romantique, no?_  
French Bastard (SENT 12:20): _Two people passionately in love, who live thousands of miles apart, yet each hasn’t a euro to their name_  
French Bastard (SENT 12:21): _They struggle along, writing to each other whilst trying to make end’s meet_  
French Bastard (SENT 12:21): _ And when they huddle near the fireplace with only a slice of bread to eat, they think they’re cold, until they remember they have l’amour to keep them warm ;)_

Spain (SENT 12:22): _que hermoso francis!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:22): _it makes me want to cry though! :’(_

Me (SENT 12:23): **Oh God. Why the fuck would that trash make you want to cry?  
** Me (SENT 12:24): **And by the way, I know that means you’re already crying idiota**

Spain (SENT 12:24): _because it’s so true!!!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:25): _Loviii what if we never see each other again!!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:25): _we haven’t even gone on our first date yet!! D:_

Me (SENT 12:26): **BASTARDO DON’T SAY THAT HERE**

Feli (SENT 12:26): Vee~ you two haven’t been on a date yet?!

French Bastard (SENT 12:27): _Antoine I’m surprised. I thought you finally turned yourself around in Greece_

Spain (SENT 12:27): _i didn’t mean for this to happen!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:27): _we’re both just so busy and poor!!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:28): _what if Lovi leaves me for a wealthier country?!_

French Bastard (SENT 12:28): _Well that certainly is a possibility. Just how poor are you Romano?_

Me (SENT 12:29): **I AM NOT FUCKING POOR  
** Me (SENT 12:29): **And I am not leaving you because you don’t have a fucking airplane!  
** Me (SENT 12:30): **Look, we’ll just go on our stupid date when we’re both in Budapest**

Spain (SENT 12:30): _yay!!!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:30): _i’ll start doing research!!_

French Bastard (SENT 12:30): _Really? Budapest is not a very romantic city_

Hungary (SENT 12:31): Excuse me?? Budapest is a VERY romantic city thank you. We have some of the best spas in Europe you should know

Spain (SENT 12:31): _ooh, we should go to a spa Lovi!!_

Me (SENT 12:31): **NEANCHE PER SOGNO**

Spain (SENT 12:32): _i don’t know that much italian Lovi_

Me (SENT 12:32): **Idiota, I just said no way  
** Me (SENT 12:33): **And for fuck’s sake can we PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS HERE**

French Bastard (SENT 12:34): _Aw, have no fear Romano. I already know everything there is to know about your relationship with Antoine ;)_

Me (SENT 12:34): **That’s it, I’m turning my phone off**

Spain (SENT 12:35): _Lovii!! you’re not mad at me are u???  
_ Spain (SENT 12:35): _Loviiiiii??_

French Bastard (SENT 12:35): _Don’t worry Antoine, Romano easily forgives you  
_ French Bastard (SENT 12:36): _Just work on planning the perfect date ;)_

Spain (SENT 12:37): _you’re right!  
_ Spain (SENT 12:37): _hungary, can u help me out?_

Hungary (SENT 12:38): Of course!! I’d love to!

Spain (SENT 12:38): _yay!!_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:40): Well, now that that has been sorted out, can we please make it a rule to only use this group message for issues concerning the World Meetings?  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:42): I’ll take the overwhelming silence as a resigned yes. So once again, the meeting is April 1 at 8:00 in Bupapest, Hungary. If you don’t have a ride, find one. And remember that if you’re not there early, you’re already late. That’s all.

 

* * *

 

March 30, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ To: Hungary _ 

Me (SENT 13:14): _hungary! do u have any recommendations of where i can take Lovi??_

Hungary (SENT 13:20): Yeah, of course I do! Do you just want to take him out to dinner? Or do you want to do something else too?

Me (SENT 13:20): _i think i’d like to do something fun also! austria said that budapest is almost as nice as vienna and i really liked it there!_

Hungary (SENT 13:21): That fucking prick.

Me (SENT 13:21): _uh, sorry what?_

Hungary (SENT 13:22): Nothing! I just have to remember to say hello to Austria at the World Meeting :]  
Hungary (SENT 13:22): Now, for what to eat, we have one of the top rated cafes in Europe called Café New York. I highly recommend that!

Me (SENT 13:23): _oh, what sort of food do they have?_

Hungary (SENT 13:23): Well it’s an American inspired restaurant. That’s why it’s called Café New York

Me (SENT 13:24): _oh, well Lovi doesn’t really like american food  
_ Me (SENT 13:24): _do u have any good italian restaurants?_

Hungary (SENT 13:25): Of course! I’ve never been to one though so I can’t vouch for it, but I should be able to find a good one somewhere

Me (SENT 13:25): _great! what is there to do for fun?_

Hungary (SENT 13:26): Well, there’s Buda castle! It’s a really cute place with a nice view and little shops and cute restaurants!

Me (SENT 13:26): _that sounds like a lot of fun! is it far away from your apartment?_

Hungary (SENT 13:27): I mean, it’s on the Buda side, so you’ll have to take a taxi, but it’s only like a twenty minute drive maybe?  
Hungary (SENT 13:27): Is that a problem?

Me (SENT 13:28): _um, i’m not sure my boss will give me enough money for that  
_ Me (SENT 13:28): _i’m trying to save most of it for dinner since Lovi’s a bit of a food snob_

Hungary (SENT 13:29): You really are poor, aren’t you?

Me (SENT 13:29): _yes D:_

Hungary (SENT 1:30): Don’t worry Spain! We’ll figure this out! We’ll show that damn Austria that Budapest is 1000x better than his stupid, wimpy Vienna!!

Me (SENT 13:31): _okay!_

 

* * *

 

March 30, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

_  
_

_ Outgoing Call to Arthur (17:47): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

 

**“Hello?”**

_ “Bonjour Angleterre! Comment ça va?” _

**“Fine…how about you?”**

_ “Ah, très bon!” _

**“Okay…”**

_ “…” _

**“Is there a reason why you called?”**

_ “Oh oui! Of course! I’m sorry I was staring at a painting and I must have gotten lost in it.” _

**“Wh – You were staring at a painting? Where are you right now?”**

_ “Oh, I’m at the Louvre. I always spend my Sundays here.” _

**“Well, that’s…interesting.”**

_ “…” _

**“What painting were you looking at?”**

_ “Que?” _

**“Bloody – I asked what painting you were looking at?”**

_ “Ah, The Death of Sardanapalus.” _

**“You bloody romantic, of course it would be a Delacroix.”**

_ “Oh, do you not care for him?” _

**“Not particularly. He’s too bloody dramatic.”**

_ “Well, it’s art. Shouldn’t it be dramatic?” _

**“It doesn’t have to be. There’s the realist movement of art, with artists like Courbet and Millet and Breton and don’t say anything because I know I just listed three damn frogs without realizing it.”**

_ “Your secret is safe with me.” _

**“God, it’s like I can hear you winking.”**

_ “How well you know me mon cher. Do you only like realism?” _

**“I mean no, I like the Renaissance…and the Northern Renaissance…and of course, everyone has a soft spot for the Impressionists.”**

_ “Really, which one?” _

**“Well, I don’t know they’re all about the same to me.”**

_ “Come on now Angleterre, even you have an artistic side, no?” _

**“Argh, fine you bloody wanker. I’ll go with Degas.”**

_ “Ah, good choice! It just so happens that Museum of Fine Arts in Budapest is hosting a traveling exhibition of Impressionist painters. Would you like to go after the World Meeting?” _

**“Oh, really? Well, I mean I guess I’ll go. I can’t help but feel as though – Wait a minute. Did you plan this entire conversation so it would lead to this??”**

“C’est un secret!”

**“Damn it! That means you –**

_ “Well, I must get going! So many paintings to see. I’ll tell the Mona Lisa you said hi! À plus tard Angleterre!” _

 

_ End Phone Call (18:05) _

 

* * *

 

March 31, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

**From: Feli**  

Feli (SENT 10:21): Hey Lovi! Are you excited for your date tomorrow?!

Me (SENT 10:22): **How about no**

Feli (SENT 10:22): What? Why??

Me (SENT 10:23): **Why the fuck do you think?? Because I’m fucking terrified!  
** Me (SENT 10:23): **I don’t know how to act all lovey-dovey with Spain**

Feli (SENT 10:24): Well, you could start by calling him Antonio! ~  
Feli (SENT 10:24): Or Tony! ~

Me (SENT 10:25): **It’s not like I don’t want to, it just sounds weird when I do**

Feli (SENT 10:25): Why?

Me (SENT 10:26): **I don’t know, it just sounds…weird**

Feli (SENT 10:26): Weird how?

Me (SENT 10:27): **I just said I don’t know! It’s hard to explain. It just sounds close**

Feli (SENT 10:27): Close?

Me (SENT 10:28): **You know, like intimate or some shit**

Feli (SENT 10:28): Oooh! Well, I mean by now you two are pretty close ;)

Me (SENT 10:29): **Not that sort of close idiota. Whatever, you don’t get it, that’s fine**

Feli (SENT 10:34): So, what do you think you’ll do on your date?

Me (SENT 10:34): **Probably something stupid like see a castle  
** Me (SENT 10:35): **Then we’ll probably walk around and Spain will take pictures of stuff and point to stupid things  
** Me (SENT 10:35): **But as long as we have a good dinner I can deal with everything else**

Feli (SENT 10:36): Vee~ well that sounds like fun! Are you going to do anything romantic after dinner?

Me (SENT 10:37): **You mean like walking on that dumb bridge? Yeah, we’ll probably do that too**

Feli (SENT 10:38): That’s not what I meant ;)

Me (SENT 10:40): **You mean like…kiss?**

Feli (SENT 10:41): Heehee, more than that Lovi!

Me (SENT 10:41): **NO WAY. NO FUCKING WAY IS THAT HAPPENING TOMORROW**

Feli (SENT 10:42): Vee~ but what if Tony wants to?

Me (SENT 10:42): **YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS?? I’LL KNEE HIM IN THE CROTCH IF HE TRIES ANY OF THAT CRAP  
** Me (SENT 10:43): **Fuck, now you got me really stressed out  
** Me (SENT 10:43): **I don’t know if I can do this**

Feli (SENT 10:44): Heehee I was just kidding Lovi! I doubt that’ll happen on the first date with you guys

Me (SENT 10:44): **Are you hinting that “that” happened with you and the potato bastard on the first date?  
** Me (SENT 10:44): **Fuck it. Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know**

Feli (SENT 10:45): Okay~

Me (SENT 10:45): **But um, how long do like normal couples wait to do “that”?**

Feli (SENT 10:46): Luddy and I are normal!

Me (SENT 10:47): **No you’re not**

Feli (SENT 10:48): You and Tony aren’t very normal either you know

Me (SENT 10:48): **Fine, forget I asked**

Feli (SENT 10:49): No, I’ll answer!  
Feli (SENT 10:49): I mean, it depends on the couple. But it usually ranges from one week to three months I guess

Me (SENT 10:50): **Shit**

Feli (SENT 10:50): Some couples wait longer though! Some wait for a year or two, or until marriage!

Me (SENT 10:51): **Yeah  
** Me (SENT 10:51): **Argh, I’m really dreading tomorrow now**

Feli (SENT 10:52): Don’t! I’m sure it’ll be a lot of fun! Just relax and act like you usually do~

Me (SENT 10:52): **So like an asshole  
** Me (SENT 10:53): **Great, I can do that**

Feli (SENT 10:53): Well, I mean maybe a little nicer than that! You guys did have that cute moment in Athens after all :)

Me (SENT 10:54): **I’ll try my best  
** Me (SENT 10:55): **Now excuse me while I go smoke a pack of cigarettes**

Feli (SENT 10:55): Hey! I thought you quit!

Me (SENT 10:56): **I’m stressed  
** Me (SENT 10:56): **Anyway, I’ll talk to you later**

Feli (SENT 10:57): Okay, don’t worry so much though! Tony loves you so it’ll all work out!

Me (SENT 10:57): **Dipshit. That’s why I’m so stressed  
** Me (SENT 10:58): **I just don’t want to screw something up for once**

 

* * *

 

March 31, 2008, London, England

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** From: Bloody Alfred ** 

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:02): Hey dude!! What’s up? :D

Me (SENT 20:03): **Nothing much.**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:03): Well, I was wondering if you want to go see Buda Castle tomorrow?! Hungary said it was a super cool place

Me (SENT 20:04): **Yeah, I saw that message she too. Why the hell is she forwarding a message about how great Budapest is to every country on Earth? Is she trying to prove something?**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:04): I don’t know man. I mean she can’t beat New York or L.A. of course ;)  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:05): But the castle seemed pretty rad, so do u want 2 check it out??

Me (SENT 20:05): **I already have plans.**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:06): Really?? Dang it. With who?

Me (SENT 20:06): **You mean whom. And it’s Francis. We’re going to the art museum.**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:06): Not him again!! Are u going out with him or something?

Me (SENT 20:07): **Of course not.**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:07): Well good  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:07): I mean he’s always flirting with someone, so I just feel like it won’t be long until he picks up some other random chick

Me (SENT 20:08): **Yeah, well I figured that a long time ago.  
** Me (SENT 20:08): **And I JUST REALIZED YOU COMPARED ME TO A CHICK  
** Me (SENT 20:09): **I TAKE INSULT TO THAT YOU BLOODY AMERICAN**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:10): Aww come on :D U know u luv me!

Me (SENT 20:10): **Is it love, or is it hate?**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:11): Don’t play coy!! ;D

Me (SENT 20:11): **That was not coy! Oh, why do I bother being witty with you  
** Me (SENT 20:12): **This is one thing Francis has in favor of you, that’s for sure.**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:12): Are you ranking us or something??

Me (SENT 20:12): **Bloody hell, try listening for once. Did I say I was ranking you?!  
** Me (SENT 20:13): **Maybe I should though. It might lend a better perspective**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:14): Well if you’re giving out points, I should get 100 for my good looks and charming personality ;)

Me (SENT 20:14): **Actually, Francis may have you beat in that category. Try again**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:15): He does not!!

Me (SENT 20:15): **You can try confidence  
** Me (SENT 20:16): **Oh, but I’m afraid Francis has quite a bit of that too. I’ll call that one a draw  
** Me (SENT 20:16): **This is rather fun, isn’t it?**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:17): It’s only fun if I win >:(

Me (SENT 20:17): **Ah, there we go. You’re definitely more of a sore loser than Francis. That’s negative twenty points for you**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:18): Hey! No fair!!  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:19): I’m funnier than Francis!!

Me (SENT 20:20): **Well here you put me in a tricky scenario. You’re funny in that you’re innocent and arrogant and stupid and naïve. And then Francis is funny in that his laugh is ridiculous and he acts like he’s a lighthearted, pretentious snob all of the time.  
** Me (SENT 20:21): **I laugh at both of you quite a lot. I think I’ll call that a draw too**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:21): This isn’t any fun  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 20:22): I’m just going to talk to you 2morrow

Me (SENT 20:22): **Ah, the vice of quitting. I can’t say Francis shares this trait.  
** Me (SENT 20:23): **Alfred?  
** Me (SENT 20:23): **Well, I’ll keep you updated on your ranking. Have a pleasant evening**

 

* * *

 

March 31, 2008, Paris, France   

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ To: Mi Querido Lovi _ 

Me (SENT 23:05): _buenos noches Lovi!! i hope u sleep well!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:08): **Yeah, you too**

Me (SENT 23:08): _I’m looking forward to our date :D_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:09): **Idiota, you just told me good night. Do you want to talk now?**

Me (SENT 23:10): _no, no! i want u to sleep so you’re well rested for tomorrow :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:10): **What the fuck does that mean?**

Me (SENT 23:11): _that i want u to have energy for tomorrow?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:11): **For what?**

Me (SENT 23:11): _to have fun!!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:12): **You mean like walking around and shopping and eating and shit**

Me (SENT 23:12): _well when u say it like that it doesn’t sound fun at all_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:12): **No, it’s fine. I was just checking**

Me (SENT 23:13): _am i missing something here?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:13): **I said I was just checking bastardo**

Me (SENT 23:14): _oh! that reminds me, i was wondering if u could start calling me antonio :)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:14): **Yeah, I’m working on it  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:14): **Feli already gave me a lecture on that so there’s no need**

Me (SENT 23:15): _well, i mean i don’t want to force u. it would just be nice_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:15): **Ugh, you’re not forcing me**

Me (SENT 23:16): _okay :) well then, i guess i’ll see u tomorrow!! buenos noches again Lovi!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:16): **Yeah, yeah buona notte idiota**

Me (SENT 23:17): _te amo!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:20): **Yeah  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 23:22): **Same here**

 

* * *

 

April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Francis and Gilbert) _ 

Me (SENT 8:04): _where’s gilbert?!_

Francis (SENT 8:04): _I’m not sure. But he’s missing Alfred’s little show_

Me (SENT 8:05): _i thought he usually came with germany but germany’s already here_

Francis (SENT 8:05): _Oh well. We’ll just have to try to describe this to him later_

 

* * *

 

Me (SENT 8:28): _francis i’m starting to get worried  
_ Me (SENT 8:28): _what if he like  
_ Me (SENT 8:28): _disappeared or something_  

Francis (SENT 8:29): _What are you talking about_

Me (SENT 8:29): _well u know he’s not really a country anymore  
_ Me (SENT 8:30): _and i mean we don’t know what happened to the roman empire and germania  
_ Me (SENT 8:31): _or ancient greece or ancient egypt_

Francis (SENT 8:32): _I’m sure he’s fine. He’s probably drunk or lost. Most likely both_

Antonio (SENT 8:32): _u sure?_

Francis (SENT 8:33): _Yes, of course. Stop worrying_

 

* * *

 

Francis (SENT 8:45): _Antonio, what if you’re right_  

Me (SENT 8:45): _ay, do u think he’s gone??_

Francis (SENT 8:46): _I don’t know! What would we do without him?_

Me (SENT 8:46): _i’m going to cry francis D: i miss gil so much! the bad touch trio won’t be the same without him!!_

Francis (SENT 8:47): _It will be the bad touch duo now mon cher_

Me (SENT 8:47): _noooo!!!!_

 

* * *

 

 _ From: Mi Querido Lovi _ 

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:50): **Okay bastardo, why the hell are you and the French bastard crying at the end of the table**

Me (SENT 8:50): _gilbert’s gone!!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:51): **What are you talking about**

Me (SENT 8:51): _gilbert’s finally disappeared!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:52): **What do you mean finally?? Were you expecting this?  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:52): **And anyway he’s fine  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:52): **I saw him before the meeting started**

Me (SENT 8:53): _what really?!! mi dios i have to tell francis!!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:53): **Oh God, try not to make a scene okay  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:55): **And you just made a scene  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:59): **When you’re done crying on Francis’s shoulder, you should know that Gilbert is playing hooky today with Matthew  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:00): **I’m assuming you noticed he was missing too  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:03): **For fuck’s sake, try to suck it up you two  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 9:04): **I can’t believe you guys were actually strong countries once**

 

* * *

 

 April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

_  
_

_ From: Arthur _ 

Arthur (SENT 9:10): **Okay what the bloody hell just happened between you and Spain?**

Me (SENT 9:13): Ah, désolé mon cher  
Me (SENT 9:13): I thought Gilbert was gone forever  
Me (SENT 9:13): Only to find out he is still alive and well

Arthur (SENT 9:14): **Why the hell would you jump to the conclusion that Prussia died just because he wasn’t here??**

Me (SENT 9:14): _Because no one was saying anything! It was like only Antoine and I remember who he was  
_ Me (SENT 9:15): _What a dramatic morning, no?_

Arthur (SENT 9:16): **I guess  
** Arthur (SENT 9:16): **You really care about him then?**

Me (SENT 9:17): _Of course, he’s like a brother  
_ Me (SENT 9:17): _Does that surprise you?_

Arthur (SENT 9:18): **I’m surprised you cried for him  
** Arthur (SENT 9:18): **I didn’t know you were so attached to things**

Me (SENT 9:19): _Things, no  
_ Me (SENT 9:20): _But people, very much ;)_

Arthur (SENT 9:20): **I see what you did there  
** Arthur (SENT 9:20): **Now stop smiling and shut up frog**

 

* * *

 

April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** From: Feli **

Feli (SENT 12:03): Hey Lovi!! Are you on your date yet??

Me (SENT 12:05): **No, I’m standing outside in ten degrees celcius waiting for the dumb bastard to show up**

Feli (SENT 12:05): What? I thought you two walked out together?!

Me (SENT 12:06): **See that probably would’ve been the smart thing  
** Me (SENT 12:07): **But Spain said he had to see Hungary about something and he’d meet me downtown  
** Me (SENT 12:07): **He’s probably begging for money or some shit**

Feli (SENT 12:08): Oh, well I hope you have fun!! Luddy and I are out today too so maybe we’ll see you!

Me (SENT 12:09): **God damn it. Not you guys too  
** Me (SENT 12:09): **Why is everyone out on a fucking date today??**

Feli (SENT 12:10): Vee~ I don’t know! But after Hungary sent out that message, I really wanted to see the castle! It seems so amazing!

Me (SENT 12:10): **Damn, that girl is good at advertising  
** Me (SENT 12:11): **In any case, I’m going to try my best to avoid you  
** Me (SENT 12:11): **So I’ll see you at the airport**

Feli (SENT 12:12): Unless you decide to spend the night ;)

Me (SENT 12:13): **SHUT UP**

 

* * *

 

** Incoming Call from Spain (12:20) **

 

 _Ring_  

**“…”**

_“Hola Lovi! I’m trying to find you. Where are you standing?_

**“I’m on fashion street.”**

_“Okay…what are you standing next to?”_

**“A starbucks.”**

_“What, there’s a starbucks here?”_

**“Yeah, I was surprised too.”**

_“Okay, I’m walking…I’m walking…I’m walking…I wonder if I’m going the right way?”_

**“How should I know?”**

_“Aw, come on Lovi! Help me out!”_

**“Damn it, fine. Did you pass a stand that sells giant hotdogs and bread and shit?”**

_“Um, yeah?”_

**“Do you know or not? Try and focus!”**

_“Um, I’m looking…let me see, I think…oh yeah, I did!_

**“Okay, just keep walking towards the greenish building. Do you see that?”**

_“Yeah…yeah, I do! I don’t see you though!”_

**“That’s fine, I see you. Hang up.”**

_“Haha, no you hang up!”_

**“Oh my God, I’m not playing this game with you.”**

 

** End Phone Call (12:24) **

 

* * *

 

12:25, April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

 

I shoved my phone in my coat pocket and stared at the hopeless _idiota_ wandering on the sidewalk. For Christ’s sake, I’m standing right in front of him, why is he looking everywhere but here? Maybe if I step out from under the roof a bit, he’ll see me? 

No, no he didn’t.

Now he’s asking a lady for directions, and she’s going to point him directly towards…me. And finally, he saw sees me.

God, I hate that his whole face lit up when he saw me standing here. I mean, I don’t hate it. But how am I supposed to react when he starts grinning stupidly and running towards me? It’s so goddamn embarrassing.

But I guess, it’s kind of nice too.

“Lovi!” Spain called out, and I gave him a slight, half-assed wave in return.

I watched him slow his run down to a sort of weird skip-fast-walk thing after people started looking at him, and ran my fingers through my hair.

Wait. How are we supposed to greet each other now? At the world meeting we were two busy to even stand together for very long, but now that we’re sort of on our own and we’re sort of going out does that mean we like…hug when we greet each other? Or kiss? Fuck, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.

Before I could wrap my brain fully around the dilemma, Spain had caught up to me, and stopped right in front of me grinning and happy and stupid. His damn green eyes were pretty damn green today, and his damn curly hair was just a mess.

“Well, it’s about time you showed up, my hands were beginning to freeze and –hey!”

Spain enveloped me in his arms, and pulled me close to his chest for a hug. Well, I guess I didn’t have to worry about this for too long.

“ _Lo siento,_ Lovi,” Spain said, but it didn’t exactly sound like him. I guess because my head was pressed against his chest his voice sounded a lot deeper and more soothing and…it’s whatever.

I liked the hug for a bit (not that I’d say that aloud), but after Spain started nuzzling his nose in my hair it was time to call it quits and I broke it off saying, “Okay, that’s enough. Nice to see you too.”

Spain smiled easily and said, “Oh, I was just trying to warm you up since you were cold.”

“ _Idiota,_ try to listen! I said my hands were cold, not my head.”

“Okay! I can fix that!” Spain excitedly (too excitedly) grasped my hand and started leading me down the way he came.

“So where are we going?” I asked, trying to calm myself down and maybe cool off my cheeks too.

“I thought we could get lunch first, and then walk around the downtown, or maybe go to the park, and then get dinner.” Spain turned to me with a smile and waited for my approval.

“That’s fine,” I mumbled, secretly very happy that we’re not walking around some dumb castle for three hours.

“Okay, so I was wondering if we could have something quick for lunch…”

“What were you planning?” I asked.

Suddenly, Spain stopped his tracks, and we were in front of that stupid hotdog/bread/thing stand again. Well shit, I don’t want to eat this crap. But, I don’t know, maybe I should be nicer to him. He probably planned on spending all of his money on dinner.

“Is this okay?” Spain was looking down at me carefully, so I tried my best to seem nonchalant.

“Yeah, whatever,” I said blandly, hoping I didn’t seem too nice.

But Spain’s eyes sparkled with delight, and he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

“ _Gracias_ Lovi! You’re so cute!”

I pushed him away gently and huffed, “I am not.” But my cheeks flushed red anyway.

 

* * *

 

“Lovi, what do you want to eat?" 

I groaned inwardly at the options. It was either German, or Hungarian, or some freaky hybrid of both.

“Just get me whatever you’re getting… _bastardo_.”

“Okay! Why don’t you get us a seat?” Spain asked, and I mumbled a “fine” before turning around and walking towards one of the wooden tables.

I picked one at random and collapsed onto the seat, folding my arms on the table and resting my head on top. Man, I’m tired. I didn’t sleep much because of damn Feliciano, so I was left smoking and drinking for most of the night. I just hope we don’t walk much.

As I was blinking lazily in the stand’s direction I noticed Spain skipping over, food in hand and it looked…German.

As he appeared at the table, he said, “Okay, so I got us these giant hotdog things which looked pretty good.” I lifted my head up as he set down these fucking huge hotdogs, both placed in infuriatingly small pieces of bread and then two bowls of some other stuff.

“And then there were these potato things that the guy said were traditionally Hungarian I think.”

I picked up a fork and mumbled, “I bet the Potato Bastard would be in heaven here.”

“Do you mean Gilbert or Germany?” Spain asked, as he passed me some napkins.

“I meant Germany, but I guess Prussia would too…” I trailed off as I tried one of the potato things.

Spain stared at me as I was chewing – I guess waiting for my approval or disapproval – but I tried to keep a completely calm expression. I guess that made him happy or whatever, so he started eating his hotdog and stayed quiet.

And the quiet was fine and nice for a while, but as I continued eating those damned potatoes I started wondering what we could talk about. Spain already knows all there is to me, minus a few things; and I already know most of what there is to know about Spain. And isn’t the first date supposed to be about getting to know each other and asking stupid questions like –  

“So Lovi, what’s your favorite color?”

I blinked out of my thoughts and stared at him. “W-what? Why would you ask a stupid question like that?”

Spain shrugged and replied, “I just don’t know what it is, and I was curious.”

I glared at him, but mumbled, “Green.” Hopefully it’s not that obvious why it is.

“Oh really? Just like the color of my eyes, huh?” Spain started laughing (I guess he didn’t mean anything by it), but I couldn’t help but blush anyway.

I dropped my fork so I could cover my cheeks and hide my face from him, but it seemed like Spain had already noticed.

“Is that really why Lovino?” Spain asked curiously, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips.

“No it’s not! Don’t be stupid!” I yelled, but I could still feel the heat from my cheeks.

“Aww you’re blushing! Does that mean yes?” Spain giggled (yeah giggled like a little girl) and started reaching for his phone.

Before he could lift it off of the table however, I slammed my hand on top of his and warned seriously, “Don’t you dare tell your bastard friends about this.”

“Come on Lovi! That’s no fun!”

“Yeah, well, I’m no fun. Whatever.”

“…Can I take a picture of you and send it to them?”

“Fucking – that’s even worse!”

As I was still adamantly glaring at him with red cheeks, he smiled back at me calmly, and I noticed he had shifted his hand that I had slammed over his phone to hold mine warmly.

“Okay,” He said smoothly. “It’ll be our secret.”

 _Dannazione_ , why is it that ninety-eight percent of the time Spain frolics around like a carefree idiot eating tomatoes and talking his mouth off, then all of a sudden whips around and starts acting like he’s some sort of chivalrous pirate. And why am I one of the only ones who sees this side of him God damn it.

When I grew tired of being completely diagnosed by Spain’s unwavering stare, I slipped my hand out of his and muttered, “Eat your damn hotdog bastard.”

Spain gave me one last knowing glance, then happily resumed eating his stupid hotdog.

I wavered between continuing eating the potato things or asking him a question too for a bit, and in the end I decided to bite down my pride and say something in return, “So…w-what’s your favorite color?”

“Oh,” Spain paused to gulp down his food. “Definitely red! Just like my tomato garden, and _mi querido tomate_!”

“Will you please stop referring me as your goddamn tomato?! Not only does it not make sense, it’s just embarrassing!” I yelled in response, waving my hand to reinforce my point.

“Aww, come on Lovi! It’s cute, just like you!” Spain whined playfully, and I could tell he didn’t take any of my deaththreats seriously – which was probably for the best since I didn’t mean them.

“Ah, this is just dumb.” I complained, cupping my cheek with my palm. “We already know most of what there is to know about each other. I don’t know what to talk about.”

“Really?” Spain asked, and seemed genuinely surprised for some reason. “I still feel like there’s a lot we don’t know about each other.”

I didn’t say anything and just looked at him in response. I guess I don’t know a lot about Spain’s past and stuff, but it never seemed…okay to bring that up.

“But then again, I don’t think I’ll ever understand you completely!” Spain laughed.

I sighed again, and asked, “So what are we supposed to talk about?”

“Um, let’s see. I didn’t really think about that when I planned this, but um, do you mind if I ask you some more questions?” Spain looked at me hopefully.

“Go ahead,” I mumbled, then added, “But after you ask one, I get to ask you one.”

“Okay! We can play Alfred’s game of twenty questions! I’ll ask you twenty, and you ask me twenty!”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Oh, do you remember how it’s supposed to go?”

“Uh, I think after one person answers a question right then the next – oh fuck it, just do whatever the hell you want. I hate that Hamburger Bastard anyway.”

“Haha, okay!” Spain gave me a stupid thumb’s up, before falling eerily quiet. After he stared at my face for an adequately enough time, he asked, “So are you a dog person or a cat person?”

“What? Why would you even ask that? You already know I’m a goddamn cat person!”

“Yeah, I was just checking,” Spain clarified with a giddy smile, and I grew slightly suspicious.

“Please don’t tell me you want to get a cat.”

“Aw, come on Lovi! It would be fun! We could name it together, and you could come visit it whenever you come to Madrid!” Spain grinned and I could feel the aura of excitement emanating around him.

“No fucking way you’re getting a cat. Not when your boss barely gives you enough money for your own food.” I began lecturing, and continued saying, “Knowing you, you would let yourself starve before the damned cat, and then it would be up to me to take care of both of you.”

Spain pouted and whined, “But it would be so much fun!”

“You’re such a kid! Just wait until you have money again, then you can get all of the cats you want.”

“Okay Lovi, I’ll wait…” Spain replied dramatically, and quickly reverted back to his happy self. He stared at me for a few moments, then helpfully prompted, “Now it’s your turn.”

“Oh, um,” I trailed off, unsure if I should even ask my question now. I decided to just do it, and asked, “Um, have you ever like fought with a bull?”

Spain seemed pretty surprised by my question, and said, “You mean was I ever a matador?”

I nodded slightly, too embarrassed that I actually asked that to say anything.

“Yeah I was! I did it a lot actually!” Spain smiled excitedly and stared upward into the sky. “But now I run with the bulls in Pamplona. It’s much more invigorating!” Spain’s eyes flashed emerald, and I saw something adventurous and aggressive in them that I rarely ever saw.

Again, only I see this. It’s like seeing a fucking ghost that no one will ever believe I saw.

“D-do you think I could go?” I asked without thinking. Maybe if I did that I would understand Spain better.

But Spain’s expression grew serious and when he replied, his voice was less happy-go-lucky and more like the Boss Spain when he wanted me to listen. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea Lovino.”

“W-why the hell not?” I demanded harshly, though I knew he only meant to show his concern for me.

“I just don’t want to risk you getting hurt,” Spain answered, and he tried to make me understand with his eyes.

“Come on! I can do it! Damn Americans run it every year! And so do girls! So why the hell can’t I?” I countered.

Spain didn’t reply right away, and just gave me an even stare; but I saw his eyebrows raise thoughtfully and the darkness from his earlier expression lifted slightly and I grew hopeful.

“Well, I guess if you’re with me it’ll be okay,” Spain said slowly, still considering his answer. “But you’d have to listen to everything I say, and do everything your told for once – even though I know you hate that,” Spain winked at me playfully, and I rolled my eyes.

“Fine _bastardo_.”

“It might be fun to go to Pamplona together. We can run the race, and then we can watch a matador…Or I can play matador and slay a bull to prove my love to you, Lovi!”

“Don’t kill a fucking bull for me!”

“But it would be an honor,” Spain smiled, and faked a bow.

“I’d cheer for the bull,” I deadpanned, but Spain just laughed.

“Okay, well,” Spain paused to check his phone. “Oh, I guess it’s already one thirty. Do you want to ask a few more questions and save the rest for later?”

“Fine,” I said, and decided I had officially given up on the potatoes.

“Okay! Let’s see then…If you could have any normal job, what would it be?”

“Cook.”

“Oh! Well that was fast! But you are a _maravilloso_ cook Lovi! I could definitely see that. Aw, you could open up a restaurant, and I could be the host and waiter, and out cat would hang out there too –”

“Will you drop it with the cat already? You’re not getting one!”

“I was just saying Lovi!” Spain sing-songed innocently, but I knew he was trying to slowly convince me, and it wasn’t going to work.

“Whatever. My turn.” I stopped again, because I realized that I was asking another rather serious question. But I really am curious. I guess I’ll just ask. “Um, d-do you think that even if I didn’t go to Spain, that we would have still become…friends.” I finished lamely, and knew that my whole face was bright red now.

“I think so,” Spain said, and he smiled thoughtfully. “I just can’t imagine my life without you in it, so it seems impossible to me that we would have never become at least friends.”

Spain continued looking at me…lovingly or something, but it did make me happy to hear him say that, because sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t sent to Spain.

I must have let my guard down for too long though, because all of a sudden my happy daze was broken by Spain cooing, “Aw Lovi! You’re smiling! You’re so cute!”

“Fuck – I am not smiling!” I tried turning down my lips, but I just ended up smiling more, so I covered my mouth with my hand.

“You are! I need to take a photo!” Spain reached for his phone, but I snatched it first and put it in my pocket.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” I warned, and started standing up from the table, abandoning our half-eaten lunch (it was disgusting anyway). “I’m keeping your phone as hostage for the rest of the date. So if you don’t want your boss mad at you, you better not do anything stupid.”

“Hey, but what if Francis or Gilbert texts me!” Spain got up too and began throwing our food away. Then he skipped over to my side and started walking with me.

“You can have your phone after the dinner, those are my terms.”

Spain eyed my curiously, “You know, you’re pretty good at this Lovi.” 

“Well I am the head of the Sicilian mafia.”

“No, you’re not.” Spain said with a laugh, but I just ignored him and tried to keep a straight face. “You’re not, are you?”

“Just don’t get on my bad side and you won’t have to find out.” I smiled at him briefly, and I savored the look of stupid surprise on his face.

 

* * *

 

April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** From: Feli ** 

Feli (SENT 14:35): Hey Lovi! How’s your date going?

Me (SENT 14:42): **Fine. We’re at this big marketplace. Spain is playing with the scarves**

Feli (SENT 14:43): Oh! That sounds fun!

Me (SENT 14:43): **Fun being a relative term. I’m worried he’s going to waste his money on one  
** Me (SENT 14:43): **How’s the stupid castle**

Feli (SENT 14:44): Vee~ it’s really fun! There’s a lot of walking, but you’d be surprised by how many people are here! There’s almost everyone from the world meeting!

Me (SENT 14:45): **God, that sounds like hell**

Feli (SENT 14:46): No, it’s a lot of fun! You and Tony should have come!  
Feli (SENT 14:46): Although, Luddy and Gilbert got into a little argument, so we’re trying to find where Gilbert went

Me (SENT 14:47): **What the fuck did he say?**

Feli (SENT 14:48): I don’t know! I was far away and talking to Matthew so I didn’t hear. But I think Gilbert was sort of drunk and then there was this hawk guy standing near the church and it sort of looked like Gilbert was trying to steal his hawk because I heard him yell “Give me back Gilbird!”  
Feli (SENT 14:48): Then Luddy ran over there and said some things to him and Gilbert ran away

Me (SENT 14:49): **Why was he already drunk at two in the afternoon??**

Feli (SENT 14:50): Vee~ I think he and Matthew were hanging out at this beergarten for most of the day. Matthew was pretty talkative too  
Feli (SENT 14:50): But anyway we have a lot of the countries helping us look now! Luddy organized a whole search party!

Me (SENT 14:51): **That sounds completely unnecessary and stupid**

Feli (SENT 15:03): Oh, Belgium found him! He’s on top on the roof of the church trying to catch a bird!

Me (SENT 15:04): **Mio dio, please don’t tell me how this ends. I don’t want to know**

 

* * *

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_From: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis)_

 

Francis (SENT 17:21): _Tonie did you hear about what happened to Gilbert?!  
_ Francis (SENT 17:21): _He almost died! I about had a heart attack in the museum when I heard the news. Arthur had to carry me out of there like a chivalrous knight  
_ Francis (SENT 17:35): _Tonie?_  
Francis (SENT 17:35): _You better not have lost your phone mon ami. I’m not sure if I can handle anymore stress of your financial situation. It gives me grey hair_  
Francis (SENT 17:43): _Well when you do get this, you should know we’re at Hungary’s house again. Gilbert’s getting his ankle wrapped up since he twisted it when Netherlands and Belgium tried to coax him down_  
Francis (SENT 17:50): _Oh, apparently Hungary is celebrating Belgium’s rescue of Gilbert and is taking us all out for dinner tonight_  
Francis (SENT 17:52): __We’re going to an Italian place called Vapiano. Maybe we’ll you see you downtown mon cher!

 

~

 

18:36, April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

 

“Lovi, time to wake up." 

“Lovi…”

“Lovi, our stop is coming up soon.”

“Lovi, come on get up!”

“Lovi, if we miss this stop we have to walk really far so you better get up!”

I watched Lovi’s face for any tell-tale signs of him waking up, but he still wouldn’t budge. I looked at the stops again, and ours was coming up fast. Then I glanced back at Lovino – whose head was resting on my shoulder – and I thought of another plan. Gently, I lifted his head up, then quickly pressed my lips to his, just in case he was pretending to be asleep.

Slowly, I saw Lovino’s eyes flutter open, and once he could keep them open, he immediately pushed me away and I laughed at how red his face had already become.

“Y-you fucking pervert! What the hell do you think you were doing?” Lovi leaned as far away from me in the chair as he could.

“Haha! I was just trying to wake you up Lovi! Our stop is coming up!” I smiled, and Lovino slowly settled back into his chair.

“I knew that! I wasn’t actually asleep _idiota_ , I was just resting my eyes!”

“Really? It looked like it took you a few moments to wake up after I kissed you,” I noted with a knowing grin, and I watched as Lovino’s eyes flashed from angry to embarrassed.

“That was because – oh fuck it, I don’t care. This is our stop,” Lovino stood up and began marching towards the exit of the subway car, but I quickly grasped his hand and stepped to his side.

“Wait for me _querido_ ,” I sing-songed, and I better intertwined our hands as we walked out of the subway station.

I noted quietly how Lovino’s face brightened slightly when we held hands, though he didn’t say a word; and I found it so cute how adorably shy he was. I wonder why no one else notices that? 

“So what’s this restaurant called _bastardo_?” Lovino mumbled, hiding his face in the red scarf I bought for him.

“Ah, I think it’s called Vapiano? Hungary told me about it! She said she hadn’t been yet, but she heard good things about it.”

“As long as it’s Italian it’s fine,” Lovino breathed on his free hand, trying to warm it up. “Why the fuck is it so cold here when it’s April?”

“Well, Budapest is a lot colder than Italy and Spain. We’re just not well suited to the cold.” I watched Lovino continue to breathe on his knuckles and added, “I wonder if I should’ve gotten you gloves too.”

“I’m fine. The damn scarf is enough. I don’t know how often I’m going to wear it in Rome though.”

“You can wear it at night!”

“Do you think I wander the streets at night by myself? I’m usually just in my apartment watching TV and stuff.”

“Well then you can wear it when you come visit me in Madrid! It gets cold at night there too,” I smiled, and hoped Lovino would come visit me soon.

“We’ll see…” He said quietly, then added, “Is your house still the same?”

I hummed thoughtfully, trying to remember if I had changed anything since the last time he had come by – was that in February or March? “Um, I don’t think so. I planted some more tomato plants in the garden, but not much else.”

“Did you fix the damn fan in my room, because I’m not coming if I have to sleep in 26 degrees.”

“Oh, I don’t think I did,” I laughed and Lovino scowled. “You can just sleep in my room!”

I hadn’t expected Lovino to take me seriously, but I watched with amusement how Lovino’s face flushed dark red (the same color as his scarf!) as he tried to find a response. He’s so cute!

“A-as if _bastardo_ ,” Lovino ran his free hand through his hair, and I saw it shake slightly.

I grinned at him and said, “We’ll see.”

Lovino flicked his golden-brown eyes up to mine, then hid his face in his scarf and kept quiet.

“Ah, I think we go this way,” I stopped Lovino, and steered him down another street. “Tell me if you see a sign that says –”

“Found it.” Lovino pointed to a cute building, the sign saying Vapiano right above the entrance.

“ _Magnifico_! That wasn’t hard at all. I was sure we were going to get lost for an hour.” I laughed, but Lovino just grumbled in response.

As I opened the door to let Lovino in first I said, “It looks pretty good, no?”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Lovino muttered, and walked straight to the hostess. He must be very hungry.

I caught up to him, but it turned out he had already asked for a table, so the hostess smiled at me and led us to a table, two menus in hand.

We got to our table where the hostess placed our menus, and Lovino readily set down to look at his. I chuckled softly then did the same.

“It’s pretty nice on the inside too, isn’t it?” I looked around happily, even though Lovino’s eyes were glued to the menu.

“At least they wrote the food in Italian and didn’t decide to butcher it in stupid Hungarian,” Lovino said, completely disregarding my comment.

“What do you think you’ll get?” I asked, after I had already decided on what I would get.

“ _Un pizza con prosciutto e fungi_ ,” He said, then dropped his menu on the table decisively. “And you?”

“I think I’ll get a Margherita pizza.”

“Shit.”

“What? Do you think that’s a bad choice?” I quickly opened my menu again.

“No, that’s not it. They’re here,” Lovino looked behind me before ducking his head down to the table.

“What do you mean ‘they’? Who’s here?” I turned around and tried to find someone we knew.

“Shh! Get down! Don’t let them see you!” Lovino whispered harshly, motioning me to crouch lower.

“I still don’t see anyone we kn – Oh!” As soon as my eyes passed over the table seating close to twenty, I dropped my head in realization. “Is that everyone from the World Meeting?”

“It’s a lot of them. And it’s mostly the annoying ones,” Lovino scowled in displeasure, resting his arms underneath his head to keep more comfortable.

“Oh, are Gilbert and Francis there?” I raised my head again to find them.

“Hey! Don’t let them see you! Get back down!” Lovino reached across the table to pull my arm down.

“Why? I want to say hi to them!”

“I don’t want them to know we’re here!” Lovino whispered angrily.

“But it’s Gilbert and Francis…”

“Come on, you see those idiots all the time. I just wanted to be by ourselves for once,” Lovino grumbled and blushed again.

“Oh!” I said in realization. “Do you want to go to a different restaurant?”

“We’re already here. Besides, I’m worried they’ll see us if we stand up now.”

“Okay, well, are we just going to stay hunched over like this for all of dinner?”

Yes,” Lovino stated seriously, and he looked really determined.

“Okay, if that’s what you want!” I complied happily, a bit amused by how stubborn Lovi was.

The next minute the waitress came by and took our orders, and she gave us an odd look before she walked away. We probably look sort of suspicious this way haha.

Just when I was about to say something I heard a quiet ding noise, and I looked around to try and figure out where that came from.

“Did you hear something?” I asked, as I listened carefully to the ambience music.

“Yeah, it was your stupid phone. It’s been dinging on and off all afternoon.” Lovi sighed and gave me a look as if to say it was my fault.

“Oh, that’s probably Gil and Francis. Do you mind if I…check it?” I asked hesitantly.

“Didn’t I tell you I’d give it back to you after dinner?” Lovino growled, though I saw him reach for my phone anyway. When he pulled it out he checked the lock screen, and said, “Yeah, it’s your stupid friends. They probably just want to tell you about Prussia’s stupid stunt this afternoon.”

“What? What happened?” I asked.

“He was trying to catch birds or something and then Belgium found him on a roof and then I don’t know what happened. I told Feli to stop texting me.”

“Oh no!” I piped up, and turned to see whether Gilbert was at the table or not. “I hope Gil’s okay!” I searched through the heads and saw him laughing at the table with a beer in hand. “Oh, good, it looks like he’s fine.”

“No shit.” Lovino scowled and made a quick glance to the table again.

“Lovino,” I pined, “Can I please have my phone? Pretty please?” I smiled innocently and watched his resolve crumble.

“Fine _bastardo_. But no pictures or I’m pouring water on it…and you.” He slid the phone to me and I grabbed it excitedly.

“Is it okay if I text them a bit before dinner?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Yay!”

 

* * *

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Gilbert and Francis) _ 

Me (SENT 19:05): _hola amigos! i’m sorry i didn’t respond earlier. Lovi took my phone haha  
_ Me (SENT 19:05): _but he told me what happened, how are u gil?_

Gilbert (SENT 19:07): **_I’m AWESOME! As usual ;^)_**

Francis (SENT 19:07): _Only after crying for an hour as Hungary wrapped your ankle_

Gilbert (SENT 19:07): _Verdammt! I was not crying!!_

Francis (SENT 19:08): _You most definitely were. Matthew had to hold your hand, and then you started crying his shoulder. It was rather touching really  
_ Francis (SENT 19:08): _Arthur has the whole thing recorded_

Me (SENT 19:09): _i didn’t know u hurt your ankle gil! how did that that happen?!_

Gilbert (SENT 19:09): **_I was trying to jump and I messed up the landing. It was stupid_**

Me (SENT 19:10): _you tried to jump off of the roof??_

Gilbert (SENT 19:10): **_No, I was trying to jump across the roof because it wouldve looked so awesome  
_** Gilbert (SENT 19:11): **_But the roof was wet and I fell_**

Francis (SENT 19:11): _Unless you were crying on it, I sincerely doubt it was wet_

Gilbert (SENT 19:12): **_VERDAMMT FRANCIS!_**

Francis (SENT 19:12): _Oh yeah Tonie, did you see my message that we’re all eating together at an Italian restaurant? I thought you and little Romano might want to join us_

Me (SENT 19:13): _i saw it! but um, Lovi wants to go to another restaurant so we’re already there_

Francis (SENT 19:13): _Really? That’s too bad. Hungary thought you were coming here too. I’m not sure how she’ll react if I tell her you didn’t listen to her recommendation  
_ Francis (SENT 19:13): _Then again, she seems rather distracted_

Me (SENT 19:14): _ah that’s good! look, i’ll talk to u later! our food just came and Lovi said if i don’t put my phone down he’s going to pour water on it_

Francis (SENT 19:14): _Well then we’ll talk later mon cher. Let’s not get your boss angry_

Me (SENT 19:14): _okay! ttyl!_

 

* * *

 

19:15, April 1, 2008, Budapest, Hungary

 

“Sorry,” Spain said, and offered me a small smile. 

I just ignored him and mumbled “whatever,” then resumed cutting my pizza. At least the bastard listened to me, I don’t need to be an asshole too often I guess.

So for a while, we sat in comfortable silence, and after I finished half of my pizza and was finally beginning to feel sated and calm, I heard Spain say, “Let’s continue our game from lunch!”

I looked at him from under my lashes and replied nonchalantly, “Fine, but we can’t spend as long as we did on these questions. I want to sneak out of here before that band of idiots starts matching through.” I’m already thinking about just tossing money on the counter and running out, since I don’t think the waitress will bring us our check in time.

“Okay!” Spain said happily, and paused for a moment to think of his question. “Let’s see…What’s your favorite day of the week?”

“Thursday,” I say automatically, and take another bite of my pizza. On Thursday I can pretty much do whatever I want, since it’s Friday the next day and I have the rest of the weekend to recover.

“Oh, that was quick Lovi! I think mine would be Saturdays. That feels like my first free day, and I can be as lazy as I want.”

“ _Idiota_ , you’re lazy everyday.”

“Ah, but that’s not entirely true Lovi! During the week I have to go to meetings and see my boss, then afterwards do all of my house stuff too. Like watering and weeding my tomato plants.”

“I thought you said house stuff.”

“My garden is part of my house! But on the weekends, I can sleep in and then garden, then have lunch, then take a siesta, and then lounge outside. Ah, I wish my life was a weekend,” Spain gazed away dreamily, and I rolled my eyes.

“For your sakes, it should be.” I muttered a bit harshly. Sometimes I worry about him; he’s just too carefree for his own good. I swear to God if he goes into some sort of Great Depression I’m going to lose it. If that happens I’m going to call on the whole Sicilian mafia to extort money from all of the European countries (and America since he pisses me off) to bail him out.

“Ah, don’t worry Lovi! I’m doing much better trust me,” Spain smiled reassuringly at me, and I wanted to kick myself for not realizing I had let him see how stressed I was for him.

“As if I care,” I muttered, and Spain just continued to smile since he knew it was an empty stab. I wonder if I should just start saying what I really mean, since Spain already seems to know that I’m lying more than half the time…As if that’s going to happen.

“It’s your turn Lovi!”

I flicked my eyes back to his and I thought quickly of a question that wasn’t as stupid as the first two I asked. “Um, what sort of normal job would you want?” I know Spain already asked me that, but I was still sort of curious about what this _idiota_ would be doing in the real world.

“Oh, that’s a good question,” Spain said thoughtfully, and cupped his chin in his palm. “Hm, I guess I would like to have a little farm maybe? Or a small restaurant? Well, I guess I could have the farm and the restaurant and just grow my ingredients in my garden. That would be so _maravilloso_!”

I could tell Spain was getting worked up now, since his eyes were shining like emeralds, and his smile looked as though he just discovered South America, so I tried to bring him back to reality again and interrupt saying, “Okay, I get it. That –”

“And you said you wanted to be a cook, so we can alternate the days we cook. So you can cook one day and I’ll be the waiter, and then I’ll cook the next and…well, I don’t think you would like being a waiter so we may need to hire someone. And then our cat would –”

“ _Mio dio_ , would you stop talking about the cat already!” I yelled loudly and slammed my fist to the table. But as soon as I stopped I realized how loud I was, and Spain and I just stared at each other blankly as we waited to hear if the others had heard me.

Then I heard a familiar someone singsong, “Vee~ did that sound like Lovi to anyone?” And immediately, I searched through my wallet for enough cash, and slammed it on the table. If Spain wants to pay he can pay me back later, we just need to get out now.

I started standing up, and looked at Spain, who was staring at me dumbly – because I guess he didn’t know what was going on – and I yelled again, “What are you doing dumbass, we have to go!”

Spain started scrambling in his seat to grab his wallet and his phone, meanwhile I heard a French accent say, “Oh, I think you’re right. Isn’t that little Romano over there?”

I looked back to their table and muttered “shit” under my breath. Then I checked back to Spain, who was still sitting down in his seat like an idiot and snapped at him again, “What are you doing, we have to go before they suck us in to their stupid party!” He finally starting standing up, but I was growing impatient so I grabbed his hand and yanked his body to the door.

“Come on Antonio, we have to go!” I yelled again, and he started picking up his pace a bit as we rushed out the door past a few confused waitresses. When we stepped in the street, I wanted to keep going (just in case one of them tries to run after us or something) so I looked at Spain and asked, “Which way to the bridge?”

“The what?” Spain blinked at me.

“The dumb bridge! The famous bridge in Budapest! I don’t know what the hell it’s called!”

“Oh, you mean the chain bridge! It’s this way!” Spain pulled on my arm now, and we started half-running down the street and away from the restaurant. Even after we were a good five minutes away from the restaurant, and it seemed as though no one had bothered to follow us (I know, I checked several times), Spain still held onto my hand, and smiled a particularly stupid smile, even for him.

“What are you smiling about, bastard?” I asked, as we both stepped onto the bridge.

“Nothing, nothing,” Spain chuckled lightly, and I only got more annoyed. “It’s just…You’re so much fun!” Spain swung our intertwined hands enthusiastically, and I only furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, Lovi. You’re just so cute and passionate and – I don’t know – you!” Spain looked at me brightly, and I noticed the yellow and orange lights from the bridge flickering in his eyes. “It’s just, even when we’re just having dinner, if it’s with you, I’m always so entertained. I don’t think I could ever be bored with you!”

“Are you saying I’m as big of an idiot as you?” I asked, and hid my nose in my scarf to warm it up.

“No, Lovi, you’re adorable,” Spain said smoothly, and he leaned in to kiss my cheek.

I blushed red (it was inevitable anyway), and pushed him away gently.

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t know what you’re getting so worked up about. I just didn’t want to hang out with those morons.” I lifted my free hand up, to run my fingers through my hair, and Spain quickly grasped it with his free hand. “Hey!” I yelled a bit indignantly, as Spain spun me around to face him.

“Come on Lovino, do you still have to lie to me?” Spain smiled knowingly, and released of one of my hands to move my hair from my eyes for me.

“It’s not lying if you know what I really mean,” I muttered, and I felt vibrations of Spain’s laughter as he leaned in closer.

“I guess that’s true,” Spain stopped laughing to gaze at me…stupidly. “I was happy that you called me Antonio though. That was a nice surprise.”

“Yeah…I said I would work on it.”

“That’s fine,” Spain grasped my chin between his thumb and forefinger, and forced my scowling, blushing face to look at his stupid, suave one. “There’s no hurry. We have plenty of time.”

Spain leaned in slowly to kiss me, but since he was being so stupidly dramatic, I yanked his shirt down impatiently and his lips met mine roughly, and I caught a glimpse of his eyes wide with surprise, before I closed mine in embarrassment. He quickly caught himself though, and I felt Spain wrap his arms around my waist – just like our first kiss in Greece – and I tentatively wrapped my arms around his neck. It wasn’t as warm and sunny as our first kiss, but this one was romantic in its own way I guess. We were on a bridge, at night, over a river, with city lights dancing across the water, and we were only surrounded by strangers (and not idiots that we’d have to talk to the next day).

Then, abruptly, Spain broke the kiss, and I lazily blinked out of my daze to figure out what he wanted to talk about now.

“Before I forget Lovi,” Spain began, and I hummed in response, a bit distracted by Spain’s face. “Do you think maybe you can stop smoking?”

“Wh-huh? What the hell are you talking about bastard?” I yelled defensively, and now my face was reddening for a whole other type of embarrassment. Damn it, I always made sure to avoid Spain after I smoked, and he hasn’t noticed for years.

“Well, it’s just that today, each time I hugged or kissed you, I noticed you smelled like cigarettes.” Spain smiled reassuringly, and held on tight to one of my hands, I guess in case I might run away.

I didn’t say anything in response, and just huffed in my scarf, which I guess was enough for Spain to continue.

“And I know it doesn’t really hurt you, like it would a normal person. Or at least I don’t think it does. But even so, do you think maybe you can stop for me?” I didn’t dare look at Spain yet, I was still too ashamed that he knew now. Not that it was a big deal or anything, but it just makes me feel so…weak or something in Spain’s eyes. “You can always call me! I’ll come over and deliver a tomato to you!”

I couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at the suggestion. Spai – Antonio’s such an idiot. “Fine, bastard. But you can’t fly over, I won’t have your boss getting any madder at you than he already is. I’ll just…call you.”

I knew Spain would be grinning like an idiot, but when I met his eyes again, it was so much more stupid and sweet than I’d predicted. “Thank you Lovi!” Antonio kissed my cheek and I smiled slightly. The dumbest things make this bastard happy I swear.

“Come on, Antonio. We’d better start heading to the airport now,” I tugged on his hand, and he began walking along side me obediently.

“Would you say this was a pretty good first date Lovi?”

“Yeah…” I trailed off and focused on our footsteps

Antonio turned to me and poked my cheek playfully. “Yes or no, Lovi?

“Damn it, I said yes!”

“Haha, it was a wonderful date for me too. I’m curious to see how our date in Paris will compare to this one!”

I turned to stare at Antonio, as if looking at his eyes would make it clear to me what his vague, random statements really mean.

“What are you talking about? What date in Paris?” I asked.

“Oh, well Francis was a bit upset that we were having our first date in Budapest, since he said that Paris was so much more romantic. So he said he would take me to Paris to prove that our date there would be a hundred times better. That’s also how I’m getting a free ride to Vienna. Isn’t that _magnifico_?”

“Wow, so you’re going to freeload your way through our relationship?”

“Haha, well I am rather charming. Maybe I can get away with it?” Antonio winked at me, and couldn’t help but start giggling – he was just so stupid, it actually was charming damn it.

Through my squinting eyes, I noticed Spai – Antonio was smiling down at me rather amused, and he said, “Is that a yes?”

I quieted down my laugh to hide my smile in my scarf and I mumbled, “Hopefully…”

Antonio leaned in to kiss my cheek again, and we continued walking through the night. Even though it was pretty damned freezing at night in Budapest, I can’t say I really cared about the cold when Antonio was holding my hand, so I guess I’ll let Hungary slide this time. It was a pretty good first date.

 

* * *

 

April 4, 2008, Munich, Germany

Ludwig’s iPhone:

To: Feli 

Me (SENT 15:30): So apparently, according to Gilbert, Hungary asked Belgium out today.  
Me (SENT 15:30): I still can’t make myself believe in your “science” one hundred percent, but I’m starting to wonder how you do it.

Feli (SENT 15:32): Vee~ I told you they’d go together! I’m always right ;)

Me (SENT 15:32): Perhaps. But for how long will they last? Hungary isn’t the most loyal character.

Feli (SENT 15:33): Don’t you doubt me! I think they’re going to be together for a long time!

Me (SENT 15:33): …We’ll see.

Feli (SENT 15:34): Vee~ how is Gilbert doing?

Me (SENT 15:34): He’s fine. He’s still at Matthews, but I’m not sure when he’s coming back. I regret to say it’s rather boring without him.

Feli (SENT 15:35): Aww, Luddy! You should come visit me in Florence!

Me (SENT 15:35): Why do I have to visit you in Italy instead of you coming to Germany?

Feli (SENT 15:35): Heehee, well you know it’s always more fun to be in Italy than Germany ;)

Me (SENT 15:36): Verdammt Feli, I should be insulted.  
Me (SENT 15:36): But as it is, I have to agree with you.  
Me (SENT 15:37): I’m booking my train now. I’ll see you tonight.

Feli (SENT 15:38): Yay! Ti amo Luddy! Have a good trip!

 

* * *

 

April 4, 2008, Paris, France

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** From: Bloody Alfred ** 

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:04): Hey dude!! How’s it goin?? :D

Me (SENT 16:06):  **I suppose it’s going rather okay. Although I did just burn my tongue**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:07): That sucks man! I told you to stop drinking that hot water crap!!  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:07): **Y** ou need to drink something tasty, like coca cola!! Or sprite! Or something amazing, like mixing all of the sodas at a fastfood restaurant ;) 

Me (SENT 16:08): **That sounds bloody revolting. You know, sometimes I sit at the World Meeting and just wonder how you’re still as healthy as a horse when you perhaps have the most horrid diet I’ve ever heard of**

Bloody Alfred (16:09): That’s cuz I exercise ;)  
Bloody Alfred (16:09): I have that against Francis, don’t I? For sure I have the better beach bod ;) ;)

Me (SENT 16:10): **Oh, I’m so terribly sorry Alfred. I can’t say that’s very true**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:10): What are u talking about?? I’m like the best looking guy ever!!  
Bloody Alfred (SNET 16:10): Besides, how can u even say Francis is better when u haven’t even seen him shirtless??

Me (SENT 16:11): **Do you even realize how ridiculous your comment was? Francis lives half of his life naked. I’m fairly certain every person at the World Meeting has seen him naked at some point. Even you**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:12): Ugh, so not true! And even if I have, I’m sure he’s nothing compared to me!! I’m like superman!! 

Me (SENT 16:12): **Yeah, yeah**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:16): Well, anyway, whacha up 2?

Me (SENT 16:17): **I’m eating at a café**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:17): Wow, really?? I thought you never left your apartment until the World Meeting!!

Me (SENT 16:17): **I resent that statement, regardless of its verity. And anyway, Francis and I just finished seeing the Musee d’Orsay, so we’re stopping for a break**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:18): What??! You’re with him again!! I thought u didn’t like him!!

Me (SENT 16:18): **Alfred, I thought I went over this. Francis and I have a complicated relationship, but I don’t hate him**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:19): But u said he wasn’t the relationship type!!

Me (SENT 16:20): **Yes, well, I’m beginning to think I was wrong**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:20): I can’t believe this!! I lost to Francis!!  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:21): Are u actually serious about this? I thought u were just trying to make me jealous  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:21): Artiiieeee talk 2 meee

Me (SENT 16:22): **I don’t hate you Alfred, but I swear to God if you keep harassing me I’m going to tell what your ranking in bed is compared to Francis and you’re going to be crying all through the next World Meeting**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:22): YOU SLEPT WITH HIM??

Me (SENT 16:23): **Congratulations Sherlock, you’ve figured it out  
** Me (SENT 16:23): **Now, can you please stop talking**

Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:24): This is texting Arthur!! It’s an American invention, and you can’t just turn it off!!  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:27): Artie??  
Bloody Alfred (SENT 16:27): You turned your phone off, didn’t u? :(

 

* * *

 

April 6, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** Outgoing Call to Antonio (20:30): **

 

 _Ring_  

_“Hola Lovi! Why are you calling so early? We usually talk closer to midnight.”_

**“Yeah…I’m just…bored.”**

_“Aww Lovi, do you miss me?”_

**“Bastard, don’t think so highly of yourself. I told you I called because I was bored and that’s exactly why damn it!”**

_“Haha, okay Lovi! I can’t see your face, but I can only assume it’s an adorable red right now.”_

**“Well, it’s not.”**

_“Hmm~ I think you’re lying. But anyway, what should we talk about?”_

**“I don’t care… Just tell me about your day.”**

_“Okay! Well today, I woke up at ten thirty, and the first thing I did was text you good morning –”_

**“Yeah, and your dumb text woke me up.”**

_“Haha, yeah that’s what you said! Although, I think that makes it rather hypocritical of you to say I’m lazy.”_

**“…”**

_“But anyway, I woke up, I texted you, then I got out of bed and took a shower and sang ‘Besame Mucho.’ I always sing a different song each day… Then I got dressed in my gardening outfit, and went outside to help my tomato plants. They’re doing so well, I can’t wait for you to see them! But it was really hot today, so by noon I was already sweating through my shirt haha!”_

**“Idiot! Why would you take a shower before you go out gardening? You just ended up getting dirty again.”**

_“Ah, Lovi, but if I don’t take a shower in the morning I don’t really wake up!”_

**“Do you at least take a shower after you garden? Or before you go to sleep?”**

_“…”_

**“…You’re fucking disgusting, you know that?”**

_“Aww, Lovi that’s not true! I can change! Do you want me to start taking showers at night?”_

**“I don’t care what you do bastard. It doesn’t matter to me.”**

_“But it does matter! If we end up living together, I want you to be happy!”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“Haha, you’re blushing right now, aren’t you Lovi?_

**“Shut up! I am not!”**

_“Hmm, are you running your hand through your hair?”_

**“…No!”**

_“Aha! You are, aren’t you? This is fun! Guess what I’m doing!”_

**“Uh, I don’t know. Are you laying down on your ridiculously big bed, hugging that stupid turtle stuffed animal?”**

_“How did you know??”_

**“Lucky guess.”**

_“Haha, maybe you know me better than I thought!”_

**“…”**

_“Do you want me to still talk about my day?”_

**“Sure.”**

_“Okay, well, after I finished watering and weeding the tomato plants I walked back inside and started making paella for lunch. It turned out pretty well, and I watched some soccer reruns on TV as I ate. I ended up dozing off on the couch afterwards, so I didn’t even make it to my bed for my afternoon siesta, can you believe that?”_

**“Yes.”**

_“It was a nice siesta though. I had such a wonderful dream. You were there, and you were smiling and laughing, and we were surrounded by these giant tomatoes that kept throwing flowers at us and they gave us a kitten and we named her Isabella. Then we rode away in a tomato carriage to our restaurant called Pizza e Paella and – Lovi? Lovi are you okay?”_

**“I-I’m fine.”**

_“You don’t sound fine. Are you crying?”_

**“…N-no.”**

_“Oh, Lovi. Why are you crying?”_

**“It’s just – you’re s-so…stupid and f-faraway. And I-I’m here – and, I don’t kn-know! I…I just – I actually do miss you, okay!”**

_“Aww Lovi. I miss you too! I’m sorry you’re so unhappy. I wish we could be together too. I miss the times when you lived with me in Spain.”_

**“Y-yeah…”**

_“We’ll see each other soon though, te prometo Lovi. If I had all of the money in the world I would build a bridge with a super fast train between Madrid and Rome.”_

**“I-idiot. If you have th-that much money, just get y-your damn plane back.”**

_“Haha, okay.”_

**“…”**

_“Do you want to talk about your day Lovi?”_

**“…Not really. It was pretty b-boring. I just sat around being depressed. It was also raining, which sucked.”**

_“Aww, well you’re always a bit sadder when it’s raining, aren’t you?”_

**“…I guess. But Antonio?…”**

_“Yes?”_

**“D-do you think we’ll live together again?”**

_“I think so. We just have to figure out how to work it out with our bosses, then decide which house to live in!”_

**“Your house is bigger.”**

_“Ah, that’s true!…So then, so Spain become a part of Italy, or should Italy become a part of Spain?”_

**“…I don’t really give a fuck right now, so we can just flip a coin and let our bosses duke it out.”**

_“Haha, okay.”_

**“…What day is it?”**

_“Um, it’s still Sunday.”_

**“No, I mean the number.”**

_“Oh, it’s the sixth.”_

**“Damn it.”**

_“What is it?”_

**“We have six days left.”**

_“Oh yeah! Our date is this Saturday! Ah, I’m so excited! I should start planning that.”_

**“D-do you want me to plan this one?”**

_“Aww, Lovi! If you want to, of course you can! We can alternate if you like!”_

**“Sure…”**

_“If you need any help trying to find places in Paris, just ask Francis! He said he’d love to help!”_

**“Damn it…I guess I might have to.”**

_“Hmm…so where are you right now?”_

**“I’m in my bed.”**

_“Oh, I see.”_

**“…”**

_“So what are you wearing?”_

**“Fucking – I knew you were going to ask that.”**

_“Haha, really?”_

**“Yes.”**

_“…Are you going to tell me?”_

**“Mio dio, does it really matter? I don’t own anything sexy or whatever!”**

_“Aw, come on Lovi! Just tell me! I wanna know!”_

**“Fine!...Boxers.”**

_“…Just boxers?”_

**“Oh my God. Yes, just boxers. It’s hot, and I’m hot, and it’s not a bit deal.”**

_“You are hot, Lovi.”_

**“I don’t know if you were trying to sounds sexy or whatever, but I can hear you giggling through the phone so it’s not working.”**

_“Haha, I meant it though!”_

**“…”**

_“Want to know what I’m wearing?”_

**“Not really.”**

_“My tomato boxers!”_

**“…Great. Is it hot there too?”**

_“Si, it really is. And the fan in my room just broke too, so now it’s as hot as yours.”_

**“I can’t wait to come over.”**

_“Really?”_

**“ _Dannazione_ , that was sarcasm.”**

_“Oh, I can’t see you roll your eyes over the phone so it’s hard to tell.”_

**“…”**

_“Are you tired?”_

**“…I’m not sure.”**

_“Yeah, I’m sort of the same.”_

**“…”**

_“Do you want to pillow talk?”_

**“Huh?”**

_“It’s this thing Gilbert told me about –”_

**“That doesn’t sound very promising.”**

_“We talk on the phone, and when we’re about to go to sleep we say good night, and set the phone down next to us. Then we can hear each other breathe and sleep-talk and everything and it’ll be like we’re sleeping right next to each other!”_

**“…That sounds…strange.”**

_“Do you want to try it?”_

**“Sure.”**

_“Okay!”_

**“…A-are we like going to bed now or something?”**

_“Oh, I don’t know. Are you tired now?”_

**“Not really. What time is it though?”**

_“It’s…eleven twenty.”_

**“I guess I should try to sleep then. I have to get up damn early to visit Sicily tomorrow.”**

_“Oh, what’s that about?”_

**“The mafia’s acting up again. It’s exhausting, a pain in my side and it happens about once every month: it’s like it’s my period or something.”**

_“Haha! That’s really funny Lovi! You’re so clever!”_

**“I feel as if I’ve told you that before.”**

_“Ah, maybe. But it’s still funny!”_

**“…I’m still not tired though.”**

_“Hm, do you want me to sing you a song?”_

**“…Sure.”**

_“Okay, which one?”_

**“I don’t know…do you remember ‘Luna, Lunera’?”**

_“Of course!”_

**“…”**

_“Luna lunera cascabelera…ve y dile a mi amorcito por dios que me quiera…Dile que no vivo de tanto padecer…dile que a mi lado debiera volver…Luna lunera cascabelera…ve y dile a mi amorcito por dios que me quiera…Dile que me muero que tenga compasión…Dile que se apiade de mi corazón…Ay lunita redondita que la espuma de tu luz_ _bañe mis noches, ay lunita redondita dile que me has visto tu ilorar de amor…Luna lunera cascabelera…ve y dile a mi amorcito por dios que me quiera…Dile que me muero que tenga compasión…Dile que se apiade de mi corazón…Ay lunita redondita que la espuma de tu luz bañe mis noches, ay lunita redondita dile que me has visto tu ilorar de amor…Luna luner cascabelera…ve y dile a mi amorcito por dios que me quiera…Dile que me muero que tenga compasión…Dile que se apiade de mi corazón…”_

**“…”**

_“Lovi?”_

**“…”**

_“Buenos noches Lovi. Te amo.”_

 

* * *

 

Translation of “Luna Lunera” as according to Google translate:

_Moon bright, ringing moon…Go tell my sweetheart by God to love me…Tell me I do not live to suffer so much…Tell him to my side he should return…Moon bright, ringing moon…Go tell my sweetheart by God to love me…Tell him I’m dying to have compassion…Tell him to have mercy on my heart…Oh little plump moon, let the foam of your light wash my nights…Oh little plump moon, tell him you have seen me cry for love… Moon bright, ringing moon…Go and tell my sweetheart by God to love me…Tell him I’m dying to have compassion…Tell him to have mercy on my heart…_

I doubt that’s 100% accurate, but the internet did not turn up any other seemingly valid English translations of the lullaby, so hopefully you get the idea.

Link to the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrbUwjCsiUo

 

* * *

 

April 7, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**“Ugh…”**

_“…”_

**“What the – oh yeah…”**

_“…”_

**“Buongiorno Antonio…you breathe loudly.”**

_“…”_

 

** End Phone Call (7:03) **

 

* * *

 

April 7, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

Feliciano’s iPhone:

 

To: Lovi 

Me (SENT 12:32): Loviii! Where are you? I don’t see you anywhere in the apartment :(

Lovi (SENT 12:40): **What the hell are you doing in my apartment??**

Me (SENT 12:41): Vee~ I wanted to show Luddy a bit of Rome, so I thought we could stay with you for a night or two!!  
Me (SENT 12:41): Lovi?

Lovi (SENT 12:42): **You have got to be fucking kidding me. You dragged the Potato Bastard along with you??**

Me (SENT 12:42): Aw come on Lovi! He’s basically your brother now!!

Lovi (SENT 12:43): **Oh my god, don’t even say that. That bastard is sure as hell not my brother or even my friend**

Me (SENT 12:44): Vee~ Can we stay tonight though?

Lovi (SENT 12:44): **I’m sure you already settled in, so you might as well stay. I won’t see you until late tonight though**

Me (SENT 12:45): Yay!! But where are you??

Lovi (SENT 12:46): **I’m in Sicily right now, and it looks as though this thing is going to take all day at this point**

Me (SENT 12:46): What are you doing over there?

Lovi (SENT 12:47): **Oh, I don’t know I thought I would pick up a pizza and get a tan and what the fuck do you I’m doing over here??**

Me (SENT 12:47): Oooh! Is it something about the mafia?

Lovi (SENT 12:48): **Obviously**

Me (SENT 12:48): Vee~ That sounds so exciting! Just like a movie!! But you will be careful won’t you?

Lovi (SENT 12:49): **Yeah, yeah I’ll be careful. I already have to bullets in my leg, so it can’t get any worse**

Me (SENT 12:49): YOU GOT SHOT IN THE LEG??

Lovi (SENT 12:50): **It was a joke  
** Lovi (SENT 12:50): **Damn it, just take it easy. I do this all the time**

Me (SENT 12:51): Okay…I guess I’ll see you tonight then?

Lovi (SENT 12:51): **I’ll have my manservants deliver my body to the door for identification**

Me (SENT 12:51): STOP IT!! D:

 

* * *

 

April 7, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

__

_ To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Antoine and Gilbert) _ 

Me (SENT 15:45): _Bonjour mes amis! It’s been a while since we’ve chatted, so I thought I would check in  
_ Me (SENT 15:45): _So Gilbert, how’s your ankle doing? And Antoine, how’s your money doing?_

Gilbert (SENT 15:46): **_My ankle’s awesome of course!!  
_** Gilbert (SENT 15:47): **_I don’t think it’s even sprained anymore! I was able to do a bar crawl with Matty last night and I even carried him back ;^)_**

Me (SENT 15:47): _You did a bar crawl with Matthew??_

Gilbert (SENT 15:48): **_Ja it was totally awesome!! I can’t even remember how many we went to, but it was a lot of fun_**

Me (SENT 15:48): _Mon dieu, I can’t help but feel as though you’re ruining Matthew’s innocence_

Gilbert (SENT 15:49): **Aw come on man!! He was having a great time! I’m just showing him the ropes**

Me (SENT 15:49): _Right…I’m sure that’ll be the story he tells at his first AA meeting_

Gilbert (SENT 15:50): **_What the hell is AA?_**

Me (SENT 15:50): _Je ne sais pas. You’ll find out eventually  
_ Me (SENT 15:51): _So Antoine, tell me you haven’t gotten into anymore financial troubles_

Antoine (SENT 15:51): _no i’m getting a little bit better actually!!  
_ Antoine (SENT 15:51): _my boss called me into his office and gave me my allowance and everything, then he gave me an approved budget of things i can buy_

Me (SENT 15:52): _It sounds as though you’re a child again_

Antoine (SENT 15:52): _haha, maybe i am! but my boss was a lot nicer to me this time, so i think he’s getting happier!_

Me (SENT 15:53): _Well, that’s good. Gilbert and I worry about you sometimes_

Gilbert (SENT 15:53): **_What are you talking about?? I don’t worry about Tony_**

Me (SENT 15:54): _You can’t even pretend to have compassion, can you? Why is Matthew still with you??_

Gilbert (SENT 15:55): **_Hey, I’m plenty compassionate!! I’m always bringing Matty flowers and chocolate and beer!_**

Me (SENT 15:55): _Ah, you had me until beer_

Gilbert (SENT 15:55): **_Beer is just as romantic as wine!! And it tastes better too!_**

Me (SENT 15:56): _I beg to differ Gilbert. I’m sure the masses would agree that the romantic drink of choice is wine_

Gilbert (SENT 15:56): **_Bleh :P_**

Me (SENT 15:56): _You know sometimes it just hits me that I’m friends with two children, and I don’t know what to think of myself  
_ Me (SENT 15:57): _Does that make me a father or a pedophile?_

Gilbert (SENT 15:57): **_A pedophile_**

Antoine (SENT 15:57): _a father!_

Me (SENT 15:58): _I’ll ask Arthur_

Gilbert (SENT 15:58): **_What?? He’s still in Paris with you?_**

Me (SENT 15:59): _No, he left yesterday. I’m texting him  
_ Me (SENT 16:03): _Ah, he said a fatherly pedophile_

Gilbert (SENT 16:04): **_HAHAHA_**

Antoine (SENT 16:04): _is that a good thing?_

Me (SENT 16:04): _I don’t think so, because I’m fairly certain all pedophiles consider themselves fatherly  
_ Me (SENT 16:05): _Well, I guess when Arthur and I get married you two will just have to become my official children_

Gilbert (SENT 16:05): **_I don’t think that’s going to solve the problem_**

Me (SENT 16:06): _Ah, perhaps not. How tragique  
_ Me (SENT 16:07): _But anyway, how’s little Romano Antoine? We haven’t heard about him in a while_

Antoine (SENT 16:07): _he’s so cuuuteeeee. we talked on the phone for a long time yesterday and i think we’re doing a movie date on Tuesday :D_

Me (SENT 16:07): _A movie date? Is he going to Spain?_

Antoine (SENT 16:08): _no no, it’s this thing where we both watch the same movie while we’re on the phone, so it’s sort of like we’re together!!_

Me (SENT 16:08): _I suppose…_

Gilbert (SENT 16:09): **_Mein Gott that’s sad_**

Antoine (SENT 16:09): _it’s not sad it’s adorable :D_

Me (SENT 16:10): _As long as you’re happy, it’s fine. I think Gilbert just means it must be sad that you can’t physically be with him  
_ Me (SENT 16:10): _You two really are a pair of star-crossed lovers. I wonder if I should write a book, or an opera about you two_

Antoine (SENT 16:11): _well, we’ll be together in paris, so we don’t have too long to wait_

Me (SENT 16:11): _Oh, are you planning on taking the next step in Paris?  
_ Me (SENT 16:12): _I must say you have good taste. There’s nothing like making love in the City of Lights  ;)_

Antoine (SENT 16:12): _no, that’s not what i was talking about!!_

Me (SENT 16:12): _Really? Then what are you talking about?_

Antoine (SENT 16:13): _i just meant we’ll be together as in we can hug and hold hands and hang out!_

Gilbert (SENT 16:13): **_Mein Gott that’s sad_**

Me (SENT 16:14): _He may be ridiculous Gilbert, but as least he’s pure hearted. Not like you who takes sweet, darling Matthew on bar crawls_

Gilbert (SENT 16:14): **_I said he had a good time!!_**  

Me (SENT 16:14): _I still doubt it  
_ Me (SENT 16:15): _But anyway, if you decide you want to spend the night with little Romano, just let me know and I’ll find a fabulous hotel ;)_

Antoine (SENT 16:15): _haha, thanks francis! but i don’t think that’ll be necessary. Lovi seems a bit nervous about the whole thing, so i think we’ll wait a while_

Gilbert (SENT 16:16): **_Verdammt, I don’t know how you do it_**

Me (SENT 16:16): _He’s romantic Gilbert, that’s how_

Gilbert (SENT 16:16): **_I told you I’m plenty romantic!! I do all sorts of things for Matthew!_**

Me (SENT 16:17): _I’ll believe it when I see it  
_ Me (SENT 16:17): _In any case, I have to get going. But keep me updated Antoine! I want to know how this opera of yours continues! Au revoir!_

 

* * *

 

April 8, 2008, Madrid Spain

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ To: Mi Querido Lovi _ 

Me (SENT 8:31): _buenos dias Lovi!! i hope u slept well :D_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:35): **I was sleeping well**

Me (SENT 8:35): _ah, lo siento Lovi! i was just excited to talk to u since we didn’t talk yesterday  
_ Me (SENT 8:35): _how was sicily?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:36): **It was fine. Hopefully they stay quiet for a while, but somehow I doubt it**

Me (SENT 8:36): _what was the whole thing about?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:37): **Someone was trying to become the boss of bosses again. The mafia is such a pain in the ass  
** Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:37): **Anyway, what movie are we watching today**

Me (SENT 8:38): _oh i don’t know! is there a movie you want to watch?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:38): **I don’t care**

Me (SENT 8:38): _aw come on! i want to watch what u want to!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:39): **Ugh, fine. Can we watch an Italian movie?**

Me (SENT 8:39): _of course mi querido tomate!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:39): **Stop calling me that!**

Me (SENT 8:40): _but it’s cute!!  
_ Me (SENT 8:40): _what’s the movie called?_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:41): **Matrimonio all’Italiana. It has Sophia Loren**

Me (SENT 8:41): _ah, i don’t know if i’ve seen that! but i’ll go out and get the dvd this afternoon!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:41): **Okay, just don’t spend too much money. It’s not that important**

Me (SENT 8:42): _don’t worry Lovi! i have more money now, i promise ;)_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:42): **Fine**

Me (SENT 8:43): _i’ll call you this afternoon Lovi!! have a maravilloso dia!_

Mi Querido Lovi (SENT 8:43): **Yeah, yeah. You too**

 

* * *

 

April 8, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** To: French Bastard ** 

Me (SENT 12:12): **Hey bastard**

French Bastard (SENT 12:14): _Ah, Romano! Comment ça va?_

Me (SENT 12:15): **Fine. I was just asking for stupid date ideas that the idiot and I can do in Paris**

French Bastard (SENT 12:15): _I must say Romano, when Antoine said you were the cutest person he ever met, I didn’t believe him. But your way with words has definitely swayed my opinion_

Me (SENT 12:16): **Fuck it, I’ll ask Feli. He’s been there enough times**

French Bastard (SENT 12:16): _Aw, come on Romano! I was only teasing ;) of course I’ll help you! I am le heros de l’amour_

Me (SENT 12:17): **Right…do you know of any stupid touristy things Antonio would like to do there**

French Bastard (SENT 12:17): _Well, you can always go to the museums, or climb the Arc de Triomphe. If you climb the Arc, I would recommend doing it close to sunset though, because then you have a view of when all of the lights turn on in Paris. C’est tres beau ;)_

Me (SENT 12:18): **Fine, what can we do during the day though?**

French Bastard (SENT 12:18): _Have you been to the Louvre?_

Me (SENT 12:19): **I don’t like museums**

French Bastard (SENT 12:20): _Ah, but Tonie does, doesn’t he ;)_

Me (SENT 12:20): **Damn it fine. We’ll go to the stupid Louvre  
** Me (SENT 12:21): **Where can we get some decent food**

French Bastard (SENT 12:22): _Well, if you get dinner after you visit the Arc, there are a few excellent places near there. What sort of cuisine were you thinking?_

Me (SENT 12:22): **Spanish or Italian**

French Bastard (SENT 12:23): _Not French? I’m devastated Romano :(_

Me (SENT 12:23): **You think I give a damn about that**

French Bastard (SENT 12:23): _But Tonie loves French food! He raves about it all the time!_

Me (SENT 12:24): **You’re not serious are you**

French Bastard (SENT 12:24): _I’m dead serious Romano_

Me (SENT 12:25): **Dannazione, just pick whatever goddamn restaurant you want then. Just make sure it’s good or I’ll track you down**

French Bastard (SENT 12:25): _Tres bon monsieur, I’m sure you’ll be very pleased ;)_

Me (SENT 12:25): **You’re not my fucking waiter**

French Bastard (SENT 12:26): _Bien sûr. And may I ask what you’ll be wearing on this date?_

Me (SENT 12:26): **Does it fucking matter?**

French Bastard (SENT 12:27): _Why of course it does! Don’t you want to be dashing and handsome??_

Me (SENT 12:27): **That’s not going to happen**

French Bastard (SENT 12:27): _Aw come now Romano, we both now you want to be attractive for Antoine ;) Why don’t you let me help you?_

Me (SENT 12:28): **As if I’d let you get close to me you creepy bastard**

French Bastard (SENT 12:28): _Can I at least help you choose an outfit mon cher?_

Me (SENT 12:30): **As long as it’s not stupid**

French Bastard (SENT 12:30): _Magnifique! Send me pictures of your wardrobe Romano and I’ll get back to you_

Me (SENT 12:31): **Fine**

 

* * *

 

** Outgoing Call to: Antonio (19:04) **

 

 _Ring_  

_“Hola Lovi! I was just about to call you! I got the DVD and I’m about to put it in.”_

**“Well I’m already on the couch, so just let me know when you’re ready bastard.”**

_“Okay!...If I can just get this working…”_

**“Did you turn it on?”**

_“Ah! Gracias Lovi!”_

**“…Idiot.”**

_“Okay, I have the DVD in now! Are you eating anything while you’re watching the movie?”_

**“I’m just drinking wine.”**

_“Just wait a sec for me then. I haven’t eaten dinner yet, so I’m going to grab something from my fridge. Un momento!”_

**“Should I hang up and call back?”**

_“No, no! I’ll put you on speakerphone while I get everything ready.”_

**“But I don’t have anything to say! Just end –”**

_“Okay, you’re on speaker!”_

**“God damn it.”**

_“So, how was your day?”_

**“Fine.”**

_“Fine as in…”_

**“I don’t know, fine as it was fine. It was a completely normal day.”**

_“What did you do?”_

**“Well, I woke up to your stupid text, then I got dressed and went to a café. Then the usual pretty waitress gave me my coffee and everything and I gave her a tip. Then I went to my meeting with my boss and that was dumb. The mafia’s still really pissy apparently.”**

_“Oh, is that so?”_

**“Yeah, so after that I got lunch at another restaurant with another pretty waitress, and that was fine. Then I went back to the apartment and took a nap for most of the afternoon. Then I woke up and went out to get wine because I ran out, and the pretty cashier game a discount after I complimented her hair. So yeah, it was a normal, boring day.”**

_“Lovi…”_

**“Yeah?”**

_“You’re cheating on me!”_

**“Huh? What are you talking about bastardo?”**

_“You’re always flirting with every pretty girl you see, yet you never do any of that with me!”_

**“…You want me to compliment your hair?”**

_“I don’t know! It’s just a bit frustrating that you try so hard to be nice to them.”_

**“I don’t really have to try, it comes pretty easily. I am Italian.”**

_“Then why aren’t Italian with me?”_

**“Because you’re – you know!”**

_“A guy?”_

**“No! I mean, I guess that’s a part of it. But there’s no way I could act like that with you!”**

_“Aw, come on Lovi! I’m always flirting with you!”_

**“Because you're good at it! Well, actually you’re stupid at it, but you’re so ridiculous you don’t care.”**

_“Then why don’t you flirt with me??”_

“ **I’m too nervous as it is when I’m around you! There’s no way I could flirt with you too! You fucking idiot.”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“Oh, well if that’s the reason I guess it’s okay! You’re so cute Lovi!”_

**“Just…shut up.”**

_“Hm, well I just got my sandwich ready, so I’m going to take you back to the living room now, okay?”_

**“I’m not a fucking phone, you know?”**

_“Haha! But it’s sort of like you’re living in there!”_

**“I don’t even know what to say to such a stupid thing.”**

_“Okay, let me take you off speaker.”_

**“You don’t need to narrate th –”**

_“You’re off speaker now!”_

**“ _Imbecille_.”**

_“Do you want to start watching the movie now?”_

**“Well since I’m already on my third glass of wine I would say that’s a good idea. As it is, I might already fall asleep half way through.”**

_“No, come on! You have to watch it with me! What if I need your translation or something?”_

**“You have subtitles, you can figure it out.”**

_“Ah, well I’ll try to keep you up anyway. So are you ready to press play?”_

**“Yeah.”**

_“You sure?”_

**“I have my finger on the goddamn button! Just count down or something!”**

_“Okay, on tres then! Uno…dos…tres, play!”_

**“…”**

_“Yay! It’s playing!”_

**“No shit.”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“Is it a good movie?”_

**“I wouldn’t want to watch it if it was a bad movie, now would I?”**

_“Mm, I guess so.”_

 

* * *

_“Haha, you know Lovi, you’re a lot like Sophia Loren!"_  

**“…What?”**

_“Yeah, you look a lot like her, and you definitely get angry like her!”_

**“Is this like…a compliment?”**

_“Si, por supuesto!”_

**“Shouldn’t I be insulted that you’re comparing me to a girl?”**

_“But she’s not just any girl, she’s Sophia Loren!”_

**“I can hear you smiling, but I’m still not convinced.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Lovi?"_  

**“Yeah?”**

_“I just want you to know that if I found you at a brothel, I would still marry you.”_

**“Idiot. As if you would go to a brothel.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Wait is she still working as a prostitute?”_  

**“Yeah.”**

_“I thought he took her away from there!”_

**“No, he just comes back every once in a while.”**

_“Oh.”_

**“…”**

_“You know if you were a prostitute I would whisk you away with me.”_

**“Why the hell do you keep pretending I’m a prostitute?”**

_“Because you’re Sophia Loren!”_

**“And you think you’re Marcello Mastroianni?”**

_“Who’s that?”_

**“That’s the actor that plays the guy.”**

_“Oh – no! I just said I would actually rescue you!”_

**“So you’re just assuming I need to be rescued now.”**

_“Aw, come on Lovi! Don’t turn this around!”_

**“Fine, I get what you mean. Just keep watching the movie.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“She’s dying?!”_  

**“Just keep watching goddamn it!”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Ooh, it was a trick.”_  

**“…”**

_“Why wouldn’t he want to marry her?”_

**“Because he’s Italian. And a bastard.”**

_“Aw, but she’s so cute!”_

**“You’re the only person who would call Sophia Loren cute.”**

_“But she’s just like you!”_

**“…Whatever.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Aw, her sons are so cute!”_  

**“…”**

_“Which one’s his?”_

**“For the last fucking time – just keep watching the movie.”**

_“But that’s no fun…”_

**“…”**

_“I wonder what our kids would look like?”_

**“Somehow, I knew you would ask this.”**

_“I feel like they would look a lot like her kids.”_

**“Doubt it. I bet they’d all be smiling, green-eyed idiots like you.”**

_“Haha! No, I think they’d have gold eyes and red faces!”_

**“As long as they like tomatoes, I guess it doesn’t matter what they look like.”**

_“Haha! Muy cierto mi amor!”_

 

* * *

 

 _“They’re all his sons??”_  

**“…”**

_“Well that’s a plot twist I didn’t see – Oh, none of them are his sons? Oh –”_

**“Just shut up for a second, she’s in the middle of a speech!”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“Oooooh.”_

 

* * *

 

 _“Yay! They actually got married!”_  

**“…”**

_“Do you think we’ll get married one day Lovi?”_

**“…”**

_“Lovi?”_

**“…”**

_“Lovi, did you fall asleep?”_

**“…”**

_“Ah, I’m going to assume yes…Well then buenos noches mi amor. Espero que tengas dulces sueños.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Buonanotte Antonio…ti amo.”**

** End Phone Call (21:10) ** 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter marks the beginning of the second part of the story: when Antonio and Lovino are actually dating. I was hoping that I would go further in the story just time-wise, but I guess I got caught up in the emotional development and the plot setup of the thing. I also babble too much, so that's another thing. I thought about waiting to post this until I got over the next little arc, but I was already pushing 17,000+ words, so I thought I would stop here. Next will be Paris and a little bit of drama, and at some point we'll get to the M rating ;)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Reviews and suggestions are always welcome and very much appreciated!
> 
> Ti amo molto!
> 
> ~
> 
> Mein Gott - My God
> 
> Mon cher - my dear
> 
> l'amour - love
> 
> que hermoso - how beautiful/handsome
> 
> Neanche per sogno - Not even in your dreams (no way)
> 
> Bonjour - Hello
> 
> Angleterre - England
> 
> Comment ça va - How is it going
> 
> très bon - Very good
> 
> Que - What
> 
> C'est un secret - It's a secret
> 
> buenos noches - Good night
> 
> buona notte - Good night
> 
> te amo - I love you
> 
> désolé - Sorry
> 
> Dannazione - Damn it
> 
> Mi querido tomate - My darling tomato
> 
> Un pizza con prosciutto e fungi - A pizza with prosciutto and mushrooms
> 
> Verdammt - Damn it
> 
> Buongiorno - Good morning
> 
> Buenos dias - Good morning
> 
> lo siento - I'm sorry
> 
> maravilloso dia - Marvelous day
> 
> le héros de l'amour - the hero of love
> 
> C'est très beau - It's very beautiful
> 
> Très bon monsieur - Very good sir
> 
> Bien sûr - Of course
> 
> Espero que tengas dulces sueños - I hope you have sweet dreams
> 
> ~
> 
> The next chapter will be posted within 1-2 weeks!


	3. Science of Attraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our adorable pauper couple meets in the most romantic city on Earth with a little help from their friends, Gilbert and Matthew find some online fun, Alfred's heart is healed, and Lovino gets an unexpected phone call. - Francis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone likes this chapter as much as I do. It might me my favorite so far, but I just love cursing Lovino, so what can I say?
> 
> I’d also like to extend my formal apologies to the Alfred lovers out there (including my beta). I don’t hate him or anything, but in every fic it feels like one character has to take one for the team, you know? In any case, I never planned on having baby Alfred suffer for too long, so things get better for him, I promise! He even gets some love action in this chapter ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

April 11, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

_  
_

_ From: Romano _

Romano (SENT 9:13): ***includes 20 attached images  
** Romano (SENT 9:14): ***includes 42 attached images  
** Romano (SENT 9:16): ***includes 59 attached images  
** Romano (SENT 9:17): **There bastard. I took photos of my best pants, shirts, and shoes in that order. Have fun sorting through them**

Me (SENT 9:17): _Mon dieu, I must say I’m surprised_

Romano (SENT 9:18): **About how many clothes I have? I care about fashion, okay**

Me (SENT 9:18): _No, I’m surprised by how little clothes you have. How do you survive day to day??_

Romano (SENT 9:19): **Shut up you damn bastard  
** Romano (SENT 9:19): **Text me back when you figure something out  
** Romano (SENT 9:20): **I doubt you do work anyway**

Me (SENT 9:20): _Le gasp! I do plenty of work! Why do you think France is so spectacular in fashion and beauty and les arts??_

Romano (SENT 9:21): **I’ve stopped listening to you because I don’t give a fuck  
** Romano (SENT 9:21): **Talk to me when you actually have something important to say**

Me (SENT 9:25): _Ah, done!_

Romano (SENT 9:25): **Well that was fucking quick. You really don’t have anything else to do, do you?**

Me (SENT 9:26): _Not quite ;)  
_ Me (SENT 9:26): _I looked through your photos, and I’ve decided I don’t like any of them_

Romano (SENT 9:29): **What**

Me (SENT 9:30): _I have an idea! Why don’t you arrive in Paris a bit early? I have something perfect for you to wear!  
_ Me (SENT 9:30): _And then I can do your hair and everything so at least my fashionable clothes won’t be wasted on you_

Romano (SENT 9:31): **I’ve been insulted so much in the past few minutes, I don’t even know what to curse at you**

Me (SENT 9:31): _If you must curse, go ahead, but please come to my house before your date! I promise I’ll make you look irresistible ;)_

Romano (SENT 9:32): **To who??**

Me (SENT 9:32): _To Antoine of course!_

Romano (SENT 9:32): **You make him sound like he’s some sort of sexual being  
** Romano (SENT 9:32): **Like you**

Me (SENT 9:33): _Well, I know he may not like it sometimes, but he is still the country of passion ;)_

Romano (SENT 9:33): **He doesn’t act like that any of the time**

Me (SENT 9:34): _Really? Not even on your date?_

Romano (SENT 9:34): **I mean he holds my hand and like kisses me and stuff but  
** Romano (SENT 9:34): **You know what no. Why the fuck am I even talking about this with you??**

Me (SENT 9:35): _Because I care about you and Antoine  
_ Me (SENT 9:35): _And because I’m the king of l’amour ;)_

Romano (SENT 9:35): **Right…**

Me (SENT 9:36): _So will you come then? Good things will happen je promets_

Romano (SENT 9:36): **I don’t understand why you’re doing this**

Me (SENT 9:37): _Antoine has been hopelessly in love with you for such a long time, I just want to push things forward a bit. It’s not fair he has to wait so long for you ;)_

Romano (SENT 9:37): **So you’re hoping that if I let you dress me Antonio will jump me???  
** Romano (SENT 9:37): **You’re a fucking weird friend**

Me (SENT 9:38): _Well, since you don’t believe anything will happen, you have nothing to worry about! Just come on over ;)_

Romano (SENT 9:42): **Fine  
** Romano (SENT 9:42): **But I’m bringing a knife just in case you think of trying anything you damn pervert**

Me (SENT 9:43): _Le gasp! I would never try to seduce Antoine’s lover!  
_ Me (SENT 9:43): _Well, not you anyway ;)_

 

* * *

 

 _ To: Antoine _ 

Me (SENT 10:04): _Bonjour Antoine! Comment ça va?_

Antoine (SENT 10:10): _bueno francis! what’s up?_

Me (SENT 10:11): _Oh, I was just checking in on you. I know you have your date with little Romano coming up tomorrow_

Antoine (SENT 10:11): _ah, si! i’m so excited!! i wonder where lovino will take me??_

Me (SENT 10:12): _Yes, well that’ll be a fun little surprise for tomorrow ;)  
_ Me (SENT 10:12): _I was actually texting to ask you what you’re planning on wearing tomorrow_

Antoine (SENT 10:12): _oh, non lo se. i haven’t really thought about it yet. does it matter tho?_

Me (SENT 10:13): _Mon dieu, you’re both idiots. No wonder you’re star-crossed lovers_  
Me (SENT 10:13): _This is exactly why Romano was complaining to me all morning about how you you’re not romantic, and how he doesn’t feel loved._  
Me (SENT 10:14): Tell me Antoine, are you even the country of passion anymore?

Antoine (SENT 10:14): _Lovi was complaining??? really?? i need 2 talk 2 him then!!_

Me (SENT 10:14): _I wouldn’t do that mon cher_  
Me (SENT 10:14): _What would calling him on the phone prove? You should wait until tomorrow, and then prove to him that you can still call yourself the country of passion_  
Me (SENT 10:15): _After all, you have the perfect stage. You’re in the most romantic city on Earth ;)_

Antoine (SENT 10:15): _but what if he’s crying or something!! i can’t just let him be sad!_  

Me (SENT 10:15): _Ne vous inquietez pas mon cher. Let me handle Romano ;) You just think about tomorrow  
_ Me (SENT 10:16): _So getting back to what we were talking about earlier, what do you have to wear?_

Antoine (SENT 10:16): _i don’t know. i was just going to wear a t-shirt and jeans. is that okay?_

Me (SENT 10:20): No  
Me (SENT 10:20): Le sigh, I have to do everything around here, don’t I?  
Me (SENT 10:20): Tell me, did you see a package outside your door?

Antoine (SENT 10:21): _oh, i haven’t been outside yet! lemme check!_

Me (SENT 10:21): _I’ll just go ahead and tell you now that the package is from moi  
_ Me (SENT 10:21): _And enclosed is something I thought Romano might like to see you wear ;)_

Antoine (SENT 10:25): _wow! que hermoso francis! are u sure i can wear this?? it looks so expensive!_

Me (SENT 10:25): _Why of course! Anything for mes amis!  
_ Me (SENT 10:26): _It’s also from last season, so I have no need for it anymore_

Antoine (SENT 10:26): _gracias francis! i haven’t worn anything this nice in ages!! i wonder if i can still tie a tie??_

Me (SENT 10:27): _Well if you can’t, be sure to stop by my house some time. But not too early mon cher, I need my beauty sleep  
_ Me (SENT 10:27): _I best get going, France a besoin de moi! A demain ;)_

 

* * *

 

_ Outgoing call to Angleterre (10:45): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“Hello?”**

_ “Ah, bonjour ma chérie angleterre! Qu’est-ce que tu fais?” _

**“…Speak to me in bloody English you wanker.”**

_ “I was just asking what you were doing on this fine spring day.” _

**“Well, it’s raining here, so it’s not that fine…”**

_ “Ah, désolé.” _

**“Yes, well, it doesn’t really matter because I’m just signing papers. Why are you calling?”**

_ “Well, I wanted to share some exciting news!” _

**“…”**

_ “…” _

**“Are you waiting for me to ask you? Just say it!”**

_ “I’ve become a modern day cupid for star-crossed lovers! I think I should start a radio show. Something like…Love and Sex with Francis? Or Love, Sex and Francis?” _

**“…Are you trying to tell me you’re becoming a porn star?”**

_ “What? No! What gave you that idea?” _

**“Everything you just said, plus everything I know about you. And incidentally, that was also my dream last night.”**

_ “…” _

**“Don’t even say anything. I can hear your thoughts through the bloody phone and its embarrassing enough. Just…forget I said that.”**

_ “Ohohon, very well mon cher. Your secret fantasy is safe with me.” _

**“IT’S NOT MY BLOODY FANTASY! I was just trying to say that – It doesn’t even matter, you’re not going to listen…And for God’s sake, will you stop winking!”**

_ “How do you know I’m winking?” _

**“I just know.”**

_ “How well you know me. Well, in any case, I was just trying to say I’ve been the cupid in Romano and Antoine’s relationship.” _

**“ _Sigh_ …What did you do now?”**

_ “I just gave them a little push.” _

**“Did they need a push? I thought they were doing bloody fine.”**

_ “Le gasp! Do you even hear yourself? Do you realize what those two have been through?” _

**“Huh – what??”**

_ “They’ve basically had a phone-only relationship. How is that healthy? It’s like a modern-love disease. It’s tragique.” _

**“…I’m trying to read the subtext here, as subtle as it is, and it sounds like…you’re upset that they’re not sleeping with each other yet.”**

“Oui! Aren’t you?!”

**“Well…firstly, I am not as vicariously involved in my friend’s relationships as you seem to be…so I don’t suffer from the same secondhand sexual-frustration that I can only assume you’re undergoing.”**

_ “What? I’m not sexually frustrated!” _

**“…Right. I also don’t think Spain and Romano have a problem. They’re just not as…fast as you are. I mean, give them a break, they just started dating and it took them how many years to get here? I’m surprised they’ve already held hands.”**

_ “But that’s all the more reason they should be rushing to faire l’amour!” _

**“Oh, come on! Antonio’s as dense as a brick, and Romano’s basically a terrified sixteen-year-old. At least give them a month before you lock them in a hotel room together.”**

_ “I’m not locking them in a hotel room! I’m just giving them a better change of clothes.” _

**“What is that going to do?”**

_ “Ignite their carnal urges!” _

**“Wai-WHAT? Are we still talking about the same people?”**

_ “Mon dieu, why is everyone so surprised? Antonio is the country of passion! And Romano is a hot-blooded Italian!” _

**“Antonio was the country of passion maybe three hundred years ago. Now he’s like…the country of tomatoes or something. And Romano may be hot-blooded, but he’s still had more experience with the mafia than romance.”**

_ “…” _

**“…”**

_ “…So you’re saying maybe I should also lock them in a hotel room?” _

**“You fucking moron. What I’m saying is – just – I mean you have to know that – Oh I give up. Just do what you want.”**

_ “Excellent! I have to make some more arrangements, but I’ll keep you updated mon cher! À plus tard!” _

**“Hey, wai –”**

 

_ End Phone Call (11:03) _

 

* * *

 

April 11, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** Outgoing Call to Antonio (16:26): ** 

 

_Rin –_

_“Ah, hola Lovi! I’m so happy you called! I wanted to check in on you and see how you were doing! I also just wanted to tell you how –”_

**“God, calm down bastard. Why are you talking so fast?”**

_“Lo siento Lovi. It’s just that I was talking to Francis today and he said that –”_

**“Oh, hold on I’m getting another call.”**

_“Wait, I just need to say –”_

 

* * *

 

** Incoming Call from French Bastard (16:27): **

 

 _Ring_  

**“…”**

_ “Ah, bonjour Romano! You wouldn’t happen to be calling Antonio, now would you?” _

**“Does it matter?”**

_ “Well, I was just thinking that maybe you could skip this phone call, and just wait to talk to him tomorrow.” _

**“…Why?”**

_ “It’s just as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder!” _

**“We’re already more than a thousand miles away from each other, how much more fucking distance do you want?!”**

_ “Oh, come now. You don’t want to be bored with each other tomorrow.” _

“ **It’s just a stupid phone call. It’s not going to change anything.”**

_ “What if you become too dependent on your phone, and tomorrow, you don’t know how to act around him?” _

**“…I’ve known that damn tomato bastard for hundreds of years, that’s not going to happen.”**

_ “Wait, Romano! If you talk too much on the phone, Antonio will get bored with you!” _

**“He didn’t sound bored.”**

_ “Ah, of course not now! I mean tomorrow. It will have been less than twenty-four hours since you’ve talking to each other. That’s not going to help you come up with stimulating conversation.” _

**“Ugh, fine. I don’t give a fuck anymore. Just hang up.”**

_ “Really? You promise to hang up on Antonio?” _

**“Yeah, yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow.”**

_ “Ah, thank you Romano! I promise you won’t regret it!” _

**“Yeah.”**

 

** End Phone Call (16:35) **

 

* * *

 

** Return to Phone Call with Antonio (16:35): **

**“Hey bastard, that was Francis.”**  

_“Oh, really? What did he want?”_

**“He told me he’s paying for our dinner.”**

_“Oh, really? That’s so nice of him!”_

**“Yeah, I guess. Anyway, didn’t you want to say something?”**

_“Ah, si! I just wanted to tell you te amo!”_

**“…Huh?”**

_“Yeah, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you Lovi and that tomorrow I’ll try to make up for how boring I’ve been.”_

**“What are you talking about?”**

_“Well, I talked to Francis today and he told me you were feeling down because you thought I didn’t love you!”_

**“Fucking hell – I didn’t say anything to that bastard!”**

_“Oh…really?”_

**“Yes! That bastard is just trying to interfere for some reason.”**

_“So…do you know how much I love you then?”_

**“Yeah, yeah I know.”**

_“No, really! I would do anything for you mi amor!_

**“Yeah, I just said I –”**

_“I would pick up my battle axe and become a pirate again! I would walk all the way to Rome if you wanted to see me! I would kill a bull for you! I would serenade your window every night! I would pick up my battle axe and slay a dragon for y –”_

**“Oh my god, I get it! Shut up already! You’re sounding like an idiota again!”**

_“But I mean it!”_

**“I know, that’s what makes you an idiota.”**

_“What do you mean?”_

**“I just…I mean you don’t have to do all of that stuff for me.”**

_“But I want to!”_

**“I get that part, I just don’t get the…why.”**

_“Because te amo of course!”_

**“Yeah, I get that. You said that already. Damn it, are you dancing around my question on purpose, or are you really that dense?”**

_“…Ay, I’m really confused now.”_

**“Figures.”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“So…how was your day?”_

**“And we’re back to square one.”**

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Rome, Italy

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** From: Feli ** 

Feli (SENT 7:30): Buon giorno fratello! How are you doing? :D

Me (SENT 7:31): **Why the fuck are you up so early?**

Feli (SENT 7:31): Vee~ I’m leaving for Munich this morning! So I’m waiting at the train station

Me (SENT 7:32): **And you’re going there willingly?? Make him go to Italy. At least the food is better**

Feli (SENT 7:32): Well, he came to Italy last time, so it’s my turn to visit him!!  
Feli (SENT 7:33): What are you doing up so early?

Me (SENT 7:33): **I’m at the airport**

Feli (SENT 7:33): Vee~ really? Where are you going?

Me (SENT 7:34): **Paris**

Feli (SENT 7:34): Are you visiting big brother France?

Me (SENT 7:35): **Yeah, actually I’m leaving Antonio for him**

Feli (SENT 7:35): WHAT?? Really??? But you guys were so cute and Toni loves you so much!!

Me (SENT 7:35): **Damn it I was kidding. Stop being so gullible  
** Me (SENT 7:36): **Anyway, Antonio and I are freeloading a date off of Francis, so I’m meeting him there**

Feli (SENT 7:36): Well that sounds fun!! Paris is so romantic :)

Me (SENT 7:36): **We’ll see**

Feli (SENT 7:38): Do you have any plans about what you’re going to do with Toni?

Me (SENT 7:38): **I don’t know, I figured we’d go to some dumb museum, then climb the dumb arch, then have a dumb French dinner**

Feli (SENT 7:39): Vee~ that sound fun!  
Feli (SENT 7:39): Are you doing anything after? 

Me (SENT 7:39): **Walk around? There’s nothing to do in that damn city**

Feli (SENT 7:40): You two should stay at a hotel!

Me (SENT 7:44): **Why the fuck are you and Francis so desperate to pimp me off?**

Feli (SENT 7:44): Cosa? Francis had that idea too?

Me (SENT 7:45): **He even offered to pay for it. Damn it, you two should have your own show or something. Modern day pimps: Francis and Feliciano. Brothel Brothers: Francis and Feliciano  
** Me (SENT 7:45): **Well, you two can think of a title**

Feli (SENT 7:45): Heehee, I think Francis and I just want you and Toni to be happy

Me (SENT 7:45): **Well that’s nice. If you want that, then leave us the fuck alone**

Feli (SENT 7:46): Hey, that was mean!

Me (SENT 7:46): **Yeah, yeah. Go tattletale to Grandpa Rome and feel better**

Feli (SENT 7:47): Fine! But if you come asking me for sex advice, don’t think I’m going to help you!!

Me (SENT 7:48): **AS IF**

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

__

_ Outgoing Call to Romano (10:32_ _):_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“…”**

_ “Ah, bonjour Romano! Are you in Paris yet?” _

**“I just landed.”**

_ “Magnifique! Now just come to my house and I’ll make sure to fix everything, okay?” _

**“Why the fuck do I need fixing?”**

_ “Oh, come now. That’s just an expression. You’re perfectly handsome the way you are.” _

**“…Weirdo.”**

_ “Tsk, tsk. This weirdo might just be the savior of your relationship!” _

**“Right.”**

_ “Do you know how to get to my house, or should I send a car for you?” _

**“I’ll just take a damn taxi, don’t worry about it.”**

_ “Okay, mon cher. I’ll see you soon!” _

 

_ End Call (10:36) _

 

* * *

 

_ Incoming Call from Antoine (12:12): _

 

 _Ring_  

_ “Bonjour Tonie, comment ca va?” _

_“Ah, bueno Francis! I was just calling to say that I’m in Paris now. Should I just hang out at your apartment until Lovi’s here?”_

_ “Well actually –  _

**“Hey, watch it bastard! Don’t fucking touch my hair.”**

_“Wait – was that Lovi?”_

_ “Oh, yes that might have been him. He realized that all of his clothes were last season, so he’s came by to pick something up.” _

**“Excuse me? Who’s fucking clothes are last season? I was wearing a pretty damn expensive pair of Armani’s before you yanked me out of them!”**

_“So…should I just go to your house now then?”_

_ “Of course! Little Romano is all fixed up now. I’m just trying to…get that stubborn curl to lay down.” _

**“Dannazione! I said don’t touch my fucking hair! Just…get away from me you bastard!”**

_“Is everything okay over there Francis?”_

_ “Hm? Oh oui! It just turns out Romano’s hair is as stubborn as he is, but no worries, I will tame it.” _

**“The hell you will!”**

_“Okay, well I’m on my way now! So I’ll see you soon! Te amo Lovi!”_

**“Hurry up and get me out of here you bastard!”**

_ “I’ll see you soon Tonie! Everything is fine here! A bientôt! _

_  
_

_ End Call (12:16) _

 

* * *

 

12:50, April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

Oh, _Dios mio._  

I think I’ve forgotten how fancy Francis’s house is! Or maybe I’ve been hanging out at my house for too long. But Francis’s place has to be one of the most elaborate looking houses for a country I think.

He has a cute little Parisian townhouse – which I guess is already pretty expensive since it’s in downtown Paris. I mean, it’s probably worth as much as I owe my boss! Haha… _ay,_ that’s not really funny.

In any case, he has decorative ironwork that borders the windows and balconies, and the door is pretty with nice wood and fancy glass windows. There are even gardenias – or whatever they’re called – sitting in boxes outside of the balconies.

Ah, I wonder if Lovi and I can have a nice house one day. I certainly have a better garden than Francis: I have tomatoes (lots of tomatoes), roses, orange trees, lemon trees, spanish bluebells, lilies, lettuce plants, basil, and some sunflowers. But my house…well, it’s not much to look at any more. It’s big, since I built it when I was still a pirate and very wealthy, but I had to return and sell a lot of my stuff to my boss, so it’s pretty empty on the inside.

But if Lovi were there it wouldn’t be so empty!

I gazed up at Francis’s house once more, taking in all of its four stories, then pressed the buzzer.

_Bzz_

…

_ “Ah, is that you Antoine?” _

_“Si, it’s me! Can I come in?”_

**“…Hey, I told you to stop messing with that!”**

_“Francis?”_

_ “Ah, désolé mon cher! I was adjusting…something…But you were saying?” _

_“Can I come up?”_

_ “Oui, of course! May I ask first if you figured out how to tie a tie?” _

_“Haha, ay, I’m afraid I didn’t. Do you think you can –”_

_ “Oui, oui, I will. Today I’m rather accustomed to dealing with fashion-challenged idiots.” _

_“Huh?”_

_ “Okay, I’m buzzing you in!” _

_Bzz_

I pressed down on the handle and opened the door. Just like always, the moment I entered Francis’s house I was greeted with the very strong aroma of roses, which of course – after I looked around the lobby a bit – I found were coming from his favorite scented candles. I always thought it was a bit dangerous to have so many candles lit in your home, but somehow, nothing ever bad happens to Francis.

“Ah, Antoine, there you are!” I turned around to face the spiraling staircase and saw Francis skipping down gracefully.

“Wow Francis, you look a bit –”

“Worn out. _Oui,_ I know. _C'est un sacrifice pour l'amour._ I swear the things I do for you and Gilbert,” Francis stopped to pose on the staircase, and wiped his hair away from his face dramatically.

“Ah… _lo siento_?” I replied slowly, unsure of how to respond.

Francis laughed lightly and continued trotting down the steps, then he stopped in front of me and (uncharacteristically) fist-pumped. “ _Oui!_ I’ve done it! I’ve changed you back!”

“Changed me back? Oh – you mean the clothes you gave me?” I looked down at my fancy, grey-green suit and shiny, black shoes.

“No, no! I mean – well yes. That certainly! But you’re back to your old self!” Francis grasped my hands and gripped them very tightly.

“I don’t know what you’re –”

“ _Bastardo,_ is that Antonio down there? Why the fuck are you trying to keep my trapped in your creepy ass bedroom all day? There are about one hundred smelly candles, and I swear every move I make there’s like a fifty-fifty percent chance I’m going to come out alive!"

Francis and I both jerked our heads back to the staircase and I saw the back of Lovino stomping down the staircase. Even though he was yelling, I immediately smiled at the sound of his voice – it’s been so long since I’ve seen him in person! But I heard Francis sigh, “ungrateful brat,” and I felt him let go of my hands.

I was really excited for Lovi to turn around, and I could finally see his adorable, red face. I was so excited I almost couldn’t stand it. But then Lovi turned around and it was my turn to be socially awkward.

He was just – has he always been…so incredibly cute?

Lovino seemed just as stunned as I was, because he just froze a few steps up on the staircase, gripping the railing tighter and tighter as we continued staring at each other like _idiotas._ Which I guess we are haha.

But seriously! Since when has Lovino been so – I mean I always knew he was cute and beautiful – but I’ve never seen him look so…handsome before. He’s wearing a shiny-ish, grey suit with a dark, maroon tie and black shoes; and although Lovino’s dressed up plenty at World Meetings and stuff, he’s never looked _this_ fancy. His hair is even combed and parted, although his usual, stubborn curl is still bouncing off of his head like usual, which is slightly comforting.

Just as I was about to say something and ignore how hot my face had become, Lovino’s eyebrows dropped menacingly low, and he frowned in Francis’s direction and yelled, “You damn, sneaky, meddling, weird ass bastard! Was this your fucking plan?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Francis smiled deviously, and winked in my direction.

“Am I supposed to know what you’re talking about?” I asked dumbly, and Francis rolled his eyes in disappointment.

“ _Mon Dieu,_ you two never cease to amaze me.” Francis narrowed his eyes on me again, and he honed in on my undone tie. “Ah, one day _mon cher,_ you must learn how to do this yourself. I can’t keep – oh _attendez.”_ Francis folded his arms behind his back and looked up at Lovino. “Romano, come down here and help Tonie with his tie. He needs help, the poor thing.”

Lovino reddened more (I don’t know if it’s more from anger or embarrassment) and hesitantly took his remaining steps down; all the while, keeping his glare directed at Francis, and never once looking in my direction.

Francis stepped out of the way, and Lovino paused in front of me. “H-hey…bastard.”

“Um, hi!...Lovi.” I finished weakly, suddenly very frightened that I can’t tap into my words like usual.

Lovi stretched out his hands tentatively, then pulled them back and turned to Francis.

“Why can’t he tie his own fucking tie? I’m not his fucking valet or whatever the hell it’s called!”

“Ah, ah! What did I tell you earlier? Curse words are not very becoming of you.”

“As if I give a flaming fuck what you think of me! It’s your damn fault we can’t even talk to each other! Why the hell did you have to dress him up like that? He looks like – like a – fucking – I don’t know what! But I sure as hell don’t like it!”

“Wait, what do you mean Lovi?” I piped up and tried to get his attention.

Lovi waved his hand in my general direction and said, “Not now, I’m trying to make a point.”

“Hm, are you sure you don’t like it? Or is it that you like it too much?” Francis grinned and winked at me…again.

“Francis, I still don’t get the winking!” I exclaimed, slightly exasperated. _Ay,_ why is everyone so confusing right now. Lovino’s too attractive and really angry and Francis is talking in riddles that he thinks I should understand? He knows I’m not that smart, so he should be dumbing this down for me.

Fortunately for me, Lovino turned around, though he was still very angry looking, and yelled, “ _Idiota,_ don’t you see what he’s doing? He planned this whole thing so that we’d both end up here looking like handsome morons that don’t know how to act around each other!”

“Oh, I see – wait. You think I’m handsome?” I smiled, and I felt some of my embarrassment slip away.

“Give me a fucking break. You looked in the goddamn mirror before you left. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know! And you know what?” Lovino turned around, pulled back his arm and punched Francis in the stomach. “I’m pissed off and starving, my head hurts, my shoes are too damn tight, and it feels like my face is on fire! And since it’s all your fault – you pretentious, snail-eating, bastard – you’re going to pay for our fucking dinner and shut up for the rest of the day!”

Francis muttered a few French curse words and a lot of painful groaning, but slowly he took out his pretty purple wallet and pulled out a few hundred Euro.

“ _Grazie,_ that’ll be fine,” Lovino said and he yanked the bills from Francis’s hand and jerked the door open. Then his eyes flicked to me hesitantly and he added a bit more quietly, “Come on bastard, let’s get out of here.”

I grinned instantly and skipped to catch up with him.

But before I closed the door, and whispered hurriedly to Francis, “ _Lo siento,_ Francis! I’ll make sure to pay you back later! Lovino’s just a bit hungry, I promise!” I waited for a beat for Francis to reply, and I think he did, but it was too garbled for me to understand so I sad sorry once more and shut the door.

Lovino was standing on the sidewalk counting the money he grabbed, and I marveled once again at what a job Francis did. I think the main thing is that Lovino looks just so grown up. I’m not accustomed to seeing him as any older than a teenager. But I guess technically he’s a lot older than that haha.

“Lovino!” I called out, and chuckled slightly when he jumped and dropped the money. Then I bounced down the steps and hurried to his side to try and catch the money before it got caught in the wind.

“ _Bastardo_ …don’t scare me like that,” Lovino mumbled and grasped another bill.

As we were picking up bills mindlessly, our hands met and we both looked up foolishly.

I was the first to smile, when Lovino was still staring at me blankly; but then all of a sudden he frowned and wrenched the bill from underneath my hand.

“W-Why the fuck are we acting like stupid girls! I was never this nervous around you.” Lovino stood up, shoved the money in his pocket and crossed his arms.

I laughed lightly and asked, “Do you think it’s the clothes?”

“Come on _idiota._ We’re not that stupid. Clothes don’t change anything. We’ve seen each other thousands of times before.”

“Yeah, but I’ve never seen you in a suit like that,” I said playfully, and gave him another once over.

Lovino flushed red and quickly stepped hard on my foot. But just as I was about to fake cry and make a dumb comment, I noticed Lovino lost his balance and started falling backwards. So I grasped his hands quickly and flipped him around so that I was the one who fell to the ground back first, and Lovino collapsed on top of me.

“God-fucking-bitch-God-damn-it – Hey! Hey, Antonio are you okay?”

My eyes fluttered open and I saw Lovino hovering over me wide-eyed and somehow reminiscent of the little Lovino who lived with me in Spain.

“Oh, _si, si,_ Lovi. I’m fine,” I muttered and lifted one hand up to pat his head.

Lovino swatted my hand away and frowned, “Damn bastard. That’s what you get for saying that dumb shit.” Lovino pressed his hands to the sidewalk and began lifting himself off of the ground – so I swiftly grasped the color of his suit and pulled him down for a kiss.

I ended up breaking the kiss because I couldn’t contain my laughter, and unfortunately, that seemed to make Lovi even madder.

“You fucking tomato bastard! Don’t say stupid shit, make me fall, kiss me, and then laugh at me! I’m still really pissed off at the damn French bastard!”

I tried to stop laughing and focus on Lovino’s face, and I saw that his gold-brown eyes were shining slightly emotional.

So more slowly this time, I reached up and grasped his cute little chin, and brought his wide-eyed face to meet mine in another kiss. As usual, Lovino doesn’t do much when we kiss. I think he’s too scared, which is really, super cute. But eventually, he becomes a bit bolder and he presses back with a little bit of that Italian passion I know he has somewhere.

But this time he broke the kiss. Then he looked me straight in the eyes and deadpanned, “You know we’re in the middle of a fucking sidewalk, right?”

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

_  
_

_ To: Angleterre _ 

Me (SENT 14:32): _Arthur, you’ll never believe this but Lovino just punched me!_

Angleterre (SENT 14:38): **Oh really? Where?**

Me (SENT 14:38): _My beautiful stomach! Can you believe that?_

Angleterre (SENT 14:39): **Considering what you’ve been doing, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner honestly.  
** Angleterre (SENT 14:39): **Lest you forget, it was Romano you were dealing with.  
** Angleterre (SENT 14:40): **I feel as though you signed that waiver knowingly.**

Me (SENT 14:40): _Please mon cher, I don’t have the energy for you sassy, English comments. I want sympathy!_

Angleterre (SENT 14:41): **Sassy, English comments?? What the bloody hell does that mean?**

Me (SENT 14:41): _Oh come now. We both know you like to banter with silly, albeit sometimes hurtful, sarcastic comments  
_ Me (SENT 14:42): _Isn’t poor little Alfred proof of that?_

Angleterre (SENT 14:42): **Don’t you dare bring up Alfred. I already feel guilty enough as it is thank you.  
** Angleterre (SENT 14:43): **And in any case, don’t you hate him?? Why the hell does it matter to you?**

Me (SENT 14:43): I don’t hate him. I don’t think I hate anyone really. That would be rather inconvenient since I have to see everyone more than once a month  
Me (SENT 14:43): I do think the Américain is stupid and naïve, but he is quite young after all  
Me (SENT 14:44): He also doesn’t have the same violent streak that Romano has which is something I can appreciate right now  
Me (SENT 14:44): And speaking of violence, can you please ask how my delicate stomach is feeling??

Angleterre (SENT 14:47): **Shush. I’m thinking.**

Me (SENT 14:47): _Did you just shush me?? This is texting!_

Angleterre (SENT 14:48): **My phone vibrates, so it makes plenty of racket. Now shut up, I’m thinking.**

Me (SENT 14:48): _Le sigh. Very well, what are you thinking about mon cher?_

Angleterre (SENT 14:51): **Do you think I should apologize to Alfred?**

Me (SENT 14:51): Is that even a question? Of course you should! He’s annoying when he’s happy at the World Meetings, but can you imagine what it would be like if he was depressed?  
Me (SENT 14:51): Mon dieu, it would be a catastrophe. All of a sudden the entire world would be upside down  
Me (SENT 14:51): Trust me Arthur, a sad Américain is not something you want to have

Arthur (SENT 14:55): **I guess you’re right…**

Me (SENT 14:55): _You guess??_

Arthur (SENT 14:56): **Fine, I know you’re right. I just don’t like being wrong damn it.**

Me (SENT 14:56): _Well, that’s fine. It’s all a part of growing up mon amour  
_ Me (SENT 14:57): _Now can we please talk about me now??_

Arthur (SENT 14:58): **Sshh, maybe later. I need to outline my apology to Alfred.**

Me (SENT 14:59): _You draft your apologies??_

Arthur (SENT 15:00): **Oh, please. As if you didn’t already know that.**

 

* * *

 

15:45, April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

I’m still pissed off as hell at that damn candle-loving bastard, but… 

At least the rest of the day went sort of okay. For being in stupid Paris anyway.

Antonio kept looking at me with that same strange expression I’d never seen before, and sometimes, like during lunch, he would pet my hair and say “so cute” in that stupid ass voice of his. I don’t know what’s going on in his Spanish brain, but it’s not me who looks all that different. I mean for Christ’s sakes I wear damn suits all the time; and definitely ones that were better looking than this! It’s Antonio that’s the real surprise here. I don’t think he’s worn anything more upscale than a pair of jeans and a t-shirt for about…I don’t give a fuck about math, but since he was a pirate, okay?

And although, I was admittedly a bit…shocked as hell to see him like that, I think I’m getting over it. When he acts like his same stupid self, and doesn’t know how to tie his tie, and fidgets with his buttons and all that, I let my guard down and I feel like I’m with stupid Antonio again.

But then sometimes it’s like a giant switch in his brain is pulled – because he can only have two settings, the simple bastard – and he turns back into his pirate self or something. I mean, it’s still Antonio as a fucking pirate, so it’s not as if he’s as bad as England or something. But it still makes me fucking uncomfortable.

For instance, stupid Antonio pets my hair and calls me “cute,” and then other Antonio yanks me backwards by my fucking blazer when I’m in line to buy some damn champagne and kisses me in front of the whole fucking store! And sure some people clapped and whistled – which I returned with death stares – but the majority were as stunned as I was.

I did get my champagne for free though.

But anyway, now that we’re at the stupid Louvre – and we’re by far the most well dressed people here which is already fucking creepy – I’m hoping Antonio will tone things down a bit. Because I swear if my face gets any redder than it already is I’m going to have a fucking aneurysm or something.

“Hey Lovi, what do you want to see first?” Antonio asked as he stared at the sort of outline for the museum.

“I don’t care,” I mumbled, and loosened my tie a bit.

“Why don’t we go see the Mona Lisa? It’s been a while since I’ve seen it!”

“What the – fuck no! Are you trying to get me pissed off? There’s no way I’m going to see what that damn Frenchman stole from –”

Antonio interrupted by rant by caressing my hair and saying, “Lovino, it’s okay. I was just kidding.” He smiled at me then added, “I sort of wanted to see their ancient statues anyway!”

“Fine,” I mumbled, and started marching towards the Ancient artwork wing of the Louvre. This place is about as big as Francis’s ego I swear to fucking God.

I heard Antonio skip behind me, and then felt him grasp my left hand silently, and I just turned my head to the side.

 

* * *

 

“Wow, isn’t this amazing Lovi?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at how well it’s carved!”

“Yeah.”

“It’s like she’s actually walking, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“…Lovi are you paying attention?”

“Yeah.” I muttered, and I felt Antonio poke my cheek. I turned my head back around, and saw Antonio frowning at me. “What the fuck was that for?”

“You’re ignoring me! And Nicky!”

“Who the _fuck_ is Nicky?”

“The statue!” Spain exclaimed, and waved in its general direction behind him.

“ _Mio Dio_ – that’s Nike of Victory! Not fucking Nicky!” I yelled and glared at the people who began looking at us instead of the statue.

“ _Si, lo sè!_ It’s just my cute nickname for her!” Spain smiled and I just rolled my eyes at him.

“Whatever,” I replied tiredly, and resumed looking behind me.

“Hey, what are you trying to find Lovi?”

“Um…” I paused to deliberate whether I should tell him or not. Maybe not. “Nothing. Just people watching.”

Antonio seemed satisfied with my answer, because he just smiled and turned back to the statue.

I thought about telling him that I’m about ninety percent sure we’re being followed, but also, it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing I should tell him. I mean, I’m still ten percent unsure there even is a guy in black leather jacket and jeans with Italian looking sneakers and obvious Prada sunglasses hanging out about fifty steps behind us since we left Francis’s place.

And I have about five ideas who this guy is – if there is a guy – and they all rhyme with raffia.

“Hey Lovi, do you want to keep going?”

I turned back around reluctantly and tried to feign my usual disinterest. “Sure, whatever.”

Antonio seized my hand again, and we started wandering in another direction.

We walked for a long ass time, and I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure that guy wasn’t still there, but when we started getting into more crowded areas, like the French Romantic and Neoclassical painters, everything got a lot more confusing. Eventually, Antonio decided to stop in front of some French painter’s needlessly gigantic painting, and I was free to keep watch again.

“Lovi…” I heard Antonio say somewhere very far away.

“Yeah,” I replied slowly and froze when I saw those Prada sunglasses again.

“What’s wrong?” Antonio asked as he pulled me away from my stance to face him.

“Nothing,” I said to quickly.

“Lovi….” Antonio lowered his voice, and hardened his face and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep this a secret any longer from him. Damn it.

I sighed and then stepped impossible closer to him, so I could whisper quietly, “Um…have you noticed a…guy…maybe following us?”

“Huh?” Antonio replied automatically and I groaned slightly from annoyance.

“I think there might be a guy…following us,” I said slowly, so that maybe he could understand.

Antonio froze in front of my face, and I wondered if he was making the calculations in his simple tomato brain. Then all of a sudden other Antonio seemed to appear when his green eyes stopped twinkling carelessly and flashed that peculiar seriousness.

He grabbed my hand and started weaving me through the crowd, which was surprisingly nimble for him. I tried to yell at him a few times and tell him to calm down, but he didn’t seem to hear me – or maybe he was just ignoring me – and he kept leading me through the hallways, and down the stairs, and into the general lobby of the Louvre.

“H-hey! Hey you bastard!” I tried to shout at him, and Spain just pulled me onto the exit escalator and started running up the stairs. I sneered slightly and said, “God fucking damn it – You’re going to make me fall!”

“Don’t worry Lovi! We’re almost safe!” Spain yelled down at me.

“Oh my God, did you think I was worried?”

Spain stopped at the top of the escalator to catch his breath, and I yanked my hand out of his grip to wander over to a bench nearby.

“Lovi, where…are you going?” Spain whined, and he hobbled over slightly winded.

“I’m just…sitting down.” I panted, and tried to fix my hair. Spain sat down next to me and I repeated, “Why did you think I was worried?”

“Because…you said there was someone following you. I was just trying to make you safe!”

“ _Dannazione,_ how many fucking times do I have to explain this to you. I deal with the mafia on a regular basis and –”

“You think he was from the _mafia_?” Spain widened his eyes, and I tossed my head back in frustration.

“Of course he was from the fucking mafia. What other enemies do I have?”

“Oh, I thought it might have been Turkey or something,” Spain mumbled, and he averted his gaze to his shoes.

“You always think it’s Turkey,” I replied and started undoing my tie altogether. I can’t breath with this fucking snake around my neck.

“That’s not fair Lovi. I was really worried that time when he caught you.”

I turned to face him and saw Spain hunched over his knees and clasping his hands together weakly.

“ _Mi dispiace,”_ I apologized softly, and I tossed the tie into the trashcan.

Spain looked up at me and even though he wasn’t smiling, I could tell I was forgiven.

“Why do you think the mafia’s following you?”

“Tsk, for the usual reasons. They’re probably trying to scare me into making their boss the boss of all bosses,” I started thinking of my last meeting with them, and I added, “What a stupid thing to fight about.”

“Are they going to try and hurt you?” Spain asked, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“They’re going to try,” I snickered, then glanced down at Antonio’s silent face. “Oh, come on. It’s not as if those _idiotas_ will actually touch me! I’m good at dealing with the mafia.”

Antonio pursed his lips pensively, and looked away. Then he asked, “Lovi, can I ask you something?”

“Saying no has never stopped you before.”

“Have you ever…killed someone?”

I tried to stop, but I couldn’t help but smile ridiculously; and when Antonio’s eyes widened when I started laughing.

“What – does that mean yes?” Antonio pushed himself up and tried to peer at my face.

“ _Oh, andiamo._ Do you want me to ask if you’ve ever killed someone?” I tried to turn down my smile, but I was still really entertained.

Antonio frowned and cupped his chin in his palm. “You know I don’t like talking about that.”

“ _Si lo so,_ ” I replied a bit too happily and I stood up from the bench. I checked my phone and said, “It’s getting close to six. Should we try to find a place to eat?”

Antonio didn’t look up at me, and continued pouting.

“Come on, I’ll pay,” I held up Francis’s cash and smirked slightly. Antonio flicked his eyes to me and smiled softly.

“Okay,” He said, and slowly stood up from the bench.

But before we could walk away, I saw a giant raindrop fall on Antonio’s nose and we both paused.

“W-was that…?” I asked hesitantly, and deliberately avoided looking at the sky to confirm.

Then a raindrop fell on my head, and a few more fell, and one minute later a constant rain shower was hovering over Paris.

“God _fucking_ damn it,” I yelled and stomped my foot on the pavement. “I fucking hate rain. And it’s going to ruin this damn sui – oh well I don’t really care about that. But my hair! Argh, and the money!” I felt my voice rise more and more and I could feel myself starting to panic.

Of course, Antonio seemed strangely calm, and was just looking around at the hundreds of reasonable people scrambling to find shelter.

“Why the fuck are you just standing there? We have to get out of this rain now, damn it!” I shouted at him, and it seemed that Antonio came to attention again.

Swiftly, he grasped my hand, and we were running again. “Okay _mi amor!_ Where to this time?”

“I don’t give a fuck! We just have to get out of the rain _now!”_

Antonio squeezed my hand reassuringly and laughed, “I’m not sure if any restaurant is going to let us in like this. Should we go back to Francis’s place?”

“Do you even have to ask? Of course not _idiota_!”

“Okay then…well we could go back to my hotel room and dry off. Would that be better?”

I pressed my lips together and didn’t say anything at first. Then I heard the loud rumble of thunder, and I shouted, “Fine, fine! Whatever! Just get me the fuck out of this rain!”

“Of course _mi querido tomate!”_

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** To: Feli ** 

Me (SENT 19:32): **Don’t say anything, because I know your dumb mouth will want to  
** Me (SENT 19:32): **But I’m in a hotel with Antonio**

Feli (SENT 19:34): VEEEEEEEEEE~  
Feli (SENT 19:34): VEEEEEEEEEE~  
Feli (SENT 19:34): VEEEEEEEEEE~

Me (SENT 19:35): **OH SHUT THE FUCK UP  
** Me (SENT 19:35): **Don’t get too excited. We’re just drying off our clothes**

Feli (SENT 19:35): :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Me (SENT 19:35): **What are you?? Five??  
** Me (SENT 19:36): **It’s not as if anything’s happening. Antonio’s taking a shower and I’m borrowing some of his stupid, giant ass clothes**

Feli (SENT 19:36): ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

Me (SENT 19:36): **WHAT  
** Me (SENT 19:37): **Damn it I give up, use your goddamn words**

Feli (SENT 19:37): Vee~

Me (SENT 19:38): **If I was with you right now, I would punch you  
** Me (SENT 19:38): **I would punch you right in the gut like I did to Francis**

Feli (SENT 19:38): O: O: O: O:

Me (SENT 19:38): **How are we related? I’m serious. I just want someone to explain that to me right now. How the fuck are you and I related??**

Feli (SENT 19:39): Vee~ Have fun Lovi! Tell me all about it tomorrow ;) ;)

Me (SENT 19:40): **You’re officially on my hit list fratello. Watch out**

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Munich, Germany

 

Feliciano’s iPhone:

 

To: Big Brother France 

Me (SENT 19:41): THEY’RE IN A HOTEL!!!!

Big Brother France (SENT 19:41): _OUI!!! VIVE LA RESISTANCE!!_

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, London, England

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** From: Francis ** 

Francis (SENT 19:41): _THEY’RE IN A HOTEL!!!_

Me (SENT 19:41): **Hurrah.**

 

* * *

 

April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

_ Francis’s iPhone: _

_  
_

_ To: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Antoine and Gilbert) _

Me (SENT 19:42): _THEY’RE IN A HOTEL!!!!_

Gilbert (SENT 19:43): **_Who??_**

Me (SENT 19:43): _Tonie and Romano!!_

Gilbert (SENT 19:43): **_Oh really?? What for_**

Me (SENT 19:44): _What do you think Gilbert??_

Gilbert (SENT 19:44): **_I dont know, to play pranks on the bellboys_**

Me (SENT 19:45): _Le sigh. No, think a bit more romantically than that  
_ Me (SENT 19:45): _If possible_

Gilbert (SENT 19:45): ** _I dont know. Are they there to have a sleepover or something?_**

Me (SENT 19:46): _Close! They’re having an adult sleepover_

Gilbert (SENT 19:48): **_OOOOOOOoooooohhhhhhhh_**

Me (SENT 19:48): _See! I knew our friend wasn’t lost to us yet ;)_

Gilbert (SENT 19:49): **_Wait, why are you texting in the group message_**

Me (SENT 19:49): _I’m not texting in the group message_

Gilbert (SENT 19:49): **_Ja, you are_**

Me (SENT 19:50): _Merde_

 

* * *

 

19:52, April 12, 2008, Paris, France

 

“Lovi!” I called out, and looked around the room. I didn’t see him on my bed or on the couch, so I yelled again, “Lovi? Where are you?” 

I heard some sort of mumble near the bed so I wandered over there.

“Lovi?” I said again, and a hand through my wet hair.

“D-down here,” Lovi mumbled softly, so softly I almost didn’t hear him.

I looked on the floor and saw his hand peaking from under the bed, and he shyly poked his head too.

I immediately knelt to the floor and whispered soothingly, “Hey, what’s wrong _mi amor_?”

A few tears fell from Lovino’s eyes and he was about to say something until thunder struck and he curled back underneath the bed.

“Lovi?” I said again, and peaked underneath the bed. Lovino was staring at me, but all I could see was the sparkle in his eyes. “Are you still afraid of thunder?”

Lovino didn’t say anything, and I tried to reach under the bed to pull him out.

“You can come out Lovi. I won’t let anything happen to you,” I smiled automatically, though I’m not sure if Lovi can tell. He didn’t move any one way or another so I added, “I would come under there, but I don’t think I can fit. Do you mind coming out for me?”

I heard Lovino sigh, and quietly he crawled out from under the bed. I saw tear streaks had already stained his cheeks and his hair was messy and out of order. Then he looked up at me with his shining brown eyes and it felt like I was looking at baby Romano from all of those years ago.

“ _Vamos querido,”_ I said softly and held out my arms for Lovino. Of course, he didn’t fall into the hug – just like when he was little – so I had to creep forward and hug him myself. And just like in the past, Lovino would tentatively grip my back, and I would carry him onto the bed. Although this time, it wasn’t my bed in Spain.

I held him for a little bit, until his breathing calmed down and I felt his eyelashes flutter against my neck slowly.

“You know what’s funny?” I asked suddenly and waited a beat for Lovino to respond if he wanted. He didn’t, of course. “You act so brave about some things. Like the mafia and beating people up…And sometimes, like today, you even look so grown up and old. Then all of a sudden, you turn back into the little Romano I took in so many years ago.” 

“Yeah…whatever,” Lovino mumbled tiredly.

“Are you hungry at all?”

“…Kind of,” Lovino admitted, and I chuckled against his hair.

“Do you want me to order room service?” I asked as I already reached for the hotel menu and placed it on my lap.

“Sure.”

“What do you want?”

“Just pasta is fine.”

“Uh, they don’t have pasta.” I said hesitantly, and I felt Lovino’s cheeks heat up.

“What?”

“They don’t –”

“I heard you. Fuck – um, pizza then.”

“…They don’t have pizza.”

“You gotta be shitting me.”

“Oh! They have paella!”

“No they fucking don’t,” Lovino said and grabbed the menu from my hand. “Who the fuck has paella and doesn’t have pasta or pizza? What sort of hotel is this?”

“It’s not a very fancy hotel Lovi,” I laughed and picked up the phone to call in our order.

“Is this a Spanish hotel or something?” Lovino asked and rolled off of my lap.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“I’m just going to wash my face. Get me whatever you’re getting,” He replied tiredly, and I heard the bathroom door shut behind him.

After I ordered our dinner, I grew bored waiting for Lovi so I unplugged my phone from it’s charger and checked for any messages. When I looked at Francis’s though, I felt my entire face heat up, and that’s when Lovino walked out.

“What happened to you? Francis send you a naked photo of himself or something?” Lovino asked sarcastically, and I was slightly relieved to hear his usual self again.

“Oh, no! Haha! I – just read something…funny and laughed really hard,” I lied poorly and locked my phone and threw it back on the side-table.

“No you didn’t. I was about ten feet away, I would’ve heard your stupid laugh,” Lovino smirked and crawled back on the bed. “You’re also a terrible liar, you know.”

“ _Ay,_ really? I mean, I wasn’t lying! Haha!” I backed away from Lovino slightly and nearly fell out of the bed.

“Whatever, I don’t care. You can’t keep a secret for very long anyway,” Lovino smiled mischievously and then reached across me to pick something off of the table.

“W-What are you doing?”

“I’m getting the fucking remote. What does it look like?” Lovino frowned in my face, then sat back down against the pillows. I glanced at him briefly to see him turning off the TV, then I grabbed my phone off the table and stared at the messages again.

An adult sleepover? I think I know what Francis means by that, but is that what Lovi’s expecting? Was that Francis’s plan? Ay, I don’t think I can do this yet. I assumed Lovino would need a few months or something, which I was fine with because I know how scared he is of romance and everything (which is so cute!). But in all honesty, I’m probably more nervous than he is.

“Antonio!” I heard Lovino shout, and I turned to find Lovino staring at me with one eyebrow raised. “Is soccer okay with you?”

“Uh, _si, si!_ Anything you want _mi amor!”_ I laughed awkwardly and threw my phone back on the table.

“Damn it, will you be careful with that? You already broke one phone by flinging it around everywhere.”

“Well actually I just threw it once agains –”

“Yeah, yeah, against the wall. I know. Don’t remind me,” Lovino huffed, and fluffed his pillows a bit before leaning back on them. “So how’s your soccer team doing?”

“Huh?”

“Your soccer team. How’s it doing?”

“Oh, uh….Haha, that’s funny. I don’t really know!” I said a bit too loudly and tried to avoid staring at Lovino.

“Figures…” Lovi mumbled, and crossed his arms across his chest.

_Knock, Knock_

“Oh, that must be our food,” I jumped from the bed and ran to the door.

I smiled at the employee and took the food from him quickly with a happy “thank you”.

“Hungry, weren’t you?” Lovi said as I wandered back into the room, and I chuckled.

“ _Si,_ maybe so.” I replied as I set our food down on the bed.

Lovino pulled the sleeves of the shirt I lent him back up – they’re a bit too big so has to fold them a few times. I couldn’t help but smile at the outfit he was wearing. He’s so cute!

“What?” Lovi deadpanned as he began stabbing his meat with his fork.

“Hm,” I hummed as I passed him a napkin.

“You were staring at me. Why?”

“Oh, you just look so cute!” I sing-songed, and Lovino’s face reddened considerably. “I’m just reminded by how small you are when you wear my clothes!”

“Excuse me?” Lovino yelled with his mouth slightly full. “I’m not fucking small! I’m five foot eight and a half! That’s a perfectly normal height for an Italian! You’re just too damn tall!”

“I wouldn’t say six feet is that tall,” I chuckled and felt Lovi nudge me with his elbow.

We ate in rather comfortable silence. Occasionally, Lovino would yell at the Italian soccer team on TV, though I’m pretty sure this is a rerun, but for the most part we ate our paella and drank our free champagne.

After we finished, I took Lovino’s plate and mine and set them back on the tray, then moved it outside of the door for the staff to pick up.

When I came back in Lovino was still sitting cross-legged against the pillows, but this time he was checking his phone and frowning.

“What’s wrong?” I asked and walked around the bed to sit on the other side.

“Just a stupid ass text from Feli,” Lovino mumbled and dropped his phone back on the covers.

“Oh,” Was all I said, and I picked up my phone again absentmindedly.

“Did you get a text from Francis?” Lovino asked without looking at me, and I laughed without thinking.

“What? What are you talking about Lovi?”

“Okay, let me rephrase that. I know you got a text from Francis. He and Feli have been conspiring this for days. Knowing them, it could have even been weeks.” Lovino dropped his cheek in his palm and sighed.

“Ah, well then. Maybe I did get a text from him, but he didn’t mean to send it to me,” I chuckled again, though it still didn’t sound right.

“Yeah, that sounds like the bastard.”

I turned to Lovi and wondered why his expression seemed so…sad? Or maybe it’s annoyed? It could be tired. They all look sort of similar on Lovi.

Hesitantly, and very, very unwillingly, I asked, “Um, d-did you…want to?”

Without looking at me, Lovino mumbled, “Huh?”

“Uh, did you want to… _you know_?” I finished lamely and was stunned a few inches back when Lovi turned his head violently to face me.

“What?” He asked levelly, and I briefly worried that maybe I said something that insulted him. “Did Francis tell you to ask that?”

“N-no! Well, in a way, I guess he did. But…I mean, I’m just asking in general,” I muttered and started playing nervously with my hands.

“I – I,” Lovi started, and his face flushed an even darker shade of red (which if we were in a different situation I might comment on) and he stared at me wordlessly. Then he groaned and said, “I can’t.”

I didn’t mean to, but as soon as those words left his lips I smiled and breathed a sigh of relief.

“Ah, that’s good.” I leaned back against the bed and relaxed my face.

“Good? What do you mean good?” Lovino yelled and I opened my eyes again.

“Oh, I just meant –”

“No, I know what you meant. You meant I’m not good enough, damn it!” Lovino huffed and recrossed his arms.

“Ay, no, no, no _mi querido_! That’s not what I meant at all,” I pushed myself back up and tried to wrap my arms around Lovi.

“Yeah, right,” Lovi muttered and kept his face pointed away from me.

I kissed his cheek gently and said, “I just meant I don’t think I could either…right now.”

Lovino turned around slowly and narrowed his eyes.

“Huh?”

“Um, I’m just a bit nervous,” I admitted with a small smile.

“You’re nervous? Why the fuck are you nervous?” Lovino yelled and scrunched his eyebrows together.

“Because, I mean…It’s you Lovi. I don’t want to mess anything up with you.”

“Oh,” Was all Lovi said and he turned back around. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then he mumbled, “I’m nervous too…bastard. So you don’t need to worry about anything.”

He was so cute, I immediately hugged him tight and laughed when he tried to crawl out of my grip.

“Hey – hey! Don’t get carried away now!” Lovino tried to say against my chest, and he gripped my shoulders to try and push himself off. “Hey! I said let go goddamn it!”

“Hmm, Lovi I think I’m getting sleepy,” I pretended to yawn and kept my arms tight around him so that he couldn’t get away.

“Oh no you don’t! I know what you’re doing here. Do you think that same lame ass game is going to work now?” Lovino pushed again, and I stifled a giggle at how hard he was resisting.

“Mm, I think it’s too late Lovi. I’m already falling asleep,” I smiled, and then I fell back against the covers and took Lovi with me. “And now for the lights!” I announced and reached quickly for the switch.

“Damn it – now it’s fucking dark in here! Are you doing this on purpose? You already know the three things I hate most in the world.”

“Thunderstorms, potatoes and the dark. Yep, I know!”

“Then why are you so damn happy?”

“Because we’re together right now!” I said, and pulled back slightly to see Lovino’s frustrated face.

“I don’t like the dark,” He insisted, and his eyes sparkled mysteriously in the few rays of moonlight that leaked through the window blinds.

“Aww, it’s okay _mi amor,_ ” I smiled and kissed his forehead. “I’m here to protect you."

Lovino laughed softly and said, “That’s about all you can do, huh?”

“Hm, I can also protect you from thunderstorms, and I can chop any potatoes that come your way with my battle axe!” I proclaimed, and I heard Lovino laugh again.

“You idiot,” He whispered and looked at me through his lashes.

I kissed him quickly on the lips, and brought him against my chest again.

“But I’m your idiot.”

 

* * *

 

 

April 15, 2008, Berlin, Germany

 

**_Gilbert’s iPhone:_ **

****

**_ To: Mattie _ **

Me (SENT 16:04): **_Yo Mattie!!!! Are you ready to start playing the awesomest game of the internet??_**

Mattie (SENT 16:07): haha i guess so  
Mattie (SENT 16:07): do u mind if i invite alfred to join us tho?

Me (SENT 16:08): **_Thats fine. Im be better than him anyway ):^)  
_** Me (SENT 16:08): **_Did he say he wanted to play World of Warcraft with us or something_**

Mattie (SENT 16:08): no i haven’t really mentioned it to him, but um, he’s been spending a lot of time at my house, or rather, he’s been spending a lot of time in my yard just picking maple leaves and drinking syrup straight from the tree

Me (SENT 16:09): **_Huh???_**

Mattie (SENT 16:09): i think he’s sort of depressed. what arthur said a few days ago really got to him. alfred always binge eats when he’s depressed. it’s kind of a bad habit

Me (SENT 16:09): **_Man, I never thought Id say this, but I kinda feel bad for him_**

Mattie (SENT 16:10): yeah, i do too. kumajito went outside to cheer him up, but it doesn’t seem like it’s working. alfred’s just throwing a baseball against one of my trees  
Mattie (SENT 16:10): at this rate I think he’s going to take out my entire grove

Me (SENT 16:10): **_You mean Kumajiro_**

Mattie (SENT 16:11): huh?

Me (SENT 16:11): **_Your polar bear’s name is Kumajiro. But anyway_** ** _Im sorry Mattie. I like your awesome trees  
_** Me (SENT 16:11): **_He can play with us for sure! That just means we need to find another person_**

Mattie (SENT 16:11): yeah, i know. i think japan is interested in playing with us. do u think they’ll be a good team?

Me (SENT 16:12): **_Sure I guess. I mean the lil guy doesnt say much but then Alfred says too much so maybe thats a good thing_**

Mattie (SENT 16:12): okay, great! i’ll go outside and tell alfred now!

Me (SENT 16:12): **_Okay dude! Text me when youre ready to play!!_**

 

* * *

 

April 15, 2008, Munich, Germany

 

Ludwig’s iPhone:

 

To: Gilbert

Me (SENT 17:45): Gilbert have you looked over the paperwork I gave you?

Gilbert (SENT 18:03): **_Oh, no man. I’ve been really busy this afternoon_**

Me (SENT 18:03): Really? What have you been busy doing?

Gilbert (SENT 18:03): **_Mattie and I started playing World of Warcraft together! You should try it, it’s totally awesome!!_**

Me (SENT 18:04): Of course you would be neglecting your responsibilities for a ridiculous game.

Gilbert (SENT 18:04): **_Its not ridiculous!! Its freaking awesome!!_**

Me (SENT 18:05): Right. I assume I will be taking care of your work then.

Gilbert (SENT 18:05): **_Nah, Ill do it. As soon as I crush Alfred Ill do it_**

Me (SENT 18:05): Alfred’s playing too?

Gilbert (SENT 18:05): _**Ja! We’re doing this in teams, so Matthew and I are a team, and Alfred and Japan are another**  
_ Gilbert (SENT 18:06): _J **apan and Mattie are freaking sharks man. I feel like thats all those two do when they don’t have work**  
_ Gilbert (SENT 18:06): **_Thats why I’m in charge of Alfred. We’re about on the same level_**

Me (SENT 18:06): I see.

Gilbert (SENT 18:06): **_Do you and Feli want to join?_**

Me (SENT 18:07): You know my answer, so if you ever mention this to Feli I’m going to completely revoke your plane privileges, alright?

Gilbert (SENT 18:07): **_Geez, okay man. I was just asking. It seems like its good at building team bonding. Alfreds already getting along with Japan pretty well_**

Me (SENT 18:08): Ja well, Feli and I already have too many bonding activities. If we have any more my schedule will be completely ruined…again.  
Me (SENT 18:10): Did you say Alfred and Japan are getting along?

Gilbert (SENT 18:10): **_Yep. Surprised me too. I mean they’re total opposites, aren’t they?_**

Me (SENT 18:11): It would appear so.  
Me (SENT 18:13): I have to go, but fax me the paperwork when you’ve finished it.

Gilbert (SENT 18:13): **_You gotcha bro!!_**

 

* * *

 

To: Feli 

Me (SENT 18:15): What do you think about Alfred?

Feli (SENT 18:16): Vee~ Well he’s super happy and nice. He talks a lot, but I do too, so I think that’s fine! He’s really strong and outgoing, and I really value him as a friend :D

Me (SENT 18:16): I didn’t mean as a person. I meant as a subject of your (still not logically possible) science of relationship predictions.

Feli (SENT 18:17): Oooh! Why didn’t you say so?! Hold on for a moment while I get all of my penne in order and stir the wine of a thousand years ago

Me (SENT 18:17): Very funny. Don’t pretend to have these false pagan rituals. I know you just say whatever comes to mind.

Feli (SENT 18:18): No, no! Really Luddy there’s a science to it!

Me (SENT 18:18): Fine, just go ahead and tell me. I’m already ashamed for even being interested in this. No need to prolong my embarrassment.

Feli (SENT 18:19): So…I see Alfred entering a relationship with a mysterious man from a faraway land…It’s an island not unfamiliar to him. He likes baseball and video games and ice cream, but he’s very quiet. Can you guess who it is?

Me (SENT 18:19): Verdammt. I hate this.

Feli (SENT 18:20): But you love me right? :D

Me (SENT 18:20): Ja, ja. Thanks for answering. I still don’t believe in it, but it remains an interesting unexplained phenomena.

Feli (SENT 18:20): No problem Luddy! I’ll always be your psychic!

Me (SENT 18:21): Right…

 

* * *

 

April 16, 2008, Madrid, Spain

 

_Antonio’s iPhone:_

_ From: The Bad Touch Trio (Including Francis and Gilbert) _ 

Francis (SENT 11:08): _Avoir mon frères! I’m about to embark on a terrible, dangerous journey. I may never come back so I just wanted to let you know one last time that you are my two dearest friends in the world  
_ Francis (SENT 11:09): _If I die, Gilbert you can have all of my alcohol, my electronics, and my plane. Antonio, you can have all of my clothing and my house. God knows you need it most_

Me (SENT 11:11): _aww francis!! that’s so sweet of u!!!_

Gilbert (SENT 11:12): **_Where the hell are you going??_**

Francis (SENT 11:12): Alas, this place’s name should not be spoken aloud. It is a horrible realm, from which few emerge without a terrible curse placed upon them  
Francis (SENT 11:12): Some come out with broken teeth, but those are the lucky ones. Others emerge changed men. Unable to feel, unable to taste, unable to imagine daylight.  
Francis (SENT 11:13): I don’t know what’ll happen to me. I only pray that my beautiful face will remain unharmed from the journey.

Gilbert (SENT 11:13): **_WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING???_**

Francis (SENT 11:14): Alright, listen carefully mon cher, because I cannot say this more than once  
Francis (SENT 11:14): I  
Francis (SENT 11:14): am  
Francis (SENT 11:14): going  
Francis (SENT 11:14): to  
Francis (SENT 11:16): Angleterre

Gilbert (SENT 11:16): **_NOOO FRANNY!!!_**

Me (SENT 11:16): _u won’t be the same when u come back!!_

Gilbert (SENT 11:16): **_Will you still smile and laugh??_**

Me (SENT 11:16): _or will u become a hermit whos 2 afraid 2 leave the apartment??_

Francis (SENT 11:17): _Yes, I know the risks. Arthur made me aware of all of them before he insisted (i.e. forced) me to come visit him in London.  
_ Francis (SENT 11:17): _It will only be three days, but they will be the hardest and the most treacherous three days that I will ever have to encounter in my lifetime._

Me (SENT 11:17): _good luck amigo!! u’ll need it :(_

Gilbert (SENT 11:18): **_I’ll miss you man. Text us everyday so we know youre still conscious_**

Francis (SENT 11:18): _Merci mon cheres. Merci  
_ Francis (SENT 11:19): _But enough about me. I have a few hours before I take off, how’re your lives doing?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:19): **_Mattie and I are playing World of Warcraft!!!!_**

Francis (SENT 11:19): _Ah, so I’ve heard. How is that going?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:20): **_Awesome!! You should see Mattie play!! Hes like some sort of gaming wizard!! Its amazing! Hes killing people left and right and I’m so jealous!!_**

Francis (SENT 11:20): _Of course you are. Isn’t that the game you’re paying with little Alfred and Japan?_

Gilbert (SENT 11:21): **_Yeah man, they’re pretty good too. Especially Japan. Little guy’s got skill_**

Me (SENT 11:21): _r alfred and kiku a couple??_

Gilbert (SENT 11:22): **_Not yet, but Matthew says it’s only a matter of time. Apparently he started eating better and running marathons. Matthew says he only does that when he’s happy  
_** Gilbert (SENT 11:22): **_Apparently love makes him feel like a superhero or something_**

Me (SENT 11:23): _that’s so cute!!_

Francis (SENT 11:23): _I must say that is rather touching. Perhaps this will give poor Angleterre the courage he needs to apologize to Alfred_

Me (SENT 11:23): _what? he still hasn’t?? i thought he started writing his apology days ago_

Francis (SENT 11:24): He did, but then he sent it to about ten different proofreaders, and he’s looking it over again  
Francis (SENT 11:24): Obviously, he’s just ignoring the big problem. He’s obviously too scared to talk to Alfred  
Francis (SENT 11:25): But maybe if he knows Alfred isn’t miserable any more he can apologize

Gilbert (SENT 11:25): **_Im sure itll all work out  
_** Gilbert (SENT 11:25): **_Oh, also, Ive been given orders by my little bro to tell you guys not to say anything about this game to Feli_**

Francis (SENT 11:26): _Ah oui, I got the message he sent me_

Me (SENT 11:26): _i got it 2! i think he sent it 2 everyone from the world meeting except for feli  
_ Me (SENT 11:27): _poor feli :(_

Gilbert (SENT 11:27): **_Whatever man. I wouldnt get involved in their relationship. I still dont get it. And anyway, its his problem_**

Francis (SENT 11:27): _Oh, and speaking of little Italians, how’s yours doing Tonie?_

Me (SENT 11:28): _he’s doing well! we’ve been talking on the phone a lot since the date_

Francis (SENT 11:28): _Don’t mention that day. I still consider it such a tragedy  
_ Francis (SENT 11:28): _So much work, so much time…all for nothing_

Me (SENT 11:29): _lo siento francis. i just think it’s best if Lovi and i go at our own pace  
_ Me (SENT 11:29): _it’s been a long time since i’ve been in a relationship anyway_

Francis (SENT 11:30): _Very well mon cher, I won’t hold it against you. Romano on the other hand owes me 800 euro, so I will be waiting for that_

Me (SENT 11:31): _ah, si…i don’t think he intends on paying u back_

Francis (SENT 11:32): _We’ll see…  
_ Francis (SENT 11:32): _Do you have any plans for this weekend?_

Me (SENT 11:33): _well, i don’t think we can see each other in person until the world meeting. but we’re doing a lot of phone dates!_

Gilbert (SENT 11:33): **_Do I even have to say how sad this is_**

Francis (SENT 11:34): _Hush Gibert! It’s not their fault they’re as poor as beggars!_

Gilbert (SENT 11:34): **_Ja, I guess_**

Me (SENT 11:34): _it’s fine :) Lovi and i have a lot of fun talking to each other, so i’m happy enough_

Gilbert (SENT 11:35): **_Mein Gott you’re strong_**

Francis (SENT 11:35): _I admire you mon cher! You are as brave and loyal as a superhero!  
_ Francis (SENT 11:35): _One day, an opera will be made in your honor_

Gilbert (SENT 11:36): **_A soap opera maybe_**

Me (SENT 11:36): _gracias francis! i hope u have fun on your trip!_

Francis (SENT 11:37): _Please don’t remind me_

 

* * *

 

_ Outgoing Call to Mi Querido Lovi (20:02): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

_ End Phone Call (20:03) _

 

* * *

 

_ Outgoing Call to Mi Querido Lovi (20:10): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

_ End Phone Call (20:11) _

 

* * *

 

_ Outgoing Call to Mi Querido Lovi (20:15): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“…”**

_“Ah, Lovi is that you?!”_

**“Who else would be answering my damn phone?”**

_“Gracias a Dios. I was getting worried about you.”_

**“I didn’t pick up two times and you get worried?”**

_“Well…yeah.”_

**“You’re still worried about that stupid mafia guy, aren’t you?”**

_“…Maybe.”_

**“I already told you I can handle them. It’s not as if this is my first run in with them. I’m accustomed to dealing with their dumb stunts.”**

_“Okay.”_

**“I also sleep with a gun under my pillow, so I’m ready just in case one of them comes at me with a machete in my sleep.”**

_“A MACHETE?”_

**“Or just a plane old kitchen knife. He might wander through my house at night, pick up my pizza roller that I used for dinner, sneak up to my room, and when I’m completely lost in sleep at four in the morning he’ll take that pizza roller and slowly roll it across my n –”**

_“Stop it! I can’t take this! I’m going to cry!”_

**“Damn it – you’re already crying! I can hear you sniffling! Dio, your such a fucking pansy. Feli can’t handle it when I make jokes like that either.”**

_“Then don’t! I already worry enough about you as it is. Now I have this scary image in my mind.”_

**“Look, I’m sorry.”**

_“…”_

**“If it’s any consolation…he’d probably just use the loaded gun he brought with him anyway.”**

_“LOVI!!”_

**“Haha, okay I’ll stop now, I promise.”**

_“I swear Lovi, I’m going to have nightmares. Do you think maybe we can pillow talk again?”_

**“That’s still such a fucking stupid word. But fine, we can do that if it’ll make you feel better.”**

_“Gracias.”_

**“…”**

_“So then, what should we do tonight?”_

**“I don’t know. I thought you had some sort of idea.”**

_“I do, I was just checking to see if there was something you wanted to do instead.”_

**“Not particularly.”**

_“Okay then, do you want to watch another movie?”_

**“What did you have in mind?”**

_“Well, do you want me to choose this time?”_

**“Isn’t that why I just asked you what you had in mind?”**

_“Haha, okay. I was just making sure you agreed it was my turn to pick before I say which one.”_

**“You’re making me nervous.”**

_“It’s not a big deal Lovi! I sort of wanted to watch Dama y el Vagabundo.”_

**“Huh?”**

_“Oh, well I don’t know what it is in Italian, but in English it’s called Lady and the Tramp. You know, it’s that cute Disney movie with two little dogs and they fall in love and –”_

**“Yeah, yeah I got it…You really want to watch this movie?”**

_“Si, si! It’s been such a long time!”_

**“…Argh, fine. Let me go find it online.”**

_“Ah, you know Lovi, I still have the videotape of it! It’s been so long since I’ve watched it, I bet I need to rewind the tape.”_

**“I bet you need to dust off your video player too.”**

_“…Uh, well, actually I use that quite often haha.”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Don’t say anymore damn it. I don’t want to pity you any more than I already do.”**

_“Okay mi querido! I have placed my tape in the video player.”_

**“Great. I just plugged my search into Google. Give me a minute.”**

_“That’s fine. It turns out I do need to rewind anyway.”_

**“…You know, we really need to start being more efficient with our phone calls. It doesn’t make sense that we call each other to have a phone date, and we spend about half of it getting everything ready because we’re so goddamn scatterbrained.”**

_“Aw, Lovi! But it’s these parts that make it so much more fun!”_

**“Right…Oh, I think I found it. Yeah, yeah, this’ll work.”**

_“Yay! Oh – I think I rewound too far. Now I need to watch through the advertisements. Do you mind?”_

**“Of course not.”**

_“Gracias mi amor!”_

**“…Hey, I just checked my email, and I don’t know which number this makes it, but can you please stop sending me links of cat videos?! I know what you’re trying to do sneaky bastard. And coincidentally, it’s not even fucking sneaky. It’s as obvious as you are.”**

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about Lovi. I just wanted to share how adorable kittens are with you.”_

**“Right.”**

_“…Oh, I’m ready!”_

**“Great.”**

_“Are you ready to press play?”_

**“Yeah, yeah, I’m waiting for you.”**

_“Okay! Un, dos tres, play!”_

**“…Ah, fucking Disney.”**

“It’s so cute!”

**“You know, I bet ten Euro you’ll be bawling by the end of the movie.”**

_“…I don’t know if I can take that bet Lovi.”_

**“I fucking knew it.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Would you say that you’re more like the tramp or the lady?”_  

**“Is it seriously a question to you? I’m obviously the lady – oh Dio, I don’t like how that sounded. You know what I meant damn it. I’m not a fucking trash dog.”**

_“Yep, I agree! I thought you were Lady too!”_

**“…You bastard.”**

 

* * *

 

 

**“So you’re telling me you want fucking creepy cats like those?”**

_“Ah…well, Siamese cats can be cute. These are just cartoons. But anyway, I was thinking more like a tabby cat. Those are adorable!”_

**“Yeah, I figured you’d want something fluffy.”**

_“…Does that mean the idea’s growing on you?”_

**“No fucking way. Not until you don’t have to dig in trash cans for recycling money.”**

_“That was one time! And it was only because my boss forgot to give me my allowance!”_

**“Does it sound like I give a crap? Poor is poor. And until you’re not poor, I’m going to make sure you don’t take in any more mouths to feed.”**

 

* * *

 

_“Oh, you know Lovi?”_

**“Hm?”**

_“I’m making a present for you!”_

**“Wh – You’re not supposed to tell me!”**

_“Why not?”_

**“It’s supposed to be a surprise!”**

_“Well, it doesn’t have to be. And anyway, it’s not as if you know what it is.”_

**“There are very few things you are capable of doing, so I can narrow it down very fast.”**

_“You sure about that?”_

**“Dead sure.”**

 

* * *

 

 

 _“Do they still have dog catchers?”_  

**“Eh, I guess it depends on where you live. I don’t think I’ve ever seen one in Italy. But then again, we have a thousand times more cats as we do dogs.”**

_“You should take one –”_

**“Don’t even say it. It’s not happening.”**

_“Okay…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“Is it a drawing or something?”**

_“Nope!”_

 

* * *

 

 **“Is it a poem?”**  

_“Noooope.”_

 

* * *

 

 **“Yeah, you’re definitely the fucking Tramp. There’s no question about it.”**  

_“Lovi, why don’t we eat spaghetti like that?”_

**“Because no one eats spaghetti like that! This is a movie! This is a cartoon! For fuck’s sake – they’re cartoon animals!”**

_“Ah, you’re such a pessimist.”_

**“Right…”**

_“…”_

**“Is it a scrapbook?”**

_“Try again!”_

**“…A blanket?”**

_“Aww, so close. You have one more try!”_

**“This isn’t a fucking game show.”**

 

* * *

 

 _“Aww, see her family accepted him even though he was poor."_  

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“If you’re asking for Grandpa Rome’s blessing I’m not sure how you’re going to get it. Feli and I have no idea where the fuck he is.”**

_“Dang it!”_

* * *

 

 

 **“I fucking give up. Just surprise me with the gift next time we see each other.”**  

_“Okay mi amor! I hope you like it!”_

**“Yeah, I’m sure I w – never mind. Are you thinking of going to bed?”**

_“Mm, si I think so. Is it okay if we leave the phones on?”_

**“Fine, if it makes you feel better.”**

_“Gracias Lovi, it really does.”_

**“…Are you really that worried about me?”**

_“Of course! Me and my battle axe aren’t there to keep you safe!”_

**“Do you even know where your fucking battle axe is?”**

_“Si! I looked for it after our date and it was right where I left it. In one of my kitchen cupboards.”_

**“Not even surprised.”**

_“But Lovi…”_

**“Yeah.”**

_“Promise me you won’t go running into danger. At least not without me.”_

**“…Lo prometto.”**

_“Gracias Lovi! Espero que tengas buenos sueños.”_

**“Si, si anche tu.”**

_“Te amo!”_

**“…Anch’io.”**

 

** End Call (22:47) **

 

* * *

 

April 16, 2008, Washington D.C., U.S.A.

 

Alfred’s iPhone:

 

To: Kiku 

Me (SENT 11:52 PM): Hey man!! I had a lot of fun playing games with u 2day!! :D :D

Kiku (SENT 11:53 PM): **yeah me too Alfred (^_^)**

Me (SENT 11:53 PM): Wow that’s a really cool face!! I haven’t seen that before!! :D

Kiku (SENT 11:54 PM): **really? i thought they were quite popular (._.)**

Me (SENT 11:54 PM): I dunno, maybe they are. I guess I don’t text very many people  
Me (SENT 11:55 PM): Hey do u play a lot of video games??

Kiku (SENT 11:55): **i suppose you could say i do a lot. when i’m done with work, it’s just me alone in my house so i get bored pretty easily (=_=)**

Me (SENT 11:55 PM): Really? I’m sorry man. I know it sucks to live alone. I really want to get a dog but Matthew says I can’t until I get my life in order. It sucks :(

Kiku (SENT 11:56 PM): **oh, i’m sorry. i’d like a pet too maybe. but i’m worried that i’ll get too tired and forget to feed it one day (o_O) i can be rather forgetful.**

Me (SENT 11:56 PM): Yeah I know what u mean. I feel like I should just get a really cool bear and let it wander around my yard. Then it could find it’s own food and I’d still have a super cool pet to hang out with :D

Kiku (SENT 11:56 PM): **um, i’m not sure a bear would be an ideal pet ( >_<)**

Me (SENT 11:57 PM): Eh, ur probs right. I’ll just go back to getting a great dane

Kiku (SENT 11:57 PM): **is that the very large dog?**

Me (SENT 11:58 PM): Yep! I’d finally have a dog as kickass as I am!! Don’t u agree?

Kiku (SENT 11:58 PM): **well, i admit i think a great dane would suit your personality (n_n)**

Me (SENT 11:59 PM): Thanks man!! I’m glad to know ur on my side in the gameworld and in the realworld!!  
Me (SENT 12:00 PM): Hey, I was wonderin if you get bored sometimes hanging out by yourself I mean we could meet up and hang out 2gether! Like in real life :D

Kiku (SENT 12:00 AM): **sure, i think that would be a lot of fun *(^o^)***

Me (SENT 12:01AM): YES!! We can play baseball if you want! Or we can go to New York and see the awesome sights!! And if we go there we can stop by Carlo’s Bakery in New Jersey and eat some pretty rad cakes :D

Kiku (SENT 12:01 AM): **by rad cakes, do you mean colorful cakes with various American decorations?**

Me (SENT 12:01 AM): Yeah man!! They’ll be the most American cakes you’ll ever see!!

Kiku (SENT 12:02 AM): **well, i admit that would be very interesting (^_^) whenever it’s convenient for you, i’d like to take a tour**

Me (SENT 12:02 AM): COME THIS WEEKEND IF YOU LIKE!! I ain’t doin anything! :D

Kiku (SENT 12:03 AM): **very well, i’ll start working on my schedule (n_n) is there anything i should bring?**

Me (SENT 12:03 AM): Your super cool self!!! And a camera, and some swim trunks, and a baseball glove, and your Gameboy stuff, and any other fun thing u can think of!! :D

Kiku (SENT 12:04 AM): **alright then, i’m looking forward to it (^o^)**

Me (SENT 12:04 AM): Me too man!! I can’t wait :D

 

* * *

 

April 17, 2008, London, England

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (10:04): **

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

“Um…hello?”

**“H-hello Alfred…Did you just wake up?”**

“A-Arthur? It’s…it’s four in the morning here. What happened?”

**“Uh…nothing happened. I was just calling to…see how you were doing.”**

“Oh, well um…right now I’m pretty tired. But I’ve been eating better!”

**“Is that so? That’s very good Alfred.”**

“Yeah…and I’ve been running again!”

**“Really? Sounds like you’re doing very well then.”**

“Yeah, I guess I’ve been doing pretty well.”

**“…”**

“…”

**“…”**

“Uh, how have you been doin’ Artie?”

**“Um…pretty well. You know, just reading and signing papers…Like usual.”**

“Oh, that’s…nice.”

**“…I’ve tried to start cooking again, but uh, it doesn’t seem like my cooking has improved with age.”**

“Haha, only wine gets better with age Artie!”

**“Ahaha, yes perhaps you’re right.”**

“…But I always liked your cookin’. Even when I was little.”

**“Yes, well. I think you and I have always shared a similar poor taste…unfortunately.”**

“Aw come on Artie! Don’t knock hamburgers! They’re the best thing in the whole world! It’s a handheld superfood!”

**“So you keep saying.”**

“It’s not as if you’re hard cookies are any better haha!”

**“You mean scones you wan – right. Yeah, I suppose they’re not very popular outside of the United Kingdom.”**

“You should try making chocolate chip cookies! All you have to do is buy the dough, scoop ‘em out with a spoon, pop ‘em in the oven and presto! You got some yummy, all-American cookies!”

**“The process certainly sounds American.”**

“Don’t knock it ‘till you try it!”

**“…Yes.”**

“…”

**“…”**

“…”

**“Ahem, well then. I probably shouldn’t keep you up any longer. Maybe we’ll talk again soon?”**

“Of course Artie! I’m a bit dizzy right now without my glasses, but you can text me to remind me!...If you want that is.”

**“Yes, yes, of course I want to…Actually, um, Alfred there’s a reason why I called.”**

“Really? What’s that?”

**“Um, well, I mean I had it all rehearsed, but Francis ended up tossing it into the paper shredder so I’m trying to do this improvised…but I--I wanted to…apologize for what I said the other week.”**

“…”

**“Yes, well, it was wrong of me, and I shouldn’t have said those things. I suppose I was still a bit cross with you for putting me off all of those times before, so I tried to get back at you in a way. But um…t-that’s no excuse for what I said and I – I’m sorry Alfred.”**

“…”

**“…So, um, do you think there’s a chance we can be…friends again?”**

“…”

**“For God’s sake Alfred, say something! Even if you yell at me, just go ahead and say it!”**

“…Artie, I’ll forgive you on one condition.”

**“What’s that?”**

“There are no negotiations so don’t try to get out of it.”

**“Yes, yes I won’t. Say what it is.”**

“You have to…”

**“…”**

“Come over to my house…”

**“…”**

“Buy cookie dough….”

**“…”**

“And bake cookies with me.”

**“…”**

“…”

**“You have a deal you bloody American.”**

**End Call (10:20)**

 

* * *

 

April 18, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

 ** Outgoing call to Antonio (17:50): ** 

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Call (17:51)

 

* * *

 

** To: Antonio **

Me (SENT 18:12): **Hey bastard, did you see I called you  
** Me (SENT 18:16): **What the fuck are you doing over there??  
** Me (SENT 18:19): **I swear to fucking God if you’re sleeping I’m going to walk over to Spain and punch you  
** Me (SENT 18:27): **Seriously though  
** Me (SENT 18:27): **Weren’t we supposed to watch a movie today or something??  
** Me (SENT 18:35): **Okay, I think I know what happened  
** Me (SENT 18:35): **You had a meeting with your boss today, and you said something stupid, or you bought a cat or something and he took your phone away, is that right?  
** Me (SENT 18:35): **If this is Spain’s boss, just text me a si or a no and I’ll now that dumb bastard got in trouble  
** Me (SENT 18:50): **Antonio I’m getting really pissed off now  
** Me (SENT 18:52): **It doesn’t help that I’ve finished half a bottle of wine either  
** Me (SENT 18:59): **That’s it, I’m going to bed  
** Me (SENT 18:59): **If you remember who I am bastard, be sure to call me**

 

 

* * *

 

** Incoming Call from Antonio (19:09): **

 

_Ring_

**“Oh, well look who it finally is! You better have a good ass excuse for making me wait you bastard. I finished my entire bottle of wine, I ended up tripping over my coffee table and bruising my knee and –”**

_“Uh, Lovi?”_

**“Huh? Antonio, why do you sound so strange?”**

_“Lovi, I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to –_

“Romano, this is Giancarlo. I have your little Spanish…friend here and although he’s a delightful guest with a charming accent, I’m afraid we can’t keep him here for very long.”

**“…”**

“So here’s what I propose. You come to Sicily…tomorrow…and, well, I’ll let you choose one of two options. You can either bring a considerable amount of money to let me…pay off the other bosses and settle some…debts. Or, you can help me establish my position as capo dei capi the old fashioned way. Someone like you has considerable influence you know. It would make things go much more…smoothly.”

**“…”**

“And if you choose not to comply with either of these demands, than this little Spaniard isn’t going to be quite as pretty as when we found him. And I think I’ll start with his begli occhi verde. Don’t you agree?”

**“…”**

“So once again, you have to options. Choose one, and meet me tomorrow at the usual place in Sicilia. Or don’t and maybe never see your friend again. How does that sound?”

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…”**

_“…”_

**“…You gotta be fucking kidding me.”**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woop woop! Cliff hanger! I'm really sorry, but this was the most ideal way to end the chapter. I'm going to try to get the next part written and uploaded in less than a week since I really want to know what happens too haha. Everything happens as I write honestly. This chapter was pretty planned, but it was the only one I can assure you.
> 
> As always, reviews, comments and suggestions are welcome! In particular, I was wondering if anyone had a preference for Lovino or Antonio's POV? It's always a coin toss for me, so I'd be interested if there's a consensus among the reader population.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Je t'aime!


	4. Mafia and the Battle Axe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m just going to do my author’s note at the bottom since I have some background info here for the chapter. Idea creds for this chapter go to my beta. I dug myself into a hole and she found a way to get me out of it. Enjoy mafia!Romano and conquistador!Spain. Perhaps the two best things in the world.
> 
> Note: Mafia just “mafia” (in Italy) refers to the Sicilian mafia, or even more specifically, to Cosa Nostra, but other similar criminal organizations exist in Southern Italy under different names. I’m only using the five biggest/most well known ones for the simple reason that they have the most information available.
> 
> Cosa Nostra – operates most of Sicily (specializes in large-scale heroin trafficking, political corruption and military arms trafficking)
> 
> Camorra – operates the region of Campania (the oldest, specializes in cigarette smuggling; in the 1970s Cosa Nostra convinced Camorra to convert their cigarette smuggling routes to drug smuggling routes, but not everyone agreed which led to a war with those who opposed the deal)
> 
> ‘Ndrangheta – operates the region of Calabria (arguably the biggest cocaine smugglers in Europe, also specializes in kidnapping and political corruption; right now it currently stands as the most powerful criminal organization in the world)
> 
> Sacra Corona Unita – operates the region in Apulia (newer, smuggles cigarettes, drugs, weapons, and people, but has been considerable weakened since the 1990s)
> 
> Stidda – operates mainly on the Southern and Eastern coasts of Sicily (newest, follows a new, less violent and low key approach to criminal activities, and is growing)

April 18, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

** Outgoing Call to Camorra Bastardi (19:24): **

 

… 

 

** End Call (19:35) **

 

* * *

 

** Outgoing Call to Sacra Corona Unita Bastardi (19:36): **

 

…

 

** End Call (19:50) **

 

* * *

 

** Outgoing Call to ‘Ndrangheta Bastardi (19:53): **

 

…

 

** Incoming Call from Feli (19:59): **

“Ciao Lovi! I was thinking of coming to Roma this weekend, so I was wond –”

**“Look bastard, I don’t have time to talk. I’m in the middle of something.”**

“What? Aww, but you’re never busy! What are you –”

**“Work.”**

 

** End Call (19:59) **

 

* * *

****

** Return to Phone Call with ‘Ndrangheta Bastardi (19:59): **

 

…

 

** End Call (20:15) **

 

* * *

 

** Incoming Call from French Bastard (20:16): **

 

 **“…”**  

_ “Ah, Bonjour Romano! I don’t mean to disturb your evening, though you definitely didn’t mind disturbing my stomach, but have you perchance heard from Antoine recently? Gilbert and I have been texting and calling him all afternoon and –” _

**“I’m kind of in the middle of something here bastard.”**

_ “Que? What could you possibly be in the middle of at eight at night?” _

**“Well, unlike some lazy bastards I can name, I don’t have the fucking time to just lay around drinking wine and watching movies. My damn job never ends. I swear to fucking God it’s like I have children already.”**

_ “…Wait – What are you talking about?” _

**“Idiota. Just go back to drinking your wine. I’m busy.”**

_“No! But Romano you never told me about Tonie –”_

 

** End Call (20:18) **

 

* * *

 

** Outgoing Call to Stidda Bastardi (20:20) **

 

…

 

 ** Incoming Call from French Bastard (20:22): ** 

_ “Look here Romano, I simply must insist that if you know anything about Tonie you tell me. For all I know he ran out of food in that miserable hovel of his and fainted! Maybe he tried to eat his phone and ended up breaking it!” _

**“He has a fucking garden. I don’t think he’d have to eat his phone.”**

_ “Well – I know that! I was just trying to make a point! When I’m worried I get a bid dramatic! Do you know anything about Antoine or not?” _

**“…”**

_ “…Well?” _

**“He’s a bit…tied up at the moment.”**

_ “…” _

**“…”**

_ “Are you trying to tell me you guys are playing a game?” _

**“What do you think?”**

_ “Well Romano, I never thought of you as the dominant type, but I guess there was always that possibility considering your personality. It just seems strange to me because Antoine has always preferred to –” _

 

** End Call (20:23) **

 

* * *

 

** Return to Phone Call with Stidda Bastardi (20:23): **

 

…

 

 ** Incoming Call from French Bastard (20:25): ** 

_ “Romano, for the last time, will you please tell me what’s going on with Antoine?” _

**“…If I told you, then I’d have to kill you.”**

_ “Wha – What the hell does that mean?” _

**“Look, I’m just trying to get you to stop calling me. I’m in the middle of a fucking conversation. Now how do I get you to shut the hell up?”**

_ “JUST TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO TONIE!” _

**“Please. If I told you that you’d be even more of a fucking problem.”**

_ “…Mon cher, that’s not easing my nerves one bit. I’m already such a mess from spending two days in England, don’t tease me.” _

**“I already told you what happened to him. He’s tied up.”**

_ “But then you hung up on me! I’m not tempted to believe your games again. Just tell me what happened to him! I can handle it!” _

**“Dubbioso.”**

_ “I can handle it! I am the great nation of France after all!” _

**“That’s not helping your case you dumb bastard.”**

_ “But I –” _

**“Do you really want to know what happened to Antonio?”**

_ “OUI! Oui!” _

**“Okay, then you have to make two promises to me.”**

_ “Oui, alright! Anything!” _

**“Primo, you can’t, under any circumstances, mention my answer to anyone.”**

_ “Oui! I –” _

**“If you do, I’ll cut your balls off in your sleep and feed them to stray cats.”**

_ “…Well, that’s rather creative.” _

**“Secondo, if I tell you this, then I don’t owe you 800 Euro anymore.”**

_ “Fine, fine! Just tell me –” _

**“You owe me 800 Euro.”**

_ “Que?! That hardly seems fair! You stole that money from me in the first place! And that was after you punched me in my delicate, beau stomach!” _

**“…Do you want to know what happened to Antonio, or not?”**

_ “Argh! I despise this side of you Romano. It makes you sound so much like the mafia. Fine, fine. Just tell me already! And this better be worth the wait!” _

**“…Antonio’s been kidnapped by the Sicilian mafia and is being held hostage for ransom.”**

_ “…” _

**“Remember my terms bastard. Don’t call me again.”**

 

** End Call (20:34) **

 

* * *

 

** Return to Phone Call with Stidda Bastardi (20:34) **

 

…

 

** End Call (20:45) **

 

* * *

 

** Outgoing Call to Capo (20:46) **

 

…

 

 ** Incoming Call from French Bastard (20:47): ** 

**“I hope you said your goodbyes you bastard, because tomorrow morning you’re going to wake up a differ –”**

**_“ROMANO WHAT DO YOU MEAN ANTONIO’S BEEN KIDNAPPED?”_ **

**“…Dannazione. Is this a threeway call?”**

_ “Oui, Romano it is. You told me to keep silent, but how can I when you tell me one of my best friends, one if my frères is missing? What are they doing to him over there?!” _

**“…”**

_ “They could be plucking his eyes out! Our cutting his fingers off! Or ripping his teeth out! Or breaking his arms with a hammer!” _

**_“Or they could be pouring boiling water on him! And shooting him in the leg! Verdammt, we can’t just sit on our asses!”_ **

**“…”**

_ “Right, well Gilbert you and I can fly out as soon as possible and we’ll meet Romano in Sicily when – wait, when do we need to be there? Where in Sicily do we need to go anyway?” _

**“You two aren’t coming.”**

_ “He’s our friend too Romano! Do you expect us to just do nothing?” _

**“…”**

**_“Ha! See! Then go ahead and tell us everything so we can help!”_ **

**“As if you two bastards would do anything other than weigh me down.”**

_ “Hey! We can be plenty helpful! We’ve had years of experience in war and battle!” _

**“Don’t fucking exaggerate. This isn’t a goddamn war. This is just a game that the mafia likes to play every once in a while. I’ve done this plenty of times, just go back to sleep and I’ll call you when –”**

_ “GO BACK TO SLEEP?! I don’t think I can sleep until Antoine is safe again! I’m so stressed I’m watching my hair turn white right in front of my eyes! Which is why I can’t understand why you’re so calm! Don’t you even care?” _

**_“Ja! It sounds like you’re not taking this seriously! I mean this is the mafia!”_ **

**“Yes, it’s the mafia. Which is exactly why I’m not worried. I deal with these guys on a regular fucking basis. Nothing’s going to happen to your idiot friend, I promise.”**

_ “That idiot friend is also your lover, you know!” _

**“…Yeah.”**

_ “Why do you think he’s even in this situation? It’s because you had to piss people off like you always do, but this time you weren’t that lonely little Italian, you had Tonie! And now Tonie is caught in the middle of this stupid argument between you and the mafia and you don’t even care!” _

**“…”**

**_“That was a bit harsh Francis.”_ **

_ “Argh, I know. Look, Romano – désolé. I said that I get dramatic when I’m stressed, and right now I can’t think of a time when I was more stressed than this. I just wish you would take this seriously. I mean do you even have a plan?” _

**“I’m working on it.”**

_ “Okay, well that’s nice to hear. Can we be involved in it somehow?” _

**“Um…no.”**

_ “What?! Why?” _

**“I don’t need your help.”**

_ “Oh, come on Romano. Stop being a child! Isn’t more help better in this situation?” _

**“No.”**

**_“Hey, can you at least tell us where and when you’re meeting tomorrow?”_ **

**“Do you want to be his welcome home party?”**

_ “We want to help save him!” _

**“It’s like you guys are fucking deaf or something. I told you, I already have this under control. You guys wouldn’t be of any use to me."**

_ “Romano! For God’s sake please just let us –” _

**_“Romano, if you don’t tell us how to help Toni, I’ll tell him who your first kiss was with.”_ **

_ “What? Gilbert, how could you possibly know something like that?!” _

**“…So you know I’m going to save him, but you’re blackmailing me into letting you help just so…what? You can say hi?”**

**_“Oh, well I guess when you say it like that it doesn’t make much sense. But if you save him, I’ll still tell him though!”_ **

**“Idiota. Who do you think that would piss off more in the end, huh?**

**_“Please, Toni loves me! If anything he’d be angrier with you for not telling him._ **

**“You’re so…fucking stupid. And you’re damn lucky that I feel more embarrassed about it than anything, so fine. I’ll tell you, but you have to promise to never use that blackmail against me again. Got it? After this, just delete it from your memory.”**

**_“Ja, ja. Fine. I got it.”_ **

_ “Mon Dieu, this has gotten me quite curious.” _

**“Don’t get curious bastard. Or else I won’t tell you what you want to know.”**

_ “It was just a comment, Romano, no need to get all touchy.” _

**_“Just say it already!”_ **

**“…Okay then, meet me at two o’clock in the afternoon, on the dot in Palermo. Go to a restaurant called La Strada, sit down at the table in the very back and order two San Pellogrino frizz ante waters-–”**

_ “Is that really necessary?” _

**“Yes. Don’t interrupt. When the waitress-–”**

**_“What if it’s a waiter?”_ **

**“It’s not going to be. When the waitress brings you back your waters, you say I want due pizze al Maffioso. She’ll smile at you and walk away, and that’s your cue to go downstairs.”**

_ “Downstairs?” _

**“Did you not hear me? Yes go down the fucking stairs. You’ll see two hallways, one that leads to one door and one that leads to two doors. Don’t go down the hallway that leads to one door. No matter what. Got it?”**

**_“What’s down there?”_ **

**“Does it matter? Just don’t go there. So then you go down the hallway that leads to two doors, and you’re walking slowly and quietly. The two doors are right next to each other. One has a picture of a moon on it and the other has a picture of a sun. Go into the moon door.”**

_ “The moon door?” _

**“Did I stutter? Yes, the fucking moon door. Go in there and you’ll see me and I’ll see what you can do when you get there.”**

_“This sounds rather elaborate.”_  

**“Yeah, well it’s the fucking mafia. Everything they do is stupid.”**

**_“What if we forget to do something?”_ **

**“Then you won’t be helping Antonio.”**

**_“Argh, but that was so complicated. Do you think you can repeat it once more?”_ **

**“No. You’ve already wasted more than a half hour of my time. I need to make a phone calls to people who actually matter, so bye."**

_ “But Romano-–” _

 

** End Phone Call (21:16) **

 

* * *

 

 ** Return to Call with ** ** Capo (21:16): **

****

…

****

** End Phone Call (21:40) **

 

* * *

 

April 18, 2008, London, England

Francis’s iPhone:

****

_ From: World Group Message _ _(Including Antoine, Gilbert, Ludwig, Feliciano, Romano, Emma, Alfred, Arthur, Matthew, Yao, Kiku, Ivan, Berwarld, Tino, Elizaveta, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Vash, Roderich, Herakles, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)_  

Me (SENT 21:43): _TONIE’S BEEN KIDNAPPED!!!_

Feliciano (SENT 21:43): WHAT??? NOOOO D: BY WHO

Arthur (SENT 21:43): **You mean whom.**

Me (SENT 21:44): _Really Arthur??_

Arthur (SENT 21:44): **It’s a habit.**

Alfred (SENT 21:44): YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN MAN!! WE NEED 2 GO SAVE HIM!!

Me (SENT 21:44): _Oui, Gilbert and I are already on it. Romano’s going to let us in on his plan and we’ll free him from the mafia_

Feliciano (SENT 21:45): HE’S BEEN CAPTURED BY THE MAFIA??! BUT THEY’RE SO SCARY D: WHAT IF HE GETS HURT??

Gilbert (SENT 21:45): **_The awesome me isnt going to let him get hurt, don’t worry!! I’ll bust through there with a machine gun and a sword!! ):^D_**

Arthur (SENT 21:45): **That’s not exactly subtle.**

Me (SENT 21:45): _Arthur! What did I say about your sassy, British comments??_

Arthur (SENT 21:45): **IT’S A HABIT.**

Alfred (SENT 21:46): Don’t worry guys!! I’ll hijack my supercool fleet of jets and storm the place with bombs!!

Me (SENT 21:46): _NO DON’T DO THAT!! YOU’LL BLOW TONIE UP TOO!!_

Alfred (SENT 21:46): Oh yeah  
Alfred (SENT 21:46): But how are we going 2 defeat the mafia then?

Me (SENT 21:47): _Romano said he has a plan…_

Arthur (SENT 21:47): **Did he tell you what it was?**

Me (SENT 21:47): _Arthur we’re in the same room, and I already told you he didn’t tell me!!_

Arthur (SENT 21:48): **I was just making sure everyone else was made aware of the situation.**

Alfred (SENT 21:48): I know!!! I can fly in with my swat team and we’ll storm the place!!

Gilbert (SENT 21:48): **_Oh yeah! Thats an awesome idea! Ill bring mine too!_**

Ludwig (SENT 21:49): No, you won’t.

Feliciano (SENT 21:49): Luddy!!

Ludwig (SENT 21:49): We can’t just call our secret security on a whim. We need to contact our boss, make him aware of the situation, and receive clearance from him. I also don’t know if this situation qualifies as a valid reason.

Gilbert (SENT 21:49): **_VERDAMMT OF COURSE IT’S VALID!! ANTONIO MIGHT DIE!!_**

Ludwig (SENT 21:50): But this is within Romano’s field of expertise, is it not? Why don’t you just let him handle the situation and if he needs help, he’ll call us.

Me (SENT 21:50): _LUDWIG YOU’RE TALKING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!!  
_ Me (SENT 21:50): _WE CAN’T LEAVE THIS UP TO ROMANO!! I WAS JUST ON THE PHONE WITH HIM AND HE WAS ACTING LIKE A COMPLETE ROBOT!!_

Ludwig (SENT 21:50): Can you point out the problem with that?

Gilbert (SENT 21:51): **_Mein Gott bruder_**

Me (SENT 21:51): _Romano obviously isn’t taking this seriously!!! He’s not accustomed to having a life on the line, so he’s just treating this like usual!!_

Ludwig (SENT 21:51): Perhaps this is the usual.

Me (SENT 21:52): _What?? Have you heard of any other country being kidnapped by the mafia???_

Feliciano (SENT 21:52): Romano’s been kidnapped plenty of times!!

Gilbert (SENT 21:52): **_What???_**

Feliciano (SENT 21:52): Si! It happened a lot in the 70s and 80s, but it hasn’t happened since then I think

Me (SENT 21:52): _Was he hurt???!_

Feliciano (SENT 21:53): Vee~ I don’t think so. He’d curse a lot and there’d be some blood on him, but otherwise he was fine. It wasn’t his blood anyway

Gilbert (SENT 21:53): **_Wow dark  
_** Gilbert (SENT 21:53): **_Sometimes that asshole scares me  
_** Gilbert (SENT 21:54): ****_Francis, maybe we should just let him take care of this_

Ludwig (SENT 21:54): Yes.

Me (SENT 21:55): _No way!! I’m telling you Romano is being way to careless! He’s not considering poor, fragile Tonie!!_

Arthur (SENT 21:55): **Excuse me, weren’t you the one who, just a few days ago if I’m not mistaken, was trying to convince everyone that Antonio was still the “country of passion” and a “ruthless, conquistador pirate at heart.”**

Me (SENT 21:56): _HE’S NOT LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME!! TONIE HAS A DOUBLE PERSONALITY! YOU KNOW THAT!!_

Arthur (SENT 21:56): **Don’t mind me. I’m just the fact-checker here.**

Alfred (Sent 21:56): Okay, guys I just called my jets and my swat team and they’re on standby!! I’m ready 2 take these guys down!!! :D

Me (SENT 21:57): _ALFRED THAT SMILEY FACE IS REALLY INAPPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW_

Alfred (SENT 21:57): Aww come on!! I’m just trying 2 get everyone pumped!!

Gilbert (SENT 21:57): **_Hey Im getting there!! I’m ready to take down some mafia asses!!_**

Hungary (SENT 21:58): IF THERE ARE ASSES TO BE KICKEDCOUNT ME IN :]

Matthew (SENT 21:58): if you like i can send some help too!

Gilbert (SENT 21:59): **_Yeah man!! Itll be like we’re playing a video game together!!_**

Alfred (SENT 21:59): Ur right!! It is like a video game!!

Me (SENT 22:00): _When did this turn into a live adaptation video game??! This is real life! Tonie’s life is on the line!_

Alfred (SENT 22:00): Don’t worry man, I’m amazain at video games ;D

Gilbert (SENT 22:00): **_And Im awesome at them ):^)_**

Me (SENT 22:01): _Is this really supposed to reassure me??_

Arthur (SENT 22:01): **Just let it go Francis, if this is the only way to get all of the idiots on board then don’t interfere.**

Francis (SENT 22:02): _Fine  
_ Francis (SENT 22:02): _Romano said to meet him at this restaurant called La Strada in (insert capital of Sicily here). Then we’re supposed to order water and some pizza and go downstairs to the moon door_

Alfred (SENT 22:03): Uh, is that like an Italian thing or somethin?

Feli (SENT 22:03): Vee~ not really, but it sounds like fun!!

Ludwig (SENT 22:04): That sounds like a rather elaborate process.

Gilbert (SENT 22:04): **_Yeah that was kind of our reaction too_**

Alfred (SENT 22:05): So then, should we just meet up in front of the restaurant?

Me (SENT 22:05): _Oui, I suppose that would be best. But if anyone is bringing secret service, how about you leave them somewhere nearby so we don’t attract too much attention_

Alfred (SENT 22:05): They’re called secret for a reason Frenchie, I don’t think u need 2 worry about it ;)

Ludwig (SENT 22:06): Just do it anyway.

Me (SENT 22:06): _Okay then! We have formed our alliance! And we will meet tomorrow at 2 at La Strada restaurant_

Gilbert (SENT 22:07): **_I’m ready ):^)_**

Matthew (SENT 22:07): me too!

Alfred (SENT 22:08): PUMPED

Hungary (SENT 22:08): I’M READY TO KICK SOME ASS

Feliciano (SENT 22:09): I’ll come watch!

Ludwig (SENT 22:09): Feli, how about you don’t.

Feliciano (SENT 22:09): What? Why?

Ludwig (SENT 22:10): That’s not exactly the safest environment for you.

Feliciano (SENT 22:10): I’ll be fine! My fratello will be there and he’ll protect me!

Gilbert (SENT 22:11): **_If you’re that damn worried for him, just come too_**

Ludwig (SENT 22:12): This is going to ruin my schedule...

Feliciano (SENT 22:12): Yay! We’re going to Sicily!

Arthur (SENT 22:13): **Quite the turn of events, eh Francis.**

Francis (SENT 22:13): _At least it worked, alright?!_

 

* * *

 

April 19, 2008, Palermo, Sicily, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

** From: Feli ** 

Feli (SENT 11:01): Fratello we’re on our way to Sicily!! I’m excited to go save Toni :D  
Feli (SENT 11:01): It’s been a while since I’ve been to Sicily, I wonder what it’s like  
Feli (SENT 11:01): Is the weather pretty sunny there?  
Feli (SENT 11:02): I think I’m going to pack a swimsuit in case we have time to go to the beach later  
Feli (SENT 11:02): Did you know that Luddy is coming too?? He’s never been to Sicily so I’m going to show him the sites!!  
Feli (SENT 11:03): What are you doing anyway? Are you at the airport?

Me (SENT 11:04): **Yeah**

 

* * *

 

 **From: French Bastard**  

French Bastard (SENT 11:10): _Bonjour Romano! I know you don’t care about what we’re doing to save Tonie, but I thought I should let you know I single-handedly managed to convince quite a few people to come and bring their secret service  
_ French Bastard (SENT 11:10): _So feel free to shower me with praise ;)_

Me (SENT 11:11): **Great**

  

* * *

 

 

11:11, April 19, 2008, Palermo, Sicily, Italy 

 

I rolled my eyes at my phone and shoved it back in my pant pocket.

At least those damn bastards took the bait. I have a few hours to take care of this, so I should be done by the time they get here. As if the French bastard could help at all.

“ _Padrone,_ Giovanni said the coast is clear at warehouse, so we can start moving in.”

I glanced over the boss of Camorra’s mafia, and smirked slightly. I love how much these guys fear me. It’s like they think I’m some immortal god or something. I only wish those damn Sicilians wouldn’t get riled up all the time. The other mafias fell into place, and stay under my foot without question; it’s just these dumb bastards that don’t seem to get it.

“ _Bene,_ tell Achille and Salvatore to take their guys around the other side, and make sure the Stiddans are going through the tunnel. I want to make sure there’s no possible way for these bastards to escape,” I narrowed my eyes and waved at Leo to make the phone call.

Another guy came by with my suitcase and opened it up for me. I looked over the collection of guns and knives and started tucking them away in my suit.

“Oh, we’re using all of the weapons, hm?” the guys commented as I fixed one of the knives in its holster on my belt.

“Yeah,” was all I said and I picked up the gun to check for bullets.

“What’d they do this time? Egg your Ferrari?” He laughed slightly, and I couldn’t help but furrow my eyebrows in frustration.

Then, because I love being fucking dramatic with these guys, I cocked the gun and aimed it for his head, “Something much worse than that.”

The guy blinked nervously, and I dropped the gun to my side. There. That ought to keep him in his place. 

“I wouldn’t want to be them,” he muttered and shut the empty suitcase.

“No, you wouldn’t,” I agreed and tucked the gun in the back of my pants.

I looked in the tinted reflection of the car window and fixed my hair. Damn, it’s hot today. And I have to wear a fucking suit to keep face with these guys so I’m about twenty degrees hotter. Feli – though I hate to admit this – might have had a good idea to bring his swimsuit. It probably would be nice to swim after this. Hopefully this doesn’t take too long. Of course, I’m more worried I’m going to ruin another suit and maybe get another lecture from the Pope for being too violent with these guys. But they’re so fucking annoying, I’m sure he would do the same in my position!

Well, they’re usually just annoying. I mean sure, they’ll egg my Ferrari and I’ll send a few of their guys to the hospital; or they’ll block cigarettes and wine from getting into any of the stores within a square mile radius of my home and I’ll fill their cars with dead cats. But that’s just kid stuff and I settle it pretty quickly. The few times they had the balls to try and kidnap me – ME – I had to take things up a notch, but they learned their lesson pretty quickly and stopped trying that crap.

Or at least I thought so.

Honestly, right now I’m so goddamn pissed I don’t even know who I’m more pissed at. I don’t know if I’m pissed at the mafia, for being so fucking stupid and rebellious to kidnap another person – who happens to be Antonio for some unlucky reason. Or maybe I’m more pissed at Antonio for letting his guard down and getting himself into this situation. I mean, he went on and on about me being safe, and he was so worried and all of that shit…And then who was it that ended up being kidnapped by a bunch of monkeys in Armani suits? Argh. He’s just too passive for his own good.

I bet they showed up at his front door step all smiling with their creepy, bad smiles of theirs and Antonio just grinned back at them with happy, green eyes and invited them in for fucking paella or churros depending on the time of day. They come inside and they’re like “You know, we know your friend Romano,” and Antonio would be like “Oh really? That’s so great! How do you know him?” And then they’d say something vague like, “Oh we work together.” Antonio would get stupidly sad for a moment because he’d realize I’ve never talked about these guys with him before, although I HAVE – kind of. Then they’d ask more questions, and Antonio would get even more comfortable and they’d start watching TV or gardening or whatever the shit. Then before he knows it, Antonio’s been hit in the head with a wine bottle and his stupid, white living room carpet is even more stained than before! And he doesn’t even have half of the money needed to replace the disgusting thing!

Argh, this is so frustrating.

“ _Padrone,_ do you want to go in now? Everybody’s in position and ready.”

I turned away from the mirror to look at another one of the many mafia guys. I’m not sure which group this guy belongs too, but he looks afraid of me so that’s fine.

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go. Send out one last reminder to go for the boss Giancarlo, and then take care of the other guys. I’m still going in the front and ‘Ndrangheta will cover me from there,” I say and pull my suit jacket down once more.

At least I know Cosa Nostra has been a fucking mess lately. There’s no way they have the balls to tear a curly brown hair from Antonio’s head. They wouldn’t even dare. And even if Giancarlo might, I know all of his lackeys wouldn’t because they’re still scared of me. And damn right they should be.

This is why I’m not worried about Toni. I’m not fucking worried.

“Uh, _padrone?_ Is it time?” The guy asked and I looked up at him again.

“ _Si,_ it’s fucking time. Don’t ask stupid questions!” I stomped past him and started heading towards the warehouse entrance. “And don’t screw up or else it’s not just Cosa Nostra that’s getting cut down today!” I yelled after him, and smirked when I saw him running back to his group with his phone pressed to his ear.

As I was closing in on the warehouse I tried to quiet my footsteps slightly, and walk with a longer, cooler gate. I’m going in alone at first, so I might as well take my damn time. _Dio_ knows that even though I gave the other idiots strict orders to break in after ten minutes, they’re probably still fumbling with their guns and bullets. Morons.

I reached the three-meter tall wooden door and listened closely. I heard some mumbling, and some distant shouting, but that’s all typical ambience noise for a mafia meeting place. Usually they would have some guy stand by the door and I’d have to say some password to get in, but I guess they’re too scatterbrained to remember the fucking process. Figures.

So I rolled my eyes, and took out my bobby pin. I messed with the first lock for a few minutes, got that done and tossed it to the floor, then moved onto the second one. I unlocked it easily, and dropped that one on the ground too. I pressed my ear to the door again to hear if anything changed, but it didn’t seem like they noticed, so I cracked the door open slightly. They usually want to talk first, and then deal later, but just in case Giancarlo was stepping up his game, I wanted to make sure they don’t plan on shooting me when I walk through the door. Of course, they haven’t tried it yet, since that wouldn’t do anything for their bargaining, but I always check just in case.

I crouched down to the dirt floor and peered through the small crack in the door I made. I see some people standing to the side on phones, and one person ran over to the other side clumsily. No one seemed really…I don’t know, serious? I mean, the mafia is never actually serious, but they always like to pretend they are.

Huh. I kept watching and saw those few guys standing run to the other side too. I wonder what’s going on in there.

I stood up and brushed the dirt off of my pants. I guess I’ll go in there and find out. I sent a quick text to my Mafia Group Message – excluding Cosa Nostra of course – and slowly, I pulled back the wooden door.

After it’s halfway open it starts to creak pretty loudly, so I stop and slide through the door sideways.

I pulled up my sunglasses and rested them at the top of my head then looked around the room.

_Why the fuck is no one here?!_

I was about to yell something out in frustration – because all I want to do is get this damn thing over with and of course the mafia has to forget what day we’re meeting – but I hear some more yelling and loud, running footsteps, and on impulse I duck behind the stack of empty cocaine boxes in the corner.

“Leo, did you find him?” I recognized Giancarlo’s low gravelly voice, but now it was strangely agitated and anxious.

“N-not yet, but he couldn’t have gone far. I mean this warehouse only has so many rooms,” Another nervous and obviously winded voice replied.

“ _Si,_ but the tunnels! We have to make sure they’re blocked off!”

“I’ve already given the orders. So the Spaniard should still be somewhere in the building.”

Antonio…escaped? That dumb, bastard actually managed to get himself out of this? Is that even possible?

I winced when I heard Giancarlo’s voice rise, “He better be for your sakes. Because if not, _guiro su Dio,_ that I will have your head and those other two idiots for letting our only bargaining chip with that sassy brat slip through our fingers!”

“He didn’t slip through! We looked away for a minute and then all of a sudden we were hit in the back of the head with his chair! I mean, he was crying for so long, I didn’t think he’d have a violent streak!”

The fuck? He actually hurt somebody? With a chair? Either I’m in a parallel universe, or these guys must have said something that _really_ pissed Antonio off. Damn, I wish I knew what it was.

“If he hangs out with that son of a bitch Romano, you should have bet he would be as crazy violent! Did you at least manage to catch him with a bullet before he ran off?”

“I’m not sure. I-I mean we shot a few times, and they looked like they were pretty close, but he didn’t slow down at all. And then he knocked down the boxes, and we lost of track of him, so I’m not sure…”

They… _shot_ at Antonio?

That’s it. Someone’s dying today. I don’t give a shit about what the Pope says.

 

* * *

 

April 19, Palermo, Sicily, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

 ** To: My Damn Mafia Bambini  ** **(Including: Salvatore, Paolo, Giovanni, Mario, Sebastiano, Ugo, Carlo, Michele, Giuseppe, Leo, Lino, Achille, Domenico, Ernesto, Luca+ several others…)**  

Me (SENT 11:45): **Alright bastardi, the idiots lost their bargaining chip  
** Me (SENT 11:45): **How good are you guys at following directions**

Salvatore (SENT 11:46): aspetta you never told us what the bargaining chip was

Me (SENT 11:46): **They kidnapped someone I know**

Domenico (SENT 11:47): _Who the fuck was it?? Your brother??_

Me (SENT 11:47): **My gardener  
** Me (SENT 11:47): **Anyway, by some act of Dio, he managed to escape and now he’s somewhere running around the warehouse  
** Me (SENT 11:47): **Now, I’m tempted to let you guys in and just take care of Cosa Nostra so they’ll be out of the way, but I need to make sure you guys aren’t dumb enough to shoot my gardener by mistake**

Salvatore (SENT 11:48): why do you care so much about a gardener?

Me (SENT 11:48): **He’s hard to replace  
** Me (SENT 11:48): **And he’s good with tomatoes  
** Me (SENT 11:49): **Now can I trust you guys or not  
** Me (SENT 11:49): **If you somehow manage to do all of this, I’ll put in a good word for you guys with the Pope so he’ll think about un-excommunicating you**

Achille (SENT 11:50): My guys can do it.

Salvatore (SENT 11:50): si, so can mine

Domenico (SENT 11:50): _Mine can too. And it would make my mama really happy if I would be let back in the church, so I’m all for that_

Leo (SENT 11:51): **My wife would be pretty damn happy, so I’m all for it too**

Me (SENT 11:51): **Great. Now you bosses and all of you other mafia brats avoid a tall, tan guy with curly brown hair, green eyes and a stupid, Spanish accent. He’s probably wearing a gardening outfit**

Salvatore (SENT 11:52): you did say he was a gardener, so that’s not surprising

Domenico (SENT 11:52): _He’s Spanish???_

Me (SENT 11:52): **YES HE IS NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET HIS ASS OUT OF THERE  
** Me (SENT 11:53): **You can text me when you find him**

Domenico (SENT 11:53): _Scusa ):P_

 

* * *

 

12:01, April 19, Palermo, Sicily, Italy

 

I waited until I was sure the room was clear of any mafia, then I pulled my gun out and started run-walking out of my hiding place. The room I’m in now is too large and vacant, so I moved quickly towards a door, and turned the knob fast to get in. I pointed my gun right and left, and it didn’t seem like anyone’s there, so I lowered my gun down and continued speeding down the hall. 

When I reached the corner I stopped, backed myself against the wall and waited to hear any sounds. After a few moments, I heard some hurried Italian, followed by another Italian voice, and I wavered between shooting or not. I can’t tell if they’re talking about Antonio or not, so I sneaked my head closer to the edge to maybe catch any comprehensible word of what they’re saying.

Then I heard gunshots and I immediately pulled back and dropped to the floor.

“Do you see the gardener anywhere? Look in that room!” I sighed when I recognized Salvatore’s voice and got back up.

“Salvatore,” I announced, and moved slowly into view so they didn’t shoot me by mistake (they would too).

Salvatore looked at me blankly, and reloaded his gun.

“Ah, Romano. We haven’t found the gardener yet, but these two were talking about a lot of commotion coming from the basement. Do you think he could’ve gotten to the tunnels already?”

I rolled my eyes and said, “I doubt my dumb gardener would’ve gotten that far. I’m sure he’s hiding out in one of these rooms, or some giant box. I think Giancarlo’s hanging out down there anyway, so there’s no way Antonio would willingly run to danger…” My voice faded away as I realized Antonio is exactly the type of person who would go running head first into danger. Especially if he’s dumb enough to want to protect me.

Oh, that fucking idiot. Don’t tell me he’s actually down there.

“Fuck,” I muttered, and looked at my gun with a groan. “Okay, tell the guys downstairs that I’m heading down there,” I said and started running down the hall without waiting for Salvatore’s reply.

I weaved through the halls and jumped over quite a few dead bodies. I guess ‘Ndrangheta still knows what they’re doing. They’ve always been the most capable.

I reached the familiar red door, pushed it open quickly. I pointed my gun down the stairs, and checked for anybody waiting to ambush me. There’s no one, so I started hurrying down the steps.

_“¿Crees que puedes escapar tan fácilmente? Sólo va a doler más cuando te cojo!”_

I stopped when I heard the yell. That--that’s Antonio! I don’t know what the hell that means, but I know that’s him!

Without thinking I realized I was smiling, and I rushed to the bottom of the steps and was about to grip the handle of the door when I heard my obnoxious default ringtone and dropped my gun to frantically to search my pockets and make it stop.

“ _Pronto!_ ” I said loudly, then remembered I was still near the door and lowered my voice as I picked up my gun and sneaked away behind the steps to continue talking. “ _Pronto,_ who is this?” 

“Romano, this is Domenico! We found your gardener – you know, the Spaniard – but he’s causing a bit of a scene. He’s taking down Giancarlo’s guys left and right, but he’s also caught a few of our guys too, so we’re not sure what to do.”

“Wh-what? Just tell him you’re with me! He’s probably just trying to get out of here!” I whispered loudly, and slapped my hand over my mouth when I realized someone had opened the door.

“The fuck he’s trying to get out! He keeps chanting in Spanish and waving this-this, I don’t know, axe or something! Where the fuck did he find an axe anyway?”

I fumbled with the phone to turn it off, and picked up my gun.

I tried to follow the footsteps, but they were so quiet, I’m not exactly sure where they’re going. I hold my breath and ready my gun. I think he’s coming in from the left side. I’m just going to count to three, jump out and shoot.

_Uno, due, tre…_

I turn around and pressed my finger on the trigger, but before I could pull it all of the way, the gun was knocked out of my hand and bounced across the floor.

My breath stopped when I realized I was completely unarmed, and without thinking I closed my eyes. Then suddenly someone spoke up.

“Ah, if it isn’t my little _tomatito._ Have you come to save your boss?”

I blinked a few times to make sure I was still alive, then focused on what appeared to be Antonio’s voice. Except, this didn’t sound very much like Antonio. This Antonio sounded a lot more Spanish and a lot more dangerous.

I stared at him wide-eyed and saw devious green eyes I hadn’t seen in a long, long time and a wide grin very different from his usual, carefree one. Then I noticed what he was holding and managed to find my voice again.

“W-what the fuck? Did you just knock a gun out of my hands with a fucking axe?!” I yelled and gaped when Antonio laughed a stranger, manlier laugh and waved his axe around.

He sort of looks like…I don’t know, what he looked like when he’d go to South America. Like the conquistador he used to be.

 _“No te preocupes mi amor, ya casi termino ahí fuera,”_ Antonio said and I narrowed my eyes at the strange bass to his voice.

“You know I don’t speak fucking Spanish. Just say what you want to me damn it!” I yelled and started walking towards my gun.

Then he dropped his axe on my gun and I jerked my hand back from the shattered parts.

“H-hey! What the fuck was that for?” I shouted and shoved him back with my hands.

Antonio laughed and tossed his axe over his shoulder.

“I’m almost done out there _mi querido._ Why don’t you just stay here and wait for me?” He winked and put his hand on his hip.

After a few false starts and blank stares at the Spaniard, I finally managed to yell, “But I came here to save you! You can’t just keep me here while you swing your stupid axe around!”

“I can do whatever I want! _Yo soy la gran España!”_ Antonio waved his axe once, then turned around to open the door.

I immediately grabbed the back of his vest and tugged him backwards so he wouldn’t walk away.

“Wait, you damn bastard! You can’t just go back in there! Not everyone’s a bad guy!”

Antonio looked down at me and frowned threateningly. “They’re all bad guys, Lovino.”

Oh geez, I know that look. Even though Antonio was usually much nicer to me than his other colonies for whatever reason; once in a while when I did something to really piss him off, or maybe after he was just fed up with me, it was like something snapped in him and he would remind me a bit of England.

I gulped and tried to find the courage to yell and pretend to be confident, “Okay, technically _si_ they all are, but some of them work for me!” I could tell Antonio was about to push forward anyway, so I strengthened my grip of vest and yelled, “If you really want to take someone down, just get Giancarlo! The rest of them won’t do anything without him!”

“ _Sólo una persona más…”_ Antonio sighed and I hesitantly released his vest and stepped back. Then Antonio smiled at me with a wink and announced, “ _Espérame,_ _mi amor!_ I’ll return with Giancarlo’s head!”

“No, no you don’t! I don’t want his fucking head! Do you have any idea how much trouble I’m already in with the Pope!” I grabbed his vest again, and leaned back with all of my weight. “Just – just catch him or something! I’ll hand him to the other bosses and they’ll figure out what to do!” While this was sort of true, I also didn’t want Antonio to hurt another person today. Even though he’s not acting like himself right now, I know it always bothers him how many people he used to hurt, and I don’t want him to relive that because of me.

Antonio groaned and pressed his forehead to the door.

“Oh, come on! Don’t you start pouting! You’ve had enough fun for today! And since you decided to smash my gun, I’m telling you it’s your job to catch that son of a bitch! Now get in there and do it!”

Antonio turned around with a strange sparkle in his dark, green eyes and he grabbed my chin between his fingers and said, “You know, Lovino, I’m not accustomed to following orders from someone else.”

My breath hitched, but I tried to seem cocky and mad, and yelled, “Y-yeah, well you’re in my country and those are my damn idiots so right now you have to listen to me!”

“Hm,” Antonio hummed and pressed his thumb over my lips. Then he grinned wickedly and said, “ _Muy bien_ _mi amor,_ but I expect to collect my prize when I’m done.”

“W-what prize?” I stuttered, and felt my face flush red.

But Antonio just ignored me and ran through the door singing, _“Para España!”_

“H-hey!” I yelled a beat too late and followed him through the door.

Inside, I saw Antonio running around and swinging the blunt end of his axe at people’s heads, and sending people bloody and unconscious to the floor. The few times I saw some people aim their guns at Antonio, Domenico and his men took them down, and Antonio would just go on yelling in fucking Spanish and continue swinging his axe.

“That dumb _idiota,_ ” I muttered, and searched my belt for a knife so at least I wasn’t totally weaponless.

Now where the hell did Giancarlo go? I see Domenico’s men in one corner, and Giancarlo’s men scattered on the floor and in another corner, but I can’t see him anywhere.

Then all of a sudden I feel an arm snake around my neck and something cold and metal press to my temple.

“Hey! What the fuck? Who is this?” I yelled and try to shake him off.

“Stop struggling Romano, or else I’ll shoot you in the head!” I recognized Giancarlo’s voice and I reluctantly stopped moving. Then he continued, “I want you to call off your Spaniard. If you do that I’ll forget this whole thing ever happened, and we can go back to playing the game between just the two of us.”

“F-forget the whole thing ever happened? You’re the fucking one who brought him into this. You changed the game! There’s no way I’m going to let you just walk away after kidnapping my bo – my gardener!”

“He’s already taken out more than half of my men! All I’m asking is for you to call him off! I’ll forget the whole boss of bosses thing and we can go back to how it was.”

“The fuck we can go back! I’m tired of putting up with your shit, so it’s time I’m in control again! You’ve been way too out of control lately. Even your import-export business isn’t making as much money as it should be. I mean how hard is it to smuggle heroin and guns?! It’s as easy as making pasta!” I shouted and totally forgot there was a gun near my head.

“After this, I’m calling a meeting, and this time, I’m not going to be as nice as the last. I thought maybe I would give you guys a chance to act like fucking adults and take care of your own business, but it seems like you can’t do that without either messing up or becoming drunk with power. You know what, I’m reclaiming my title as boss of the bosses again. I’ve had enough of this!” I turned around to face him and yelled right in his face.

Giancarlo sighed and said, “Argh – fine! We’ll talk about this later! Just, _ti prego,_ please call off your gardener!”

I sneered at him, but it seemed like somewhere in his dingy brown eyes he learned respect and fear, so I turned around to see if I could see Antonio anywhere. I saw him whip the blunt end of his axe to a guy’s face, and laugh manically when the guy fell to the floor.

Damn it, Antonio.

“Uh, I don’t know if I can talk to him when he’s like this,” I deadpanned, and continued watching Antonio twirl his axe around.

_Where did he find that anyway?_

“Hey! We had a deal! Call him off or you get a bullet in your-–”

“In my head? Is that really going to solve the situation? Then Antonio’s just going to continue his little conquistador spree until everyone’s dead, or when he’s reconquered Italy in the name of Spain!”

“Alright! I won’t actually shoot you! But would you at least try to talk to him?!” Giancarlo’s hot voice breathed against my ear, and I turned away in disgust.

“Fine! I’ll try! Just stop breathing down my neck!” I yelled, and tried to find Antonio again. “Uh, Antonio!” I began, and he didn’t turn around. “Antonio!” I yelled louder, and I saw his body move in recognition.

Antonio grinned wildly and regripped his axe. “ _Si,_ _mi querido!_ I’ve almost conquered the-–”

Antonio stopped smiling when he looked at me, and I realized Giancarlo was still holding a gun to my head.

“Hey! Drop the gun! Drop the gun now!” I whispered violently, and nudged him hard in the stomach with my elbows.

“Not until you tell him to stop!” Giancarlo shouted in my ear, and I winced slightly.

“For God’s sake, will you take a step back? I can hear you just fine!” I yelled back, then added, “But really, drop the gun. Do you see that look in his eyes? I know this may be hard to believe but that guy used to be a ruthless killer. Now just drop the fucking gun or I don’t know what he’s going to do!"

 _“Usted. Suelta mi tomate. Ahora.”_ Spain said, and pointed his axe at Giancarlo with sharp, green eyes.

“What did he say?” Giancarlo asked in my ear.

“I don’t know! I don’t speak fucking Spanish,” I mumbled in frustration than yelped when I saw Spain charging at us.

 _“Para España!”_ Spain declared, and ran for Giancarlo and I with his axe swung over his shoulders.

“Hey-Hey! Let go of me! Do you see him charging? He’s going to chop your fucking head off!”

“Not if I shoot him first,” Giancarlo said, and my eyes widened in fear.

When I noticed the cold gun move away from my face, I felt my body move on its own and in a matter of seconds I realized that I had grabbed the gun with one hand and aimed it down to the floor, and with my other I reached for my other knife, gripped it tight in my hand and stabbed backwards into Giancarlo’s stomach. I heard the gunshot crack against the floor, but I tried not to wince, and twisted my knife in Giancarlo’s stomach once to hear him cry. When I saw a tears running down his cheeks, I pulled out my knife and walked a few steps away.

“See what you made me do? And I was trying to be so fucking nice for the Pope, damn it,” I sighed and took out a hankercheif to clean my knife. “So annoying. Always like children, I swear to _Dio._ ”

I tucked the knife back in it’s holster and fixed my suit again. Just another day in the life of Lovin--Hey!

“H-hey _bastardo_ what do you think you’re doing?” I stuttered as Antonio wrapped his arms around me, including his fucking bloody axe.

“That was so dangerous Lovi, you should’ve let me handle it,” I heard him say into my ear, and I felt my anger slip away slightly.

“It wasn’t dangerous,” I muttered, and closed my eyes against his chest. “I do this all the time, I already told you-–”

“Gardener, huh?” Domenico interrupted me with a snicker, and I immediately pushed Antonio away and glared furiously. 

“I swear to _Dio_ Domenico, if you say another word, not only am I not going to put in a good word to the Pope, I’m going to send Salvatore and his men after you!” I warned, and tried my best to keep my face as not-absolutely-red and angry as possible.

Domenico rolled his eyes and waved his hand, then walked away towards his men.

“Man I hate the fucking mafia,” I said to myself; then I turned to Antonio, who was twirling his axe around like a baton. “Are you hungry?” I asked and started walking towards the door anyway.

 _“Hemos terminado?”_ Antonio demanded, and I could hear the pining violence in his voice.

“Yeah, we’re done. It took longer than I thought, but I guess that means our food should be ready by now,” I replied as I checked my watch, and opened the door to the tunnel.

Francis and Gilbert should’ve ordered our meals by now, so hopefully they didn’t manage to mess that up.

 _“¿Qué es esto?”_ Antonio touched the concrete walls with his axe and kept walking behind me.

“Don’t touch that! It’s just a tunnel. It goes to a restaurant I like. Which also happens to be a restaurant the mafia likes.”

Antonio hummed quietly and we continued walking in a strange atmosphere. It was like Antonio wanted to say something but he was waiting, and it made me so frustrated that I wanted to grab him by the collar and tell him to just say what’s on his mind, damn it!

But I guess I’ll just interrogate him when we get upstairs. Hopefully he snaps out of this other Antonio really soon. I’ve never been very persuasive with him. It’s always been the other way around actually.

“Okay, this is the door,” I said absentmindedly, and grabbed the handle.

But before I could even turn the fucking handle, I heard Antonio drop the axe and suddenly I was pulled into his arms…again.

I looked up at him nervously, and saw Antonio looking down at me sort of…I can’t believe I’m even applying this word to him, but he kind of lustfully?

“Ah, Lovino, I think you forgot about my prize,” Antonio tutted and grinned flashing white teeth.

“W-what prize? I never promised you a goddamn prize!” I half-yelled and tried to keep an angry frown.

“I think you did,” Antonio said as he leaned in closer. He paused in front of my face and whispered, “And Spain never leaves without his treasure.”

“Tr-treasure?! I’m not a fucking prize damn it!” I shouted, but Antonio only laughed and closed the small gap between us with a passionate kiss.

I felt him smile in the kiss – which is so damn Antonio – but I also felt him running his hand down my back sort of sexually which was totally not Antonio. I didn’t really know what to do with my hands other than rest them on his shoulders, especially since he kept leaning forward and making me back into the door. Then he broke the kiss for a moment to look me in the eyes with that same sort of old-boss-Spain-eyes and started kissing my jaw and down my neck and – although at this point I was already incredible flustered and confused – I now noticed Antonio was simultaneously undoing my tie and fumbling with my shirt buttons.

That sort of brought me back to reality and I yelled, “H-hey you dumb bastard! What do you think you’re doing?” I grasped his hands and moved them away from my shirt.

“I’m conquering you in the name of Spain!” Antonio grinned, and tried to grab me again.

I slapped his hands away and countered, “What the hell does that mean? We’re not doing this in a fucking closet underground!”

“Ah, you want to wait until we’re at your house?” Antonio asked and ran his fingers through my hair.

“No-no that’s not what I meant! Get your hands off my fucking hair!” I swatted his hands away and huffed. Then I glared at him and continued ranting, “Do you have any idea what my past twenty-four hours have been like? First I try to call you and text you with no answer, so naturally I get drunk and wander around my apartment banging my knees into fucking tables. Then when I’m watching some soccer rerun when Italia _loses,_ I get a phone call which was supposed to be from you and ends up being from Giancarlo, the asshole, saying how he kidnapped you and is holding you hostage!

“At that point I don’t know if I’m more pissed off, frustrated or scared to death. And then I get stupid phone calls from your stupidass friends asking where you were, and of course they want to get involved so I have to make up random shit just to get them to shut up. At the same time, I’m trying to coordinate maybe the most random, disorganized, dumb bastards in all of south Italy to meet me in Sicily.

“I couldn’t sleep all night because I was stressed as hell and kept thinking about how miserable you must have been. All I’ve been drinking this whole morning is espressos, so when I walked into that warehouse I was wired as shit. I’m still really wired actually, which is why my hands haven’t stopped shaking.

“Then – when I’m finally in the fucking warehouse – what do you know, apparently you escaped! Now I’m confused, frustrated and happy – which makes me even more confused! I start running around trying to find you and when I do, apparently you’re the one taking guys down, which I didn’t even know you could still do. I was so worried about you the whole damn day it’s like I’ve been some sort of mafia-running zombie, and you just want to have sex in a fucking closet goddamn it!”

After I finished, I just stared at him, which is when I realized I must have started crying at some point because I felt tears falling down my cheeks. Antonio looked at me briefly with apologetic eyes, then quickly encircled me with his arms again, but this time it felt a lot more comforting, and I buried my face in his stupid vest and cried.

“ _Lo siento,_ Lovi. I didn’t mean to make you worry,” I heard Antonio whisper gently and I just sniffed in response.

I didn’t trust myself to say any less than mortifying, so instead I just kept hugging him – which I guess was still pretty embarrassing, but at least Antonio was hugging back.

Then on some impulse, I started babbling my feelings and confessed, “I just – I don’t know what I would do if you got hurt by those idiots, and I-–”

“ _Hallo?_ Is anyone here?” Gilbert announced, as he walked into the closet. Then he stopped a foot inside the door and whined, _“Verdammt!_ Francis, Romano already got him!”

As I stared at Gilbert, and now Francis blankly (because my anger hadn’t caught up with me yet) I heard Antonio ask, _“Hola_ _amigos,_ what are you doing here?”

“Ah, _bonjour_ Tonie! I’m glad to see you looking well. We didn’t expect to see you for a while,” Francis raised his eyebrow at me, and I just glared back. “It looks like _you’ve_ had a hard time. Was the reunion very dramatic?” 

“Fuck off Francis,” I mumbled, but didn’t let go of Antonio to flip him off – even though it crossed my mind. “I told you guys to not to come in this door.”

“Oui, well those other charming doors you mentioned turned out to be bathroom doors, so we thought we might explore the other hallway a bit. But don’t mind us though, you two can go back to what you’re doing. I’m just relieved to know my friend his happy and well and – although he’s covered in blood – he doesn’t seem to be hurt any so that’s all fine with me!” Francis smiled and leaned against the frame of the door. So I guess they’re not leaving anytime soon.

“I can’t believe this. Ludwig and I brought our secret service for this, and you just got him without us? How could you? We had a deal!” Gilbert gawked at me and waved his hands around.

“What deal?” Antonio asked randomly, and my eyes widened in worry.

Gilbert’s eyes flashed red and he grinned at me wickedly. “Kesesese! Romano, you broke the deal so I don’t have to keep any promises. Let’s see who he really gets mad at!”

“Gilbert, don’t! I’ll make another deal, but fucking don’t say anything I’m warning you Antonio’s not – he’s not the usual!” I finished, and broke the hug to look back at his axe.

“Please, I know my friend. And Toni never gets mad at the awesome me!” Gilbert announced, and I caught Francis laughing loudly next to the door. “Toni, there’s something Romano never told you, that happened while he was still living in Spain.”

Antonio glanced at me briefly and I tried not to make eye contact with him while still trying to edge closer to his axe. Maybe if I can keep it out of his reach, Antonio won’t kill Gilbert.

“You see, Romano and I had a relationship for a while and I wasn’t going to tell you since I knew you’d be pissed at him, but since he broke our damn deal I figured you should – hey!” Gilbert shrieked when Antonio gripped him by the collar of his shirt and whipped him around into the wall.

“You touched _mi querido_ Lovino?” Antonio asked threateningly, and I finally just turned around and grabbed his axe.

“H-hey wait it was like hundreds of years ago! We never did anything much! And it was only for three weeks!” Gilbert struggled against Antonio’s grip and I saw him look pleadingly in my direction since Francis was on the floor laughing at this point.

“Liar, it was two weeks! Don’t fucking exaggerate!” I yelled back and pretended to swing the axe in his direction.

Then I saw Antonio tighten his grip of Gilbert considerably and I was started to get worried. But Gilbert shoved at Antonio a few times with his fists, and for some lucky reason when Gilbert grazed over Antonio’s side, he was dropped to the floor coughing and cursing in German.

 _“Verdammt_ Toni, no need to get so violent! It was so long ag – hey, are you okay, man?” Gilbert pushed himself up with his hands and looked over Antonio’s hunched figure.

I immediately dropped the axe and rushed to Antonio’s side.

“What happened? Did Gilbert hurt you?” I asked and tried to understand why Antonio was groaning with a few long Spanish words here and there.

“Uh, Lovi,” Antonio began and I noticed his voice was back his usual happy-so-lucky and goofy pitch. He slowly moved down to sit on the floor and continued with a shaky smile, “Y-you know when you said that you didn’t know what to if I was hurt…”

I just stared at him and I felt my heart sink.

“Well,” Antonio laughed lightly. “I think, when I was escaping, uh, one of the bullets might have sort of grazed me, haha. I just didn’t notice ‘till now,” Antonio grinned weakly at me, and both Gilbert and I dropped to the floor to check Antonio’s wound.

Gilbert lifted the shirt up a bit from where he hit him, and I heard him take a sharp intake of breath.

“Shit, that looks bad. Shouldn’t that have healed by now though? Even a little bit?” He looked at me and I just shrugged my shoulders.

“Uh, I think – since I’m not doing very well right now – I’m a bit weaker than usual,” Antonio chuckled again, and I really wished he would stop pretending to be happy and fine, damn it.

“Sh-Should we take him to a doctor or something?” I asked dumbly and looked at Gilbert.

“Probably not. We can just take him to Matthew. He’s upstairs and he knows a lot about medical stuff. And so does Ludwig and – Francis will you please stop laughing, this is serious!” Gilbert looked up from Antonio to glare at Francis.

“What the fuck is so funny anyway?” I added, and narrowed my eyes at Francis pounding his fist on the doorframe between laughs.

Francis tried to reply, but he couldn’t find the words, so he just briefly managed, “Matthew” and “I’ll get him,” then wandered off still laughing wildly.

I muttered curse words after him, but then I noticed Antonio was breathing a bit quicker, and I asked, “Are you okay?”

 _“Si, si!_ I’ll be fine!” Antonio waved, and then clutched his side in pain and laid back on the floor. “I just need to lay down for a bit and then I’ll be better.”

I looked at Antonio’s weak smile and happy, strained eyes, and muttered, “This is all my fault.”

 _“¿Qué?”_ Antonio asked, and I frowned at how pale he was. Antonio should never be pale. He should always be tan and sunny with a stupid, loud laugh and too much energy.

“I just – Francis was right. It’s my fault you got kidnapped by the mafia. They roped you into their games.”

“Francis was just being dramatic! He didn’t mean it!” Gilbert said hurriedly, but I just ignored him.

“Lovi,” Antonio said, and I looked down at him guiltily. He smiled genuinely at me, and continued, “You know I would take a thousand bullets to save you.”

I was going to point out that he didn’t really save me, but I shut my mouth when he started talking again.

“And besides, I can’t really die, so this is the worst that could’ve happened to me!” Antonio started laughing and then coughed and groaned in pain.

“Bastard, don’t say shit like that,” I mumbled and stared at his bleeding wound.

“He’s right though! So I guess there was no real reason to worry after all!” Gilbert played along and laughed that stupid laugh of his.

“Why are you still here again?” I asked and glared at him.

“I’m Mattie’s surgical assistant!”

“The fuck you are!” I shouted back, but stopped my fit when I felt Antonio tug on my sleeve.

“Lovi, do you mind if I stay at your house for a bit? I don’t really feel like going all the way back to Madrid,” Antonio mumbled, and I noticed how tired his eyes looked.

 _“Si,_ of course. I mean it’s sort of messy, but I guess if you clean for me it’ll be alright,” I said sarcastically, and smiled slightly when Antonio chuckled along.

“Okay, I will,” Antonio closed his eyes and hummed slightly. “But do you mind if I take a nap right now though, I’m feeling kind of sleepy.”

“Yeah, that’s fine,” I mumbled, and brushed some of his messy hair away from his eyes. Then I added quietly, “Just be better when you wake up, okay _bastardo?”_

I didn’t think he heard me, but I saw Antonio’s lips twitch slightly, and he whispered, _“Muy bien, mi amor.”_

 

* * *

 

April 19, 2008, London, England

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** From: World Group Message ** **(Including Francis, Antonio, Gilbert, Ludwig, Feliciano, Romano, Emma, Bloody Alfred, Canada, China, Japan, Russia, Berwarld, Tino, Hungary, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Austria, Greece, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)**  

Alfred (SENT 20:10): I didn’t get 2 be the hero today :(

Hungary (SENT 20:12): I didn’t get to kick any ass, but you don’t hear me complaining :P

Alfred (SENT 20:12): But I was really excited! I finally had my chance to be a hero again! There were bad guys and someone was in danger! Dang it I would have been so cool

Gilbert (SENT 20:13): **_Yeah, Ludwigs really pissed that we wasted a plane trip to Sicily. Which means hes not going to talk to me for how knows long_**

Matthew (SENT 20:13): i thought he ended up staying in italy tho?

Gilbert (SENT 20:14): **_HE DID!! Thats whats even worse. He and Feli ended up taking some spur of the moment vacation. I mean what the hell?? He expects me to do the paperwork while hes gone too!!  
_** Gilbert (SENT 20:14): **_Verdammt, I dont know how to do this stuff_**

Francis (SENT 20:15): _I think all of you are forgetting how lucky we are that our dear, precious Tonie is back safe and sound. Isn’t that what’s really important?_

Gilbert (SENT 20:15): **_Says the guy who was laughing his ass off when Toni was bleeding out_**

Francis (SENT 20:15): _Ah, well as I said previously, that was not directed at Toni in particular, but the situation. You have to admit it was rather amusing  
_ Francis (SENT 20:16): _Toni was acting violent, Romano was crying, and you were confessing some long, lost romance you shared with the Italian that somehow no one else knew about_

Gilbert (SENT 20:16): **_It was three weeks!!!_**

Francis (SENT 20:17): _Ah, Romano seems to think it was two  
_ Francis (SENT 20:17): _How can you have a dispute about that anyway?_

Gilbert (SENT 20:18): **_Oh, well I guess technically we broke up after two weeks. But we still hung out and stuff after that  
_** Gilbert (SENT 20:18): **_Which counts as dating in my book_**

Francis (SENT 20:19): _I wouldn’t say any of these words around Tonie if I were you. Whether he’s in a good mood or not, I don’t think you want to battle with his pirate side mon c_ _her_

Gilbert (SENT 20:19): **_Why do you think Romano and I had a secret relationship dum Komf!! I just thought he was over his violent streak by now!!_**

Francis (SENT 20:20): _Ah, I’m happy to say that Antoine is still the country of passion we know and love_

Gilbert (SENT 20:20): **_Love being an debatable word_**

Francis (SENT 20:21): _Oh stop pouting. I’m sure Tonie won’t remember what you said and everything will go back to normal._

Gilbert (SENT 20:21): **_Hopefully. I dropped his head on the floor just in case though ):^)_**

Francis (SENT 20:22): _YOU DROPPED HIM??_

Gilbert (SENT 20:22): **_Ja, I mean I didnt want to risk getting cut up by that axe, you know?  
_** Gilbert (SENT 20:23): **_And anyway, I’m sure it didn’t do much. I mean hes pretty dense_**

Francis (SENT 20:23): _You know that’s just a figure of speech right?? And that it doesn’t actually hold any physical accuracy?_

Gilbert (SENT 20:24): **_Duh, I know that. Look, Mattie said hed be fine, so its fine. Isnt that right Mattie?_**

Canada (SENT 20:24): yeah i think so. i’m more worried about his gunshot wound

Gilbert (SENT 20:25): **_Eh, itll be fine  
_** Gilbert (SENT 20:25): **_So is anyone up for playing World of Warcraft tonight :^D_**

Hungary (SENT 20:26): Emma and I want to join in!! I really need to beat the shit out of some people

Gilbert (SENT 20:26): **_Verdammt, should we let a girl join though_**

Hungary (SENT 20:27): What are you, 12??? FUCKING LET ME JOIN OR I’LL COME OVER THERE AND MAKE YOU

Gilbert (SENT 20:27): **_FINE  
_** Gilbert (SENT 20:28): **_I’ll just teach you a lesson in the game ):^)_**

Hungary (SENT 20:28): Lol we’ll see

Alfred (SENT 20:29): At least I’ll get a chance to prove myself in a game!! Can u play Kiku?

Japan (SENT 20:30): yes, i’m excited to play! (^_^)  
Japan (SENT 20:30): it sounds like i missed a lot of fun in sicily

Alfred (SENT 20:31): Nah man, u didn’t miss much. It’s just a stupid island. But if u come 2 the Big Apple I promise u it’ll be super fun :D

Me (SENT 20:31): **Do thorough research before you commit yourself Japan. I’m only warning you.**

Francis (SENT 20:32): _Oh, you’ve decided to join the conversation Angleterre?_

Me (SENT 20:32): **Well, I thought I’d check in to see if I was in fact missing anything by not tagging along with you band of merry fools.  
** Me (SENT 20:32): **And I am happy to report that I did not miss a thing. In fact, if anything, I feel as though I have gained a greater awareness of the world.**

Francis (SENT 20:33): _Oh really?_

Me (SENT 20:33): **Yes, well, it mainly refers to the overwhelming idiocy and boredom plagued by all countries, but it’s interesting nonetheless.  
** Me (SENT 20:34): **Perhaps the most exciting news is that pirate Antonio is not dead to us yet.**

Francis (SENT 20:34): _Ah yes, I would say I told you so, but I care for you too much to embarrass you in front of the entire world ;)_

Me (SENT 20:35): **I see what you did there frog.  
** Me (SENT 20:35): **I should point out that it was me that ended up sending that Spanish idiot into a vegetative state.  
** Me (SENT 20:38): **A vegetative state.  
** Me (SENT 20:38): **Because he likes tomatoes.  
** Me (SENT 20:38): **Do you understand what a vegetative state is or do I have to explain it to you?**

Francis (SENT 20:39): _No, no I get it. Well done mon cher. An excellent attempt at a joke on your part ;)_

Me (SENT 20:39): **Sod off you bloody wanker.**

Francis (SENT 20:40): _Oh, there’s one more thing I should mention. And this is for Gilbert  
_ Francis (SENT 20:40): _Just what do you think is going to happen when Tonie reads these messages?_

Gilbert (SENT 20:45): _Shit_

Romano (SENT 20:48): **You fucking idiota**

 

* * *

 

11:15, April 20, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

I rolled around and tried to block out the noise, but the ringing just kept going on and on. When I gave up and moved the pillow away from my face, I noticed the phone stopped ringing, so I smiled and turned on my side.

I opened my eyes and stared at the nightstand again. This isn’t my nightstand. This isn’t my bed. What happened? Am I – oh yeah, I remember being kidnapped, but I wasn’t in a bedroom before. I stared hard at the red walls and stereo system and plasma screen TV. Why does this seem so familiar? I looked back at the nightstand and sat up to look through it, but I immediately groaned when I tried to move.

 _Ay,_ why does my stomach hurt so much? And my head!

“Feli, now’s not really the best time to come over.”

I forgot about my pain briefly and glanced at the door. That’s Lovi’s voice! Oh!

I looked back around the room and remembered how elaborate his bedroom was the last time he let me see it. Everything is so high tech and fashionable. He even has air conditioning and a fan! I wish my house had that. The red walls are new though.

“Please, you can just take that potato bastard around the Colosseum. You know how much he’s obsessed with Grandpa Rome.”

As I listened to Lovino talk I fumbled with the covers and pulled them down. I stopped when I noticed a large bandage over my bare side though, and pressed it slightly to see if that was the problem.

“ _Ayayaya! Si,_ that’s it! Ah, it hurts so much!” I rolled back onto the bed and curled up. _“¡Maldita sea! Mierda, eso duele!_

“Shit – Antonio? Look Feli, just stop by later,” Lovino finished, and burst through the bedroom door. From the corner of my eye I saw him hurry over, so I tried my best to ignore the pain and smile.

“ _H-hola_ Lovi! How are you doing?” I asked, and noticed Lovino’s eyes flash angrily.

“How am I doing? Damn it, I’m not the one with a fucking hole in my stomach!”

“A hole in my stomach? Oh, is that what this is?” I looked down again, and tried to remove the bandage.

Lovino caught my hand before I could mess with it though and yelled, “Hey, don’t touch it!”

“Aw, but I want to see,” I whined, and laughed when Lovi reddened in frustration.

“Fucking bastard,” He mumbled and walked somewhere else in the room.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, I’m just turning on the TV.”

“Ah,” I said, then touched my forehead and asked, “Lovi, did I fall on my head or something?”

“Oh, uh, no. Gilbert and Ludwig were carrying you into my apartment, and Gilbert knocked you against the door frame,” Lovino replied, and wandered back into my view when he chose a program.

“Oh, okay,” I muttered, and tried to sit up again. I winced when pain shot up my side, and I hesitantly asked, “Uh, how did I end up with a hole in my stomach anyway?”

Lovino wavered between anger and surprise for a moment, and then he shouted, “You don’t remember anything?!”

“Um,” I began, and tried really hard to recall anything after the Italian guys tied me to a chair. They were talking to me for a while, and then they started talking about Lovino and…I can’t remember anything else. “No.”

“Really?” Lovino asked dumbfounded, and I just stared blankly at him.

“ _Si,_ haha. Did you, uh, save me or something?” I touched my bandage again and tried to peel it away.

“Stop touching it!” Lovino yelled automatically, and I leaned my head back against the backboard with a sigh. Then Lovino cleared his throat and said, “Uh, it wasn’t really me who saved you. You kind of saved yourself.”

I opened my eyes and looked back at him. Lovino was fidgeting with his leather jacket and looking at the ground.

“Oh,” Was all I replied and I looked at the TV blankly. “That’s funny, I don’t remember any of it!”

“Yeah,” Lovino sighed and sat down on the bed. “It’s probably because Gilbert dropped you.”

“He dropped me? I thought he just knocked my head against the door!”

“I wasn’t in the room when it happened so I don’t really know. But I heard a lot of German cursing on Ludwig’s part so I’m guessing Gilbert dropped you. The moron.” Lovino mumbled and looked at the TV.

“Okay, but um, if I saved myself, how did I get shot?” I asked, and slid my legs over the end of the bed.

“Well, I didn’t say you did a good job at saving yourself – hey! Where do you think you’re going?” Lovino rushed over to my side when he noticed I was – or at least trying to – stand up.

“Oh, I was just going to get something to eat,” I laughed lightly and pressed all of my weight onto the nightstand. _Ay,_ everything hurts!

Suddenly I felt Lovino’s hands press against my chest, and I watched him try to push me back onto the bed.

“Damn it, _idiota._ If you’re hungry, just tell me! I’ll go get you food. Matthew said you shouldn’t move for a while,” Lovino said seriously to me and I tried to laugh off his worries. But Lovino didn’t seem to be buying it and because he raised an eyebrow and said, “Look, I know you’re in pain. You’re as white as a sheet, and just a few minutes ago you were yelling Spanish curses.”

“Oh,” I mumbled and slowly backed down on the bed.

Lovino grabbed the blanket with a frown and pulled it over my chest.

Aw, is Lovi trying to be nice to me? That’s so cute! It looks like it’s really hard for him though, because he seems really flustered. But that just makes him cuter!

 _“Idiota,”_ I heard Lovi announce and I faced him with a smile. “What do you want to eat?”

“Um, I’ll have paella!”

“I don’t make that.”

“Oh, um, I’ll have tacos?”

“No.”

“Fajitas?”

 _“Bastardo,_ I’m making you pasta. Deal with it,” Lovino grumbled and stormed out the door with a slam.

Haha, he’s so cute! I grinned and rubbed my head into my pillow. It’s so adorable when Lovino tries to take care of me.

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright _idiota,_ I have pasta, tomato sauce, bread and wine so you better be fucking grateful,” Lovi said as he walked through the door balancing a tray.

“ _Gracias_ Lovi!” I smiled and sat up a bit in bed. 

Lovino muttered something, but gently laid the tray on my lap and backed away.

“Aren’t you going to stay and eat with me?” I asked, when I noticed Lovi was opening the door.

“Yeah, yeah. I just have to go downstairs and get my food,” He replied quietly and left the room.

I was going to say something, but Lovi already slipped away, so instead I mixed my pasta with my sauce and cheese and twirled it around. I can’t remember the last time Lovi cooked for me. I don’t even remember what his cooking tastes like.

I twisted the pasta around my fork and ate it excitedly.

And just as I was chewing my first bite, I saw Lovi walk in, carrying another tray of pasta and he made his way over to the desk in the corner.

“No, Lovi! Come sit with me!” I pleaded, and I chuckled when I saw Lovi’s face flush and a few Italian curses slip from his lips. Reluctantly, Lovi turned around and wandered to the other side of the bed, set his tray down, and crawled next to me.

I kept eating pasta, but I noticed Lovi kept looking at me expectantly, so I asked, “What is it?”

 _“Niente,”_ Lovi mumbled and quickly turned away to drink his wine.

I glanced back at my tray and tried to figure out what Lovi wanted me to say. Oh!

“It’s really good Lovi! I forgot how good of a cook you were!” I smiled back excitedly, and Lovino choked a bit on his wine.

He wiped the few red drops from his mouth and replied, “ _Idiota,_ why do you think I care about your stupid opinion?” But I saw his cheeks blush – and I think this time it was from embarrassment – and he changed the channel of the TV wordlessly. “Is football okay with you?"

“Si, that’s fine!” I said, and snuck a glance at Lovi crossing his eyebrows with frustration. “So how’s your team doing this year?”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“ _Fine_ ,” Lovi huffed and stabbed his spaghetti angrily.

“My team’s doing really well this year, did you know?” I asked and saw Lovi swipe the spaghetti off the fork violently.

Then he turned to me and said, “Yeah, I know.”

I tried to stifle my laughter, since I knew it would only anger him, but I couldn’t help but find his obsessive competitiveness with football so funny.

“You know what’s worse though?” Lovino pointed his fork at the television and said, “Germany’s doing well too! And that damn Netherlands! Even fucking Russia is scoring!”

“Ah, _si_ I know. But they’re always pretty good,” I replied easily and let Lovino continue ranting.

“They shouldn’t be though. _Calcio’s_ our sport damn it! These cold-ass potato countries should go back to skiing or whatever the fuck and leave the Euro Cup to us, damn it!”

“Our sport?” I asked with a sly smile, and Lovi just kept staring intensely at the screen.

“Huh?” He muttered.

“You called football our sport,” I grinned happily, but Lovi only widened his eyes, blushed and turned away.

“Y-yeah, whatever,” He mumbled, and gulped down the rest of his wine.

I laughed lightly to myself, and for the rest of lunch we just ate in comfortable silence, with Lovi occasionally yelling obscenities at the TV screen. Even though I’m injured and confused and I don’t have any clue why, it’s nice spending time with Lovi. It’s sort of like how we used to live together in Spain. When I would come back injured from South America, Lovino would suddenly be so helpful and try to cook and clean for me. And even though at first he burned quite a few dishes and broke a lot of things, eventually he got the hang of it. And now he even knows how to cook a proper meal! Lovino’s all grown up, isn’t he?

“Are you crying?!” Lovino asked loudly, and I looked at him with teary eyes.

 _“Mi Lovi!”_ I turned to hug him, forgetting about my food and the pain in my side.

“What the fuck? What’s wrong? Is it your injury?” Lovi rambled as he tried to push me away and inspect my stomach.

I held on tight though and buried my face against his neck.

“ _Ya está todo crecido ahora_ Lovi! I miss the days when lived with me in _España!_ Why can’t you come back?” I asked desperately, though I knew it was a stupid thing to say.

And even though I didn’t expect Lovi to say anything in return, except maybe an _“idiota”_ or a _“bastardo”_ here and there, I felt his hand gently hold the back of my head and he seemed to understand.

“ _Mi dispiace_ Antonio,” Lovi whispered into my ear.

He didn’t promise we’d live together again, but I smiled slightly that Lovi was brave enough to admit that he missed me too.

“Well, I guess if my country keeps doing poorly, I’ll be here for a while, huh?” I chuckled and brightened when Lovi laughed along.

“What a stupid ass thing to say,” Lovi laughed, and he wrapped his other arm around me. Then quickly and so very lightly, I felt him kiss my cheek; but when I looked up to see him, Lovi had already buried his red face in my chest. He wouldn’t budge, but I heard him mumble, “At least you’re here now… _idiota.”_

 

* * *

 

 

April 20, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

_Lovino’s iPhone:_

_ Incoming Call from Francis (16:45): _

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“Look bastard, I know you’re calling for the idiot so just hold on and don’t say anything while I throw the phone at him.”**

_“Come on Romano, not even a bonjour to your big brother France?”_

**“I’m not even listening. Here’s the idiot.”**

_“Ah, hola Francis! How are you doing?”_

_ “Très bon mon cher! But I should be asking you that! How is your poor, delicate stomach doing?” _

_“Oh, uh, it’s doing fine. It kind of hurts, but Lovi won’t let me do much, so I’ve just been sitting in bed all day.”_

**“As if you’d be doing anything else, lazy bastard.”**

_ “Ah, well that’s exactly what the doctor ordered! And by doctor I mean Matthew of course. So by any chance, have you forgiven Gilbert for what he said the other day? He wanted to call too, but between dropping you and –” _

_“So he did drop me! That’s why I can’t remember anything!”_

_ “You don’t remember anything?” _

_“Si! Lovino said I saved myself and then got shot as I was escaping, but the last thing I remember is being tied to a chair. Ay, I think Gilbert bruised my head too.”_

_ “So I guess you have no reason to be angry at Gilbert then, n’est-ce pas mon cher?” _

_“I mean, he did drop me…”_

_ “Ah, but that’s nothing compared to a bullet! Come now, why don’t you forgive him. I promise he won’t say anything stupid.” _

_“So wait, did anything else happen then?”_

**“Why are you looking at me bastard? I already told you nothing happened!”**

_ “Between you and Gilbert? Of course not! You and Romano were having a moment in a closet, and Gilbert and I happened to burst in at the wrong moment, but that’s all!” _

_“A closet? Man, I wish I could remember what happened.”_

_ “I don’t think so. It would make your personality so much less interesting.” _

_“Huh?”_

_ “Rien! So what are you doing now?” _

_“Oh, I’m just laying in bed watching a movie. Lovino just left to go talk to Feli, so now I’m here alone.”_

_ “Aw, but you’re at his house! You two should be cuddling and gorging yourselves on the sweet time you have with each other before another catastrophe pulls you apart!” _

_“Haha, well hopefully there won’t be another catastrophe. Although if there is, I would like to remember it so I would know what everyone was talking about.”_

_ “Come now, where’s the fun in that? So how long do you think you’ll be in the Eternal City?” _

_“Oh, I don’t know. I guess I could call my boss and ask him. He might know. But I’m also worried he might yell at me for getting hurt, so maybe I’ll wait a little longer.”_

_ “Ah, désolé. But at least you have a hot-tempered, clumsy Italian to nurture you back to health, no? Oh, and that reminds me. Whatever happened to your phone?” _

_“My…phone?”_

_“Oui, your phone. Did Romano find it with the mafia or anything?”_

_“…”_

_“…Oh Tonie.”_

_“Ay, what am I going to do? There’s no way my boss is going to let me get another one!”_

_ “I get another white hair just by listening to your financial troubles. Maybe you can ask Romano for some money. But in any case, I had better get going. Will you tell me if anything exciting happens during your stay?” _

_“Uh, o-okay. I don’t think that’s going to ha –”_

_ “Ah, but you never know! You seemed to be making good progress when I saw you yesterday.” _

_“Wait, what?”_

_ “Rien! I really must be going now mon cher, I have to oversee Dior’s new collection!” _

_“Oh, is that what you do for work?”_

_ “Oui, most of the time! À bientôt!” _

 

_ End Phone Call (17:01) _

 

* * *

 

April 21, 2008, Berlin, Germany

 

**_Gilbert’s iPhone:_ **

****

**_To: Mattie_ **  

Me (SENT 20:21): _**Mattie**_

Mattie (SENT 20:21): yeah?

Me (SENT 20:22): **_Why is Eliza so good at this game??_**

Mattie (SENT 20:22): uh, maybe she practices a lot?

Me (SENT 20:23): _**She still shouldnt be better than the awesome me verdammt!**_  
Me (SENT 20:23): _ **I dont know what to do. I cant lose to her, my pride can’t take it D^:**_

Mattie (SENT 20:24): if u want, i can go after hungary while u take ivan for a bit

Me (SENT 20:24): _**What?? Russia’s playing?? When did that happen?**_

Mattie (SENT 20:24): i’m not sure. but i think he’s playing along  
Mattie (SENT 20:25): i feel kinda bad for him

Me (SENT 20:25): _**Dont feel bad for that son of a bitch!! Im going to teach him a lesson in the name of Prussia!!**_

Mattie (SENT 20:26): alright, but be careful.

Me (SENT 20:26): **_No need birdie!! I got this one in the bag!!_**

Mattie (SENT 20:27): okay!

 

* * *

 

April 21, 2008, London, England

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

** To: Francis ** 

Me (SENT 21:34): **Francis, I want to ask you a question, but I’m afraid you’ll make fun of me.**

Francis (SENT 21:35): _If you’re going to ask me to marry you I promise I won’t make fun of you as long as you do it exactly as I always imagined it would happen. Outside in the rain on the sidewalk of the_ _Champs_ _-Élysées_ _. You give me your umbrella to hold as you get down on one knee. Raindrops fall on your face as if you’re crying, but then you look up at me and open a black box and it’s the ring I’ve always wanted. Platinum, diamond incrusted band with a seven carat, square cut ruby center._

Francis (SENT 21:35): _And I want you to know Arthur that I accept. If you do exactly that I will fall into your arms and be yours forever._

Me (SENT 21:40): **You fucking wanker. I can’t even ask my question anymore I’m too blinded by anger and hatred.**

Francis (SENT 21:40): _Or is it love? There’s a fine line, you know ;)_

Me (SENT 21:41): **A very, very, very fine line. And your fat ass is breaking it.**

Francis (SENT 21:41): _EXCUSE ME? I’m not fat! I have never been anything more than attractively slender in my entire life_

Francis (SENT 21:42): _And that’s not just because I want to look good for our wedding ;)_

Me (SENT 21:42): **Still going on about that, are you? Is it that you want that hideously elaborate ring? Would you actually wear such a vulgar thing in public?**

Francis (SENT 21:43): _Oh, are you actually considering it? I’ll send you the link if you like. I helped design it ;)_

Me (SENT 21:43): **Of course you did. I’m sure this is part of your elaborate plot to trap me into marriage. At least this time you’re taking the more romantic route. So where are you planning this imaginary wedding?**

Francis (SENT 21:44): _I think I imagined getting married by the sea somewhere. Maybe on the coast of Corsica or Monaco with the wind blowing in my hair. Then I can get married shirtless and get a tan at the same time_

Me (SENT 21:44): **Because that’s important.**

Francis (SENT 21:45): _And I think for our honeymoon we should vacation in Seychelles. She would like to have some company._

Me (SENT 21:45): **Right, well that sounds splendid.**

Me (SENT 21:46): **Now that you got that entire fantasy out of your mind, do you think you can focus on my question.**

Francis (SENT 21:46): _Well you’ve managed to disregard my feelings and step on my heart, so I’m just an empty shell of a man only capable of listening!_

Me (SENT 21:47): **Perfect. That makes it even better.**

Me (SENT 21:47): **So you know how everyone’s been getting into this whole World of Warcraft thing? Well I was wondering if you ever thought about playing…**

Francis (SENT 21:50): _I don’t know if I’m more traumatized that your question had absolutely nothing to do with l’amour, or more shocked that you’d be willing to join the masses in an online video game_

Me (SENT 21:51): **Damn it, it just looks like – for a lack of a better word – fun. And it has magic so…I’m slightly interested.**

Francis (SENT 21:51): _You’re slightly interested?_

Me (SENT 21:52): **Yes.**

Francis (SENT 21:52): _Well, I can’t say video games are really my thing in any of its forms. But if you really want to, I suppose I can play_

Me (SENT 21:53): **Wow, really? That was rather mature of you.**

Francis (SENT 21:53): _Or enabling of me._

Francis (SENT 21:54): _You have to promise me something Arthur. Before you get online and sign up for an account you have to promise me that this won’t consume you_

Me (SENT 21:54): A **nd just what does that mean??**

Francis (SENT 21:55): _I know you’re personality mon cher, and this is exactly the sort of thing that will keep you locked up in that dark, dreary London apartment of yours as the rest of the world passes you by_

Francis (SENT 21:55): _You’ll play for hours on end, consumed by the idea of beating Alfred or getting to the next level, and at some point you’ll realize that you haven’t showered in five days, you’re skin has wrinkles, and your country is in chaos from poor management_

Me (SENT 21:56): **Have you put a substantial amount of thought into this or something, because this is surprisingly thorough.**

Francis (SENT 21:57): _This was my dream last night actually. I wonder if I’m inheriting Feli’s ability to predict the future…_

Me (SENT 21:57): **No.**

Me (SENT 21:57): **But in any case, I promise I won’t become “obsessed” or whatever. That’s not even possible with how much work I have to do everyday.**

Francis (SENT 21:58): _Please, you just practice your calligraphy and design your own tea blends_

Me (SENT 21:58): **In addition to signing papers, thank you. I do have a queen and prime minister to serve.**

Francis (SENT 21:59): _Oui, I suppose that’s true_

Me (SENT 21:59): **So then, are you going to let me play?**

Francis (SENT 22:00): _You don’t need my permission, I was just telling you my dream_

Me (SENT 22:01): **Very well then, I’ll sign up for an account right now.**

Francis (SENT 22:01): _Mon dieu, I wonder if I’m turning into the tragic, Trojan prophetess Cassandra_

Francis (SENT 22:01): _What have I done to offend Apollo?_

Me (SENT 22:02): **Daring to imitate him, you narcissistic sod.**

 

* * *

 

April 23, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

Feliciano’s iPhone:

 

Incoming Call from Luddy (13:05):

 

_Ring_

“Pronto! Ciao Luddy! Where are you?”

“I was calling to ask you that. I think I lost you somewhere in the crowd.”

“Si, I think so too. That happens a lot in Italy.”

“…Ja, so where can I find you?”

“Vee~ I’m not sure exactly where I am.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I’m at a gelateria right now. Oh, that reminds me, do you want anything?”

“No. I’m good. We just ate and anyway I don’t know if - Scheiße!”

“Cosa? What happened?”

“I can’t find my wallet Feli, I think I just got pickpocketed. Verdammt, I knew I shouldn’t have brought all of my Euros with me. Now I have to call my boss and explain this and –” 

“Oh, don’t worry Luddy. I took it!”

“You took it? Why?”

“I needed money for gelato!”

“Couldn’t you have just asked?”

“Vee~ it was easier just to take it. I thought I’d put it back before you’d notice.”

“…Right. I get this feeling that you do this quite often.”

“Heehee, maybe…Are you sure you don’t want anything? It’s almost my turn to order.”

“Ja, I’m sure. I don’t even know where you are anyway, so the ice cream would probably melt before I got it.”

“Oh, I’d get it to you. I know where you are.”

“What? I thought you just said –”

“I said I didn’t know where I am. But I know where I left you. Don’t worry I’ll come pick you up in a few minutes!”

“I’m not worried! I just don’t know the city as well as you do and all of these Italians are making me nervous.”

“Haha, why is that?”

“I’m not sure. They just remind me of your brother somehow. I feel like they don’t like my presence here."

“Vee~ that’s probably true. If you were a girl they’d like you better.”

“Just like you brother I presume.”

“Okay, just hold on a minute Luddy. I’m ordering now! You said you wanted a gelato chocolato, right?”

“Wait – no! I said I didn’t want anythi –”

“Buongiorno! Avrò una coppetta di frutti di bosco e un altro di chocolato per favore!”

“And you’re ordering anyway.”

“…Grazie!”

“So apparently you ordered for me.”

“Si, I knew you’d want one anyway.”

“Fine. Are you coming to find me now?”

“Si, I’m on my way now! Oh –”

“What is it?”

“Lovi’s calling me. Hold on just a second!”

“Can’t you talk to him once you’ve found me. There’s this group of Italians just staring at me and it’s slightly unnerving and-–"

 

* * *

 

Incoming Call from Lovi (13:16):

 

 _Ring_  

“Pronto Lovi! Come stai?”

**“Bastard, did you leave Antonio alone in my house?”**

“Si, but Luddy and I were bored staying in all day. We wanted to go out!”

**“I told you that as long as I have all of these damn meetings with my boss, and the mafia and the Pope you and the potato bastard are in charge of keeping the idiota happy. You know how depressed he gets when he’s alone.”**

“No, but he said he’d be fine!”

**“And you believed him? Dannazione, you’re even dumber than I thought!”**

“Aww, come on Lovi! Don’t be mad at me! Luddy and I kept him company for two days. It’s not as if we can be there all the time! And we’re leaving tomorrow anyway, so we wanted to do stuff!”

**“Dio, you can be so fucking selfish you know that. While you and your German are prancing around the Trevi fountain eating gelato, Antonio’s probably sprawled out on the couch and crying into my pillows. Or even worse, he managed to make it to the kitchen and now he’s drinking all of my good wine.”**

“Well then he won’t be as bored!”

**“Damn it, what if he did drink my wine? Antonio’s even dumber when he’s drunk. He might end up falling off the balcony or slipping on broken glass or – fucking hell I think I need to go home.”**

“Cosa? I thought you were in a meeting with your boss?”

**“I can do whatever the fuck I want! It’s lunchtime!”**

“Vee~ okay! Luddy and I will probably be back after dinner then! Have fun!”

**“Whatever.”**

 

End Call (13:27)

 

* * *

 

14:11, April 23, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

When I reached my apartment door, after climbing an infuriating four fucking floors because the elevator is “in repairs” – and I know it was one of Giancarlo’s men that decided to beat the shit out of the elevator doors – I quickly grabbed the key from my pocket and opened the door.  

I briskly walk through my hallway and drop my keys and wallet on a table, and my jacket on a chair next to it. Okay, so no sign of Antonio in the foyer, and…

I dove my head in the kitchen to look around. He isn’t here either thankfully. But I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check my wine cellar.

I hurry to the back of my kitchen and open the glass door to the most precious room in my whole house. I swear I might have more money invested in my fucking wine cellar than my closet, it’s that high tech and that expensive. Quickly, I inspect each of row of bottles and nothing seems to be out of place. Well that’s good. At least I know he didn’t get into my wine.

After my kitchen I wander down the other hall to my bedroom. He isn’t in the bed, or in the bathroom. Or – _grazie à Dio_ – on the balcony.

At this point I was getting sort of frustrated, and as I was storming into the living room ready to yell the bastard’s name, I saw him curled up on my large, leather couch.

Oh, he fell asleep.

I edge closer to the couch carefully, so I wouldn’t wake him up and made sure he was actually asleep and not faking it to scare me. But sure enough, Antonio was sound asleep, his lips in a gentle smile and his eyelashes brushing against his tan skin. He was wearing the clothes I bought for him, since he was too big for mine, but somehow the stylish jeans and button down didn’t really suit him as well as his stupid vest and khaki pants.

Damn it, maybe I should go out and get him another outfit. He might like some sort of stupid touristy t-shirt.

Antonio shuffled slightly and hugged one of the pillows. Then quietly, he mumbled, “Lovi, you’re so cute.”

Even though it was just a dumb dream, I couldn’t help but frown and blush at how fucking stupid he is. Why can’t he get it through his thick skull that I’m not fucking cute?!

Antonio laughed slightly and rubbed his cheek in the pillow. He better not be thinking of doing that to my face.

Somehow I ended up getting pretty absorbed in watching him sleep, and I noticed that he wasn’t wearing any socks. Damn it, now I have to go get a blanket for him.

I was going to stomp all the way to the closet and try to wake him up, but something annoying held me back and I ended up tip-toeing down the hall, cursing silently to myself and picking out the softest damn blanket I had.

When I got back to Antonio, he had shifted again and this time he was laying on his back and holding the pillow. But he was still smiling like an idiot, and it made some stupid part of me happy that at least he was still having good dreams even though he was in pain most of the time.

I dragged the blanket across him gently, and stopped over the pillow. Antonio’s expression didn’t change any, but after a few minutes he snuggled into the blanket and brought the pillow in with him.

Despite myself I ended up smiling at the idiot.

I wish I didn’t have to be dragged away from him all week. I thought somehow Antonio getting shot would be a good thing since we could spend more time with each other as he gets better. 

But as it is, I have so many stupid meetings, and Antonio’s too week and injured to do anything but lay around the house. I know it’s unfair to keep Feli chained at the house and keep him company (I don’t give a damn about what I do to the potato bastard), but I also know Antonio doesn’t like being alone.

Damn it, I feel my resolve weakening. After everything, I think seeing Antonio sleep like a stupid kid is going to be what did me in. I can’t fucking believe it.

I rubbed my temples and sighed. Yeah, it’s happening. Against all of my better judgment, I’m just going to do it.

Damn it, I need to get some fish.

 

* * *

 

19:48, April 23, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

“Lovi! Toni! We’re back!” 

I blinked slowly and tried to remember where I was. I looked around the room and realized I was still laying on Lovi’s living room couch. Ah, I guess I didn’t do much today either.

Holding my breath, I tried to sit up and that’s when I noticed I had a blanket. I don’t remember wearing a blanket when I fell asleep. Did Lovi come by maybe?

“Ah, _ciao_ Toni! How are you feeling?” Feli skipped into the living room and smiled.

I continued sitting up despite the pain and laughed, “Pretty good _amigo_. Did you have fun in Rome?”

“ _Si,_ we did! I showed Luddy the Sistine Chapel and then we saw the aqueducts and catacombs, so we did a lot!”

“Wow, that does sound like a lot!” I grinned and rested the pillow I’d been grabbing on my lap. Aw, I wish I could go out and explore with Lovi. I just want to heal and have fun.

“Hello Antonio, did you have a nice nap?” Ludwig asked politely as he entered the room.

“Si, I did. I don’t remember having a blanket when I fell asleep though.”

Feli’s face brightened and he said, “Oh, that must have been Lovi! He called me earlier and told me he was worried about you being alone, and said he would stop by.”

“Really?” I wondered, and smiled a bit more genuinely. Aw, that’s so cute! I wish he would’ve woken me up though. If he was home we could’ve watched something together! But I guess he’s too busy for that right now. “Do you know where he is right now?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I texted him a while ago, but he said he was busy trying to catch something. I don’t know what that means, but Lovi is always texting funny things like that!” Feli giggled and moved towards the kitchen. “I’m going to pour myself a glass of Lovi’s wine. Does anyone else want some?”

“I’ll have a glass,” I replied quietly and leaned back against the couch again.

“ _Ja,_ I suppose I’ll have one too,” Ludwig said, and I watched him walk into the kitchen.

I closed my eyes and listened to Feli and Ludwig talk as they clinked the glass bottles and wine glasses together. Ah, I wish Lovi was here.

Then I heard the quiet subtle noise of the door being unlocked and my eyes fluttered open.

“Lovi! Are you back?” I exclaimed, and I sat up excitedly.

I couldn’t see him, but I heard him shuffle into the kitchen.

“Oh Lovi, is that a –”

“ _Dio,_ will you shut up! I’m trying to make this a surprise!” Lovi interrupted with a yell, but I could hear Feli continue to chant fast, happy words.

After a few minutes of Lovi talking in hushed whispers to Feli and Ludwig, I was getting really impatient, so I yelled, “Lovi, _ven aquí!_ I haven’t seen you all day!”

“D-damn it bastard! Just – ah – just…close your eyes.”

“Huh?” I looked in the direction of the kitchen and narrowed my eyes.

“You heard what I said! Just close your eyes! I, uh, have a surprise.” Lovi muttered, and I could tell by the slurred pace to his words that he was already blushing. How cute!

“Okay! I’m closing my eyes!” I sing-songed, and smiled in anticipation. “Are you coming in?”

“Y-yeah! Just keep your eyes closed,” Lovi ordered, and I chuckled softly.

Quietly, I heard Lovi make his way into the room, and I tried to follow his delicate footsteps to the side of the couch, until I knew he was standing right beside me.

I gave him a few moments to prepare himself, since I knew he was obviously nervous about whatever he was surprising me with, and then I felt him place something on my chest. It was sort of scratchy, but also kind of soft.

“Um, Lovi, can I open my eyes?” I asked hesitantly, and I tried to figure out what was on my chest.

“Yeah,” Lovi mumbled, and I quickly opened my eyes.

I stared down at the little thing standing on my shirt, and grin ecstatically.

“Lovi! You got me a _gatito!_ ” I screamed, and the little tabby kitten jumped off my chest and onto the floor.

“Damn it! Don’t yell! Do you have any idea how long it took me to catch that thing?” Lovino said, and I glanced at him for the first time.

“Oh, what happened to your shirt? And your pants?” I asked as he and I both moved to look under the couch.

Lovino reached underneath calmly, and I watched in amazement when he quickly pulled out the kitten.

“I just told you,” He said, and placed the kitten in my hands without making eye contact. “I was trying to find the stupid cat of your dreams all afternoon. And when I did I had to crawl all over this dirty chapel to catch it. She ruined my shirt, damn it.”

I looked at the little orange, _gato_ in my hands. “She’s so small! And she’s so cute! Aww, and she’s so soft!”

“Yeah, well she’s a kitten. She better be all of those things,” Lovino huffed and wandered over to the other end of the couch to sit down.

“I thought you didn’t want a kitten,” I said and scratched behind her ears.

“I guess I changed my mind,” Lovino sighed and I looked down at him. He’s as red as a tomato!

I pet the kitten’s tummy and smiled to myself. Lovino’s so sweet. Even though he doesn’t want to be, he’s always been really thoughtful – and that’s one of the things that makes him so adorable.

“Do you want to pet her?” I asked as I played with her little paws.

Lovino glanced at me awkwardly and shuffled closer. He watched me pet her for a bit, and then scratched her head wordlessly.

“So…what are you going to name her?”

“Isabella!”

“You’re still stuck on that?” Lovino asked and brought his knees up to his chest.

“ _Si!_ It’s such a cute name! And I had so many nice queens named Isabella! I especially liked the first one,” I said and picked Isabella up and put her on my shoulder.

“She’s not a fucking parot. She’s a cat,” Lovino frowned and watched me try to balance her on my shoulder.

“But she’s a Spanish cat.”

“No, she’s not.”

“Huh?” I blinked and put Isabella back on my lap.

“She’s an Italian cat. She’s staying here in Rome.” Lovino replied and settled his face against his knees.

“But – why?” I asked helplessly and pouted.

“You can’t take care of it, so I’ll keep it here. You can come visit it though,” Lovino said quietly and I sighed.

“Ay, I guess that makes sense,” I looked at Isabella and smiled again. “Will you take her to the World Meetings?”

“Do you want me to?” Lovino raised an eyebrow.

“ _Si!_ Or else I’ll hardly ever get to see her!” I complained and let Isabella play with my hand.

“Yeah, you will,” Lovino mumbled, and then added hesitantly. “I-I’ll bring her when I come visit you.”

I glanced back at him and grinned, “You’re going to visit me?”

“Y-yeah, at some point,” He said and wrapped his arms around his knees.

I looked at Lovi trying to hide his red face and I felt as though my heart my burst.

“Lovi,” I said, and hesitantly, he turned to face me. _“Ven aquí!”_ I opened my arms and made a spot for him to join me and Isabella.

“What?” Lovino crossed his eyebrows and I smiled at his reddening face.

“ _Ven aquí!_ I want to hug both of you!” I motioned for him to come closer, and waited patiently for his pride to step out of the way. “Come on Lovi! I just want to pay you back for the blanket you gave me.”

Lovi bit his lip, but didn’t say anything to disagree and hesitantly he crawled closer. I picked Isabella up and let Lovi settle against my chest. Then I dropped Isabella in Lovi’s lap and hugged him.

“Aww I’m so happy! I never thought I was going to get a _gatito_!” I smiled against Lovi’s hair and heard him scoff.

“Please, you knew you were going to wear me down at some point.”

“Haha, I thought I might have to work a little longer though,” I said and winked at Lovi’s confused face.

“Yeah, well…” Lovi trailed off and I tried desperately to hear his quiet mumble. “I just wanted to make you happy.”

I grinned stupidly and kissed Lovi’s hot cheek.

“You did, _mi amor!_ You always do,” I pressed my cheek to his, and was even happier that Lovi didn’t push me away or curse.

I tried to make eye contact with Lovino, but he kept looking at Isabella seriously.

Then he stuttered, “Y-you make me happy too.”

I gaped at him slightly. Wow, Lovino’s really coming along. He’s never this honest with me. Usually I have to either drag it out of him or just guess at what he’s really trying to say.

I grasped his chin gently between my fingers and make him face me. Lovi hesitantly met my eyes and I smiled at the nervous shine in his eyes. “ _Te amo,_ Lovi.”

Lovino didn’t say anything, but quickly, he lifted his head up and kissed me. And I didn’t stop to tease him or laugh at his shyness, but instead leaned in and savored the perfect moment.

I mean, what are the odds Lovino will give me a blanket, a kitten, and a kiss in one day?

Ah, it must be _amor._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, and it's done. The chapter anyway. I had a tough time with this chapter and ended up rewriting a lot of scenes over and over again. As long as it's not a let down after the cliffhanger, I'll be happy.
> 
> As always if you have anything to say feel free to comment! They always make me write faster :)
> 
> The next chapter will be posted in 1-2 weeks! This time I worked pretty hard and got in exactly a week, so maybe I can do that again!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Ich liebe dich!


	5. What Happens in Monaco

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #BTTtakesMonaco2008 - Gilbert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so...I already know this is going to be a hate it or love it chapter.
> 
> It doesn't get as Spamano-y as some might like, and I feel ya, but I decided to take a little turn away so we could have some BTT, FrUK, and PruCan feels. It's been a while, right?
> 
> Some quick notes: when I'm writing Monaco, I'm just going off of what I read about her character, like on the wiki, so she may or may not be OOC, I'm not sure. I tried my best though, and she doesn't play too big of a role, so hopefully it doesn't change much.
> 
> Also, in the previous chapters, Alfred and Matthew have both had regular fonts, but I had to give Matthew italics in this chapter because their conversations were just too confusing otherwise.
> 
> In any case, this chapter is inspired by What Happens in Vegas and the Hangover, so be wary...countries can get pretty crazy when they're in Monaco ;)

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

Ludwig’s iPhone:

 

Outgoing Call to Gilbert (8:00):

 

 _Ring_  

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:02)

 

* * *

 

Outgoing Call to Francis (8:04):

 

 _Ring_  

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:06)

 

* * *

 

Outgoing Call to Antonio (8:06):

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:08)

 

* * *

 

Outgoing Call to Romano (8:08):

 

 _Ring_  

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:10)

 

* * *

 

Outgoing Call to Ivan (8:12):

 

 

_Ring_

_Ring_  

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:14)

 

* * *

 

Outgoing Call to Arthur (8:16):

 

 

 _Ring_  

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

End Phone Call (8:18)

 

* * *

 

Incoming Call from Arthur (14:20):

 

 _Ring_  

“Arthur, where the hell are you? We were forced to postpone the meeting because you and the other dum komfs decided to play hooky for the day.” 

**“Ludwig…I apologize.”**

“I don’t need an apology! I need to know where you and the others are! Not one of them has answered any of my numerous phone calls, voicemails, or texts! And everybody else who managed to show up to the meeting were too hungover to remember anything.”

**“…I, er, we…sort of got carried away yesterday and…”**

“What?! Just spit it out! We’re ruining everyone’s schedule! Especially mine.”

**“It’s a bloody mess Ludwig. It’s just a damn bloody mess. I don’t even know where to begin.”**

“Well try somewhere, I don’t have time to talk all day.”

**“I – well for one, Antonio’s in jail.”**

“He’s in jail?! What the hell did you guys get up to last night?”

**“That’s not the worst of it. Gilbert’s missing.”**

“Gilbert’s missing? How could he possibly be missing? I remember seeing him at the casino last night. Does that mean Russia’s missing too?”

**“I don’t know about that. I never ran into him. But Ludwig, a lot happened after you left the casino."**

“Like what?”

**“Well, Romano’s being held by security.”**

“For what?!”

**“Um, I think it’s for counting cards. But it could also be for a number of inappropriate things he said at security; I’m not entirely certain. But Ludwig…I haven’t told you the worst part.”**

“What is it? And where’s Francis anyway?”

**“That’s just it. He’s with me and…”**

“And…? And what verdammt?!”

**“And – oh god I can’t believe I’m even saying this – but…we’re…married.”**

“…You’re married?”

**“Yes.”**

“…”

**“…”**

“What the hell happened last night?!”

**“Oh God. So many things. We just – we really fucked up Ludwig. And we don’t know what to do.”**

 

* * *

 

 

_48 hours earlier…_

 

April 29, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

 

**From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:00): Alright then, as everyone hopefully knows, the world meeting is coming up. So we have to decide where to hold it. If we’re being fair, it should either be Japan, Southern Italy, Northern Italy, Monaco, or Russia.

Russia (SENT 12:01): I’d love it if everyone came to my house :^)

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:01): _**MONACO. WE NEED TO GO TO MONACO**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:01): _ **#BTTtakesMonaco2008**_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:02): Oh mein Gott.

French Bastard (SENT 12:02): _What a marvelous idea mon cher! It’s been too long since the three of us have had a night together ;)_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:03): Is Monaco kinda like Las Vegas??

French Bastard (SENT 12:04): _Oh much better. It’s a Vegas in the middle of Europe’s elite and beautiful ;) ;)_  
French Bastard (SENT 12:04): _We used to have such good times there. I feel as though the core of our friendship was founded in that principality_

Monaco (SENT 12:05): _I’d love it if everyone came :D The weather’s been so lovely here, and the casinos have all been cleaned and redecorated!!_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:05): I think those are three very valid reasons for us not to hold the world meeting there. Russia it is then.

Russia (SENT 12:06): Yay :^D

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:06): _**NO FUCKING WAY BRUDER. I OBJECT!!**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:06): **_I’M USING MY VETOING RIGHTS AS PRUSSIA TO OVERRULE THIS TOTALLY UNAWESOME DECISION_**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:07): I don’t hate to remind you that as Prussia, you technically have no vetoing rights.

French Bastard (SENT 12:07): _Ah, but you’re completely disregarding the voices of all of the countries!! If we don’t get proper representation, we’re going to start a revolucion!_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 12:08): Did someone say revolution?? That’s kinda my specialty :D America’s totally going 2 step in and defend freedom!! That’s my freakin job man!!

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:08): This really isn’t an issue of freedom. I’m making this decision to protect the health and stability of Monaco. Last time Gilbert and his friends were there, not only did they lose all of the money that they brought with them, they ended up causing thousands and thousands of dollars in reparations for their hotel and casino.

Monaco (SENT 12:09): _Oh it’s okay :) That was such a long time ago!! And the king thought it was rather funny so no one got in trouble really!_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:10): Only because he found Antonio and Francis rather endearing when they’re intoxicated. I feel as though he’s still rather angry at Germany for what happened.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:11): **_Oh mein Gott, its not as if I was that bad_**

French Bastard (SENT 12:11): _Mon ami, I hate to say you were rather rude to the king, but you kind of were_  
French Bastard (SENT 12:12): _But I still really, really, really want to go to Monaco! At least take a vote Germany! For the sake of democracy!_

Alfred (SENT 12:12): AMERICA PROTECTS DEMOCRACY AND FREEDOM ALL AROUND THE FREAKIN WORLD :D  
Alfred (SENT 12:12): NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTAITON!!

Arthur (SENT 12:12): **THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO RELEVANCE HERE YOU BLOODY WANKER.**

French Bastard (SENT 12:13): _You see? Do you really want to deal with an uppity American on top of an angry German and a frustrated Frenchman??_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:15): I suppose a poll is only fair.  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:15): Very well, I’ll be sure to email everyone the link to the poll, and after an hour, I will check the results and I will announce the winner.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:16): _**AWESOMEEE**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:16): **_Wait, but can Toni vote too??_**

French Bastard (SENT 12:17): _He may not have a phone yet mon cher (lucky for you), but he may still borrow Romano’s computer_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:17): **_He’s still in Rome??_**

French Bastard (SENT 12:18): _Have you really not talked to him in so long? Oui, he is still in Rome. I think it may be that little feline friend of his keeping him there_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:18): **_Are you saying Romano’s a cat_**

French Bastard (SENT 12:19): _No, I’m referring to his actual cat. You remember from the emails he’s been forwarding everyone_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:20): I’ve warned him a dozen times that forwarding cat pictures and cat videos isn’t a professional thing to do. Especially when he titles each one as “IMPORTANT PLEASE OPEN.”  
Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:20): It just makes everyone assume the worst.

English Bastard (SENT 12:21): **Not me. When I see the email is from Antonio my mind immediately jumps to cats.**

French Bastard (SENT 12:21): _Mon cher, I do apologize, but I can’t tell if you’re telling a joke or being serious right now_

English Bastard (SENT 12:22): **You bloody wanker. Are you telling me that even after all of this time, you still don’t get English humor?**

French Bastard (SENT 12:22): _You have a strange culture Angleterre. It has eluded me for so long, and even after I spend days visiting it, I can’t say I leave understanding any more than when I arrived_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:23): Alright, I just sent the email. I will announce the results in an hour.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:24): _**Hey Romano, do you know if Antonio is getting another phone anytime soon?**_

Me (SENT 12:26): **No idea bastard. Why don’t you try calling him**  
Me (SENT 12:26): **I think he would be freaking out or sulking about how you’ve been ignoring him for two weeks if he wasn’t so distracted by the fucking cat**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:26): _**HE GRABBED ME BY MY FREAKING THROAT**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:26): _**Do you have any idea how scary violent Toni used to be???**_

Me (SENT 12:27): **Not my problem**  
Me (SENT 12:27): **And anyway, I think I’m getting him a phone before we go to Monaco**

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 12:28): The vote hasn’t closed yet. It’s not set in stone that we’re going to Monaco.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:28): **_NO PLEASE NO_**  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:28): _**A _t_ least wait until we’re a few thousand miles apart and he cant hunt me down with axe!!**_

Me (SENT 12:29): I **’m sure that was just a fluke. All he’s been doing lately is prancing around Rome with our stupid cat in his backpack**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:29): _**Youre not the one he wants to chop up!! Why the hell isn’t he angry at you for this??**_

Me (SENT 12:30): **Don’t know, don’t care**  
Me (SENT 12:31): **But if it’s really such a big deal to you I can not buy him a phone until after the world meeting and you’re safe in your cozy, big ass plane**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:31): _ **JA DANKE ROMANO DANKESHUN**_

Me (SENT 12:31): **Well it’s not free potato bastard**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 12:32): _**Verdammt**_

French Bastard (SENT 12:33): _Mon ami, you fell for that too soon_

 

* * *

 

 

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 13:23): Much to my displeasure, it seems the results of the poll have indicated an overwhelming favor to go to Monaco.

French Bastard (SENT 13:23): _OUI VIVE LA RESISTANCE!! ;)_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:24): DOWN THE BRITISH :D

English Bastard (SENT 13:24): **STILL NO RELEVANCE YOU BLOODY MORON.**  
English Bastard (SENT 13:24): **I even voted for Monaco for God’s sake!**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:25): Aw I’m sorry Artie, I just like yelling that ya know :D

English Bastard (ENT 13:25): **Wanker.**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 13:26): **_#BTTtakesMonaco2008_**  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 13:26): _**CANT FREAKING WAIT ):^)**_

Me (SENT 13:27): **Antonio wanted me to write, “Muy bien mi amigos!”**  
Me (SENT 13:27): **He also wanted me to add fucking hearts and smiley faces and shit but I’m not doing that**

French Bastard (SENT 13:28): _Well at least you passed on the message mon cher ;) And always with such grace and finesse I might add_

Me (SENT 13:28): **Fuck off**  
Me (SENT 13:29): **Antonio also wanted to send this picture damn it. *attached image**

French Bastard (SENT 13:29): _Ah, how adorable!_

Feli (SENT 13:30): Vee~ super cute :D  
Feli (SENT 13:30): She’s a little bigger than when we left her!

Me (SENT 13:31): **Yeah. Antonio likes giving her his food. Which is exactly why she’s not going with him back to Spain**  
Me (SENT 13:31): **Swear to Dio that if he had a cat at home he’d starve to death**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:32): Dang it that makes me want to get a pet D:

French Bastard (SENT 13:32): _For once I agree with you mon cher. I too want a pet. A pet would be more affectionate than Arthur at least_

English Bastard (SENT 13:33): **SOD OFF**  
English Bastard (SENT 13:33): **And for the love of the queen, I pray to God that neither of you get a pet.**  
English Bastard (SENT 13:33): **Whatever poor beasts you two would collect would die within a month of your selfish neglect.**  
English Bastard (SENT 13:34): **How about you try video game pets?**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:35): No way man u can’t pet video games!!  
Hamburger Bastard (SENT 13:35): I want something giant and furry!! :D

French Bastard (SENT 13:36): _I just want someone who will sleep in my bed with me_

English Bastard (SENT 13:36): **Okay, then from what I gather it seems like Alfred is looking for a yeti and Francis is looking for a prostitute.**  
English Bastard (SENT 13:36): **Glad to know neither of you are breaking character.**

 

* * *

 

April 29, 2008, Moscow, Russia

 

Ivan’s iPhone:

 

Outgoing Call to Romano (15:01): 

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“…Pronto?”**

“Oh, hello Romano! This is Russia. I was wondering if I could talk to Toni?”

**“…Damn it that bastard needs to get his own phone.”**

“Ah, is that a yes?”

**“Yeah, yeah. Just hold on a second while I find him. He’s probably in the kitchen making churros or some shit.”**

“That sounds delicious!”

**“It’s not. Hey bastard – someone’s on the phone for you.”**

_“Really? Who is it?”_

**“Answer it and find out for yourself.”**

_“Hola! Who is this?”_

“Ah, hello Toni this is Russia!”

_“Russia? Oh wow, why are you calling?”_

“Um, well I have a bit of a problem that I was hoping you could help me with.”

_“You want my advice? Oh, that’s maravilloso! I’m so flattered! But what would you need my advice for?”_

**“How to make your cat fat probably.”**

“Well you see, I was wondering if you could tell me how I could become friends with Gilbert. I think he doesn’t like me very much, and he’s a good friend of yours.”

_“Oh…Well that’s sort of funny because I think he might be mad at me right now. He hasn’t talked to me in a long while and I don’t know why.”_

“I see…Well, I guess I’ll try to figure out something else. Thank you anyway though.”

_“Aw, wait Russia! Maybe I can still help you. After all I’m a pretty popular guy! And Gilbert still is one of my best friends!”_

“Oh, thank you Toni! I really appreciate it! I would love to have more friends.”

_“No problem amigo! So with Gilbert, uh, even though he acts sort of…”_

**“Fucking annoying.”**

_“I was going to say cocky. So even though he acts like that, Gilbert actually gets frightened pretty easily, so maybe if you were just a little less intimidating that would help?”_

“But how am I intimidating? I always try to be nice. Is it because I’m tall?”

_“Ah, no, I wouldn’t say it’s because you’re tall. Though maybe that’s a tiny part of it…Um, maybe you should try to do something nice for him?”_

“Like what?”

_“Hm…Well, since we’re going to Monaco soon, maybe you can try to help Gilbert with gambling? He’s always been pretty terrible at it.”_

**“Yeah, somehow he’s worse than you.”**

“Okay! I’ll try that! I’ve always been pretty good at gambling. Now I’m looking forward to it!”

_“Good for you amigo! I’m glad I could help out!”_

“I’ll see you tomorrow then Toni! I’ll try to help you out too!”

_“Don’t worry about it man! It was no problem.”_

 

End Phone Call (15:15)

 

* * *

 

April 29, 2008, Rome, Italy

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

**To: Feli**  

Me (SENT 16:56): **Feli I need you to distract Antonio tomorrow night**

Feli (SENT 16:58): Vee~ why is that?

Me (SENT 16:58): **Are you not going to do it unless I answer?**

Feli (SENT 16:59): Maybe ;)

Me (SENT 16:59): **Fuck it fine**  
Me (SENT 17:00): **I need you to keep him distracted while I gamble**

Feli (SENT 17:00): YOU’RE GOING TO GAMBLE??

Me (SENT 17:01): **Is it really that much of a surprise**

Feli (SENT 17:01): Not really. I just wanted to write in capslock :D

Me (SENT 17:01): **Whatever. Will you distract him or not**

Feli (SENT 17:02): Vee~ I guess I can. But why do you need me to get him away?

Me (SENT 17:02): **That bastard is a bad luck charm. I can’t keep any sort of straight face around him, and what’s worse is that if he sees my cards, everyone in the world will know what I have because it’s written all over his goddamn face**  
Me (SENT 17:03): **So yeah. Just get him away. Or at least push him towards his idiot friends, then that’ll take care of itself**

Feli (SENT 17:03): Aww that’s so cute!

Me (SENT 17:04): **Okay what was fucking cute about that**

Feli (SENT 17:04): That you guys are bad luck around each other!! It’s so cute :D

Me (SENT 17:05): **NO IT’S NOT**  
Me (SENT 17:05): **That’s part of the reason why I’m gambling tomorrow night. I’m tired of being the cause of Antonio’s debt**

Feli (SENT 17:06): What are you going to do?

Me (SENT 17:06): **I’m going to break the casino, and give all the money to that dumb bastard so he doesn’t have to dig through his couch everyday for lunch money**  
Me (SENT 17:07): **And if there’s any extra, I’ll put it into my Lamborghini fund**

Feli (SENT 17:08): Okay, well if you’re counting cards don’t get caught! ;)

Me (SENT 17:08): **Please**  
Me (SENT 17:08): **As if I ever get caught**

 

* * *

 

April 30, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

**Lovino’s iPhone:**

**From: World Group Message (Including Feli, Potato Bastard1, Potato Bastard2, Belgium, Hamburger Bastard, English Bastard, French Bastard, Matthew, Tomato Bastard, China, Japan, Russia, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Norway, Iceland, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Hungary, Austrian Bastard, Cat Guy, Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Turkey, Egypt, + several others…)**  

Monaco (SENT 18:32): _Welcome to Monaco everyone :D_  
Monaco (SENT 18:32): _The casinos are all ready!!_

Potato Bastard1 (SENT 18:34): Please don’t remind them.

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:35): ** _JA IM READY ):^)_**  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:35): _**Birdie are you ready to be my lucky charm??**_

Matthew (SENT 18:36): _i suppose so_  
Matthew (SENT 18:36): _i think i might try to gamble too this time!_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:36): _ **Thats awesome!!!**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:37): **_Just do everything I do and youll be great!! :^D_**

French Bastard (SENT 18:37): _I love you mon cher, but for Matthew’s sake I must intervene and warn him to do absolutely nothing like you do_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:38): _**What?? But I’m such an awesome gambler!**_

French Bastard (SENT 18:38): _I think we already went over this. Antoine is a terrible gambler, but you are most certainly at least 100x worse than he is_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:39): _But don’t worry Gil, you know the saying. Lucky at cards, unlucky at love_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:39): _Mon dieu my life is a tragic one_

English Bastard (SENT 18:40): **If you’re expecting me to feel some sort of pity for you, I’m not.**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:41): I feel like Im missing something here

English Bastard (SENT 18:41): **You’re not missing anything at all Gilbert. Francis is just being immature. As usual.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:42): _I’m the one being immature??_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:42): _Merde, this is what I get for falling in love with such a cold-hearted realist_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:43): _**Oh whatever. You guys can fight that out later. When is the BTT meeting up tonight??**_

French Bastard (SENT 18:44): _I’m not sure. I suppose whenever we hear from Tonie_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:45): _Then again, it’s not like he has a phone we can contact. Maybe we can find out what room he and Romano are in_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:45): _Don’t you find it so romantic that they’re sharing a room, Gilbert?_

English Bastard (SENT 18:45): **Subtle.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:46): _I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just commenting on how one of my best friends is happy with the one he loves. Is that so strange?_

English Bastard (SENT 18:47): **I’m just going to ignore you now.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:47): _Weren’t you already doing that?_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:48): SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:48): **We really don’t need your input, Alfred. This is kind of a personal argument.**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:49): Then why are you talking about it in the group message

French Bastard (SENT 18:49): _Yes, why are you talking about it in the group message?_

English Bastard (SENT 18:50): **DON’T PUT THIS ON ME YOU BLOODY WANKER.**  
English Bastard (SENT 18:50): **You’re the one who’s sulking and dropping snarky comments.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:51): _T_ _he pot says to the kettle_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:52): DOUBLE SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:52): **Alfred, please.**

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:53): **_Oh hey Romano dropped Toni off at my room_**  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:53): _**He’s a bit more giggly than usual though. I think Romano might have given him something to drink already**_  
Potato Bastard2 (SENT 18:54): _**Shit he just broke one of the hotel lamps**_

English Bastard (SENT 18:54): **If that isn’t an omen for the night. I don’t know what is.**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:55): TRIPLE SNAP

English Bastard (SENT 18:55): **Thank you, Alfred.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:56): _Don’t worry mon cher (and I’m talking to Gilbert not you Arthur), I’m on my way. And then we begin another night of debauchery and adventure ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 18:56): **Oh, is that not every night for you?**  
English Bastard (SENT 18:56): **I could’ve sworn that’s why you dine at the Moulin Rouge three times a week.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:57): _And the truth finally rears its ugly head_  
French Bastard (SENT 18:57): _Is that why you’ve been enjoying your splendid isolation a bit more than usual?_

English Bastard (SENT 18:58): **I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t care what you do with your weekends. Least of all if it concerns dancing, half naked women swimming with snakes.**

French Bastard (SENT 18:58): _Well obviously they don’t dance and swim at the same time. Come now, I thought you were supposed to be the rational one_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:58): Z SNAP

French Bastard (SENT 18:59): _Z snap?_

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 18:59): You know man. Snaps in a Z formation

French Bastard (SENT 19:00): _Ah, I see_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 19:01): _**Hey are you coming or not because Toni’s starting to fall asleep now**_

English Bastard (SENT 19:01): **Oh, are you hooligans finally getting old? I noticed Francis was sporting some white hairs as well.**

French Bastard (SENT 19:02): _Ferme-la! The Bad Touch Trio is immortal! We never age!_  
French Bastard (SENT 19:02): _The next time you see us, we’ll be in the casino surrounded by beautiful women and more money than you can imagine!_

English Bastard (SENT 19:03): **Really now? I’ve been in my fair share of pirate raids, and I can imagine quite a lot of treasure.**  
English Bastard (SENT 19:03): **And Alfred, instead of replying with some stupid American quip, why don’t you make yourself useful and come pick me up so we can go drinking.**

Hamburger Bastard (SENT 19:04): Yes your majesty :P

French Bastard (SENT 19:05): _Well then I guess we’ll just have to see who’s having a better time when we meet in the casino!!_

English Bastard (SENT 19:05): **I wonder if you and your little friends will last that long. By the time you have your third drink, you might already be asleep at the roulette table.**

French Bastard (SENT 19:06): _I won’t be sleeping until early in the morning mon cher. And even then I don’t plan on sleeping ;) ;)_

English Bastard (SENT 19:06): **What, are you going to pick up one of the servers bringing you your girly cocktails?**

French Bastard (SENT 19:07): _Who says it’ll just be one?_

Potato Bastard2 (SENT 19:07): **Francis will you please stop flirting and get over here!! Tonis a really deep sleeper. Ive already pushed him onto the floor and hes still snoring**

French Bastard (SENT 19:08): _I’ve just left my room mon cher. I’m on my way now_  
French Bastard (SENT 19:08): _Have fun Angleterre, I hope you enjoy your bar fights_

English Bastard (SENT 19:09): **Enjoy your meaningless sex, frog.**

French Bastard (SENT 19:10): _I always do ;)_

Me (SENT 19:12): **Damn it, just get a fucking room already**

 

* * *

 

12:10, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

_Ring_

_Ring_

I buried my head underneath my pillow and tried desperately to block out the incessant ringing.

_Ring_

Damn it, why won’t it stop?

_Ring_

With a groan I turned around and pressed my face against something else – something warm, and soft, and…not at all like a pillow, but I was too tired too care.

The phone had stopped ringing (thankfully), and I smiled. Finally I can go back to slee –

_“Ah, je t’aime, Angleterre.”_

My eyes shot open at the familiar and infuriating French accent. No, it can’t possibly be him. I don’t even remember running into him last night.

_“Vous êtes si belle.”_

Damn it, it is him.

Finally, my eyes adjusted to the light and I was able to understand that it wasn’t a pillow I was snuggling against, but instead it was Francis’s bare chest. Oh bloody hell.

Quickly, I grabbed Francis’s arms – that had somehow snaked their way around my waist – and pushed them onto his side of the bed. Then I managed to shuffle away from his body heat and onto the other side of the king-sized bed.

I stared at him.

Well, he certainly looks happy. I will say that.

His long, blonde hair was messy and splayed on the pillows; but as always, it still looked attractive, damn him. He was breathing deep and content breaths, and his lips were smiling quite serenely.

I was going to throw a pillow over his face to wake him up, but I suppose I can allow him to sleep a tad bit longer.

Against all odds, I stumbled out of the bed, then wavered a bit as I tried to stand up. Damn, my head hurts. How much did I end up drinking last night anyway? I remember taking shots with Alfred, but did I do something after that?

I rubbed my temple and sighed. I guess I’ll get dressed and ask Francis when he wakes up. He’s never had a problem remembering the events of the night before.

So I wandered around the hotel room, trying to find the bathroom, but the layout of this room was different than mine. I could only assume this was Francis’s.

My face heats slightly, more from frustration than anything else. I can’t believe that after all of our arguments, we still ended up sleeping together. What the hell?

I finally found the right door to the bathroom and turned on the lights. I blinked furiously under the florescent lights and squinted my way to the counter. Then I leaned over the sink and breathed heavily. Well, at least it doesn’t seem as though I have alcohol poisoning or anything. That would have been a problem

I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror and I gritted my teeth. Damn it. Why do I look like I’ve been caught in a storm for three days while Francis looks like he took a relaxing walk on a windy beach?

My hands immediately go to my hair and try to push some of the cowlicks down, and then they move to my eyebrows and try to press them back in place.

Then something catches my eye.

I look at my left hand carefully in the reflection. What is that thing on my finger? It looks like…a ring.

I drop my hand in front of me and stare. On my fourth finger, glaring right at me, is a god awful, platinum band ring with an expensive looking, and rather vulgar, red ruby set in the center.

Oh, no. Please don’t tell me we actually…

I ran out of the bathroom and towards the bed, but then I realized I should put some clothes on and I backtracked a few steps to scramble on the floor and find where I left them. Somewhere in the pile I find my grey suit and trousers, and drag them back with me to the bathroom.

After I’m dressed (though rather shambly I admit), I ran back out to the bed and tried to find Francis’s hand.

I leaned over the bed and looked, and to my displeasure, I see an identical ring to my own wrapped around one of Francis’s slender fingers.

For a moment, I’m just stunned. It doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real. I don’t even remember being wed last night. I still don’t remember a bloody thing from last night. How could we possibly have gotten married? Who in God’s name would have even married us?

Then I feel my blood boil, and before I knew it I had thrown a pillow at Francis’s smiling, sleeping face.

“Eh- _merde! Que s’est-il passé_?” Francis moaned and slowly – as if he was in the greatest pain – dragged away the pillow from his face. He looked at me lazily, as if he was still dreaming, and the rest of his face stayed blank and stupid.

“Wake up you wanker!” I yelled and threw another pillow at him.

This time, he responded and caught the pillow as it hit his face. Then he dropped it from his face casually and stared at me again.

“Arthur…?” He said carefully, and raised his voice as if it were a question.

He really knows how to get under my skin.

“Yes, it’s me. Arthur. Get your hungover mind wrapped around that fact. We have more pressing matters to deal with,” I stated seriously and waved my hand in front of his face.

Francis took his sweet time focusing on the ring, but when he did, his eyes widened and he looked back at me.

“Is that –”

“Yes! Look at your hand! You have one too!” I yelled impatiently, and Francis obediently glanced down.

“Oh, no,” He said softly and kept staring at the ring.

“That’s right. It’s a bloody mess.”

“Oh, no, no, no!” He continued and pounded his fast against he mattress.

I narrowed my eyes at him, and against all of my rationality, I felt my skin heat up in embarrassment.

“Don’t bother to spare my feelings, Francis. Just keep telling me how you feel about marrying me,” I commented dryly and glared at him.

Francis immediately looked up and changed his expression to something pleading and apologetic.

“No, no, Arthur! That’s not what I meant! You don’t understand, I –”

“I’m going to stop you right there. We don’t have time to banter now. We need to get to the World Meeting, and then afterwards, we can get this settled and – BLOODY HELL IT’S PAST NOON.”

I looked from my phone to Francis and he seemed just as surprised as I was.

“How the HELL did we sleep for this long?” I asked, and Francis just kept staring blankly at me.

“Well, don’t look at me. I don’t remember a thing,” He replied and looked at his ring again.

“Oh come on. You always remember,” I pointed out, but Francis just shrugged his shoulders.

“Apparently not this time. Ah wait – was it Feliciano who ministered our wedding?” He asked and looked at me curiously.

“I don’t know! I just said I don’t remember a – hold on. I do remember something after the wedding. Wasn’t Antonio there and wasn’t he…”

“He was running around with an axe, _oui_!” Francis smiled triumphantly and I nodded.

“Yes, that was it. That was it…WHY THE HELL DID HE HAVE A BLOODY AXE?”

Francis winced at the volume of my voice and responded delicately, “ _Mon cher_ , could you please lower your voice. Not everyone has the English drinking spirit.”

I frowned at him and then busied myself with scrolling through my missed calls.

“Well, it looks as though I was pretty popular. I have quite a number of missed calls. Most of them are from Ludwig though,” I commented and  debated returning the call.

I sighed and decided against it. By now we’ve either missed the World Meeting or they’ve postponed it; why bother getting scolded by Ludwig.

“I wonder if I should look through my voicemails. There are quite a few,” I said and hovered my thumb over the screen. “Ah, perhaps after breakfast.”

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Francis agreed as he stretched his arms upward.

I noticed as he did so the blanket was riding down, and I blushed.

“Damn it, Francis. Will you please put on some trousers?” I asked and looked away.

“Oh, I –” Francis began, then stopped and changed his tone of voice. “Well why does that matter? We are married now,” Francis said seductively, but I refused to look at his arrogant, winking face. “I doubt you were the blushing bride last night anyway.”

“Sod off!” I snapped at him, and stormed off to the couch.

I heard Francis laughing in the background, followed by some rustling, and then his quiet footsteps to the bathroom.

Once I heard the water running I looked at my phone again. Do I even want to know what happened last night? Does it matter? Could it possibly get worse than this?

I brought up my voicemails again, and hesitated. Then on impulse, I clicked on the earliest one from Alfred.

 

* * *

 

**Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:13):**

 

 **Beep**  

“Hey dude! Where are you? You’re missing a wicked cool game here! Romano is just taking it all; it’s amazing!”

**“Shut up bastard. You’re breaking my concentration.”**

“Sorry, man. Keep it up though! At this point you’re going to take it all!”

**“No shit.”**

“Well, I guess that’s it dude. I was wondering if you were still drinking with Francis, ‘cuz if not I was going to watch Matthew gamb –”

**“Wait. Ask him if he’s seen Antonio. I haven’t seen him since I dropped him off at Gilbert’s place.”**

“Alright. Don’t know if you heard that but Romano’s asking whether you saw Toni or not. Anyway, if you get bored with Frenchie or whatever, just hit me up! I’m flying solo tonight since Kiku isn’t really into the whole night scene. Talk to ya later!”

**Beep**

 

Well that was…weird. It seems as though I did meet up with Francis, though I still don’t remember it.

I see another voicemail from Alfred not too long after, and click on it.

 

**Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:47):**

 

**Beep**

“HOLY SHIT DUDE YOU WON’T BELIEVE IT, BUT ROMANO JUST WON OVER ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS! I can’t freaking believe it! I don’t care how much you love the guy, you gotta ditch Francis and come check this out! It’s amazing, it’s –”

**Beep**

**End Voicemail (23:48)**

 

Okay, well that was even stranger. I have to listen to the next one now.

 

**Voicemail from Bloody Alfred (23:55):**

 

“Dude this is bad. You know how I said Romano won all that money? Well, I guess the casino thinks he’s been cheating or somethin’ because they’re trying to take him away and –”

**“Get your fucking hands off me you bastards! I won that money fair and square, you got that?”**

“Yeah, you can probably hear that, right? Man, I don’t know Artie. This looks kind of bad. Do you think maybe you can come down and try to help him out? You’re pretty scary they might let him go if you –”

**“Hey! Do you even know who I am? Goddamn it, if you don’t let me go I’m going to tattletale your ass to the Pope and then you’ll be sorry! Or even worse, I’ll send the whole mafia after you! I swear to God if you don’t let me go, I’ll –”**

“Okay, well they just gagged him. This is actually kind of cool now! It sort of feels like I’m in a movie, like Ocean’s Eleven or somethin’. Anyway, I’m not sure what to do about Romano; and I never found out where Toni is, so…I think I might just chill with Kiku for a bit, haha. This casino is getting pretty rowdy. Anyway, call me if you get these messages! Laters!”

**Beep**

 

**End Voicemail (00:02)**

 

Well, damn.

I wonder if Romano is still with security. Is that possible?

“Arthur!” Francis called, and I whipped myself around to look at him.

“Oh, bloody hell. You’re still wearing a towel!” I complained and watched him run over regardless of my comment.

“Look at these text messages from Gilbert!” He ordered and shoved the phone in my face.

“Very well,” I said, but Francis was still looming over me like some sort of Apollo fresh from the bath and I added. “Now go put on some damn clothes.”

“Ah, why do you always make me hide my natural beauty,” Francis sighed playfully and I frowned at him.

After I saw him begin to shuffle through his suitcase, I glanced at the phone.

 

**From: Gilbert**

Gilbert (SENT 3:32): **_FRANCIS!! YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT MAN_**  
Gilbert (SENT 3:32): _**I DON’T KNOW HOW BUT ANTONIO KNOWS I DATED ROMANO ONCE**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:32): _**AND NOW HE’S AFTER ME!! WITH AN AXE!!**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:33): _**I don’t know what to do**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:33): _**Mein gott I think he knows where I am**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:34): _**SHIT HE’S BREAKING DOWN ALL OF THE BATHROOM DOORS**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:34): _**I’m a goner for sure D^:**_  
Gilbert (SENT 3:35): _**FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK HE BROKE THE DOOR NEXT TO ME HE**_

 

“Dear God,” I muttered and kept staring at the screen. “Do you think Antonio actually…?”

Francis carried his set of clothes to me and said, “I don’t know! Antonio’s absolutely crazy when’s like that! And when’s drunk? Oh, _mon dieu_ ,” Francis covered his face with his hand dramatically.

“I suppose Romano wouldn’t know. I’m sure he’s still being held by security.”

“By security?”

“Apparently they thought he was counting cards or something. Which he probably was if we’re being honest,” I said and looked through some of Francis’s other text messages. “Wait a second – is this us?! This is us! Feliciano sent you our wedding photos! Damn it, look at how many people were there! Why didn’t anyone have the sense to stop it?”

Francis grabbed the phone from my hand and looked.

“Oh, well at least we look happy,” He commented with a smile and I rolled my eyes. “So it was Feliciano ministering the wedding then. And Antonio and Gilbert are both here, so whatever happened to them must have happened afterwards,” Francis said and then looked at me curiously. “I must say I’ve never had so many pictures of you smiling, _Angleterre_.”

Francis gave me a look and I just frowned back.

“I must have been drunk out of my mind,” I replied and kept my eyes pointed away.

“Perhaps,” Francis said, and he wandered away to the bathroom, his clothes and phone in hand.

_Knock, knock_

I stared at Francis who had his hand poised on the doorknob to the bathroom.

“You can get it if you like,” He said easily and disappeared into the room.

“Hey! What if it’s Ludwig? My head hurts to much to listen to a lecture from –”

_Knock, knock, knock_

“Oh, bloody hell,” I muttered and got up from the couch.

I walked to the door and didn’t bother to look through the peephole. Then I opened it, and found –

“Arthur!” Feliciano yelled and jumped into my arms.

“Hey! Feliciano? What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, and as he followed me into the room, I closed the door and continued. “And by the way, would you mind telling why you decided to wed Francis and I last night – er, this morning?”

“Oh, Arthur! It’s terrible! Lovi’s being held by security!” Feliciano complained and looked up at me teary-eyed.

“Yes, I know,” I sighed.

“ _Cosa_? You know? Have you seen him?”

“No, but I just found some voicemails Alfred left me. Have you gone and visited him?” I asked and led Feliciano to the couch.

“Si, I did! But I think he needs a lawyer or something! They won’t believe anything he says,” Feli cried and sat down on the couch.

“Have you talked to Ludwig?” I asked, and sat down next to him.

“I – well,” Feliciano looked away a bit guiltily. “Lovino told me not to tell him. He thought Ludwig would just give the money he won back to the casino.”

“Yes, well he probably would, wouldn’t he?” I breathed heavily and wished I had a cup of tea right now. “Listen, this is probably a bad time to ask this, but you wouldn’t perhaps know what happened to Gilbert or Antonio, would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t,” Feli lowered his eyes. Then something occurred to him and he said, “Actually, I remember seeing Gilbert talking to Matthew and Ivan at the poker table. But I never saw Antonio… _scusa_.”

“It’s fine,” I replied and rested my elbow on the armrest. “We’ll round up those idiots at some point.”

“Oh wow, Arthur! That’s such a pretty ring!” Feliciano exclaimed and I looked back at him a bit frustrated.

“You don’t remember it from earlier?” I replied and dropped my left hand down to look at the horrid ring again.

“Vee~ I can’t remember anything after Matthew winning the poker tournament!” Feliciano laughed lightly, then paused and added. “Oh, but at that point, Gilbert and Ivan were gone. I wonder where they went.”

I dropped my head in my hand and groaned.

“So, just to so we have a headcount. Romano’s with casino security, Gilbert’s missing and probably dead –”

“Dead?!”

“Most likely,” I replied quickly, and continued. “And Antonio is nowhere to be found. For all we know he’s behind held in jail for attempte –”

“ANTONIO’S IN JAIL!” Francis burst from the bathroom door – thankfully fully dressed – and ran towards us with his phone still pressed to his ear.

“ _COSA_?” Feliciano shouted back, and I saw fresh tears glisten over his eyes. “No, Lovino’s going to be so upset!”

“So I’m guessing he’s an accused murderer…again,” I replied calmly, too shocked by everything to even know which emotion to emote anymore.

“Um,” Francis paused and listened the voice echoing through the phone. “Antonio says he doesn’t remember how he got there.”

“Surprise, surprise,” I said bitterly.

“He also says that the guards keep telling him things in French so he doesn’t know what they’re saying.”

“And…” I waved my hand for him to continue.

“He doesn’t know why he’s there,” Francis finished with a sigh.

“There it is,” I dropped my hand to the couch. “Well that’s lovely. So let’s recount: we have Romano being held by security, Antonio behind held in prison, and Gilbert is still missing and most likely floating in a river somewhere in several severed parts.”

“ARTHUR!”

“NOO! I liked Gilbert!”

“Oh, calm down. I’m probably wrong. I doubt Antonio is that thorough of a murderer anyway,” I shrugged my shoulders. “If we’re being practical, Antonio most likely just chopped off his head and then fainted. Of course, then there’s the body to contend with. I wonder whatever happened to that?”

“It’s still out there somewhere!” Francis yelled back and covered the phone with his hand.

“Well, I’m not doubting that. I’m just wondering where.”

“I – Um, Tonie? _Oui_ , I’m still here. Listen – just be strong for a little longer. Arthur and I will try to visit you as soon as possible, okay?” Francis said soothingly into the phone, then hung up and glared at me.

“Tonie did not kill Gilbert,” Francis stated simply.

“Why so sure?” I asked and noticed Feliciano was basically crying at this point. “Damn it, Feliciano are you okay?”

“W-what if Gilbert really is gone? And the casino takes Lovino to jail a-and he and Antonio end up being stuck there?”

Francis rushed to Feliciano’s side and grasped his hands.

“Don’t worry _mon cher_. Gilbert’s out there somewhere. Probably very hungover and confused,” Francis said seriously. “And as for Romano and Antonio…Well, at least they’ll be in jail together.”

Feliciano looked happy for a second, but by the time Francis had finished talking he had begun to tear up again

“No! They’re too weak to be in jail!” Feliciano yelled, and Francis looked to me.

“What?” I asked blankly.

“What are we going to do?” Francis asked seriously.

I stared at him and then at Feliciano, and I sighed.

“I guess we’ll start with Romano.”

 

* * *

 

13:00, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

“Look, I don’t know what you heard, but I didn’t do anything. I won that money fair and square, you got that?” 

“I know.”

“So you can tell those French bastards over there to fuck off and give me my money back! Because damn it, it’s mine! I’m telling you I need it!”

“I know. Listen Romano –”

“And I swear to Madonna that if I don’t get my money back all of Monaco is getting a ass-kicking from my mafia! And you know what ruthless killers they are? I’m telling you they would take this place down without a –”

“Romano!”

I stopped ranting and looked at Monaco. She looked at me over her glasses, and I sat back down in the chair.

She breathed deeply and smiled.

“Look, I’m going to help you get out of here,” She said smoothly and fixed the bow in her hair.

“Really?” I asked and tried to decide whether I could trust her or not.

“Yes.”

“So, you don’t think I was counting cards?”

“Well, not exactly,” Monaco flashed her blue eyes. “But I don’t mind so much. I just want one thing from you and I’ll let you go.”

“Um,” I said and looked at her blankly.

“I just want to play cards with you.”

“You want to play cards with me?”

“Yes. You see, I’m not allowed in my casino, but I really love to gamble. So if you beat me in cards, I’ll let you go.”

“O-kay,” I replied hesitantly. I’ve heard that Monaco was a bit of a shark when it came to cards, but I’m pretty good at counting (usually), so maybe I can win anyway.

“Ah, but we’re playing poker. Not blackjack,” She winked and brought out a clean deck of cards.

One of the guards walked through the door and laid down a poker set. Then he started passing out chips of different colors to each of us.

“Are we using real money?” I asked and glared at the guard.

“Of course. It wouldn’t be poker without real money,” She said simply and shuffled the cards. “I say we split the prize money you earned fifty fifty, and gamble with that. After you win round against me I’ll let you go and you can keep whatever you earned. How does that sound?”

“Hey! You don’t get half of my money! It’s mine damn it!” I yelled and slammed my fists on the table and knocked some of the chips over.

The guard looked like he was about to charge me, but Monaco said something in French and he stayed back.

“Technically, the money is still mine, Romano. And you did cheat to win it, so I could easily take it all away,” She eyed me slyly and waved the guard away. Then she started dealing the cards. “But I admire a good card player, so I’ll let you get by this time. And who knows, maybe you’ll still walk out with half.”

I glared at her smug smile and frowned.

“Fine,” I muttered and slid my cards over.

“Alright then. Good luck,” She said and picked up her cards.

Come on, Romano. Do this for Antonio. God knows he needs this money more than anyone. And I’ve already gone this far. I have to win something for him.

I’m not going to let him starve forever, damn it!

 

* * *

 

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

**Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (13:25):**

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

“Hello?”

**“Oh Alfred, thank God.”**

“Artiie!! Hey man, how ya doin’? I heard about the wedding by the way. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it man, I was just too tired.”

**“You knew about it too? Damn it, I don’t care about that. Look we’re in a bit of trouble?”**

“We?”

**“Well, Francis, Feliciano and I. Look – you wouldn’t happen to know anything about Gilbert, would you?”**

“Uh, like if I saw him or somethin’?”

**“Yes, yes. Do you remember seeing him at all last night?”**

“Um, hold on. Lemme think for a minute, Artie. So let’s see. First, I remember drinking with you.”

**“Yes, I know. I remember that.”**

“Well, hold on. Just let me retrace my steps here. Okay, so after that you said you were going to, and I quote, ‘teach that damn frog a piece of my mind,” and you wandered off to the casino.”

**“…Fuck.”**

“Yeah, well then I went down to the casino too, ‘cuz I was bored and whatever. I ended up finding Romano, who was killing it at blackjack! Did you get my messages?”

**“Yes, I did. We’re actually on our way to try and get him out. Assuming of course, they haven’t already deported him back to Italy for being a brat.”**

“Oh, he’s still there? Huh, I thought he would’ve broken out by now.”

**“Apparently not. Do you remember anything at all about Gilbert? Francis is starting to get anxious.”**

_“Starting to? Mon dieu, I’m an absolute mess! How would you feel if one of your best friends killed the other by mistake?”_

**“Damn it, weren’t the one telling me just a half hour ago that there’s no possible way that Antonio could’ve killed Gilbert?”**

“I was trying to be optimistic! But hanging around you is like eating a meal with no wine! It’s depressing and realistic!”

**“…Right. So did you see him, Alfred?”**

“Uuuuhhhh…Okay, after Romano I visited Matthew for a bit. Ivan was teaching him something about how to play cards I think…Um, okay. I think I remember Matthew saying something about how Gilbert was looking for Antonio and Francis. That’s all I know. I went back to watching Romano after that.”

**“…”**

“Does that help?”

**“…I’m not sure. So I’m guessing if I asked you if you ever saw Antonio after those voicemails, you’d say no then?”**

“Yeah, I’m sorry.”

**“That’s fine. We’ll figure it out somehow. Hopefully I won’t have to solve another murder mystery.”**

“A MYSTERY?”

**“Yes – of course! What do you think I’ve been complaining about for five minutes?”**

“OH I WANT TO HELP! I can solve mysteries Artie! Let me join in! I’ll find Gilbert’s body and everything!”

**“Well that’s very helpful of you Alfred. But if you really want to help, perhaps you can start with asking the others when they last saw him and Antonio. Maybe you can start with Matthew.”**

“Awesome dude! I’m totally on that! I’m gonna be like Sherlock freakin’ Holmes!”

**“Alright, yes you just keep – hold on. I’m Britain, don’t you think it makes more sense for me to be Sherlock Holmes?!”**

“Nah, come on Artie. We both know I’m hero!”

**“You’re Watson, that’s what you are.”**

“I am not!”

**“Yes, you are. Now go on and follow your orders and report back when you’ve found something.”**

“Hey this isn’t over Artie! When I find Gilbert you’re gonna be so –”

 

**End Phone Call (13:32)**

 

* * *

 

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

Alfred’s iPhone:

 

Outgoing Call to Mattie (13:35):

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_“…Um, hel –”_

“Mattie! Hey man! What’s up?”

_“Oh, Alfred. Nothing much, I was just taking a na –”_

“Listen man, I’m doing something serious, and I need your help.”

_“O-kay. Do you think maybe you can stop interrupt –”_

“I’m solving a murder mystery dude! It’s totally freakin’ awesome! I’m Sherlock Holmes!”

_“A murder mystery? But who do you think w –”_

“Okay, so my first question for you: when was the last time you saw Antonio?”

_“Oh, well it was at the wedding.”_

“You remember?”

_“Of course I remember. I was playing poker so I couldn’t be drunk. I think I was the only one though.”_

“Alright then, what was he doing?”

_“Well, after Feliciano finished the ceremony, he and Gilbert were pretty much bawling. I tried to cheer Gil up, but he just kept crying and saying ‘he’s gone! My best friend is gone forever!’ Then Antonio would say, ‘I’m right here amigo! I promise I won’t ever leave you!’”_

“Huh.”

_“Yeah, well I tried to convince Gilbert to go to bed, but he said he wanted to stay by Antonio’s side. And then he kept chanting, ‘Bad Touch Duo! Bad Touch Duo!’”_

“That’s so sad.”

_“At some point Feliciano came over and he seemed…fairly out of it. So he pulled Antonio up and said he wanted to tell him a funny story. After he left, Gilbert was even more of a mess, so I tried to carry him back to my room, but he was too heavy. Then Ivan offered to help, and Gilbert got scared and ran away.”_

“Okay…So, the last time you saw Antonio was with Feliciano. And the last time you saw Gilbert he was running…do you know which direction it was?”

_“I don’t know. I suppose it was towards the hotel restaurant, maybe? I assumed that at some point Antonio found him and dragged him back to his room.”_

“Haha, well Antonio might have found him, but I don’t know if that’s a good thing.”

_“Huh? What do you mea – wait. You’re not saying Gilbert was murdered, are you?!”_

“Nothing’s for certain yet, sir! Just keep calm and I’ll solve this mystery yet! Cheers.”

_“Alfred, stop talking in a terrible English accent! This is serious! You can’t be telling me that Antonio might’ve killed him! There’s no way he would do that!”_

“People are capable of anything, especially murder.”

_“Is that a reference?!”_

“Kind of. I think I remember Arthur saying something like that once. Anyway, I gotta go check out the clues you gave me! If you think of anything else, just text me! TTYL!”

 

End Phone Call (13:45)

 

* * *

 

To: Artie 

Me (SENT 13:46): Hey dude!! I just got some totally cool clues! Matthew said the last time he saw Antonio was at the wedding. Apparently Feli pulled him aside and wanted 2 tell him a funny story. And then Matthew said that Gilbert ran away 2 the hotel restaurant after Ivan scared him

Artie (SENT 13:47): **A funny story?**  
Artie (SENT 13:47): **Oh bloody hell I think I know what it was.**  
Artie (SENT 13:48): **Thank you, Watson. Your work has been invaluable.**

Me (SENT 13:48): Not at all Watson. It was elementary ;)

Artie (SENT 13:49): **You bloody imbecile.**

 

* * *

 

 

14:04, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

“Well Romano, I have thoroughly enjoyed our game." 

“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered and started picking up my chips.

“Oh, you don’t need to do that. I’ll just tell one of my men to give you your money now. How much was it? Thirty thousand?”

“Twenty-five,” I said, and glared at her.

“Yes, that’s right,” Monaco smiled and said something in French to one of the guards next to her. He left her side and opened the door. “You can go. I hope to see you soon, Romano."

“Whatever,” I spat and flushed angrily when she just giggled.

Damn it! Why won’t she take me seriously?

“I’ll see you later Romano. Enjoy your money,” Monaco fixed her glasses and gave me a small smile.

I didn’t say anything and stormed out the door.

In the next room there were more employee types and they started handing me my things. They shoved my leather jacket in my hands, then my phone, and then as I was pushed out the door a lady handed me an envelope and said, “Merci.”

And before I knew it I was back in the lobby of the casino.

“Well that was fucking weird,” I mumbled to myself, and started putting my jacket on.

I fixed the collar and put my phone in my pocket. Then I opened up the envelope and looked inside. I saw hundreds and thousands of Euros and I grinned victoriously.

I may not have gotten to keep the full hundred thousand, but I still got something damn it!

“Lovi!”

I turned around to see who was calling me, and was immediately pushed back into the wall by Feliciano’s charging body.

“Damn it! Feli? Get the hell off of me!” I yelled and tried to unwrap his arms from around me.

“Lovi! We were so worried about you! How did you manage to escape?” Feli asked and looked at me teary-eyed.

“What do you mean escape? They let me go!” I shouted back at him, and he hugged me again. “Hey – hey! What’s with the hugging? I’m fine, damn it!”

“Oh, Lovi! We were so worried you were going to end up in jail with Antonio! I’m happy you’re okay,” Feliciano cried into my shoulder and I rolled me eyes.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine – wait,” I paused and pushed Feliciano off of me with more force. “Did you say in jail with Antonio?” I stared seriously at Feliciano’s face and saw his eyes widen.

“Well, um, you see this morning Francis got a call from Antonio saying –”

“Romano!” Feli and I both turned right and saw Francis just as he ran into me and swooped me into his arms. “Oh, sweet Romano! You have no idea how happy I am to see you! I was worried they were going to send you to jail!”

“Why the fuck would they send me to jail? It’s not as if I fucking did anything!” I exclaimed as I tried to wiggle out of Francis’s grasp.

“Vee~ Lovi, what’s in the envelope?” Feliciano asked as he grabbed it from my fingers.

“Damn it, that’s mine!” I shouted and finally nudged free from Francis’s arms.

“Oh, wow! Look at how much money is here! Did you win this all yourself?” Feliciano looked at me curiously.

“Of course I did. I actually won four times that amount, but they fucking wouldn’t let me keep it all,” I complained and snatched the envelope from Feli’s hands. Then I stared at Francis and saw his ring. “Oh yeah, how was the wedding _bastardo_?”

Francis blinked in confusion and then glanced at his hand.

“Oh, that! _Oui_ , well I don’t actually remember it,” He laughed awkwardly and I rolled my eyes. Then he stopped and asked, “Wait a moment, how do you know about the wedding?”

“ _Idiota_ , I was there when the bastard proposed to you. After I finally got rid of Alfred for a half hour, you and England decided to drop by and then he started declaring his unending love for you and all that shit, and then he asked you to marry him,” I said blandly, and almost laughed at Francis’s stunned expression. I looked at Francis’s ring again, and added, “But you were the one who pulled out the rings, which for some weird ass reason you had in your pocket, and basically carried him out of the casino.”

Francis stared at me, and it looked like he was torn between laughing, crying, or running away in embarrassment. Watching his smug French face heat up was fun for a while – it’s about time it happened to someone else – but then I remember what Feliciano said about Antonio and I decided to speak up again.

“Okay, bastard, you can settle things with your husband later. What the fuck happened to Antonio?” I asked, and Francis snapped to attention.

“Oh, apparently yesterday Antonio sort of – well he seemed to return to his passionate conquistador self – and then he chased Gilbert around, and Romano, he’s in jail!” Francis yelled and waved his hands around.

“ _Si_ , he killed Gilbert!” Feliciano added and I just stared at him.

“He did what?!” I shouted back, feeling my cheeks heat with anger.

There’s no way that idiot was that stupid.

“Hush Feliciano. We don’t know that for sure. I mean we haven’t found a body yet, so who’s to say Gilbert isn’t still out there well and living?” Francis said with a nervous smile.

“Because Arthur keeps saying so! And because it’s all my fault!” Feli cried and ran into my shoulder.

“Hey-hey! Stop it, this is leather! And why the fuck is this your fault?” I shouted back at him and Feli reluctantly pulled back.

“W-well you see, I might have accidentally told Antonio about the whole Gilbert thing at the wedding,” Feli muttered a bit ashamed and looked away.

“And you think Antonio killed him?! This is the same guy who walked into the casino with our damn cat in a backpack!” I yelled and waved my fist towards Feli and Francis. Then I stopped and thought. “Wait a minute. Where the fuck did our cat go?”

Feli gave me a helpless stare and Francis shrugged his shoulders.

“Damn it, someone must have seen the cat at some point. Was it at your wedding or whatever?”

“Oh, maybe. Let me see,” Francis said and fumbled through his pockets for his phone. He pulled it out and started sliding his thumb across the screen. “Um, it looks like it was still with Antonio at the wedding.”

I groaned and leaned back against the wall.

“Antonio lost our damn cat, didn’t he?” I said tiredly and closed my eyes. It’s not as if I give a shit about the thing, but when he gets out of jail I know he’s going to cry for days, maybe even weeks. Fuck.

“Romano, I feel as if you’re not grasping the severity of Gilbert’s situation. He could be at the bottom of a well for all we know!”

“Where the fuck would Antonio find a well around here?!”

“ _Merde_ , that’s not the point!” Francis yelled back with less composure than usual. He sighed and said, “Look, we’ve run out of time. Arthur’s taking a sacrifice on all of our parts and doing what needs to be done at this point.”

“What’s that?” I asked and narrowed my eyes.

Feliciano looked at Francis nervously, and Francis covered his face with his hand dramatically.

“What the fuck is he doing?”

 

* * *

 

May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

**Outgoing Call to Ludwig (14:20):**

 

 _Ring_  

“Arthur, where the hell are you? We were forced to postpone the meeting because you and the other dum komfs decided to play hooky for the day.”

**“Ludwig…I apologize.”**

“I don’t need an apology! I need to know where you and the others are! Not one of them has answered any of my numerous phone calls, voicemails,  or texts! And everybody else who managed to show up to the meeting were too hungover to remember anything.”

**“…I, er, we…sort of got carried away yesterday and…”**

“What?! Just spit it out! We’re ruining everyone’s schedule! Especially mine.”

**“It’s a bloody mess Ludwig. It’s just a damn bloody mess. I don’t even know where to begin.”**

“Well try somewhere, I don’t have time to talk all day.”

**“I – well for one, Antonio’s in jail.”**

“He’s in jail?! What the hell did you guys get up to last night?”

**“That’s not the worst of it. Gilbert’s missing.”**

“Gilbert’s missing? How could he possibly be missing? I remember seeing him at the casino last night. Does that mean Russia’s missing too?”

**“I don’t know about that. I never ran into him. But Ludwig, a lot happened after you left the casino."**

“Like what?”

**“Well, Romano’s being held by security.”**

“For what?!”

**“Um, I think it’s for counting cards. But it could also be for a number of inappropriate things he said at security; I’m not entirely certain. But Ludwig…I haven’t told you the worst part.”**

“What is it? And where’s Francis anyway?”

**“That’s just it. He’s with me and…”**

“And…? And what verdammt?!”

**“And – oh god I can’t believe I’m even saying this – but…we’re…married.”**

“…You’re married?”

**“Yes.”**

“…”

**“…”**

“What the hell happened last night?!”

**“Oh God. So many things. We just – we really fucked up Ludwig. And we don’t know what to do.”**

“…Well…now that you’ve told me, maybe there’s something I can do. Just hold on while I try and contact –”

**“Oh, would you hold on? Alfred’s calling me.”**

“Hold on? Verdammt, Arthur. I’m trying to solve your problem here!”

**“Yes, yes, I understand. Just hold on.”**

“Hey, I –”

 

* * *

 

**Arthur’s iPhone:**

**Incoming Call from Bloody Alfred (14:27):**

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

**“Hello?”**

“Hey man! Er – hey Watson! It’s me Sherlock just telling you how I’m doing with my investigation!”

**“Oh please, Alfred. Just drop it. We don’t need to keep having this argument.”**

“I know what you’re talking about, because I’m Sherlock freakin’ Holmes, but I’m going to ignore that because I want to.”

**“Oh, Alfred.”**

“Anyway, Mattie and I are down here at the restaurant, but we haven’t found any blood or severed body parts yet.”

_“We’re not going to Alfred! I’m telling you, Gilbert is just fine!”_

“Haha, then why are your hands shaking!”

**“Alfred, God help me, try to be a bit sensitive to Matthew. He just lost his boyfriend in a freak accident.”**

“Yeah, you’re right. He’s probably in shock.”

_“I am not in shock! I’m trying to tell you that there’s – what’s that?”_

“Huh?”

_“That, Alfred. What’s that? Is that a –”_

**“What? What’s going on Alfred?”**

“Holy shit dude I think you’re right! That’s a –”

 

**End Phone Call (14:29)**

 

* * *

 

**Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:30):**

_Ring_

_Ring_

“Oh, hey dude! Sorry about that, I accidentally pressed the end button and hung up on ya, haha!”

**“Right, very funny. Now what the bloody hell did you find?”**

“Oh yeah! We found this cat! I think it’s Antonio and Romano’s.”

**“Really? Where was it?”**

“Oh it was just chilling in the kitchen, eating some cheese. Mattie’s petting it now.”

**“Well, that’s…great. I’m guessing you didn’t find any evidence of Gilbert then.”**

“Uh, well not exactly, but –

_“Alfred, do you see that?”_

“Yeah, what is it?”

**“Alfred, I swear to God that if you hang up on this phone call I’m going to curse your house with as many demons and ghosts as I can find.”**

_“I think it’s –”_

 

**End Phone Call (14:32)**

 

* * *

**Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:32):**

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

* * *

 

**Outgoing Call to Bloody Alfred (14:34):**

 

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

**Beep**

 

* * *

 

**Incoming Call from Bloody Alfred (14:36):**

 

 _Rin –_  

**“ALFRED WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER FO –”**

“Who’s Sherlock freakin’ Holmes?”

**“Damn it, stop saying his name like that! It’s insulting, and American.”**

“I’m just sayin’, I’m Sherlock freakin’ Holmes.”

**“Don’t tell me you found him?”**

“I sure did! I’m totally the her –”

_“Alfred, technically I’m the one who found him.”_

“Yeah, yeah Watson. You definitely helped out.”

**“Ugh, just tell me where he is.”**

“No problemo! So Watson here caught sight of Ivan’s sorta cream-colored scarf stickin’ out of this steel-box-thing. And then me – with my super-human strength – unlocked the box-thing and we found Gilbert and Ivan inside.”

**“…Huh?”**

“Ivan said he was trying to hide Gilbert from Antonio so he brought him into this giant freezer thing in the kitchen, but then when they went inside it locked behind him and they’ve been stuck there for hours. Man, it’s really funny ‘cuz Gilbert’s lips are all purple!”

_“It’s not funny, Alfred! He almost froze to death!”_

“It’s kinda funny. Especially since Ivan wasn’t even wearing his coat and he was just fine. You’d think Gilbert would be plenty warm wearin’ that giant thing.”

**“…So you’re saying Gilbert’s fine?”**

“Yep! And we also got the cat, so that gives us an extra hundred points!”

**“…Gilbert’s alive?”**

“Yeah, duh, that’s what I’ve been telling you.”

**“Oh thank God. Thank you, Alfred. Thank you so much.”**

“Haha, anytime dude! It’s been a lot of fun actually! I wonder if we can organize another mystery murder sometime.”

**“We’ll see. For now, I have to help get Antonio out of jail.”**

“Okeydokey, good luck with that! TTYL Artie!”

 

** End Phone Call (14:40) **

 

* * *

 

15:45, May 1, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

 _Ay,_ I’m going to die here, aren’t I? 

_“Pourquoi est-il sur le sol?”_

I don’t even bother looking at the guard now. I know they’re just planning how to execute me. And I deserve it. I can’t believe I killed one of my best friends. Lovino will never look at me the same way. I’m just the same ruthless pirate I was all of those years ago.

_“Est-il d'accord?”_

I wonder how much time I have left? An hour, a day, a week? Will Lovino come and visit me before I die? Do I even want him to?

_“Vous, quelqu'un est là pour vous voir.”_

What’s he saying now? They just keep looking at me and pointing. Maybe they just want to see a cold-blooded murderer in the flesh.

“ _Ayayayaya!_ What have I done?” I shouted at the cell-gate and the guards jumped back.

I sighed sadly, and stayed limp on the floor. I watched one of the guards go away, as the other one just kept trying to babble to me in French.

Eventually that other guy returned and brought with him a sort-of regular dressed person.

“You, um,” He glanced down at his clipboard. “Mr. Carriedo. You’ve been bailed out. The guards will give you your things and escort you to the entrance.”

I stared at him wide-eyed, and the other guards started unlocking the gate.

Slowly, I stood up and looked at the little translator guy. Then I ran up and hugged him.

“Really? Oh that’s so great! I thought you guys were going to kill me! I can’t believe you’re letting me go!”

The little guy started yelling in French, and then the guards pulled me out of his arms and dragged me towards the door.

“ _Gracias, mi amigo_! I’ll never forget this kindness!”

 

* * *

 

One person handed me my vest, and my necklace, and then my…backpack. My backpack? Why was I wearing my backpack? 

Oh, no! Don’t tell me.

“Um, _señor_ ,” The mustached guy raised an eyebrow at me. “Was there perhaps a little _gatito_ in here?”

I smiled slightly, but he didn’t seem to understand what I said, so I was pushed out of that little room by the guard.

I took my time putting on my vest, and then my necklace, and when I looked back at my backpack I felt my eyes sting slightly. I couldn’t have lost Isabella, could I?

“Tonie!”

I turned slightly to the left, and was slammed into a wall by Francis’s slender body.

“Francis?” I asked, and he pulled back to stare at me teary-eyed. “What are you doing here? Are you the one who bailed me out?”

“Oh Tonie! I’m so sorry I ever doubted you!” Francis cried and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. “I should’ve known that you weren’t capable of killing Gilbert.”

“ _Qué_?” I asked a bit confused. Then I replay what Francis said, and I reply, “A-are you saying I didn’t kill him?”

“No, you didn’t mon cher! You were fantastic! You managed to completely ruin the restaurant bathroom, including four stall doors and five sinks, but you never got to Gilbert with you axe!” Francis grabbed me by the shoulders and flashed a triumphant smile.

“Oh, _mio dios_! That’s _maravilloso_! So I never got into any trouble then?” I asked with a hopeful grin.

Francis’s smile faltered slightly, and he let out a nervous laugh.

“Uh, well I wouldn’t say you got into no trouble. Like I said, you did pretty much destroy the restaurant bathroom.”

“Oh,” I said blankly and waited for Francis to tell me what that meant.

“So…all of that cost was part of your bail,” He replied slowly and fixed his hair.

“Ay, really?” I groaned and covered my face with my hand. “My boss is going to kill me. How much was it?”

“Well, it was about twenty-five thousand Euros, give or take. But your boss wasn’t the one who paid the bail.”

I dropped my hand and looked at Francis.

“He didn’t? Who would though?” I asked and Francis smiled at me slyly.

“You fucking bastard!”

My head whipped around at the familiar accent, and I smile automatically when I see Lovi’s flushed and angry face charging at me.

“Lovi! How are you, _mi amor_? I haven’t seen you in so long!” I spread my arms out and was ready to hug him.

Lovi didn’t rush into my arms though, and instead did something he hadn’t done in a very long time. He headbutted me.

“ _Ayayaya_!” I groaned and bent over to hold my stomach. “Lovi what was that for?”

“What was that for? What was that for? Damn it, you’re so fucking inconsiderate, you know that?” Lovi yelled, and I tried to stand up to look at him. I met his eyes, and then I noticed that he was actually crying.

“Lovi, are you okay?” I asked and tried to take a step closer to him.

Lovi immediately stepped back and shouted, “I am not fucking okay? Do you have any idea what my past twenty-four hours has been like? I spent hours and hours playing blackjack and fucking counting cards! I won a hundred thousand fucking Euros! A hundred thousand! You’ve never even seen that much money!”

“Well, I think maybe when I was a pirate I might have seen gold worth that much, but –”

“Don’t interrupt!” Lovi snapped, and I closed my mouth. “I won all of that money so that you could get on your boss’s good side for once, and maybe stop living like a fucking farmer. But then I got gagged and dragged away to security, and then lost seventy-five thousand Euros of my money to that damn card shark, Monaco.”

Lovi clenched his fists and a few more tears ran down his cheeks.

“But I still had twenty-five thousand Euros I could’ve given you! If you hadn’t decided to go batshit and tear down a fucking bathroom! Damn it, Antonio! Why the fuck do I even bother?” Lovi stomped his foot and took off in the other direction.

“Wait – so Lovi, paid my bail?” I asked to Francis, and he nodded his head slowly. “But he wanted to give the money to me…as a present?”

Francis nodded again with a happy smile and said, “Go to him _mon cher_. He’s waiting for you.”

I didn’t waste anymore time in the lobby before I bolted out the door after him. I looked right and left for any sign of him, and caught his adorable little curl bouncing over the small bridge. 

“Lovino!” I called as I started running again, and smiled when I saw Lovino turn around at my voice. He started taking off again though, so I changed my jog to a sprint and chased him over the bridge.

Even though I’m not a very good runner anymore, I’m lucky that Lovi was never a good runner, so after we both got off the bridge, I was only a few meters away from him at this point.

“Lovi! Lovi, _por favor_! I just want to talk! Come on!” I called out, but Lovi kept trying to speed down the street and past the startled people.

Soon after though, he must have gotten tired, because he was finally within arm’s reach, and I quickly snagged him by his jacket sleeve and swung him around into my chest.

“Wh-what the fuck you bastard! This is leather!” Lovi yelled as he tried to struggle free from my arms.

“ _Lo siento_ , Lovi. But I had to stop you somehow,” I smiled but Lovi grumbled in Italian and looked away. “Look, I – I’m sorry I wasted your money. I didn’t mean to go to jail. I don’t even remember much of what happened last night actually.”

I laughed nervously, and Lovi pursed his lips.

“Lovi,” I began again and clasped my hands over his. “It really means a lot that you tried so hard to give me that money. You even cheated at cards for me, which is pretty cool!”

Lovi blushed and glared at me with shining gold eyes.

“But Lovi, you don’t need to worry so much about me,” I said simply and tried to pull him a bit closer. “I’m used to being poor, so I don’t really mind it anymore.”

“Damn it, how can you say that! You get fucking colds all the time, and your wounds take forever to heal, and-and we can’t even see each other as much as we want to because your boss is like your fucking mom or something!” Lovi exclaimed, and I saw fresh tears bubble at the corner of his eyes.

“Oh, Lovi,” I grinned knowingly and brushed some of the hair away from his face. “As long as I have you, I’ll always be okay. And even though my boss may be a little bit scary, we’ll figure out ways to see each other. We have so far, haven’t we?”

Lovi didn’t reply and looked down.

“You know Lovi,” I said mischievously and leaned in closer. “I think you’re getting a bit soft.”

“Soft? I am not fucking soft!”

“Hm, I’m not so sure. You’ve sure tried to help me a lot in the past few weeks.”

“That’s not fair, damn it! You were kidnapped!” Lovi yelled, and reddened more when I laughed lightly.

“And you rushed to save me,” I smiled, and pressed my lips to his.

Lovi may have denied it, but I think he is getting soft. Usually when I kiss him he doesn’t respond too much – probably because he’s too embarrassed – but this time I noticed he gently wrapped his arms around my neck and kissed back a little more passionately.

He’s so cute!

 

* * *

 

10:30, May 2, 2008, Monte-Carlo, Monaco

 

“Well, it’s been quite a trip, hasn’t it?” 

“Oui, I would say so.”

“…Um, would you like this back,” I muttered awkwardly and slid the ring off of my finger and gave it Francis.

I didn’t look at him, but I felt his warm hands gently take it from my fingers.

“You wore it this whole time, didn’t you?” He asked, and my face reddened involuntarily.

“Well, it was the proper thing to do. And in any case, I might’ve lost it otherwise,” I managed, and kept looking anywhere but at him.

“I see,” He said quietly, and I felt my chest tighten.

“Damn it, you’re not upset, are you?” I asked, and hesitantly turned to my right.

Francis was staring at the rings, an unusual melancholy expression haunting his radiant face.

I sighed, and gritted my teeth. Come on now Arthur. Stop being a coward.

“Look, Francis,” I began, and closed my eyes. “When I asked you to…marry me last night, I meant it.”

Francis looked at me and asked, “You remember?”

“Yes, well, the memories are gradually coming back it seems,” I clasped my hands together. “But, um, you must agree that the way it happened…wasn’t really appropriate. Right?”

Francis laughed and I felt myself breathe a sigh of relief.

“Well, I can agree with that _Angleterre_. I didn’t imagine my dream wedding happening when I was too drunk to remember it.”

“And I certainly didn’t imagine it would be Feliciano ministering it,” I added with a small smile.

Then it was quiet again, and I wondered if I should be the one to speak again.

“But you understand that this divorce is nothing against you, right?” I asked and gripped my hands tighter.

Francis didn’t say anything, and I bit my lip in frustration. He wants me to say it, damn him.

“It’s just – what I’m trying to say is…maybe one day we can think about it. Though in all honesty, I’m not sure how our bosses would feel about it,” I closed my eyes and continued. “But I’d be willing to try because I…because…bloody hell it’s because I love you, you damn frog!”

I bent over and rested my elbows on my knees.

“Oh, Arthur,” I heard Francis begin slowly, and I braced myself for his response.

Then he jumped on top of me and pushed my head back onto the bench.

“I knew you had a romantic bone somewhere in your body! You were just trying to hide it from me!” Francis chuckled and kissed my cheek.

“Alright, let’s not go that far and call me a bloody romantic,” I replied and looked at Francis’s happy, indigo eyes. “Damn it, fine! Just this one time though!”

And I stretched up to plant a short kiss on Francis’s lips.

I felt him smile into the kiss, as he reached around to run his hands through my hair. And just as I was starting to feel a bit more bold someone walked through the door.

“Alright, I explained the situation to the lawyer and he’s ready to – What the hell are you guys doing?” Ludwig asked and I immediately pushed Francis off of me and onto the floor.

“We’re getting bloody divorced, that’s what we’re doing!” I announced and slid off of the bench towards Ludwig.

“Even if we’re not legally wed, _mon cher_ , our love will persevere ‘til the end of time!” Francis said and posed dramatically on the floor.

I groaned despite my growing smile and replied, “Yes, yes, I love you too. Now get up you bloody git so we can get divorced."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was all worth it! 
> 
> We're sort of kind of getting close to the end of the story. The story will end in July, I just don't know how many chapters it'll take to get there. I say 7 in the tags but it might be 8?? I'm just not sure. These chapters are freakin long but they also don't get very far time-wise haha.
> 
> But from here on out it'll be more Spamano with some touches of everyone else here and there. 
> 
> Ah, and real quick. I'm sorry if I depict Ludwig as a bit of a one-dimensional hardhead in this fic. I know he's a bit OOC, but you gotta understand that everyone in this fic is so out of control (especially in this chapter), he kind of has to be the anchor that keeps this thing grounded.
> 
> With that said, thank you so much for reading! Please review :D
> 
> ~
> 
> Part Five: When in Rome will be posted in 1-2 weeks!

**Author's Note:**

> YAY it's done! Well part one is anyway.
> 
> I just want to say thank you for those waiting patiently for me to update my other fics; I have the next chapter for A Dancing Star almost done, so you can expect that sometime this week. And Your World will be updated soon after that I should think.
> 
> I took a hiatus for school, but now I'm back again! And as soon as I finished my last final I had the inspiration to do this epic thing, so I did. Slightly cheesy, that's true. But hopefully entertaining?
> 
> There will be about five parts to this, so the next part will be about Antonio's and Lovino's relationship when they have a relationship. Plus some more PruCan, and some actual developments in the Fruk department.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Reviews and suggestions are welcome and very much appreciated!
> 
> Te quiero mucho!
> 
> ~
> 
> Bienvenu mon cher - Welcome my dear
> 
> Je ne sais pas - I cannot say
> 
> mon dieu - My God
> 
> Mio dio - My God (I didn't properly capitalize these in the fic since they were text messages)
> 
> l'amour - love
> 
> doux, muet Alfred - sweet, dumb Alfred
> 
> A demain mon cher - I'll see you tomorrow my dear (I also didn't add the correct accents since I figured he probably wouldn't bother in texts)
> 
> idiota - idiot
> 
> Mein gott - My God
> 
> Angleterre - England
> 
> À plus tard - Later
> 
> te amo - I love you
> 
> mes amis - My friends
> 
> amigo - friend
> 
> Verdammt - damn it
> 
> Se qui se passe? - What is this?
> 
> Je suis silencieux - I am silent
> 
> Americain - American
> 
> Vive le resistance! - Live the resistance!
> 
> gracias - thank you
> 
> très chic - Very fashionable/chic
> 
> mi tomate - My tomato
> 
> Gute Nacht - Good night
> 
> mi querido tomate - My dear tomato
> 
> Comment ça va? - How is it going?
> 
> Ja - yes
> 
> Excusez-moi - Excuse me
> 
> lo siento - I'm sorry
> 
> bueno - Good
> 
> bastardo - Bastard
> 
> por favor - Please
> 
> Tout est juste dans l'amour et la guerre - All if fair in love and war
> 
> dumm Komf - Stupid head
> 
> maravilloso - Marvelous
> 
> Bion giorno! - Good day!
> 
> Je suis désole! - I am sorry!
> 
> Te quiero mucho - I love you very much
> 
> ~
> 
> Part Two: Dating coming soon!


End file.
